"Gosh! I can't believe that you are my suitor! Ipaalala mo nga sa 'kin kung paano tayo napunta sa ganito?" I squealed as I shooked my head while grinning.

This man always talks about his girls. Nakakasawa nang pakinggan pero habang kinukuwento niya ang mga naging karanasan niya ay hindi ko mapigilang matawa. I mean, who would've thought that this womanizer and cheater man seems to be focused and serious on someone like me? Kapag nagkukuwento rin siya ay para bang wala lang.

"Van," Sumeryoso bigla ang ekspresyon ko. "I know this may sound annoying and quite actually redundant, but then again..." I sighed and bit my lower lip. "Why me?"

As expected from him, he laughed so hard on my question. Napapahawak na rin siya sa tiyan niya. Wow. Katawa-tawa ba talaga ang tanong kong iyon?

"Van!" I gave him a glare.

"I'm sorry, baby, but you just asked me the wrong question. I should be the one asking you that," he paused to focus his stare on me as he rested his elbows on the rock table while his hands rested on his chin. "Why does it need to be you? Did you put some spell on me or what? You didn't even meet half of my standards when it comes to women-"

With a strong force on my right hand, I slapped his face. Agad naman siyang nagreklamo at tinitigan ako ng masama habang nakakunot na ang noo.

"Please, Van, even just for this day let's not talk about your ego!"

"I'm just kidding, babe. I'm just trying to make you laugh. Geez, you don't have to slapped me for pete's sake! Not on my handsome face!"

I gritted my teeth as I groaned in annoyance. Hindi na talaga ako natutuwa. Nagiging seryoso lang talaga siya kapag may alak na nakapasok sa katawan niya o kaya kapag katext ko lang siya. Nagtataka nga ako sa sarili ko minsan kung bakit ko ba natiis ang lalaking ito sa loob ng dalawampung buwan. Eh, kung buhusan ko na lang kaya ito ng sandamakmak na alak para tumino at manahimik na lang?

"Fine, then, we're done here!"

Tumayo ako at nag-martsa na pabalik sa loob. Mas mabuti pang magkulong na lang ako sa kuwarto ko kaysa sa makipag-usap sa taong puro hangin ang laman sa katawan. Nasayang lang ang dalawang oras na pananatili namin dito sa hardin dahil sa kanya. Hmp!

"Aislinn!" tawag niya sa akin. Agad naman akong bumalik sa pagkakaupo ko kanina suot ang masungit na ekspresyon sa mukha ko.

I tried so hard not to laugh but I failed. Looking just at his face makes me go crazy and loses my anger in just a blink of an eye. Yes, I'm soft when it comes to him and I just really don't know why. I also couldn't exactly figure out why I like him too.

"Silly girl. Spatting one minute, laughing again the next time I know it." Napailing-iling siya habang nakangisi.

"But seriously, the moment I saw you, I couldn't understand what I've felt that day. Ang nasa utak ko lang noon ay lapitan ka at kausapin. Natuwa pa ako lalo nang hindi ako napahiya dahil pinansin mo ako," he added.

I stopped from laughing and looked at him again. May mga ngiting nakatago sa mga mata niya kahit na seryoso na ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya ngayon. Hindi ko tuloy magawang maniwala.

"Seryoso ka na niyan?"

"Sometimes, I couldn't understand you. Nagagalit ka kapag hindi ako nagseseryoso pero ngayon na seryoso na ako ay hindi mo naman pinaniniwalaan. Damn, girl!"

"Ano? Minura mo ako?" I raised my left eyebrow to him.

"Damn, Cronin!" he corrected.

Napatawa na lang ulit kami. Swear, I'm not going to get tired of this man. Magagalit at magtatampo pero simula nang ligawan niya ako ay hindi pa ako nakakaramdam ng pagkapagod sa kanya. I really like it when he's with me, talking without minding anyone and everything else. Just us. Together.

"You know, being in love doesn't have a specific reason because it was felt by the heart not by the mind."

Van's statement left me speechless. Hindi ko inakalang maririnig ko iyon sa kanya. Hindi ko inakalang magkakaroon kami ng ganitong pag-uusap.

"I'll just get us some snacks," paalam ko na lang sa kanya saka na tumungo sa kusina nang wala na akong masabi pa.

Nakita ko na naghahanda na rin ng snacks ang katulong namin kaya kinuha ko na lang sa counter iyong tapos na.

"Salamat po!"

Nang pabalik na sana ako sa hardin ay biglang napadako ang tingin ko sa sala kung saan nag-uusap ang mga magulang namin ni Van. Mukhang ang seryoso talaga. I just shrugged it off and went back to Van.

I saw Van puffing a smoke from his vape. Nang makita ako ay agad niya iyong isinilid sa bulsa ng pantalon niya. He also gave me an awkward smile as he ran his fingers through his medium layered hairstyle.

"Wala talagang pinipiling lugar at oras?" ako nang mailapag na sa rock table ang hinandang meryenda.

"Nililibang ko lang ang sarili ko habang wala ka," depensa niya naman.

"Akala ko babae ang libangan mo?"

"Well, you're my girl."

"So, libangan mo lang ako?"

"More like loving you not toying you." He winked at me as he drink his natural pineapple juice.

Kinuha ko na lang din ang clubhouse saka marahas na kinagatan ito. Iniisip ko na lang na pinapatay ko na siya sa utak ko dahil sa mga walang kuwentang pinagsasabi niya. Hindi yata talaga ako masasanay sa pag-uugali niyang ito. It's been twenty months yet my heart still flatters by his jests. What an asshole!

"Tell me, Van, why are you being like this?" I asked curiously after putting the clubhouse back to the saucer.

"My baby's curious again."

The way he says it made me shiver because of two reasons: One, him calling me his baby always flatter my soft and fragile heart. Two, that's his signature endearment to all of his girls. Ibig sabihin, hindi niya lang sa akin iyan ginagamit kundi pati na sa iba and I want to be the first in everything to my man. Unfortunately, I'm not because I'm choosing the wrong man. Razvan Cronin.

"Just answer the question, Cronin!"

Kapag tinawag ko na siya sa mismong apelyido niya, ibig sabihin ay umayos-ayos na siya.

"Huwag kang atat. Parang hindi ko sinasabi sayo lahat, ah?"

"Well, you're not because you're always talking about your ego. Hindi ka tuloy nagiging open sa akin sa loob ng dalawampung taon. So, tell me, paano kita sasagutin niyan?" pagtataray ko sa kanya.

"Hindi raw. Open kaya ako kahit kanino."

"Ah, so I'm not included on that 'kanino'?" Sarcasm was evident in my voice, reason why he just laughed at me again. Ginagawa talaga akong clown nito.

"Hindi ka kasi basta kanino lang. You're special and rare so I'm investing so much time with you, can't you see?"

Napangiti na lang ako habang nakatitig sa kanya. My smiles cannot even disappear because of too much flatteries. Ang babaw talaga ng kaligayahan ko at ganoon rin kalalim ang kalungkutan ko. Just and fair. Hindi ko namamalayan na sa sobrang saya ko ay nalulunod na pala ako pailalim sa lungkot at sakit nang hindi ko namamalayan.

"Dali na kasi. Try to open up your heart for me, Van," pagpupumilit ko, sinusubukang balewalain ang sinabi niya.

"E 'di namatay naman ako 'non."

"Ang gago mo talaga!"

"Minamahal ka ng gagong ito."

Why does he need to be this straightforward and boastful? Ako tuloy ang mas nahihiya para sa kanya.

"Van naman kasi!"

Para akong isang bata na nagmamakaawang makapunta sa amusement park. Nagugulat na lang ako kapag lumalabas ang iba't-ibang sides ko kapag kasama ko na ang lalaking ito. I wonder why. I'm not usually like this. My Mom never trained me to be like this. So, why does it always need to be like this whenever I'm with him?

"What?" He just shrugged his shoulders with an amused smile on his naughty lips.

"Okay, suko na ako," nanlulumong saad ko saka itinaas ang dalawang kamay sa ere. Binigyan ko rin siya ng sarkastikong ngiti bago inirapan.

"Alright. Alright. I'll behave for my baby." He shifted on his seat to feel more comfortable before talking again. "It started when we moved to New York. Since then, I've been a bully. I got involved in different gang fights. I learned how to drink and smoke. I cut classes. And I..." He scanned through my face for my reactions. I blinked, maintaining my composure. "I became addicted to the scent of a women to distract myself from being sad and lonely."

Boring his eyes onto mine felt like I was in his shoes as the film of his memories from the past flashed back.

He never told me about this. This is the first time that he opened up about his past life experiences and it stung my heart. The piercing pain of his experiences made me weak. Nanatili na lang akong kalmado at nakatitig sa kanya.

"Hindi ko matanggap na maghihiwalay sana noon ang mga magulang ko. My Mom even chose to leave the house and live in a hotel for straight two months but it felt like forever. Dad was being as asshole as ever, wasting his time by drinking alcohols. It's quite a mess, you know," pagpapatuloy niya.

"A complete mess and I'm sorry." I licked my lips as I lowered my head down.

"Don't be. It's all in the past now."

But our past will always be the part of our lives. Hindi naman maiiwasan na masaktan at malungkot ulit kapag naaalala natin ang mga karanasang iyon. But Van's always hiding it behind his smiles and jokes. Wala akong maalala na naging emosyonal siya sa isang problema which is quite alarming because he's been keeping it all. Masama iyon para sa emotional and mental state natin. Wow, sa akin pa talaga iyan nanggaling?

"You know, you can always tell me about your problems, right? Bakit mas pinili mong huwag magsabi sa akin?"

"I don't like the way you will look at me but now, you're doing it."

"Ano?" litong sabi ko, bahagyang nakakunot ang noo.

"You pity me. I don't want to see that to other people especially from you. It's breaking my heart into pieces."

"But you deserve our pity because of your miserable-"

"Ayoko nga na kinakaawan ako, Aislinn!"

Tumalon ang puso ko dahil sa gulat. Natahimik ako bigla nang tumaas ang boses niya sa akin. Nag-iba rin ang timpla ng mukha niya. He's now pissed.

Nagkatitigan kami at hindi pa nagtatagal nang mapabuntong-hininga siya. Lumambot na ulit ang ekspresyon sa mukha niya.

"I'm sorry," pagod na bulong niya.

"You don't need to," I felt the stutters in my shaky voice.

Bakit palagi na lang akong nagugulat sa mga taong bigla na lang sumasabog? Masyado ba talaga akong tanga para hindi mapansin at maintindihan ang sides nila? I mean, it's making my heart weak when I suddenly saw their other sides. Lalo na't lumalabas iyon kapag may nasabi o nagawa akong mali na nagtutulak sa kanila. Nasanay lang talaga yata ako sa masayahin, makulit, mayabang at malambing na Van.

"May isa pang rason kaya naging ganito ako," sabi niya na parang walang nangyari kaya nakinig na lang ulit ako. "It's one of Uncle Arieto's daughter. I'm not really sure if it's you or your sister because I didn't get a chance to see her."

Now, this is another revelation.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

He licked his lips as he leaned his back to the rock chair. "Kaya nasabi ni Mom kanina na kababata kita dahil may nakalaro ako noon dito sa mansyon niyo. But she didn't came out from her room even once. We only talked through the door. I think it's your sister considering that she's not here again. Where is she, by the way? Kumusta na siya?"

I made a poker face. "Wala na siya rito. Nakapag-asawa na at may anak na."

"Woah, really? Naunahan na– hindi pala talaga yata siya 'yon." Nag-iba ang sinasabi niya nang tinignan ko siya ng masama bago tarayan.

This man is really clueless, isn't he? O sadyang magaling lang talaga siyang magpaselos o mang-inis?

"Hey, what's that look?"

He tried to sound so sweet now, huh?

I crossed my arms on my chest then sighed. "It's me," matamlay na sabi ko.

"Ikaw 'yon?" He seemed so surprise about it. Ganoon ba talaga ako kaduda-duda?

"Hindi ka naniniwala?"

Naiinis na naman ako sa kanya kaya binalikan ko tuloy ang mga alaala na iyon habang pinapaliwanag sa kanya. Nang mag-kuwento siya kanina ay nagulat talaga ako pero nakaramdam ako ng saya. It's him! Van's the one who gave me those letters and chocolates! Kaya lang nainis ako nang banggitin niya ang Ate at sa tingin niya ay siya iyon. I mean, what does it made him think that it's my sister and not me?

"Ikaw talaga 'yon? I doubt that! She's kind, fun to be with and has a sweet voice. Paanong naging ikaw 'yon?"

Nang-iinsulto talaga ang gagong ito, eh!

"Bakit ako ba hindi?!" I couldn't help but to raised my voice. Napatalon naman siya sa gulat.

"Damn! Chill, babe!" Ngumingisi-ngisi pa siya.

"How can I?!"

When I was six years old until ten years old, there was this boy who is always talking to me behind my bedroom's door, giving me letters and chocolates through the gap of the door to the floor. That was also the time that I've been suffering from bullying and personal problems. Palagi lang akong nagkukulong sa kuwarto at umiiyak. Pero bukod pala sa mga unan at Ate ko ay may isang tao pa ang dumadamay sa akin sa kabila ng lahat.

I didn't expect that it was him. My Razvan Cronin. Damn! I didn't see this coming. I really thought that I wouldn't see him again after leaving me without even saying good bye. Kaya sinubukan kong kalimutan na lang siya but look what happened. He's here again and ironically, he's not just a friend and comforter but a lover and protector. Kaya pala hindi nahirapan ang puso ko na mahulog sa kanya ay dahil sa koneksiyon na meron kami.

"Bigla ka na lang nawala," sabi ko nang matapos sa pagbabalik-tanaw. I drink my juice while my eyes are still fixed on him. He's also looking meaningfully to my face down to my neck. Muntikan pa akong mabilaukan pero nanatili akong kalmado.

"Biglaan ang pagpunta namin sa New York."

"So, that's why you didn't get the chance to talked to me again. Nagtampo ako 'non. Ilang beses kitang hinintay sa sala at hindi na sa kuwarto ko."

"Ikaw ha? May lihim na pagtingin ka na ba noon sa akin?" Nanliit ang mga mata niya, sinusuri ako. Medyo inilapit niya rin ang mukha niya sa akin.

"Sira! I just get used to your company."

Not that I admit to it, I just found it awkward. Hanggang ngayon ay naiilang pa rin ako sa mga tingin niya sa akin.

"What happened to you when I was gone, then?" Bumalik na siya sa dati niyang ayos kanina.

I just shrugged my shoulders. "Wala."

"I'm so attached to you to the point that I cannot even accept my life without you in New York. Weeks after staying in that place, I became a typical teenage rebel. You're one of the reasons so take responsibility for it."

"Bakit naman ako? Ikaw ang nagdesisyon na maging ganoon tapos sa 'kin mo isisisi ang lahat? You're unbelievable!"

"It's also your fault!"

"Bakit nga? What's exactly are you trying to point out?"

"You didn't even let me see your pretty face even just for a glimpse. That's one of my biggest regrets."

My face heated up. Is it really an enough reason to everything that happened to his life and made me shut up for minutes?

"It's not my fault! It's your choice!" giit ko naman.

"But at least, you managed to get everything back to normal," he simply said.

"Bakit nga ako? That's your life, not mine."

He chuckled then reached out his arm to pinch my nose. "Still can't believe that it's you!"

Napanguso ako at napahawak sa ilong ko na kinurot niya. "I'll go get your letters, then?" panghahamon ko sa kanya suot ang ngiting nang-iinis.

He tsked. "Huwag na!" Iniwas niya rin ang tingin niya sa akin kaya ako naman ngayon ang napatawa.

"You don't wanna see your corny letters, don't you?"

"Of course not!"

"Why not? It's just a letter from a childhood friend. Besides, magkaibigan pa rin naman tayo ngayon." I smiled sweetly to tease him more.

"Magkaibigan?!" he yelped. "Are you sure about that?"

"Why? What's wrong about being friends? Diyan naman tayo nagsimula kaya mas mabuting diyan din tayo magtatapos-"

"What the fuck, Aislinn?" Lumukot ang mukha niya at pumorma agad ang kunot sa noo niya. "Don't tell me that that's a sign of rejection?"

"It depends on how you behave." Mas lalo ko pang nilakihan ang ngisi ko dahil naging epektibo iyon. He's like a mad man now that will attack his enemy any moment.

"Such a brutal!"

"Brutal agad? Hindi naman yata masamang balikan ang mga alaalang iyon."

"Don't even try it." He stood up and crouched a bit, stretching his both arms to touch or hold me. Sinubukan ko namang lumayo habang tumatawa-tawa pa pero parehas kaming napatigil nang may biglang tumawag sa pangalan ko.

"Aislinn!"