two things. 

#1. this is part 43 in this book, which means that last chapter was 42. And 42 is basically 42.0. just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that.   

#2 go check out@ThatCringyTomato she writes the best stuff and she's realy unknown and it's unfair! so go look at her stuff. oh also @memesandmusicals  too I guess. she wrote an X reader about connor during a particular line of sincerely me if your into that. 

okay now enjoy! 

"Zoe, I promise you I'm not gay!"

"LIER! I saw you making out with Eric?... Ethan?... Eli? Whatever! That Hansen kid in the bathroom yesterday!"

"Why were you in the boys bathroom?"

"There was a huge line for the girls room! It was just more convenient!"

"First. That's disgusting! Second. Do you honestly think that anyone would ever want to kiss ME!?"

"Truth be told, no... but he could have been high or something!"

"Do you know Evan Hansen?"

"EVAN! That was his name." Connor rolled his eyes and started walking to his room. "WAIT!" he turned around looking more done with life than usual. "I still think you're gay." she seriously wasn't gonna drop this?

"Congratulations! Would you like a sticker?!" he said sarcastically as he started walking up the stairs.

"How about a bet!" he turned around again.

"What kind of bet?"

"Uh you let me look at your search history and if I find out you're gay you let me punish you for lying to me. If I can't find anything they you don't have to associate with me at all for 2 weeks." Connor thought about this for a minute. he really did like to gamble, but if she did find anything then she'd know he was gay, or worse she'd find out that him and Evan had been dating secretly for the past 6 months and she'd never drop it. He eventually decided it was worth the risk and went to get his laptop. She took it and they sat on the couch as she looked through Connor's pages and pages of search history which he never delete because he knew his parents were too afraid of him to do any snooping. She was looking for about half an hour. Yes, half an hour. Before Connor got up to get some water. The reason it was taking so long was because she was visiting each site and going through at least five search results. I will say she is dedicated that's for sure. Connor didn't really wanna go back so he scrolled through my instagram feed until he had reached yesterday's posts. he came back to the living room to see Zoe with her mouth open in shock but a small smile creeping up her face as well.

"Connor? Who's [email protected]?" shit!

"Em? I dunno. Why?"

"Well I was just looking through your history when I saw 'how to make a secret email account' so that got me thinking. What would connor's secret email address be? So went to your emails and entered a bunch of different addresses until [email protected] actualy worked, so then I started to read some of the emails. Turns out it's between you and Evan Hansen! Isn't that a weird coincidence?!"

"Maybe you entered the wrong address and you found some random person's email."

"No that would be a little weird considering that these are addressed to Connor Murphy."

"Connor Murphy is a common name! It's the name of some hockey player it's so common!"

"But isn't it strange that this Connor Murphy also does drugs? And isn't it weird how he also has a sister named Zoe?"

"A lot of people do drugs and Zoe is a common name too."

"So would you mind if I sent this guy an email?"

"No." my heart was pounding and I could feel myself getting sweaty. I knew my arguments were weak, but I did seem to be doing a decent job of lying. I'm a great actor! I should be on broadway!

Zoe started typing an email that se wouldn't let me see and clicked send after a little while. Evan responded in mere seconds with:

Dear Connor Murphy,

I really hope she doesn't find out. I don't think I'm prepared to come out yet. I can't even tell my mom! What if she told the whole school. I don't know Zoe that well but I hope she keeps quiet. if she did see us yesterday let's pray that she doesn't tell the rest of the school. I love you and just try to stay positive. Worst comes to worst people find out you're a little gay for Evan Hansen. Granted that's horrible because I'm me but you can always break up with me if need be.

Sincerely, me

"HA! I knew you were gay!" I looked at the email he sent, my heart breaking a little as I read the 'Granted that's horrible because I'm me but you can always break up with me if need be.' I hate it when he's hard on himself. I grabbed my laptop from Zoe.

"Fine! I'm gay! Are you happy?!"

"Yes I am! Hey.... are you okay?" I felt myself hyperventilating.

"No I'm not okay!" I hissed at her. He started pacing.

"What did I do?"

"Ha! What did you do? What did you do?! Are you serious?! First, you confront me about something you should not have seen when you were in a place you should not have been. Second, you call me gay not even considering if I was ready to tell you! Third, you look through my search history to prove your point! Fourth, you look through my emails without my consent, and then you sent my boyfriend an email AS ME! Do you have any idea how messed up that is?! And through all that you didn't even consider what I was going through!"

"I-I'm sorry I just-"

"YOU JUST WHAT?!" I buried my face in my knees as I felt warm tears stream down my face. "The worst part is now Evan is gonna wanna break up with me."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he's not ready to come out either, he'll find out I told you and he'll have a nervous breakdown and never talk to me again!"

"I think you're over reacting. But if you're that worried then just don't tell him."

"I can't just not tell him! I don't want a relationship based on a lie!"

"And people think I'm dramatic."

"THIS IS SERIOUS ZOE!"

"Calm down."

"I can't calm down!"

"Evan is not gonna hate you."

"He will! Think of it as if I died or something and some guy you'd never heard of told you that we were like best friends even though we only interacted like once and then you fell for him but you found out that we were never really friends and he lied to the entire world!? THIS IS LIKE THAT!"

"I think this is a little different... also where did you even think of that?"

"I dunno. It would make a good musical though, don't you think?"

"No that sounds so stupid."

"Whatever. I still have a huge fucking problem that YOU started!"

"Sorry. Do you want me to-"

"No. I gotta do this alone. It was my mistake after all." connor wiped his eyes and did his best to compose himself.

"Connor I'm really sorry."

"I know." he went upstairs taking out his phone while dialing Evan's number, which he knew by heart. he shut the door and flopped on his bed hitting the call button. It rung three times before he heard Evan's sweat caring nervous voice come through the other end.

Hello?

Hey Evan.

What's going on? Did your sister find out that you're gay?

Yeah. believe it or not she was actually trying to prove I was gay. She found out my secret email address and that was her emailing you. I'm so sorry Evan. I tried to stop her!

.....

Evan?

T-t-that wasn't y-you?

Evan, Honey I'm so sorry! I love you so much and Zoe promised not to tell anyone!

Do you think she'll keep that promise?

I do. Mostly because she knows that I know where mom keeps the knives.

"'Cmon Connor." There was the sound of a door opening from down stairs on his end. "I have to go. We can get this all sorted out tomorrow okay? I love you."

"I love you too Ev." I hung up because I knew Evan hated ending conversations. I went downstairs to see Zoe looking sorry for herself. "It's okay zoe. He's fine as long as you keep quiet." she looked relieved and she hugged me. She actually hugged me on her own free will...

I was very stiff at first but I eventually hugged her back.

And everything's okay.