But It's Ok To Never Be The Same, At Times It Won't Be Easy, But Nothing Hast To Change. We're Hopeless Till The End, There'll Be Better Days

I hear their voices, everywhere and always. It's haunting; in fact, I think I'm pretty sure I'm hallucinating, but it always seems just so... real. Then again, hallucinations do seem to have a certain knack for that, being hallucinations and all. But these aren't just any voices, these are their voices - Vic's and her's... not Jenny's, thankfully, but not so thankfully, lisp girl's, Christa's. I'm pretty sure I've gone insane by about now, but really, I was just awaiting it.

I don't think I want to call her lisp girl anymore. Lisp girl was nice and smuggled me coffee; lisp girl cared. Christa didn't. Christa seemed like a hallucination herself, and I was beginning to have rather insanity driven suspicions regarding the fact that the world may just be out to trick me all the time.

I can hear those voices all the time, and I can't quite tell if they're even there half of the time, or whether my paranoia is just particularly taking pleasure in winding me up today. I think it's the guilt - because, deep down it all feels like my fault, and I have my reasons - everything's always my fault, and people are generally quite happy to left me think that... even Vic Fuentes, it seems.

My friends don't even stop the voices now; I can still hear him at all times. The paranoia entwines as deeply as blood within my veins, and I just know that they're real, because nothing that was fake could possibly feel quite as tangible and painful as this.

"Vic, go up to him for fuck's sake!" And even in the busy school hallways, I can tell that particular 'hallucination' is definitely real and definitely regarding me, and then I turn around and I know it's definitely my Vic and not just some other random asshole. I'm not sure if I'm happy to know it's him, or whether my insides are churning with guilt and anxiety as he even fathoms approaching me. It's just who is shouting at him is the problem - it's lisp- Christa. Christa's with him, and I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this.

What if he's told her things... everything? What if every word I've ever spoken to Vic has now been passed on in some crazy relay of gossip back and forth between every single sod in this piss poor excuse for a school? But Vic wouldn't, would he? I struggle to justify this, because I really don't know, with someone like Vic I can never know, and that hurts the most, it hurts more than my friends at night, and the feeling when I see the whole world just slip between my fingers.

"Kellin-" And then I feel myself being pulled from the stream of students and into the head boy's office. I wasn't quite sure as to what had warranted Vic having an office; I wasn't sure any of the previous head boys had even had one, but then again, Vic seemed to have special powers when it came to convincing people to comply with his every word, and this was surely going to be my demise, I knew already. 

I found myself to be confronted with a rather awkward looking Vic Fuentes, with an apologetic looking Christa hiding behind him, and then the door closes and my eyes meet with his. And that's just when things started to get interesting. I'm just not quite sure why she evens bothers to be here - is this some piss poor attempt at an apology, backed up only by Vic's charm and that smile I just want to punch right off his face sometimes.

"I'm sorry." Christa burst out, and then took a few seconds in which to compose her panicking frame before continuing. Maybe she had made a mistake and a terrible one at that, but really, I didn't know - I couldn't tell. Christa, or lisp girl, was a conundrum from whatever angle you approached her from. "I just- ah god... my brother died like," she made a rather indiscreet gesture to signify cutting but she got her intentions across so maybe I didn't just mind all that much, but then again, the stuck up part of me had to turn my nose up at her regardless. "My brother died like that." Then it all fell into place - everything suddenly clicked into sense.

"Oh." Death - that was a concept I didn't want my brain to linger over for too long, simply because there was the stupid risk that it might grow fond of or get attached to the concept, because my brain was just quite that fucked up, and I wasn't really in the mood for all those thoughts to attach themselves to me like parasites, sucking my blood up, well not right now, anyway. I'd be more than happy to let them in later; well my friends would really be the ones opening the doors.

"Kellin, I just want to make it up to you. I'm sorry, I just-" He paused, leaving himself gasping at air in a rather hopeless manner, "I don't know what to think or feel anymore." I didn't think anyone did anymore; the world had become a royal mess recently and we were just supposed to cope as we tried and failed to pick up the pieces.

"Me neither." And then I let one single speck of sadness, slip and having my luck, of course he noticed it; of course he goddamn noticed it. Vic had now been proven to horribly fluent in what he described as 'Kellin language'. Whether I deserved my own 'language', was certainly a debatable matter, but I just thought it was all a bit superficial. Vic was just very perceptive, that was all; he didn't care that much about me. No one did.

"Christa, can you leave?" Yeah, he'd noticed it the sadness - that was for certain. Thankfully, Christa didn't seem to question what was going on and just left, if I was her, I'd just be glad that I didn't have to listen to two pratty idiots waffle on about pointless matters that I couldn't care less about. I was just very glad he'd noticed and appreciated that Christa didn't need to be let in on the matters between us, especially if she was going to react in the way she had previously.

As soon as the door closed behind her, clicking as it fell back into place on its hinges, Vic leapt up and pulled his arms around me pulling me close to his chest and practically whispering his words into my ear, "I'm sorry. I fucked up and I'm sorry." It was kind of weird to have some just so close to me in a positive way, and it was even weirder to think that it was Vic, but it was comforting and it was kind of nice, because despite all of that, I really needed him right now, and even someone as stubborn as I was, wasn't quite going to deny that.

"I know, I know. It's okay." I whispered back, my words barely existing in the reality outside of his ear. I honestly didn't know why I was quite so keen to forgive him, but I think it just simplified matters, because I didn't want to hate Vic, I didn't think, well not really, there were just an awful lot of complications. Complications seemed to be turning out to be the bane of my existence.

"Are you okay? I know I ask this too much, but fuck, Kellin," he untangled himself from our hug and held me at arm's length, his brown eyes meeting with mine, "I'm asking because I care, and believe me when I say that you're important." My vision was stuck in the hazelnut brown headlights, our eyes almost melding together despite the distance between us.

"Yeah... I'm just..." I considered telling the truth, and then I considered lying, and truth be told, neither of them sounded particularly appealing, so I went with the censored, socially acceptable answer; society didn't need the whole truth, quite frankly society didn't care about the whole truth. "Shit. I feel shitty."

"Why?" He sounded genuinely worried and I think that's what concerned me most of all, because I didn't know how to deal with this - never before had I been faced with someone who showed something other than fake or sarcastic empathy, and this was making my head spin, because all my instincts told me this was a trick, and he was showing all the opposite signs.

"Because... fuck... everything." I fell back into his arms and thankfully he was more than happy to hold me there. And believe me, I was more than glad of this fact, because despite just how unnatural it felt, it was a good kind of unnatural; it was trying something new, it was the free-fall before you opened your parachute and everything was safe again.

"Just tell me, Kellin, just tell me."

"I want to hate you but I don't and it's fucking me up to the point of oblivion." My words barely made any sense and they came out in a raspy and barely human sounding tone, but they came out and that's all that mattered, well to Vic at the very least. He chuckled, almost catching my tears with his fingertips as they fell. I was pathetic.

"I'm kind of glad that you don't hate me to be honest." He whispered to me gently, cupping my face in his hands and it felt kind of like he was going to kiss me, but he let go practically just as the thought crossed my mind. What was the most confusing though, was the fact that, truthfully, I didn't know if I wanted to kiss him or not, and I shouldn't want to, but truth be told, I kind of did.

"I'm glad I don't too, but you're just so intrusive- you think you're always right-" Only that did I realise what I was saying and who I was saying it to. I was well and truly fucked. I think the whole kissing thing was beginning to mess with my head.

Thankfully, I just found him chuckling to himself, simply amused by my misfortunate in the inability to ever shut up, "Yeah, I've noticed that too - annoying isn't it?" I just laughed, before eventually pulling away from him and coming to realise just how close we'd been. "The hugging, and the closeness." he seemed to notice it too, stumbling over the last word as his cheeks tinged a soft shade of pink; he didn't blush as wildly as me - lucky little shit. "Was-was that weird for you?"

I shook my head; it wasn't weird it was just unnatural and kind of odd, "no. I just- you... you're weird for me." My words seemed to have this kind of knack for coming out differently as to how I'd intended them to.

"Thanks." He half chuckled, his eyes lighting up despite his words' rather obvious sarcasm. "I'm not sure how to take that."

"I'm not sure either." I found myself chuckling along with him.

"You know what how about I make this up to you?" Ice-cream, here we go again.

"And what's your grand plan this time - more ice-cream?"

"Quite possibly, yes." I just rolled my eyes; there really was no other possibility when it came to Vic Fuentes was there?

"So uhh ice-cream, do you think?" I nodded, watching his nervous eyes warily. "I'll come kidnap you from whatever lesson when necessary." He was quite possibly the worst and best head boy this school has ever had. He was just sort of unconventional, in well, everything he did.

"That sounds an awful lot like you're asking me on a date." I joked, the whole conversation just making my head spin even further, because we'd gone from almost kissing to this and if that wasn't simply just a barrel full of confusion then I didn't know what was.

"Maybe I am." My face went bright red, my jaw dropping so hard it practically detached from the rest of my face, because fuck, this was something I couldn't deal with. "Joking, don't worry." He winked at me - dear god, Vic Fuentes would be the absolute death of me, in fact, it almost felt like he'd killed me off already.

"So yeah, ice-cream sounds good." A smile found its way onto my face, and I was regretting ever even becoming vaguely acquainted with Vic Fuentes.

"I knew it would."

"Don't forget to kidnap me though."

"Ah, Kellin, as if I'd forget to do something as important as that." Of course, my irritancy was Vic's first priority.

And then I was gone back into the world of simplicity and algebra, but really, I'd much prefer the world of confusion that is Vic Fuentes. I'm not saying algebra isn't confusing of course, though - that shit is more nonsensical than Vic himself.

-

Thankfully, and yet unthankfully at the same time, Vic had insisted upon kidnapping me as promised, with his stupid grin and those annoyingly sparkling brown eyes. Turns out, I was a rather cooperative kidnappee, so you know, it wasn't exactly that tiresome.

"You don't look particularly enthusiastic." He noted, but really it was true, and who could exactly blame me, especially considering that this was in fact a kidnapping, well, okay, maybe it technically wasn't, but whatever, I could call it whatever the hell I wanted.

"You don't look particularly sane." My words were said with over-expressed hatred for the stupidly attractive little Mexican man. He just raised his eyebrows at me in mock offense. "I mean with the kidnapping and all."

He just shrugged it off, "I'm pretty sure you requested it." Okay, I kind of did.

"I'm not sure those were the exact words I used-" I tried to explain myself, but he of course interrupted my feeble attempts.

"They were pretty close though." And then, before I could even get another word in, this stupid little Mexican man, that seemed to live by the name of Vic Fuentes, had dragged me by the arm and pulled me away from the safety of the Science corridor and out of school entirely. I was just a little bit baffled as to how he'd consistently managed to get away with this, but then again, Vic Fuentes was the head boy and the pretty much equalled the mafia of the school- well, in the fact that none of the rules only seemed to apply to him when he fancied it.

-

"Ice-cream is a necessity, Kellin." Vic decided that the best place to kidnap me to, as usual, was the ice-cream place. I swear that boy had an addiction - he needed ice-cream rehab or whatever else the fuck was the equivalent.

"I think you have a problem, Vic." I noted, narrowing my eyes at the ice-cream van, and the line of children waiting for their ice-cream. Vic, however was eighteen and therefore and an adult. He was barely an adult in reality, but in legal terms he was full and qualified.

"I think you simply don't know the wonders of ice-cream, Mr Quinn." He grinned at me, grabbing his ice-cream and forcing it between my lips rather like some awkwardly cold blowjob. I sucked, regardless of just how dodgy this felt.

"This looks awfully gay." I noted the truth, not that I was suggesting anything of the like.

"Yeah, maybe that's why I made you do it." My jaw just dropped open and I was left staring at the utter clusterfuck that was Vic Fuentes. "I'm joking." He smirked at my painfully apparent shock. He liked it when his words made an impact; he liked that a lot - far too much in fact. This whole day had just been a mess; we'd gone from almost kissing, to maybe a date, to this - whatever the hell this was.

"Are you-?"

"What?" He chuckled, the idea coming into his head like an absurdity. "Gay?" Almost saying it as if it was utterly ridiculous, which I guessed it was, considering a certain bitch by the name of Jenny. Still, I couldn't quite understand as to why Vic had ever agreed to date someone like Jenny; she just wasn't the right person for him. I hadn't a clue as to why I'd suddenly become Vic's relationship advisor or whatever, but I just felt it in my bones- or maybe that was just my profound hatred for the bitch. I didn't really matter; either was a valid reason.

Silence took over our conversation as we slowly drifted into a more secluded corner of the park, the excessive amounts of ice-cream in tow. Vic's ice-cream obsession really was awfully concerning, especially for a guy that looked like he could get into Harvard with ease. Honestly, I thought the ice-cream would be his one and only downfall.

I think the silence was okay; Vic just liked to watch me an awful lot. It was creepy to an extent, but overall, I don't think I minded that much, I mean, it certainly beat being thoroughly interrogated by that stupidly arrogant tongue of his that moved into equally arrogant shapes to form even more arrogant words. His arrogance was annoying at times, but I liked it, because it meant we didn't spend that much time focusing on the mess that I woke up as every day.

"Can I ask why you ran away last time?" The words just came out with no planning or preparation, and I think they startled Vic just equally as much as they startled me.

"I didn't run away, Kellin." He laughed it off, but really, the both of us knew far too well that he was lying. Vic didn't lie that often, but when he did, he didn't do the best job of it.

"Vic, come on. I know you did, I just want to know what happened... what did I say... what did I do wrong?" My eyes started meeting his, but slowly my sentence continued, I found them subconsciously drifting to the floor where they focused all too much on a single blade of grass that was sharp enough to remind me of home, to remind me of what matters, to remind me of my friends.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Kellin." His words came out in a far too sincere tone for them to be anything but a blatant lie, because that's just how things are with Vic Fuentes - confusing and nonsensical as always.

"Then why..." I drew in breath, the world just becoming a messy blur of confusion and Vic Fuentes, "then why else could you have possibly left?"

"I left because I'm the one that messed up, Kellin." Those were sincere eyes, but they weren't the eyes of a liar, not even on someone like Vic Fuentes. Those were they eyes that were sorry, and those were the eyes that were somehow, just somehow, telling the truth.

"How did you mess up?" I hit him with widened eyes and speech that was far too fast paced. "You didn't mess up at all Vic, how could you have possibly messed up... I don't get it. I messed up, not you."

"Kellin, look it's fine." He paused once again, letting the air sink right in, "I messed up, because I thought- I just thought I could just wave a magic wand and things would be fine, and you would be better, but it's not like that, is it?"

I just looked at him, wondering as to how on earth he'd suddenly come across this treasure trove of knowledge, "no, no it's not." It was just weird to think that someone like Vic Fuentes might just finally 'get it'. Vic was supposed to be distanced and almost ridiculous unattached from my problems, but things had blurred together all too much now, and I was left with a banging headache and an array of thoughts to match.

"I'm glad I've finally realised." He confessed, his eyes as sincere as I hoped his words were, because for just this once, I wanted everything to be simple, I wanted everything to be easy, I think I deserved that from life at the very least, because of all the hardships I'd put myself through, and the bullshit I'd had to cope with on a daily basis, deserved some kind of compensation.

"So, you're going to leave then - that's why you left, because you realised all of this was pointless, that I'm pointless?" Maybe things were finally getting pieced together; maybe I'd finally figured out Vic's game, but things didn't quite seem that simple, because well, they never were. That, if anything, was quite clear now.

"No." His gaze was stern, his gaze meant something, his gaze meant everything, his gaze was truthful and his gaze made me feel like I mattered and it did a better job of that than any word that ever left Vic's mouth. "I left, because I'm the one who's far too arrogant. I realised that I was the pointless one here." Vic was in no way the pointless one and I just couldn't quite see how he'd successfully and quite so continuously managed not to get it, because to me Vic was almost perfect. I say almost, because he had a certain knack for annoying me at times.

"No, you're not pointless, and as pointless as this seems, none of it is really pointless. I'm happy you're trying... no one ever has before." I mumbled sincerely, my words barely audible, but considering just how close we were he picked them up with ease. This kind of closeness was unusual and I really don't think I've actually experienced it before, and that's really the loneliness thing of all. But I am a lonely creature, after all, and somehow Vic makes me feel just that little bit less lonely, even if it's in rather unconventional and sometimes stalkerish ways.

"But do you want me to try... to try and make it better?" Now this was the question that really stumped me, because despite all of that, I still didn't know, not really and not at all. Vic was just confusing, he mattered but I wasn't sure for what reasons.

"I'm not sure." I want to say a fairy-tale yes, but it didn't fit the bill, the only thing that fitted the bill were those three indistinct words; the words that meant nothing but everything at the same time.

-TRIGGER WARNING-

I wasn't sure of myself. I wasn't sure that having other friends was necessarily a good idea, because my friends, I knew they'd get jealous. My friends were jealous, selfish little creatures with poison spiked tongue and mouths that whispered nothing but lies. They weren't the best of friends, but you appreciate what you're given, I guess.

And they did get jealous, they painted jealousy on my arms in the colour red, and the sky was as dark as the gaping hole from where they'd ripped Vic directly from my chest, because they didn't want me to know him they didn't want me to know him at all. The word 'jealousy' began to sting as the red trickled and sparkled in the sunlight.

I'd never had words on my skin before, and it was a new experience, it was like the free-fall, the lack of loneliness, but I think I preferred this experience overall, because those experiences were good but confusing and everything about this one came simply and at face value. You couldn't judge a book by its cover, but you always did, and the entirety of this cover was painted red.

I just wasn't sure whether I agreed with them, that Vic was toxic and the only friends I needed came in sharp pieces of metal kept in a draw, and the only company I needed was the colour red and how it stained everything it touched in a selfish manner.

I wasn't sure about Vic, I could never be sure about Vic, I was just very sure that I'd have to be sure before they were sure for me.

Hey guys:) I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, and I'm sure you'll be glad to see how the Kellic is happening;) Votes and comments are welcomed as always;) Love you guys<3