To The Last Parade, When The Parties Fade, And The Choice You Made To The End.

I muttered 'I love you's like they were nothing, but of course, they meant so much, and he just smiled, whispering them back as our fingers intertwined in the empty house, with the balcony doors right open as he tried his best to talk me out to re-enacting the scene from titanic, he said for health and safety reasons, but I reckoned he really just didn't want to be the girl.

"Vic, don't you think this is all kind of surreal?" My words were barely posed as a question, but as no one else was even in the vicinity of the household, the duty of answering was left to my slightly confused, but in no way bemused, boyfriend.

"Huh?" He continued, the pitch of his voice shifting a little as he spoke with concern, well, not so much concern, but confusion, definitely, but I reckoned just this once it was okay to be confused, because this was waiting for enlightenment kind of confusion.

This was confusion with an end, and everything had to end.

"Us." I answered his question, eventually, unsure as to just how much time I'd wasted away lost in my own head, but he felt no need to comment upon the silence so I settled upon the conclusion that perhaps it had been very little time at all.

"What are you saying by that?" He asked, sitting closer to me and moving one arm around my shoulders in that cheesy ass first date kind of manoeuvre which I couldn't help but groan and roll my eyes at. "Shut up, you like cheesy, I know that."

Okay, perhaps he was right, or perhaps he wasn't, but perhaps right now I cared more about who we were and how we felt about ourselves and one another than where we were and what we were doing, because eventually, you do have to decide what's important to you, and you really do have to figure it out for yourself.

I know that now.

And perhaps I wish I had before, but I reckon even the experience of figuring that out presented itself as worthwhile.

"Can I kiss you?" The words fell out - a question perhaps unneeded with a response non-verbal, lip to lip, and kind of beautiful as the whole world seemed to melt away around as at the realisation that perhaps nothing else mattered to me quite as much as the smile Vic Fuentes put on my face, and how he did so with just ease.

We kissed for a while, air escaping us, and if there was a too long when it came to kissing, I think we would have kissed for far too long, but I reckoned that there wasn't, so we didn't. 

He smiled at me as we pulled away and I felt like a teenage girl with her middle school crush, and then like slapping myself across the face for even letting such a ridiculous thought cross my mind. In the end, I was just glad Vic couldn't read my thoughts, as I would surely be in trouble by now if he could.

"I really like you, like love you, and that's kind of weird, but it's good weird, and I like kissing you more than I loved pulling myself apart and destroying what little I had left." I told him; my words convoluted and badly planned, but this was something, this emotion was something that a simple 'I love you' said far too much, just couldn't stretch to cover.

He smiled at that, a blush filling his cheeks, and it was kind of adorable, but I didn't comment upon it, choosing out of the kindness of my heart that perhaps today, he didn't deserve the embarrassment.

"I love you too, Kellin. You're everything, you're so special, so perfect, and so, so important. It hurts me that you just don't realise that sometimes." Sincerity ran through his words like blood in his veins and I felt obliged to believe him, but for once that was no such issue, because I reckoned this time we'd made progress, because I reckoned this time I wanted to.

And acceptance was surely a crazy and of course wonderful thing, and then we were kissing again, and if we kissed for far too long before, well then now kissed for twice as long as that, and maybe I lost track of time, and oxygen as well, but I needed this, and I needed him, and he was driving me crazy in the best kind of way, and I lost myself, I lost what I called my everything many months ago to him, because with that smile and those lips, everyday, the scars that littered my arms seemed to fade a little lighter and the urge to die everyday had soon disappeared into nothing.

And I was so absorbed in the little changes he'd made to me, I barely even noticed when his lips left mine - he noticed how lost I was, but just smiled, sparing me the embarrassment, and we just smiled, because that was all we needed.

-

It was rather weird to stand here again - nostalgic but in an almost sickening manner, and my stomach was plummeting at my reflection in the greasy and abandoned bathroom mirror - the empty bathroom, which no one really used, except me, and Maia, sometimes, but neither of us all that often anymore, and sometimes I even felt sorry for the place - all alone, and ignored by the world.

And yes, it was incredibly ridiculous to feel sorry for a place - an inanimate place, but my head was never well known for working in any manner that had an explanation at all.

I almost laughed at my reflection, and how I'd changed since that dreadful day many months ago now, in which poor Vic Fuentes had stumbled upon a charity case like me bleeding out and dying, wasting away in this very bathroom, and despite the state I was in, he'd cared and that was something I always would thank him for, even if I could never understand as to why things had gone down as such.

Vic was always such a mystery, and the matter of loving him even confused the stomach residing butterflies themselves, and that was truly a troublesome task, as it took a lot to get them excited, surely - Vic Fuentes had it down perfectly though, of course, because he was Vic, and sometimes I even reckoned he'd liked me from the word 'go' or when we met in this very bathroom, and that was certainly an arrogant thought.

Because things weren't always about me, and more often than not, they definitely weren't, and more often that not, I was irrelevant and in fact, completely out of the picture, but it wasn't like that with Vic. Vic always made me feel important, even when he dated those girls, he chose me in the end, and surely that was a confusing thing to deal with at the time.

I guess it sorted itself out in the end though, and it had indeed turned out to be for the best, even if I never would have dreamed that Vic and I would be dating, even in my deepest and darkest nightmares, and I would have never in thought in my deepest and most preposterous dreams that I would ever be quite as free from the weight of depression as I thought I was today.

I knew for certain that things wouldn't always be perfect, and sometimes I'd fall back into a self hate so strong I wouldn't doubt the possibility of setting myself aflame with its fury, but for the most part, these days, things were often better than worse, and as much as my arrogance would hate to say, it was very much down to Vic Fuentes, that stupid head boy, who may have just ruined my life in best kind of way, because now I met my reflection in the mirror with a smile and not with a blade to my wrist.

Perhaps it was for the better after all, but that was the best thing with Vic - you could never truly tell quite what was going through his head - he was an enigma, perhaps, or maybe, most likely, he just possessed that sanity I'd always been lacking, and I guess we balanced each other out like that, with me all one way and him the other - of course disagreements were littered between us like chewing gum on the underside of a school desk, but I don't think I'd have it any other way, at all.

As I threw my bag up onto the sinks and sat down between them, my eyes fixated on the off white, rotting away cement of the wall in front of me, I couldn't help but draw my mind back to how this place, however, quite literally, shitty, how it had always meant so much, because perhaps without this place, I wouldn't be where I was today, and perhaps without this place I wouldn't even be alive - and finally, I had my head straight on enough to find that a troubling thought.

I remembered the note, and how he'd found it, and how that had brought the truth forward in perhaps the most forceful of manners, and how much I hated that outcome at the time, wishing for nothing but my own demise, and how now, I was nothing but thankful how things had come to be this way, even if it hadn't been the easiest of options, but it had most definitely been the most worthwhile.

I thought about wanting to kill myself and just how stupid that seemed right now, and just how much my past self would have hated me for even having such an opinion, and how if myself from many months ago, myself from before I met Vic, how that self would not be most surprised and shocked with the fact that I was so complacent, or that I was dating Vic, but so surprised and shocked with the simple fact that I was still alive.

Because I really never thought I'd be making it this far, and I guess back then it was just because I reckoned I'd never be happy, and that I would have given up sooner or later, and the fact that me with a smile on my face and a box of blades thrown from the window was just an impossible possibility.

I guessed past me was very stupid, because as I'd come to learn recently, everything was possible, because I most certainly hadn't been planning or even expecting to end up with Vic, but things had just turned out that way. It was kind of weird, really, but I'd come to accept that maybe, this kind of weird, yeah, this kind of weird I liked.

Because, I was always a little weird, and I didn't need to be normal, to be straight, to be conforming, to be just like everyone else to be happy, I just needed to be me, and perhaps just a little help from Vic Fuentes and his ghost brother with the fucked up head.

And everything has to end.

It's kind of weird really how with things like personality traits the changes are so gradual that you don't tend to notice until months have passed and you look back on yourself and find someone completely different to the face you now see everyday in the mirror, so I guess, that things know when they need to end, because things have to run their course, and its for the better, otherwise if nothing ever ends, you'll never be open and ready for something new.

And I'm ready for that now, I'm ready for whatever life can throw at me, so I met my reflection in the mirror with a smile - a real smile, for once not a weak smile, because I reckon now I am happy, and I reckon now, that this, this chapter of my life of self hatred and battles with feelings, both about boys and suicide, I reckon that's come to a close now.

But what the real funny thing about endings is that they're never planned or proper, not really, and that's just how life is and maybe I'm okay with that, and maybe I'm not, but most of all it doesn't matter, as my opinion is simply nothing more than irrelevant in the scheme of things, and of course, I am both very and not okay with that.

People always croon for fairytale happy endings where the prince slays the dragon and marries the princess, but that shit just doesn’t happen, and I never understood why it took all that brain power to come to the conclusion that spectaculars of that calibre are nothing more than ridiculous, and that's not how things end, because most things, they don't really end, nothing ends, things grow, and change, and twist, and turn, and morph, they do everything but end, until one day, they do, but they don't, they just kind of stop.

And that's how it is, no wedding, dragon head, no song and dance, perhaps just a smile, perhaps just a wave, or maybe a sentence never reaching its end, as everything will, it just one day, stops.

-

The End. 

Woah, so hey guys, well that, this just feels really weird, this fucking story is over just well, wow. I think it ended good though, I think it was a good run and it was good, and y'know, it had to end eventually, didn't it?

Seriously though, I never expected this fic to get so many readers, and votes and comments, and just wow, I genuinely love you all, like seriously without all of you lot, I this fic wouldn't be where it is today, and thank you so much - it really means a lot that people like my fics, you know?:)

And so, yup, this was definitely longer than expected, turning out at like 130k words, and that's fucking long wow what am I doing with my life?:') I don't have plans for a sequel, because I'm never very good at writing that kind of thing, you know, I just feel like this story and this set of characters are done here, everything's ended right and I'm happy with that - a sequel to something like this would just be messy and a struggle for a new plotline that would resolve in adhering almost nothing to the original meaning and plot of the thing, so sorry, yeah:/

I don't know if I'm going to write another Kellic or anything soon, I think I might just focus on the other three stories I'm writing until like about Christmas time before starting anything new, because seriously I'm fucking my life up with fanfiction here:')

Anyways, I've gone on far too long already, because it sounds fucking cheesy but I'm still nervous about letting this end:') Again, thank you all so much, I love you<3