38: spring day.

"Passing by the edge of the cold winter, until the days of spring, until the days of flower blossoms. Please stay, please stay there a little longer."


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A few weeks later, BTS hosted a going-away party for Namjoon, one that was not open to the public. The only people there were the band, a few staff members, and Rein, who was met with surprise from the others. Though the decorations looked festive enough, it was the week before Rein had to leave for the states and a few weeks from Namjoon's military departure, putting a sad twist to everything around her.

She tried not to think about the circumstances surrounding the reason she was at the party, but rather the people she was with. Though, it was hard at times.

Everyone welcomed her with open arms, some more surprised than others.

"Wait, was she invited?" Jungkook said to Jimin, forgetting she could understand him.

"Namjoon," she interjected. Both of them jumped at the sound of her voice, but they recovered quickly. As they were about to explain themselves, Jin happened to be eavesdropping and decided to make himself present in the conversation.

"Well, we certainly don't mind the beautiful company, now do we?" he asked, winking at Rein. He sported a simple polo and a pair of distressed jeans, but somehow, he made them looked designer by the way he carried himself in them. She grinned.

"If you count yourself, then certainly," she said. She didn't think the light, slightly flirtatious banter would hurt. After all, nothing was any different than before, or so everyone thought. Jin laughed.

"You maknaes should learn something from her. Flattery will go a long way with me," he said, wagging a finger at them.

"Oh, we know, hyung," Jungkook said under his breath. Just then, Namjoon made his way over to the growing group. He gave them all a quick nod before making a beeline for Rein.

"Hey jagiya," he said, giving her a pat on the shoulder. The three fell silent, and before Rein and Namjoon could figure out what was wrong, Jin questioned them.

"Uh, what did you just call her?" he asked, looking between the two of them. Everything seemed slow at that moment, including her heartbeats. She felt cold sweat break out. Namjoon opened his mouth in protest, but Rein cut him off, as she trusted herself more than him in this situation.

"He didn't call me anything. He said 'juh-gi yo," she replied as nonchalantly as possible. A beat passed where Jin looked at them, skeptical. The tension was much too high for her liking.

"Are you sure? Because with all of the dating rumors going around you two..." Rein gulped. Of course, he was too smart to not figure it out. Yoongi certainly had already, and it was a mercy that he wasn't telling the others, and not that they had any guarantee that Yoongi hadn't told at least some of the members. She started planning her funeral right then and there. However, when Jin gave them a grin, she knew that he didn't believe the rumors.

"Just kidding, you guys! Jeez, the look on your faces! Looks like you saw a ghost or something," he said with a guffaw.

Almost saw mine. Rein breathed a private sigh of relief as her heart returned to a healthy speed. Time resumed its normal pace, and looking over at Namjoon, she could tell he was feeling the same thing. Yoongi walked over with a champagne glass in his hand.

"Whatchu guys talking about?" he asked. There was a dubious amount of curiosity in his voice, like he didn't have to ask to know what they were talking about.

"Oh, just the dating rumors," Namjoon said. Yoongi quirked his eyebrow, feigning astonishment.

"Oh really? How interesting. Can you tell us whether those true or not?" he asked innocently, but they knew it was anything but that.

By now, all of the members were huddled in a small circle around Namjoon and Rein, waiting for their response. It was as if they were being given a golden moment to profess their relationship. The lovers glanced at each other, both thinking the same thing:

Is now the right time? Hiding their relationship, especially from the friends who they spent so much time with, was becoming harder and harder each day. It was only a matter of time before they found out, anyway, if they hadn't already.

"Okay, okay... We... actually have something to tell you guys," Rein said. Yoongi beamed, a little strange coming from him, but she accepted it. Her heart picked up the pace, but it felt like a good thing this time. She kept telling herself that it had to be done.

Namjoon put a hesitant arm around her shoulder, and the members gasped, all of them knowing what was coming next.

"Rein and I would like to indeed confirm the rumors to say that we are... dating." Not two seconds later, the whole band erupted into busy chatter. However, Yoongi looked triumphant among the chaos.

"Pay the fuck up," he said as he held out his hand toward Taehyung, Jin, and Hoseok. They grumbled and shoveled out some money.

"Wait, what?" Rein asked. Yoongi shrugged, a sly smile gracing his lips.

"I found this a money-making opportunity. I had them bet that you guys weren't dating, and I bet that you guys were. Anyhow, I guaranteed we would find out at the party." Namjoon looked at him like a disapproving father.

"Hyung, you had an unfair advantage. You already knew about us," Namjoon asked. Jin put a hand to his chest, feigning a heart attack while Hoseok gasped dramatically.

"And you didn't tell your HYUNG first?" Jin asked. "I've never been more ashamed of you until now!"

"And you didn't tell your... Uh... BEST FRIEND first?" Hoseok added. Namjoon put up his hands in surrender.

"Hey, if Yoongi bets something, it's because he smells money in it. You two should have stayed out of it and believed him."

"Wishful thinking, I guess," Hoseok said and smiled in Rein's direction. When Jin elbowed in the ribs, he put out his hands in defense. "I was kidding!"

"Wait, so are you guys just dating or actually boyfriend and girlfriend?" Jimin asked.

"Uh... I don't think we've really thought about that yet..." Rein said. It was true. Despite all of the skeptical looks, she really had never thought about it. All she knew was that they were dating, and that they were more or less exclusive, and that was good enough for her.

"Yeah, agreed. There's no real rush to label what we are, especially given the situation surrounding it and all," Namjoon added. Jimin and Jungkook looked like giddy schoolgirls.

"You guys make the most adorable couple!" Jungkook exclaimed. "I wouldn't have even known you were dating."

"That's because you're stupid," Yoongi said. Taehyung crossed his arms with furrowed brows.

"Are you sure you're not just escaping to America together? An awful coincidence that you guys are going at the same time for apparently 'different' reasons," he said, stroking his chin. Namjoon patted him on the head.

"No, my little theorist. I'm definitely going to the army," he said with a sad smile.

"How come both Namjoon hyung and Rein nuna have to go at the same time? It's not fair!" Jimin huffed, arms crossed. Jungkook ruffled his hair.

"I see that your aegyo is coming along nicely," he remarked with a chuckle. Jimin blushed and rolled his eyes. Rein was dying for another confession to compound theirs, one from those two this time, but she knew it wasn't her place to say anything.

"I'm serious! I know I've only known Rein nuna for a few months, but it feels like I've known her forever. And especially the way she gets along with Namjoon hyung... It's like she's been here all along," he said. Rein and Namjoon looked at each other with a smile. Sometimes she felt that way, too.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The rest of the party was smooth sailing from there, with drinks and food to feed an entire village, and half of it going down Jin's gullet. Rein made sure to avoid the wine table and caught up with the members since she hadn't seen them too much lately, as her partnership with all of BTS technically ended with her first contract. It was nice to ease up and be herself with the boys, not worrying about anything else going on in her life. Aside from the occasional joke about her and Namjoon being together, everything felt the same. Everything felt right.

After a few hours, Namjoon pulled her aside to a corner, where they were out of view from everyone else.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" he said, more like a statement rather than a request. She nodded and allowed herself to be led into his room. He closed the door behind him, then prefaced what he was about to say with a sigh.

Uh oh.

"So... About the confession," he said. Rein beamed.

"Mhm. Well executed, don't you think?"

"Ha, yeah. Definitely. But, um... Don't you think it's a little too late?" Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You know what I mean." He sighed. "What's going to happen to us, jagiya?"

She stammered for the right words, saying, "I-I thought we were going to cherish our memories and-"

"I said that then, when it seemed impossible that this was ever going to end. I'm asking now. What are we going to do from here?" Rein swallowed. The hasty confession had undoubtedly triggered all kinds of thoughts and emotions in him, until it culminated into this conversation.

"To be honest, Namjoon, I have no idea," she said. It was getting harder to breathe. "I mean... You're not thinking of..." She couldn't even bring herself to say it. Namjoon's eyebrows furrowed in an attempt to stay calm.

"Now is the best time to do it, if we are to do it at all," he said with his eyes cast to the ground. None of them spoke for a good minute or so.

"You really think that's the best thing for us?" Rein whispered. Namjoon looked up, and he had tears in his eyes, something she had never seen before.

"It's the only thing that makes sense."

"So, you want to separate? Break up?" she asked. He cringed at the words, and Rein doubled down. "Go on, say it. This is about us breaking up, Namjoon. It's not a separation. It's not a hiatus. It's a fucking break-up, and you know it. Let's be adults here."

"I'm not saying that. I just want you to be happy, that's all."

"Thank you so much, because I'm really fucking happy right now," she said, and just when things couldn't get worse, the tears that she tried so hard to hold back started to fall. It made her feel weak, like she was a damsel in distress and the only thing she could do was cry about it.

She could feel herself getting overly hostile, but she didn't know how to stop.

"You think I'm doing this to hurt you? Well, news flash, but this is hurting me just as much as it's hurting you. I don't know how I'm going to live with myself knowing you're in LA, chained to something that isn't even there with you. I mean, impeccable timing, right? Like someone wrote out our whole fucking lives for us just to rip it to shreds!" Namjoon bellowed, finally exploding in his repressed anger. It was what Rein wanted all along. She wanted him to feed her fire.

"First of all, don't ever say I'm chained to you, like you're a burden. I have full autonomy over my own actions, and you're not the only one in this relationship. We're a team. And also, you're the one who brought this up, and now you get to reap the consequences, so don't act like you didn't mean for any of this to happen, like you're the fucking calm one! You couldn't have possibly thought this would blow over without any repercussions, did you? Huh?" Rein asked, stepping closer to him.

"Maybe it's time we step away from all this then, if it's making you this angry to talk about," he said, still looking at the ground, the resentment in his voice palpable. She felt herself shaking.

"You can't do that," she breathed. Tears ran down his cheeks.

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU, KIM NAMJOON!" she screamed. She buried her face in her hands, her body racking with sobs. She was too exhausted to care about crying in front of him anymore. Her cards were out on the table. Every vulnerable emotion she had ever felt for him was out there to see.

"I'm... I'm sorry," he said after a while. Rein said nothing, so he continued.

"I just don't want to hold you back. I'll be in the army and you'll be in LA... It might get difficult for you. You should be free to do what you want without having to worry about me," Namjoon said. He couldn't look her in the eyes, in fear of burning under her gaze.

"I don't care about any of that. We can always figure that out later. I just don't want this to end right now. It can't end right now," she said, failing to keep the franticness out of her voice. She wouldn't let it go. There was no way, even though she knew she was only delaying the inevitable. It was the most logical choice, in retrospect, to sever the connection now, if at all. It would be more painful to drift apart with no real closure, wouldn't it?

Namjoon took her hands in his own. She felt her blood pressure go down a bit under his touch.

"I'm willing to make this work. You know that. I don't care how far apart we are. I'll serve my country, I'll come home in two years, and we can pick up where we left off," he said. Rein wiped the tears from her face. She wouldn't worry about any of it right now.

"I'm willing to wait for you to come back," she said. Namjoon nodded, then enveloped his arms around her in a bear hug. They felt their warmth seep through each other's veins.

They were like puzzle pieces. Beautiful and mysterious on its own, but better when completed.

Rein took her leave a few hours later. She left unceremoniously, quietly saying goodbye to the members and accepting the fact that this would be the last time she would see them. The whole day felt bittersweet, like an old vintage movie coming to an end as the film smoked and burned.

It shouldn't be a big deal. We were all just business partners, right? But as Rein looked at the seven boys who she had worked with, she also realized she had spent months with them, getting to know every one of their personalities in detail. They were more than business partners; they were her friends.

She would miss them terribly. But most of all, she would miss Namjoon.

Namjoon, the one who went out of his way to engage her in conversation. The one who shared her certain affinity for music, for nature. The one who helped her get out of her downward spiral, whether he knew it or not. The one who made fireworks explode in her stomach every time he looked at her.

The one that loved her with no qualms.

When she stepped outside, the sun assaulted her, giving light to what was so obviously wrong about this whole situation, this whole world. The blooming trees mocked her for what she couldn't have.

They couldn't be together. She would have to accept it eventually.

The weather was nice outside, but it did not reflect how Rein felt on the inside.


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A/N: 안녕 여러분! I hope everyone liked this chapter as angsty as it was... Euphoria is nearing its end! I'm getting sadder and sadder seeing my draft number get smaller!
ALSO: "Juh-gi-yo" means "over here" in that context, so I hope this is cleared up for those who didn't know what that meant!

QOTD: What is the first thing you notice about someone?

For me, I notice their teeth/smell. It's so weird. I think the teeth thing comes from my own insecurities about mine (I have a gap tooth and I hate it lmao) so I always look to see if the people around me have better teeth... LOL! I can't help but notice smell. Before they even open their mouths, their first impression has been made by the way they smell.

Until next time, happy reading!
- Haneul xoxo

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