AN. this was requested by @twelsaloom1, I changed a lot so sorry about that but enjoy anyway. I'm going to try to make you guys cry. This started as a simple request then things kinda escalated quickly. I was stressed so I wrote something to kill people inside. This actually started as a fun and fluffy request but I turned it into attempted suicide so.... Blame the horrible, black, evil, sadistic, twisted void that is my imagination. :)

Evan Hansen had always been tight on money, especially since his dad left, his mom had been working non-stop and Evan was still living mostly off Ramen. So he applied for the best paying job he could find that wasn't male stripper. And that job happens to be baby sitter. But not just any baby sitter, he was more of a... slave. And who was hiring him? Cynthia and Larry Murphy, that's who. Now why would they need an 18 year old boy to "babysit" if both their kids were in their senior year of high school? Because Connor Murphy is a jackass that can't seem to make friends so Evan was basically a friend/ slave to Connor Murphy.

~connor's pov~

"You did what!?"

"Look sweetie, I know you don't like to be social, but this could really help you." I pinched the bridge of my nose. Of. fucking. Corse. my mom was trying to take over my life again.

"Hey look on the bright side, now you can make life miserable for another person." my sister Zoe chimed in.

"Go Fuck yourself!" I shot back at her.

"See this is what I'm talking about. You can't get along with your own sibling. This will help you socially. And to make it easier for you I got one of your friends to do it!"

"Cynthia I don't have "friends""

"What are you talking about? You have that Evan kid, you signed his cast. And don't call me Cynthia, I'm you mother for god's sake."

"You also have you dealer." zoe said not looking up from the magazine she was reading.

"Evan isn't my friend. He's an... acquaintance." I said ignoring both my mother's last comment and zoe.

"Who are you, Alana?"

"Do you ever shut up."

"Nope."

"Well whatever he is he'll be here in two hours. I have to go. Zoe while I'm gone make sure Connor doesn't kill himself, oh and make sure to tell Evan there's a check on the counter for him." she walked out the door leaving me with my bitch of a sister.

"She's gone, Now shew! I don't need that," she gestured to me. "In my presence. Go make your room presentable or something.''

~time skip brought to you by Procrastinar para estudiar para mi final de español.~

Knock knock knock knock.

"It's open." I mumbled. Evan stepped in through the door.

"H-hey." I didn't answer. "Y-your p-parents hired me." I still didn't respond. I was so not in the mood for this. "C-can I d-do anything for y-you?"

"You could stop stuttering."

"S-s-sorry."

"Are you always this nervous?"

"Y-yeah."

"Well, I need to welcome you to the wonderful world of weed." (AN I wrote this when I was supposed to be paying attention in English class and we were talking about alliteration.XD)

"I-I th-think I'm o-okay." I started to roll a joint.

"You got a lighter?" he shook his head. "Uh. I left mine in my bag. Go down stairs and get it." he quickly nodded and ran down stairs. He came back a minute later with the lighter tossing it to me. I lit the joint breathing in the smoke. "Wanna try?" he quickly shook his head again.

"I'm okay."

"Come on, Evan, it'll help you be more chill."

"I'm fine."

"It won't kill you. I mean I'm still here aren't I."

"I don't know connor."

"Do you honestly think I would try to kill myself? If this stuff was dangerous I wouldn't be doing it."

"I said I was fine."

"EVAN I SWEAR TO GOD!" I quickly composed myself when I realized he was almost crying. God this kid was so easily shaken. "Look I'm paying you aren't I?"

"Y-yeah."

"So have a goddamn smoke." he reluctantly took the joint and breathed in the smoke, he then erupted into a coughing fit passing the joint back to me.

~time skip of about a month brought to you by wanting to keep this one shot short. Just so y'all know in this time Connor has done other things to make Evan uncomfortable and connor is very very depressed for reasons unknown. ~

I lied awake in my bed. I didn't know why. Well that wasn't entirely true, I knew why I was awake, I was thinking about my "Baby sitter", Evan. he had been on my mind a lot lately. At first it was minor things like "what can I do to entertain myself now that I have this poor kid at my disposal." But then it started to be things like "what can I do with Evan to make him smile" and now my thoughts are pretty much "NOTICE ME EVAN!" he doesn't even care about me. He's literally being paid by my parents to hang out with me. Hell we don't even interact in school. But damn, he's just so amazing. But how could he ever even like someone as screwed up as me. Let's face it, I'm a worthless, lousy, horrible, stupid, overly-emotional, insane, gay, naive, idiot with anger issues. It's a miracle he can even tolerate me. Maybe it would be better if I just... dissapeared. He wouldn't notice or care. No one would. I'm gonna do it. Tomorrow morning. Before he comes.

~Evan's pov~

I walked up to the all too familiar house. I'd been coming here every day for about a month. I opened the door, Cynthia had been kind enough to give me a key. I saw my check on the counter as usual. I pocketed it and went up to connor's room, there wasn't anyone home. Connor's parents went away for the weekend and Zoe was at Alana's house, honestly she was there so much they could be dating.

I climbed up the staircase to connor's room. I knocked on the door, there was no answer. That wasn't like him. I heard quiet sobbing coming from the bathroom. I walked up to the door and knocked on it.

"Connor?" nothing. The sobbing had stopped as if it was being choked back. "Can I come in?" no answer. "Please. You're scaring me." I heard sobs again. I opened the door, luckily, connor had forgot to lock it. What I saw was horrifying. Connor was sitting on the floor covered in blood, a razor in his left hand, his arms had cuts all over them and his eyes were read and puffy. In his right hand there was a piece of paper which appeared to be a note of some kind. I gasped as tears streamed down my face. This was my fault. I wasn't doing my job right. I had probably made matters worse in fact. I got out my phone and dialed 911 as fast as I could.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"My friend just tried to commit suicide! I'm at 89 evergreen road!"

"We'll be there right away sir."

I scrambled through the drawers until I found bandages and a first aid kit. I fell to my knees in front of Connor, I disinfected and wrapped his arms as fast as I could through my tears. When he was all bandaged up I wrapped my arms around him and cried into his shoulder.

"You didn't have to do that." he mumbled.

"Yes I did Connor. Look I know you're feeling sad, and I know you're hurting, and I know your heart hurts so bad, and it spreads through you body like a horrible darkness that never goes away, and it's terrible, I don't know why, or what you're going through but I know things are rough. And I know you do things, and I know you think things, And I know I can't fix things. But... I care so much about you. And I'll try to make you feel better. And I will stand by you. And I'm proud you've held on this long."

"How-"

"I know exactly what you're going through connor... I know because I went through it myself."

"What?"

"Did I ever tell you how I broke my arm?"

"You fell out of a tree."

"I JUMPED out of a tree." now he was sobbing into my shoulder. I took the note out of his hand.

Dear world,

Fuck you, the only thing that was keeping me alive was my love for a straight boy named Evan Hansen. Tell him it's not his fault. But everyone else, Fuck you.

Connor

I let out a small laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"You though I was straight? Connor, I'm as straight as a rainbow."

"That would have been good to know." he let out a sob of pain at the end. We heard sirens outside people were running up stairs.

"I love you *sob* Evan."

"I love you too." the paramedics took Connor out of my arms a put him on a gurney and carried him down to the ambulance and all I could do was sit in the bathroom and pray he'd be okay.