EUPHORIA
xvii. group chat
❝EXCUSE ME?❞

'WALKER SLAYERS & OTHER AVERAGE HUMANS'

MYA
does anyone want to go shopping around one or two tomorrow before the show?
wow guys not all at once
slow down slow down we can all shop together
seriously i can't keep up with your texts
i hate you all

SIS
you love us really

CHAIRHANDLER
why do you need to go shopping?

COLTON BEAN
presumably we need food in the tour bus

MYA
i'm hungary

KISH
and so it begins...

SIS
PUN WARS?

LYRIC
FINALLY ANOTHER PUN WAR BETWEEN MY SHIP

NOT TONY STARK
MY PARENTS
MYA IS MY MUMMY
CHANDLER IS MY DADDY

MYA
EXCUSE ME

COLTON BEAN
babe, read that text again and please choose your words very carefully next time.

NOT TONY STARK
???
O SHIT
NO NOT LIKE THAT
BABE I LOVE YOU
MYA I'M SO SORRY

COLTON BEAN
chandler better not be your daddy or else a bitch is gonna get cut

MOM
WHAJAKAKAKAKANSJDJAGWGBWNW

CHAIRHANDLER
maybe you should czech the fridge
(also, hailee, n o)

MCMULLET
When will you run out of puns?

SUITCASE
well it's time to mute the chat

'SAM'URAI
i did that a while ago and my life became boring

MYA
i'm russian to the kitchen

KATE-BAE
why would you mute the chat? chya is fabulous.

LYRIC
^^^

SIS
^^^

SUITCASE
i don't enjoy my phone exploding

DANAI
I don't think anyone does.

CHAIRHANDLER
maybe you will find some turkey

MYA
we have some but it is covered in a layer of greece

FLIP PHONE ANDY
I'm s o con f us e d

NANNY NORMAN
your lack of knowledge on technology confuses me

SONEQUA
we need to teach andy how to use a phone

COLTON BEAN
that will end horribly and we all know it

FLIP PHONE ANDY
S t ill h er e

JEFF
you've been saying this for a really long time now

KATE-BAE
G R E E D U S

CHAIRHANDLER
ew, there is norway you can eat that

MOM
hOw dO yOu cOme Up wItH ThEse pUns?!1!

DAD
they're mya and chandler. what do you expect?

MYA
i give up

SUITCASE
fina-fucking-lly

'SAM'URAI
i actually need to go shopping so does anyone want to come with??

KATE-BAE
i will

'SAM'URAI
not you

MYA
what?

KATE-BAE
uh, okay?

COLTON BEAN
i'll come

'SAM'URAI
that sounds wrong
but okay

NOT TONY STARK
HE'S ONLY COMING FOR ME HOE

MOM
WHAT

DAD
WHAT

NANNY NORMAN
WHAT

SONEQUA
WHAT

ALANNA
WHAT

SUITCASE
WHAT

CHAIRHANDLER
WHAT

MYA
THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND
WOO
GET IN THERE

KISH
YES HAILTON

CUDLITZ
well, we've learnt things today.

JESUS
YOU. NEED. JESUS.

NOT TONY STARK
well obv i love me and colton but i think the best ship is chya

KATE-BAE
chya is my number one priority tbh

'SAM'URAI
well that clearly shows how low your priorities are

MYA
excuse me?

CHAIRHANDLER
sam, what the fuck?

SIS
did you just diss my ship?

LYRIC
what? please explain before i cut off your dick.

NOT TONY STARK
sam, honey, wyd?

COLTON BEAN
sam...

KATE-BAE
do you have a problem or something, sam?

'SAM'URAI
yeah, i do.

['SAM'URAI LEFT THE GROUP CHAT]