Y'all saw the title. You already know there's gonna be some major angst in this part.

I'm going up to Canada so to disprove the stereotype of Canadians being super nice I'm going to be really really mean. I'm going to leave you on a cliffhanger AND I'm going to break your heart in part 2.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
- suicide attempts
- murder without remorse
- unoriginality

I stole the beginning from Piers Anthony's On a Pale Horse which is a great book. It's like an actual book. Not fanfic. I almost forgot those existed. And part 2 is based on a request from one of my friends, and the end of that is based on a nightmare I had. So enjoy! :)

~Connor's pov~

I looked down at the letter in my hands as my salty tears stained the page making the fresh ink run a little bit. I had just stolen this letter from my life long crush Evan Hansen. I had always kinda known he had a thing for my sister but this letter confirmed it and based on our interaction before hand things were not going well for me. It might just be better to just... end it all. To just fade a way into oblivion. My family wouldn't care, my friends- ha! Like I had friends?! Evan... Evan sure as hell wouldn't care. Evan doesn't know me, I wish he did but he doesn't. And he won't. I had my chance and I missed it. But there you have it, classic Connor Murphy, always screwing up the few things he cares about in life. I grabbed the kitchen knife that my mom would always use, no one was home so I would be uninterrupted. I felt hot salty tears run down my face as I used my free hand to shove Evan's letter in my pocket. I pressed the blade to my stomach as I tried to focus on the wall in front of me instead of what I was doing. I was about to fully plunge the sharp blade into my unprotected stomach when I heard the door creak open slowly. I stoped for a moment. Dad was at work, Zoe was at band practice, mom was out with friends (most likely day drinking) then who could that be? It's not like anyone would try to rob us we live in the smallest safest town on the face of the Earth. Who the fuck would be dumb enough to try to break in. I heard the person getting closer and I started to panic, I didn't move the knife as I heard the figure turn the corner towards me. I felt my breath hitch as I saw the figure come into view. It was a hooded figure in a black cloak, his face was covered but his hands were pale and skeletal. Death.

" come on man I don't have all day." I screamed and without thinking threw the knife at death. The blade hit him in the face and he flopped backwards on contact. I had killed death! I FUCKING KILLED DEATH! IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!

Traumatized I fell To my knees to check his pulse and sure enough it was faint and fading fast. Do I call 911? Could they save death?! Oh fuck what have I done?! I'm a murder! I killed someone! While I was freaking out about what the fuck just happened his pulse disappeared. I didn't know what was happening or what to do or how to react. I heard the door open again but this time instead of a hooded figure coming in I saw a middle aged woman in a red blazer and skirt walk up to me.

"Very good." She stated calmly and simply.

"I KILLED DEATH!"

"Indeed you did. And because of this you shall now reassume his office."

"WHAT?!"

"You are the new death." I felt my head spinning. "Let me explain the basics.  You are death. You collect the souls of balanced mortals. That means they have committed equal amounts of good and sin in there lives. Your job is to collect these souls and deliver them to the council of incarcerations, or COI for short. There the soul will be judged by all the incarnations, time, life, love, war, so on so forth and the soul will go to either heaven or hell, as you mortals refer to them, based on their decision."

" Who are you?! What the fuck is going on?!"

"I am fate. One of the incarnations of immortality. I'm here to help you fit into your new role and clean up the mess you made."

"Wait did you know this would happen?!"

"Yes."

"AND YOU DIDN'T STOP IT?!"

"Yes."

"WHY?!"

"This death was getting careless. He had to be replaced. I think you'll do fine in the job though. Oh you should take his clothes and soul so you can start off your new profession."  She handed Me the robe he was wearing along with a black leather Messenger bag  he was wearing. Under the cloak he was an ordinary man. Nothing special. He had dark hair and pale skin. He was actually quite active but not my type. Also I just KILLED THE GUY SO YOU KNOW- "put this on." I quickly did as I was told.

"So you just decided that he wasn't doing his job right and that he had to die?!"

"Yes."

"Don't you think that's a bit harsh?!"

" life is harsh and so is death. Now just to do some touch ups." She waved her hand over his body and suddenly he was wearing My  clothes. Not only that be he... HE HAD MY FACE! " now take his soul."

"WHAT?!"

"Reach inside his head." I carefully did as she said. I felt something sticky and stringy touch my fingers as I touched his head. I quickly jolted back afraid of what just happened. "Did you feel something that felt like cobweb?" I nodded. "That's his soul." I touched it again this time grabbing it and pulling it out of the body. It was a shiny black ball with hints of a golden color. I put the soul in the bag to see there were at least 10 other spheres in there already. What had I gotten myself into?

~Evan's pov ~

~time skip~

"Look I know Jared! I screwed up will you please please just help me?!"

"What did I say? Just confirm everything. Don't make shit up!"

"I know I know. Will you please just help me?"

"Sure. For 200 hundred dollars."

"I have 20."

"I'll take it but you're an ass. Now come on let's write some emails."

~time skip of a few weeks brought to you but the fact that I'm writing this instead of editing an essay I have to for school.~

~Connor's pov~

This whole soul collection thing was actually pretty easy. I actually had a bunch of free time too. It did make me feel pretty guilty sometimes though. For example there was a little girl dying of cancer with her parents by her side and she asked me where her brother was. She kinda reminded me of Zoe, and That almost made me cry. Almost. You have to be a special kind of evil to not say goodbye to your sister as she's dying.

I was on my way to another hospital. (I have to go to those a lot) I walked in the door following the energy I felt the dying soul give off. I walked in the room and saw a girl, she looked about 12-13 years old. I checked my watch. I was 15 minutes early so I decided to try to comfort her as best I could. I mean who likes dying?

"A-a-are you here to k-kill me?"

"No. I'm here to take your soul and bring it to heaven..." I decided not to include the 'or hell' part because no one likes to hear that.

"Oh. Okay. Well I'm Emily. It's nice to meet you death." She held out her hand which I shook.

"call me Connor. Death sounds to serious."

"Okay then Connor, do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What do you look like under the hood? Are you just a skeleton or like an actual human being?" I laughed and pulled down my hood revealing my face. She gasped.

"YOU'RE CONNOR MURPHY!"

"How did you know?" She grabbed her phone from her bedside table she pulled up to a page called 'the Connor project'

" your friend Evan Hansen has been telling the world about you!"

"Evan? Friend?" I looked over her shoulder as she pulled up a video of Evan delivering some kind of speech.

Have you ever felt like nobody was there? Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? Have you ever felt like you could disappear? Like you could fall and no one would hear? Well let that lonely felling wash away. Maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay.

I felt tears come to my eyes as I heard his words. I honestly wish someone had shown me this before I killed my self. It might have actually helped me.

"He seemed like such a great friend. You were really lucky Connor."

"Yeah. I guess I was...."

"Are you crying?"

"yeah. I guess I am...." then we both turned our heads to the sound of a flat line. I looked at her and smiled as I put my hood back on. "Have fun in heaven okay Emily?"

"Okay." I took her soul and put in in my bag and left the hospital thinking of Evan for the first time since I became death. I seems like so long ago, like years but it had only been like a month since I'd killed my self. It was kinda weird, it made me feel alive again thinking about Evan. It had been too long since I've felt any emotions other then guilt. And I know I didn't know Evan, but I miss him.