"Goodbyes are, for me, a tear. Without even knowing, it blooms around my eyes.The words that I could not bring myself to say flow down and lingering regret crawls over my face."

0:00 |───────── 4:45

|◁              II             ▷|

About two hours later, all of the VIP guests took their leave, and soon enough, Rein was the only one in the room. Ms. Cho peeked her head in afterwards.

"You did great today!" she exclaimed, grinning. Rein grinned back. Over the last two years, her manager had loosened up significantly. With success came trust, and with trust came a better rapport between the two, turning the partners-in-business relationship into an almost mother-daughter one.

"I'm glad it's my last show. I'm looking forward to relaxing tonight," Rein said. Ms. Cho nodded in understanding.

"Yes, I'm sure you are. Get some rest for the next few weeks. You deserve it."

"Thank you, and as do you," she said. Ms. Cho waved her hand, dismissing the singer.

"I did nothing too difficult. Anyway, I will see you a few weeks later when we go over studio schedules," she said.

Rein pouted, saying, "Hey, I thought you said I needed rest! No work talk!" Ms. Cho ruffled her hair affectionately.

"Aigoo. Okay, okay. Don't let me ruin your day. Have a good evening," she said, taking her leave.

"You too!" Rein called. Once her manager was out of sight, she sank down onto a chair and sighed.

Alright. I'm gonna go home, take a bath with that bath bomb I've been meaning to use, eat some cup ramen, and watch a k-drama. That's it, nothing more. I'm not letting myself do anything other than that tonight.

A low voice from the doorway changed those plans entirely.

Shit.

"Hey, you done?" Namjoon asked. Rein turned around (slowly, as not to look too eager) and smiled. His sudden usage of Korean surprised her a little.

"Wow, you found your way here," she said. He chuckled, and for a moment, it felt like they were back in Seoul, talking how they used to before.

"Are you doing anything this evening?" he asked slyly.

I am, thank you for asking, Mr. Kim. Bath bomb, cup ramen, k-drama.

Scratch all that. I could always just do you.

Can I think like a normal human being for one goddamn second?

"I was planning to pamper myself tonight. Not anything too important, I guess," Rein said. "Why do you ask?" She couldn't hide the hopeful tone of her voice. The corner of Namjoon's lips curled into the hint of a smile.

"Just an innocent question, Ms. Jones. I was hoping to catch up with you, but I see that you're busy. I think I'll retire early tonight, as well," he said.

"Wait, are you staying at a hotel?"

"Yes."

"For how long?"

"A few weeks, or maybe more. At least until I get my things in order."

Things in order? What does that mean?

"Um, maybe you could come to my house," Rein said. When Namjoon raised a questioning eyebrow, she held up her hands in defense. "Just to catch up, of course," she added. He nodded.

"I think I would like that, actually."

"Good. I'll tell the driver that we're expecting one more person," she replied. They smiled at each other, and before she could get another word in, Namjoon pulled her close again, grasping onto her body like he was desperate to get any of the same warmth he used to feel.

"I'm so sorry..." was all he said, over and over again, and Rein swore his voice broke at one point. His apology was vague, but she knew the hidden meaning behind each of his guilt-laced words.

I'm sorry for not calling you. I'm sorry you had to wait so long. I'm sorry we didn't work out.

She stood statue-still, not knowing what to do, not knowing if she should even breathe in his embrace. Finally, after some time, she relaxed and hugged him back.

"Shh... It's okay..." she replied. Her Korean came out stilted and awkward, but that was understandable, as she didn't use it any time other than her phone calls with him and the seldom times she felt bold with Ms. Cho.

Though Namjoon towered over her, he seemed like a child compared to Rein's calm form.

He should have known that she wouldn't have had to think twice before forgiving him.

"Hey, the driver's here now. We can sit down at my place and have a nice cup of tea to cheer you up. How does that sound?" she asked as she pulled away. His eyes contained enough sorrow and remorse to make her sick.

All of it for nothing. Everything we had worked toward, everything we did to keep our love vital, all went down the drain.

Why did fate intertwine us this way? Why did it have to end this way?

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'm sorry for being such a let-down-"

"No more saying sorry for tonight. Let's just... Catch up and have fun," Rein said. Namjoon hesitated like he had something more to say, but nodded his head instead.

"Yeah, alright. I just... I missed you," he said. She thought back to the endless nights of torment, when her mind warred with itself for months on end, and she wondered if he did the same thing.

"Me too."

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

"Please don't mind the mess," Rein said as soon as she opened the door to her house. She had a few maids that came over once or twice a week to clean things up, but she always managed to make the place into the luxurious version of a pigsty before they arrived.

"I didn't mind until you said something," Namjoon joked while simultaneously stepping over a pile of clothes on the floor.

"Like you're any better than me?" she asked. He chose not to answer the question and instead let her guide him into the dining room. It was connected to the kitchen, which had a few select bottles of alcohol on the island.

"I didn't know you started drinking again," he asked, motioning to the bottles. She turned to look at them, then shook her head with a laugh.

"Oh, those? It's just for decoration. But in this case, it could also be used for company. Want some?" Rein asked. Namjoon thought for a moment.

"Sure, why not?" She nodded and went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of champagne; it was a time to celebrate a homecoming of sorts, after all. He followed her and waited for her to finish pouring.

"I meant to tell you earlier, but I like your tattoo," Rein said, handing him a glass. Then, after a second of hesitation, she poured herself a glass, too. She wanted to avoid drinking as much as possible, but now seemed like a good time to celebrate with some bubbly.

She could now see that the tattoo was a red and black Chinese dragon slithering up his arm, disappearing into his shirt. The scales seemed to glare menacingly at her.

I wonder what I'd have to do to see the rest of that.

Namjoon looked at his right arm absentmindedly.

"Oh, yeah! I got this as soon as I was discharged, actually. Did all of it in four sittings," he said with a hint of pride in his voice, and he lifted the sleeve of his shirt to show that it went even further onto his shoulder and chest, though she still couldn't see the whole thing.

"Holy shit. That's fucking huge. How did you survive with only four?" she asked. Rein had also gotten a tattoo of a few budding roses on her side four months ago, one of the most painful parts to get inked on. Not even a colored tattoo, it took her two sittings and two bottles of vodka to get through the pain. She couldn't imagine Namjoon sitting for hours (most likely sober, knowing him.) with a buzzing needle slowly travelling up his arm.

"The arm wasn't too hard, but the chest was... difficult. That's not completely finished yet. It's mostly the size of it that was daunting to me. Like, I didn't realize it was going to take so long since I had never gotten a tattoo, so when the tattooist told me she was thinking five sessions, I just grit my teeth and did it in one less than that," he said.

"That probably wasn't the wisest thing to do." Namjoon laughed.

"You would be correct in assuming that. It almost got infected, actually,  because I was so impatient with the healing process. But, I think it was worth it," he said.

I wish I could affirm that for myself, Rein thought.

"So, I heard you're thinking about splitting from BTS," Rein said, trying to switch to another topic as quickly as possible.

"Yes... How do you know about that?" Namjoon asked. She smiled deviously.

"I still keep in contact with Yoongi. We've met up a few times, actually." She was hoping to rise a reaction out of Namjoon, and it worked. His eyebrow twitched in irritation.

"Really?" he said. "When?"

"Here and there. He was here with the rest of BTS on some business with another feature, and we decided to meet up. With the others, of course. Oh, and he met me after my concert in Seoul," she said. Namjoon nodded as if interested.

"That's dope. What'd you guys do?" he asked. Rein raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know this was an interrogation, Mr. Kim. I would have prepared some answers beforehand," she said. Namjoon rubbed his neck.

"Sorry. I just wanted to know, I guess," he said. They shared an awkward silence where neither dared look at each other.

Rein didn't know what to do around him. At some points, she wanted to act just like she did when they were actively dating, comfortable, free, herself. But something about that plan gave her pause. She had to keep in mind that they had just met after two years, and she had to go about the situation delicately.

Namjoon cleared his throat, breaking the tension.

"Uh, yeah, anyway, the news is going out to the public in a few weeks. The staff is still finalizing the wording and stuff like that. I think this is good for me, you know? Like a fresh beginning," he said. Rein nodded in agreement.

"You're going somewhere after this. And, you'll have more creative liberty to boot, so you can really make whatever you want without having to worry about anyone but yourself," she remarked.

"Yeah, for sure. That was the thing I considered the most when I decided to leave, but that doesn't mean the decision was easy," Namjoon said. Rein's eyes widened.

"Hey, speaking of leaving, how was the military? You haven't said one word about that yet." During their phone calls, he would give her vague answers about how his day was, and the rest of the time was devoted to other topics, and she thought this wasn't just by accident. He rubbed the back of his neck in an effort to remember.

"I don't know if that's any more light than what we were talking about, to be honest. It was..." He struggled to find the right word, "grueling."

"Oh? Tell me more about it." Namjoon took a deep breath.

"Where do I begin? I thought the first month or two were the hardest, but I soon found that they were actually the easiest part of my conscription. They put you through five weeks of training, and this one instructor really hated me, and I mean, really hated me. He thought I was some prissy brat who knew nothing about discipline," he said. He took an aggressive swig of his champagne and set it down.

"And I'm assuming it's because you're a celebrity...?" Rein asked.

"Of course. I was always picked on. Anything I did was too sloppy or disrespectful. I probably got ten minutes of rest during a day if I was lucky."

"Jeez, don't they have rules against doing that?"

"Not really, and it's not like the other trainees could say anything even if there were rules against it. They would have rather seen me do fifty push-ups straight than do it themselves," he said with a chuckle.

Ah. No wonder he's so...

Don't finish that thought.

"Anyway, after the five weeks, we were deployed to another base with my group. It's almost like they try to make you unlearn everything you ever knew and make you into a whole other person. Cell phones aren't allowed there, and even if you did have it, there's no internet connection, so it's not like you could do anything with it. There's no privacy, basically no socializing. It felt like hell on earth," Namjoon said bitterly.

"How were the instructors there? Surely not worse than the one during training?" Rein asked.

"I don't think they knew how to talk at a normal volume. There wasn't a time when they weren't screaming, telling you to do something that was absolutely pointless. Oh, and you can't talk back to them, either. One kid tried to do that, and it wasn't pretty."

"That sounds terrible. I hate that the Korean government makes you guys waste two years of your youth just to treat you like shit."

"Well, I guess I kind of see where they're coming from, since we're still technically warring with North Korea. Just because there's an armistice doesn't mean they haven't tried attacking over the border a few times."

"But that doesn't mean they can justify abusing young men for the sake of discipline."

"That's true..."

"Did it ever get lonely over there?" Rein asked. He gave her a sad smile.

"I felt... Isolated. No connection, no one I knew. No one actually wanted to be there in the first place, and they were so exhausted by the end of the day that most of them just went straight to bed. My only time to fraternize was during lunch and my weekly phone calls," he said.

"I'm sorry..." Rein said. "Was there anything good there at least?"

"Yes. It wasn't all bad. I wasn't treated like a celebrity by the other soldiers, which was a relief. I learned how to survive a chemical attack, so I guess that might be useful if I'm ever in the trenches of war. Uh, I also learned how to eat a bowl of rice in under a minute. That was dope," he said, counting off his fingers. Rein giggled.

"So, totally worth it, right?" she joked.

"Absolutely," he said with a wink, "anyway, shit, I've been talking about myself this whole time. How's your career going? You've really been getting around these days," he said with a smile that melted her heart like wax.

"No, it's okay. I actually liked listening to you. But, to answer your question, it's busy, but I guess that comes with the job," Rein said. "My sleeping schedule is totally nonexistent now, though. Sometimes I don't even know what time of day it is until I open the curtains." Namjoon laughed at that.

"I've never related to anything more in my life," he said. "You must be glad that the tour is over now, right?"

"I mean, kind of, but I think I'm a little sad, too. I love meeting my fans and hearing them tell me how much my work has impacted them. I mean, that's the greatest honor anyone could ever have, I think. To be able to affect someone so greatly with music you've made for them to be willing to drive across the country just to see you for five minutes," she said.

"I agree. I still tear up sometimes when I see how many people show up for our concerts. Although..." Namjoon shook his head. "I'll be doing my concerts solo now."

Rein saddened at the way his face fell when he talked about it. But before she could raise a hand to comfort him, she remembered that they still had that invisible line between them.

"At least it's not so bad. At least you get all the attention now," she teased in an effort to lift his spirits. It worked a little, and she stopped herself from grinning as he gave her a smile. She forgot how endearing his dimples were.

"Oh, yeah, because all I've ever wanted in life is more attention," Namjoon retorted, earning a laugh from Rein. After a brief and comfortable silence, she turned her gaze to him.

"I missed this," she said with a smile. Namjoon quirked an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" he asked. Her cheeks brightened at the prospect of elaborating, but she reckoned she had no choice.

"I missed talking to you like this, like old times. It's been so long since we actually sat down and had a conversation comfortably..."

"Weren't we comfortable already?" he asked. Sliding his hand along the counter, it came to rest inches away from her arm, and he used that as leverage to come closer.

"You know what I mean," she said. "Before we... separated." The sudden use of the Korean euphemism for breaking up took Namjoon aback. He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

Rein allowed herself to notice how his arms flexed as he did so.

"I didn't think we were going to have this conversation today," he said.

"And we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. What's done is done. I've come to terms with it," she lied.

"That's definitely a lie. You know I can see right through you," Namjoon said, and Rein swore she heard franticness in his voice.

"Well, you can't deny that we're not together anymore, can you?" she asked. He hesitated before shaking his head, and whether it was in denial or agreement, she did not know.

"I mean, maybe we're not as close as we were before, but..."

"But, what, Mr. Kim?" she asked, stopping herself from shuddering as Namjoon studied her form with an intense scrutiny that almost intimated her.

"Is this so wrong?" he asked as he stepped even closer, until they were practically nose to nose. They stood like that for almost a full ten seconds before Rein tipped her head up. "Us being like this?"

"Namjoon... I..." Their breaths clung to the air, waiting for the next word. It was now or never.

Without a second thought, she closed the gap between them with a kiss. It was short and sweet, nothing too special, but nothing that could be overlooked.

It was only a brush of the lips, but it made all the difference.

Rein jerked back, strangely out of breath. Her heart felt like it was going to burst from pounding so hard. She didn't know what to say, what to feel, what to do. This was everything she had dreamt of in her reunion with Namjoon, but it was the very thing her own logic told her not to pursue.

"It's getting late," she forced out. Namjoon's lips slightly parted, and she could practically see the gears turning in his head. But, something flickered in his eyes, and the passing thought was just that. A thought that had ceased to bloom.

"You're right. I should probably get going," he said, already putting on his jacket. What little magic was shared dissipated in an instant, until all that was left was a confusing void which Rein fell even more into as each second progressed.

It was as if the kiss never happened, and she couldn't tell what seemed like a worse scenario: acknowledging the situation or letting it pass, like what they were doing now.

"Well, have a safe trip back," she said. He gave her a friendly nod, and before he could leave, she turned around as not to face him. She didn't think she could look at him for much longer.

The door closed softly behind Rein. She stood rooted to her spot for a few seconds, her feet unwilling to move. Finally, she mustered up the courage to go upstairs to her bedroom, where she climbed into bed and delved into her thoughts.

All she could think about was how soft his lips were against hers, how perfectly they fit. She swore she could still smell him if she just closed her eyes.

What will it take to forget you, Kim Namjoon?

▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █ 100 %

A/N: 안녕 여러분! Hope everyone liked this EXTRA EXTRA long chapter! This is probably my longest chapter but there was no way to divide it without making it choppy... Sorry if it dragged!

QOTD: Do humans have free will?

I stumbled upon this very interesting question, and I thought I would share it with you guys. I am on the fence about this one, as I am not 100% deterministic, but I also would not say I 100% believe in free will.

Would we ever make a decision that is not based on our personality, our past experiences? If we went back in time without any other knowledge of the future, wouldn't we make the same choices? However, YOU are still an extension of YOURSELF, and you are in complete control of yourself under normal circumstances... Hm.

Make your argument inline!

Until next time, happy reading!

-Haneul xoxo