[mature warning]

< j u n g h o s e o k >
2017 —

hoseok wiped away the fog on the mirror, once again seeing the mess that he was in its reflection.

he wondered how he had fallen so low, why his entire life had fallen to shambles. he found himself drowning in regret once again as he peered into the mirror, into the eyes of a man who used to be alive.

he stared deep within his eyes, wondering where it had gone all wrong. he noticed how the eyes he was looking into had no trace of the widely smiling boy who was once filled with happiness and hopes and dreams. he wondered what started the fall of the life he had, his brain slowly spiralling into that familiar deep pit once again.

he clutched the edge of the porcelain sink in front of him to maintain balance as he stumbled, arching his neck back, the dizzy migraine hitting him once again. hoseok touched the side of his head, the all too familiar piercing pain in his head too much to handle.

hoseok scoffed, ignoring his uneven breath and shaky hands, as he went to open the mirror compartment, revealing shelves of bottles of pills standing side by side disorganized. hastily, he grabbed one of his prescription pill bottles, accidentally knocking a couple others off the shelf. but, it wasn't like he cared; his eyes were set on the pills, and the pills only.

"just one more and... the pain will go," he whispered to himself reassuringly, his shaking hands barely able to open the lid.

it didn't matter that he had already taken his prescribed amount that day. it didn't matter he was constantly in danger of overdosing, walking on a thin line between being life and death.

nothing mattered anymore, he just wanted the pain to stop.

slowly, he let a couple pills drop onto his palms. the tremors in his hands made it hard for him to do hold onto the bottle any longer, so he set it down gently on the sink, accidentally knocking it over as the pills dropped into the pooling water in the sink.

hoseok took a deep breath as he clutched the edge of the sink tighter. he held his eyes shut and in a single swift move, downed the pills, swallowing them all at once. hoseok sighed aloud as he leaned over the sink with his hands holding onto either side, feeling his body relax into its normal state. he opened his eyes, feeling them finally focusing back to his normal vision.

hoseok stared into the water, seeing his own reflection within. he hated what he had become.

as he peered into the water and watched the man that once was, he reminisced to himself one last time of the jung hoseok who had dreams and aspirations.

it was the bitter truth but that jung hoseok had died a long time ago.

"i hate myself."