Stay For As Long As You Have Time So The Mess That We'll Become Leaves Something To Talk About

My arms are awfully white, and even surprisingly voluntarily so. And as much as I hate to admit, I'm not sure I miss the red that much. The red is a part of me, without a doubt, but Vic Fuentes and that one kiss seems to have entirely filled the hole the red left.

My friends are still there though; in the back of my closet, in the back of my mind. They're always there and I know for a fact that they're not going away, but Vic doesn't have to know that, because Vic doesn't have to know everything. With the letters, he knows far too much already, even if this did somehow end up turning out to my advantage, as strange as it is.

I'm not sure if I'm even entirely okay with this... Vic Fuentes and I... I mean I've most definitely thought about it, but... as hypocritical as this sounds, I'm not sure if I entirely want this in real life. But I'm not going to give it up, because it's my lifeline and I've found myself in the horrible situation where I'm left to say that Vic Fuentes is what's keeping me alive. The thought of it even makes me want to disperse my internal organs in a million different directions.

"Kellin!" Suddenly, I was pulled out of the stream of students in the hallways, Maia's grip firmly on mine as she dragged me right into the bathroom.

"Tell me what the fuck is going on?" She looked me up and down as I stood in front of the sinks. I felt under scrutiny, as if I'd somehow managed to fuck things up for her without knowing it, and in that case, whatever I'd done, I felt incredibly guilty for it.

"What?" Did she know? How did she know? Could she possibly know? Had Vic told her? He wouldn't have - he doesn't even like Maia- fuck, my head hurts. Everything hurts and nothing hurts just quite enough. I need to make it hurt.

"Tell me why Vic Fuentes is looking quite so smug, especially when he's got to do a lower school assembly today." I blinked at her, wondering whether to approach the subject at an angle or just to word vomit my entire thought process at her and hope for the best.

She was just taking a shot in the dark here, so I could simply dismiss her words as nothingness as move the subject matter onwards, but Maia had this awfully habit of just knowing when I was lying.

"Don't give me that look, Kellin." I distorted my face into a different expression entirely in a piss poor effort to dismiss her words - she looked utterly unamused by my attempt, which all in all, was just a little disheartening. "Vic Fuentes could never look so smug when it's not involving you."

"I-I-I..." fuck, Kellin you need to breathe. Breathing shouldn't be this difficult at all, but things do get hella warped out of perspective when they just slightly involve Vic Fuentes. "I'm not even sure on the details, but we definitely kissed... that's for certain." I pushed my words out with force and a gaze that didn't meet Maia's, unsure as to how the hell she could possibly react to the news I'd just given her.

"Fuck?" She exclaimed, placing her bag down and getting comfortable between the sinks as if I was about to begin a four day long epic tale, and not some two second bullshit spiel to keep her happy. "What have not been telling me? How and when did this even happen?"

I blushed a stupid shade of red. "Yesterday." I avoided the term 'last night', because that implied something different entirely, especially in a mind like Maia's.

"I told you, Kellin." She smirked at me, far too damn happy to been proven right and I found myself wondering just why guys just weren't supposed to hit girls when girls could hit them twice as hard. "Are you two a 'thing' yet?"

A thing.

"There was little conversation after the kissing." I admitted, my mind travelling back to that office at a time far too late to ever be in school, or at least for any sane person - anyone who doesn't accidentally end up dropping their suicide notes for their fucking crush to pick up and read them, including the one about himself.

"Was your time preoccupied with something other than talking?" She winked at me with that fucking dirty mind of hers- well actually she winked at me with her eyes but it was her mind that was doing the talking- well her lips- Kellin, shut up.

I blushed once again in the space of about a minute, like the little shithead I just am. "No- no no no!" I buried my head in my hands. "We definitely didn't do anything like that..." I just let my cheeks erupt in flames now, embracing the humiliation like the good like twat I am.

"Not even a quickie?" Maia almost looked disappointed... and possibly even disappointed in me, which would be a typical Maia thing especially in a situation as inappropriate as this.

"Maia, we did not have sexual contact." I exclaimed, probably just loud enough to make me thankful that no one made a habit of going anywhere near this particular bathroom and if they did decide to develop a habit right now, they'd probably be freaked out enough to never even go in this corridor ever again, claiming there were sex goblins in the bathroom or something.

"Doesn't mean you don't want to." She winked at me; her words however had no relevance to the truth, of course. "Kellin, you need to get yourself out there."

"Is the advice you're seriously giving me to whore up?" I raised my eyebrows, wondering why I ever even bothered considering the advice of people like Maia Newton, but then again, it wasn't like I had a huge variety within my choices o friends.

"My advice is simply the best, Quinn." She smirked to herself... well I say herself because I certainly wasn't smirking back.

"Whatever you say, Newton. Whatever you say." I rolled my eyes, grabbing my bag carefully this time, before heading towards the door - I wanted to avoid an incident similar to the one previously, and even if I had nothing of the sort even on me, god would somehow spite me by creating some sort of corrupted document and letting it land in the hands of Maia.

"See you later, I guess." I called out, as I grasped for the door handle, not quite sure I actually wanted to leave this bathroom and face the reality of trying to focus on French when my head was filled with dozens of thoughts regarding a certain Vic Fuentes.

"You're actually going to French?" She raised her eyebrows, clearly surprised at my sudden interest in the French language, but I didn't blame her as I was too, passing out on the 'let's discuss Kellin's non-existent sex life and make suggestions that'll sure to keep him blushing for the next four years straight' game.

"Miss Door will kick me out for being shit if I miss another lesson." I reminded her, not exactly too sure as to why I cared, and in fact I was growing increasing sure that I in fact didn't care and that the whole ordeal was nothing short of an excuse to avoid any and all conversation regarding the subject matter of Vic Fuentes.

"I thought being kicked out was a bonus?" She winked at me; Maia always had a 'unique' attitude towards education, and by 'unique' I mean she had no hope of passing any exams in her future at all, yet she was fully aware of that fact and didn't seem to care at all. "I most certainly don't want to do French."

"I want to pass French at the very least." I met her gaze, dreading any kind of exam regarding any subject for that matter at all greatly.

"Kellin, you don't need French to be fabulous." She did a gay hand gesture that I couldn't be bothered to find offensive with the final word. I just looked at her through narrowed eyes as I constructed a significantly 'fabulous' response.

"Je suis fabuleux, chienne, face à elle."

"What?" Her eyes widened, almost shell shocked by the fact that I actually knew any French at all, and I didn't blame her, because how I even knew more than 'bonjour' was a sheer fucking miracle.

"Come to French and maybe you'll find out what it means." I winked at her, simply pissing her off now as there was clearly not a chance of Maia actually going to the majority of her lessons these days.

"Fuck off you prick." She rolled her eyes as I shut the door, making my way to my absolute favourite lesson ever.

-

"I'm never going to actually pass my French exam now." I protested, as he dragged me down the corridor from my French classroom.

"You'd prefer to spend this period with me though, I can tell." Vic smirked, and I couldn't even argue back because his words were nothing short of the truth. French really wasn't at the height of my interest by any means whatsoever.

"Maybe." I admitted as we reached his office, not entirely letting him have his way just because I was such an independent sassy little bitch like that, of course.

He winked at me, seeing through my half arsed pretence within seconds, as I very much expected him to, so it wasn't really an awful lot of a let-down. "I know you do."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, leaning against the desk in his office and nearly knocking his mug of tea everywhere, which I'm quite glad I didn't, because I doubted he'd be awfully happy if I did, even if by accident.

"Here's your last chance to go to French." He grinned at me, gesturing to his office door that still remained slightly ajar.

I contorted my face into an odd expression; deciding whether or not to actually learn any French that I'd been so determined to do so a mere ten minutes ago, but deep down, I was already set upon never leaving Vic's office... well unless the school was on fire or something, because then maybe I might consider it. If the fire was at the other side of the school and would be dealt with before it reached us, then even in that case I might not even bother at all.

"I'd rather stay here you know." I grinned at him; giving him nothing short of the words he'd expected hearing.

He smirked, closing the door behind us, far too smug for my own ego to be anywhere near satisfied. "I wonder why." He leaned against the now closed door, crossing his arms and looking at me with an amused expression across his face. Damn this motherfucker.

"Hmm... I like the decor." I liked pissing him off a little bit too much, but whatever. I do what I want, bitch.

"Hmm... I like it when you try to lie." He mimicked me, doing a significantly better job in the pissing off department, having me cursing at him within mere seconds.

"Fuck off."

"Language-"

"What?" I squinted at him, before pulling my eyebrows up and just glaring at this damn ridiculous motherfucker that I was somehow dating. It was fucking weird and it made my head hurt.

"I'm head boy - I could get you in a detention for that, Quinn. Better watch your mouth, huh?" He winked at me. Flirting. Dear god... I was going to die.

"Yeah, I doubt you'll follow through with that, seeing as you've got me out of pretty much over a hundred detentions by now." I could flirt back, couldn't I? Shittily, of course, but I could try, so whatever, it was an effort at the very least. It's the effort that counts right, or is that just some shitty incentive shops use to actually get people to buy birthday cards.

"I could give you them all back, you know." He insisted, but I was certain that even the school weren't quite stupid enough to turn a blind eye to over a hundred detentions being dumped on one guy all at once.

"You won't." I assured him, keeping my gaze stern in an attempt not to completely fucking melt in the presence of Vic Fuentes.

"What makes you so sure?" he persisted, a smirk stretching across his lower face by now.

"The fact that you'd be bored without me to annoy."

"Hmm..." He shrugged. "Point taken."

"I'm right." I couldn't help but smirk now.

"You're not." He lied. Or at least I really damn hoped that he was lying, because if he wasn't, I was nothing short of fucking screwed.

"What makes you so sure?" I mimicked his previous words, gaining a glare and a decrease in the amount of steps between us.

"Everything."

"Huh?" I raised my eyebrows at his vague answer, which I hoped was vague due to nothing but an utter lack of an answer on his part.

"You love me, you should trust my judgement." He pointed out like it was obviously not just some pretentious shit he'd made up on the spot there.

"What makes you so sure?" I mimicked him once again, because pissing him off was far too much fun.

"Hmm... maybe just when you wrote down 'Vic Fuentes, I love you-'"

"Shut up." I flushed a horrible shade of red, as I remembered the letters. The letters- fuck, that was something I didn't want to think about.

"You okay?" He shot me a concerned look that pierced far too deeply into my soul for my sanity's sake.

"Yeah." I sighed out a gas tank full of oxygen. "Just don't like thinking too much..." I admitted, pushing certain thoughts out of my head.

"You want me to distract you?" He winked a wink that Maia Newton would be proud of.

"Something like that." I mumbled in response and before I could even comprehend as to just what I'd said, his arms were around me, pushing me back against the desk, his lips hovering above mine.

"You distracted enough yet?"

"Not quite enough." I said in the cockiest voice I could pull off with Vic Fuentes pressed against me.

He chuckled, "how did I guess?" I couldn't even come up with a witty comeback before his lips connected with mine, the pressure between hungry mouths moving his desk to a stupid angle with a loud and creaky groan, causing Vic to pull away with a giggle.

"I think my desk's telling us to put a stop to it."

"I don't like your desk."

"You're mental." He pointed out the obvious in a mildly patronising manner.

"You're mental...er." I stammered out the world's worst comeback.

He raised his eyebrows. "Sure thing, sure thing."

"Shut up." I blushed, pulling our lips together again, simply because I was blushing to hell right now and I was going by the logic that if his face was pressed up against mine, he wouldn't be able to get a good luck at the horrible shade of crimson my cheeks were.

He deepened, the kiss, pushing me against the wall this time. "I respect the desk's wishes." He mused in response to my raised eyebrows.

"I respect the fact that you're a massive dork."

"I respect the fact that you're a massive twat."

I shook my head defiantly, but he pushed our lips together again before I could continue within my complaints, not that I particularly minded, because kissing Vic was fucking nice and I was more than happy that it wasn't just a one-time thing- or well, it certainly didn't look it right now, but Vic was irrational... and there was this sickening feeling in my stomach that somehow things could change.

I pulled away from him with a grumble.

"Kellin?" His eyes widened. "What's wrong? Have I done something wrong?"

"No... I just." Inhale. Exhale. "Is this a thing?"

"What?"

"A thing." His confused expression didn't falter in my vague clarification. "Are we a thing?"

"Oh." He exhaled.

"Do you want to be... because I don't know...? Kellin I like you but I'm not sure how much I want to slap a label on it- labels are useless anyway, right?" He let out a hollow laugh, but I wasn't laughing with him.

"You..." Inhale. Exhale. Breathing is overrated. "You're prepared to make out with me but not to date me?"

"Things are just complicated-"

"No, things are simple - you're an asshole!" I pushed him away, heading for the door as quickly as I could, but he grabbed me by the arm, pulling me back.

"Kellin, please!" He pulled me back to face him. "I... I just need time."

"And I just need to leave." I snapped in response, bolting for the door.

I didn't bother returning to French, simply making my way towards the quickest exit; I needed to get out of school and I needed to get out of here now.

I could have ran into the bathroom and cried my eyes out to Maia, because there wouldn't be a doubt that'd she'd still be in there, but the friends in my drawer at home were much better at understanding than Maia Newton.

Because I'd missed my friends in this false pretence of happiness, and I was happy to finally see the light again, well... maybe the dark.

-TRIGGER WARNING-

I missed this; the way the silver sparkled in my desk light.

I missed the way I chose my favourite; a special one for each occasion.

I missed the way it felt against my skin; cold, sharp and beautiful.

I missed the way I dragged the metal following my veins like roads; roads with destinations far more permanent.

I missed the way the blood poured out like little red tear drops.

I missed the way it grew and grew in size as the lines on my arms increased.

I missed the way the blood got everywhere, painting the whole world red.

I missed the way my head was dizzy as I passed out at the end.

I missed the way I woke up in sheets stained with red.

I missed this all and nothing was more rewarding than one weakness; a relapse.

But this wasn't a relapse, not really; Vic Fuentes was a relapse, a relapse into happiness, because this blade, this skin, this red, was going and all I'll ever be.

I missed it more than I could say, and I loved it, I loved to know that Vic Fuentes was wrong.

Because he wasn't my lifeline - I didn't have one.

I missed this all; knowing I was right.

But most of all I missed my notes.

I wanted- I needed them back.

I had unfinished business to deal with regarding those scraps of paper, and it was business Vic Fuentes wouldn't stop this time, no matter how hard he tried.

Hey guys:) I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did, you know that comments and votes are always hella appreciated;) Love you guys<3