Mia let out another impatient huff before drawing her eyes away from the car window so she could once again glare at me. "Just tell me where we're fucking going already."

She'd been asking me the same question for the last ten minutes, and with Mia's naturally impatient tendencies, she wasn't coping too well with my lack of reply.

Part of the reason why I wasn't telling her, was because the place I was driving her to was supposed to be a surprise. That and telling her I was dragging her out here to confess my undying love for her was something I wasn't all too keen to tell her any earlier than I planned.

I'd decided to pick somewhere a little remote to talk, figuring there was a lesser chance of people witnessing what was undeniably going to be a pretty uncomfortable rejection. Mia and I were good enough friends now, that I knew she'd be nice enough to not directly laugh in my face, but she was still inadvertently going to have to say something harsh.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "For the last, and final time, Chubs, you'll see when we fucking get there."

Mia didn't remove her gaze from mine, and her eyes slowly narrowed into slits – suspicious slits. The kinds of look you give when you're trying to guess what's happening in someone's head. It scared me.

Did she already know what I was about to do? Was I that fucking obvious. I mean, yes I had been noticeably obsessed with her for the past six years and found constant ways to insert myself into her life, but I mean...it wasn't obvious.

"Are you trying to kill me or something?" Mia randomly announced, breaking the harsh silence that had been building up in the car.

I let out another long groan in frustration, realizing she was just not going to drop this. Believe it or not, this was the third time Mia had asked me this question. I was honestly starting to think she was genuinely asking at this point.

I mean, sure I gave off a few psychotic tendencies from time to time, like the time I blackmailed her for breaking into my bedroom and then temporarily kidnapped her. But that was all in the past, and she surely couldn't think I was murder bad.

I took my eyes off the road briefly, to give her a dry look. "I wasn't planning on killing you, but I may change my mind if you don't shut up."

Like a weirdo, Mia's mouth immediately slid up into a smile. "I'm pretty sure, that was a confession," she sang brightly, with a triumphant spark in her eyes.

What in the...

Rolling my eyes at her, I tried to hide the smile from my face as I shook my head lightly in amusement. "You're actually an idiot, Chubs," I laughed.

"That sounds to me, like the nervous laugh of someone who knows they've been discovered," Mia drawled, her largened eyes scanning me up and down long and judgmentally.

Ignoring her, I just focused on parking the car by the edge of the curb by the entrance to the forest.

"Relax drama pants, we're here so you can stop with the guesses," I chuckled as I switched off the engine.

Mia so distracted with taunting me about my hypothetical murdering tendencies, turned in surprise and looked out the window.

She eyed the border of trees lining the edge of the forest for slightly longer than normal, before turning to look out the opposite window and observing the same sight once again. It was more than obvious she was confused.

Slowly, she turned to look at me with a partially raised brow. "Okay I was kind of joking about you killing me before, but now I'm not too sure anymore...," she mumbled in suspicion as her eyes once more narrowed.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me...

As I started to pop open my car door, Mia let out a light nervous laugh. "You know, I don't actually mean it when I call you a dickhead. It's just good old friendly banter," she laughed as she slowly climbed out herself.

I blinked at her long, and hard, genuinely starting to grow concerned that she truly thought I was trying to kill her.

"As entertaining, as it is to watch you suck up to me, you are aware I'm not going to kill you, right?" I chuckled as I started to walk down the cobbled footpath. Mia followed along, and let out an unconvincing hum.

Thankful that she had finally stopped accusing me of crimes, I led us down the marked path I'd traced just a few days earlier through the forest. It was late into the evening, so there was a little light to see your way but not much. I focused, hard on each footstep making sure not to trip on any uneven roots or stone edges.

For every step, I noticed, Mia, sliding a little closer to me and even brushing me sometimes. I jumped a little like an idiot when the back of her hand brushed against my own.

Get a fucking grip, Ethan. This is just sad.

Mia cleared her throat. "No, but seriously, Ethan, why are you making me walk through a random forest in the dark?" she asked with a light chuckle.

"Just trust me, there's a cool place, I want to show you," I explained as I looked back at her in excitement.

Finding the place I was looking for, I took a left and started climbing my way up in between two bushes on a high slope that was off the marked path.

I heard Mia stop dead in her tracks behind me, as I was mid-way climbing up.

I turned and looked back at her in confusion. "Come on, it's this way, why'd you stop"?

"Erm...perhaps because I don't want to be attacked by a fucking coyote," she scoffed.

With a sigh, I walked back down and over to her before taking her hand in mine. I didn't think before I did it, and suddenly my heart jumped foolishly as I clasped her hand firmly, and locked eyes with her. I'm not sure exactly why it felt so intense, but it did. The way she was looking at me, it was weird. A look that was very unusual for Mia; well at least unusual to be directed at me.

Mia suddenly darted away her eyes and coughed lightly. Taking this as my sign to continue, I tugged gently on her hand, and she climbed willingly behind me as I led her up the harsh slope.

The ground grew steeper as we walked, and any time, I noticed a rustle in the bushes, I made sure to tighten my grip on Mia's hand to reassure her. Okay, fine maybe it wasn't only to reassure her. Maybe a little or a lot of it was for my own selfish benefit.

I knew full well the only deadly thing in these woods was probably an overly friendly little rabbit, but I wasn't fucking stupid enough to miss an opportunity to hold protectively onto her hand.

Halfway up, I tried to subtly adjust our hands, so our fingers interlaced together. Perhaps, it wasn't all too subtle, but I didn't care.

Soon, the land started to even out, and the trees and bushes spread out as we reached the top. As we broke out through the last set of trees, Mia came to a gentle stop as she took in the sight of the night view of the Californian city. It was an incredible view that felt like it spanned for miles and felt oddly peaceful to look at.

You could see the fast work of the city, and all the dazzling lights from the street. It was something a person could find themselves looking at for hours, and still find new things to see. And the beautiful thing was that from all the way up here, it was quiet.

"Woah," Mia whispered, her eyes not breaking free from the view once. She slowly crept forward step by step and I followed gently behind her not willing to let her hand go yet. I tried to look at the view as well, I really did try, but it was so stupidly fucking hard when Mia was just standing there looking at it with a glowing smile on her face.

It was dangerous how much I liked her smile. It made me scared of the lengths I'd go to find ways to get it on her face.

I loved her. It didn't really dawn on me till that moment, just how much I did. And like always, the pain in my chest started, dull at first then suffocating as I realized, she'd never feel the same.

Still sporting that wildly happy smile on her face, Mia swerved her head around to face me.

"Okay, I take back all my complaining. This place is beautiful," she mumbled as she let her eyes continue to dart over the view.

"Yeah, I know," I mumbled, my gaze still lying on her. "I stumbled upon it when I was out for a jog. I've been looking forward to showing it to you all week. I knew you'd like it," I admitted with a soft smile.

Mia turned back to face me, and once again the look from before when I'd taken her hand, returned once more to her face. Then it disappeared, and she was smiling again.

She turned to look behind her. "Oh hey, there's a bench," she said as she tugged my hand that was still entwined with hers, and pulled us over to it.

As we sat down, Mia's hand did not slip from mine, and in fact, even tightened. I had no clue why she wasn't letting go, but I decided it best not to question it. After I told her the truth about my feelings, the last thing she'd want to do was encourage me by holding my hand so I was going to enjoy it while I still could.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while with neither one of us saying anything, the two of us too absorbed in staring at the bright city below us.

"Can I ask you a question?" Mia asked. Her tone was soft, incredibly so and it made me look her way.

I slowly nodded my head.

Mia started anxiously fiddling with her free hand. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but why did you get so upset when my cousin brought up your dad?"

My heart stopped briefly at her question, not expecting it at all. I was unsure what to say for a second or so, my mind overconsumed by pain, the way it did whenever his name was mentioned. How could his name not cause pain when he represented everything, I hated about myself. My jaw pressed together hard, as I tried to keep my emotions at bay.

Another second or so, ticked by as I considered what to tell her. It had taken over a year for me to find enough courage to explain what had happened to even Lucas. I was terrified of her being scared of me, or judging me, or worse.

That's when I looked at her properly and noticed only softness in her eyes. Nothing but softness, and I was sure if I told her I wasn't ready to talk she would have backed off in a second.

I let out a shaky exhale before properly locking eyes with her. "You already know, I have a problem controlling my anger, right?" I mumbled tightly.

Mia slowly nodded.

"Well, that anger...that anger," I took a break and swallowed, my gaze dipping downward."-It comes from my dad."

Mia's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?" she asked slowly.

I lifted my gaze to meet hers, and I nervously flickered my eyes between hers as I contemplated whether to continue. It wouldn't be too late to stop.

"You're not going to judge me, right?" I mumbled softly. I hated how weak my voice sounded, and how broken but it slipped out in a way I couldn't stop.

Mia gave my hand a soft squeeze. "I'd never judge you, Ethan. Ever," she stated confidently.

The look in her eyes was so kind, and so trusting that I immediately felt safe. My posture slackened.

I swallowed once more. "Mia, my dad is in prison," I finally mumbled.

Everything went silent. I could see the immediate shock that crossed over Mia's face, and knowing she didn't even know half of what he'd done, I continued.

"And do you want to know what he did Mia? The reason my dad has been behind bars for six fucking years," I spat. The bitterness that fuelled my words, spun unshed tears into my eyes and soon I couldn't see.

"He raped someone," I cried. "And it wasn't just one person, it was loads of women Mia, hundreds for all I fucking know," I choked out as silent tears started to trail down my cheeks.

Having to say it, I couldn't contain myself, and all the shame I'd carried because of him came souring back, memories of the woman at the petrol station, memories of all his other victims. Memories of once wanting to be like him. Memories of him teaching awful things to me, things that I was too young to even grasp. Memories of him teaching me how to hate and how to hurt.

My head hung low, and my shoulders shook, as I sobbed silently. Each one shook my entire body, till the point I felt sick.

"Ethan," I heard Mia whisper. Her voice was so comforting and gentle, and I hadn't a clue why it still was after everything I'd just told her. She should think I'm disgusting coming from someone like that. I felt her reach out and lift my chin so I could look at her.

"Why on earth would you think I would judge? It wasn't your fault, Ethan. It had absolutely nothing to do with you," she explained gently.

More tears ran down my cheeks before I realized she hadn't a clue what she was saying. It frustrated me how trusting she was of me. Could she not see who I could become? Far too many people follow in the footsteps of their parents without ever thinking they would; far too many for me to sleep easy.

"You don't get it, do you?" I snapped as I pulled her hand away from my cheek. "I am his son, Mia. I'm exactly like him. He used to get into fights just like me Mia, and looks what he did," I cried. "Look what he fucking did." Finding it hard to even breathe, I continued on before she had a chance to argue.

"And I'm so terrified that one day I'll hurt someone badly. That one day I'll hurt you," I whispered, finding it hard to continue looking at her.

"I tried to stay away from you, I really did try Mia, I swear," I admitted honestly, desperate for her to believe me. "But, I just...I just...can't," I said, choking over my words and bowing my head down in shame.

As sobs racked my body, I felt a hand on my back and suddenly I felt Mia's arms looping around my chest and pulling me in for a hug.

Though I knew I shouldn't, I let her, and desperate for her comfort I just buried my head into her neck and clutched onto her warm body. Her way too kind body. I'm not sure how many seconds passed, but after some time my body grew stiller and quieter, and when I found enough strength, I gently pulled her away from me.

I let out a deep sigh and slumped my back against the park bench as I tried to fully pull myself together for what I knew I had to say.

"Now, that you fully understand what I'm...what I'm," I took a break, and swallowed, not wanting to say it. "What I'm capable of. After today, I want you to stay away from me, Mia. Okay?" I stated firmly while still looking straight ahead. The words felt like poison to say, and every voice in my head was screaming and bargaining for me to take it back, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to let her go.

When I turned Mia's way, reluctantly, I noticed she was frowning harshly, and looked the angriest I'd ever seen her. There was no prank I'd ever played on her or teasing remark I'd ever said to her before that had resulted in a look so full of rage.

She let out the bitterest of scoffs, looking about ready to fight me she looked so pissed. "Get actual fucking lost, Ethan. I am not staying away from you. You don't get to make decisions on who's good for me Ethan; I do. If you so much as even think about ignoring me tomorrow, I will stalk your ass so fucking bad that you'll have me coming out of your ears," she snapped.

I stared at her in shock, completely taken aback by her let's face it, vicious verbal attack. Slowly as I recovered, the corner of one of my lips wobbled then edged up into a half smile.

"Wow, that speech was somehow both flattering and terrifying all at once," I admitted with a chuckle.

Mia tried visibly hard to try and keep the scowl on her face, but it soon melted away into a small smile at the sight of my own. "Okay, that might have been a little aggressive, but that's because I really care about you, Ethan."

My eyes softened "I really care about you too, Mia. That's exactly why I want to keep you safe. If we stopped talking, it wouldn't have to be forever, it would just be until I get better, then I'll come back to you," I explained as I put my hand on top of hers.

Mia let out a groan of frustration. "Why are you so hard on yourself? You're not that bad, Ethan. I punched Connor in the face too, so I'm just as bad as you," she argued.

Finding it cute she was working so hard to stand up for me, I wanted to smile but didn't and instead let out a sigh. "But-"

"No, I don't want to hear it, Ethan. You're not doing the 'I'm gonna push you away till I'm perfect shit that you are doing with your crush. I don't need you to change, I find you perfect just the way that you are," she blurted out in a passionate rant.

I froze, staring back at her with a mixture of surprise, joy, and mesmerization, hardly able to believe what she'd just said about me. My eyes started dancing around her face before I could stop myself, then landed on her lips. It only lasted for a second before I had enough sense to pull my gaze with a heavy sigh.

That's when I refocused on the beginning of her sentence. I looked her up and down slowly.

"Have you seriously not guessed which girl I'm talking about?" I muttered with a light slightly bitter laugh. "I think it's getting painfully obvious now, Mia."

Mia was silent for a second, then her brows furrowed. "No, I'm not psychic, Ethan."

"You're clearly not all that observant either," I teased as I shook my head at her in amusement. You didn't even need to be mildly observant at this point, to figure it out.

Mia scoffed and playfully slapped my arm. "Just shut up, and tell me who it is already."

I was instantly brought to silence at her words, and my mind urged my lips to form the words, to tell her the damn thing I'd literally brought her all the way out here to tell her. Just fucking say it, Ethan. Say you like her – love her even. Tell her she's the only girl you've ever loved – the only one you ever will. Tell her how badly you want her – how it practically consumes you; tortures you. Tell her, Ethan, Godamn it, tell her!

I stared at those large brown eyes, those irresistible ones I'd spent far too many years dreaming about, then caved. Backed down. "I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually...," I finally mumbled with a heavy sigh, my words falling flat.

You're a coward, Ethan. A coward.

Another period of silence ensued before I broke it, a thought coming to mind. "You know what the worse thing of all is about my dad," I thought aloud.

"What?" Mia asked softly.

"I don't even hate him; I just miss him. I don't know the guy they accused of rape. All I remember is the guy who taught me how to ride a bike, the guy who taught me how to play soccer. The guy I used to call my idol," I whispered, my voice cracking in pain. It felt so shameful to admit, but it was true. As much as I knew he was a monster, it was hard to fully let him go, and that made me hate myself that much worse.

I looked over her face carefully, searching her eyes over for any judgment – terrified of finding any.

She gave me a kind smile, one that was free of all judgment. "You shouldn't feel bad for not hating him. It's natural, he was your dad. People aren't all good or all bad, Ethan, and it doesn't make you weak to notice the good. It makes you strong," she explained softly.

I sighed, both hating and loving her ability to try and clean away my shame. "Yeah, I suppose you're right, but it sure would have made things a whole lot easier if I had seen more of the bad. Strangely enough, he was never abusive. He was...he was nice. If he was angry, he would just go out...," I mumbled, letting the weight of my words hang in the air.

"I remember the day he was arrested so clearly, we were playing out in the garden, and then the police came...he kept denying the accusation over and over again, but when the court day came, the evidence was there loud and clear, he was guilty."

"My mum cried herself to sleep every fucking night after that, and I didn't know what to do, I was only twelve... I just...I just... can't wrap my head around why he'd do it, why he'd hurt us like that," I whispered, my eyes once more threatening to fill with tears.

Mia sighed. "Sometimes people just do things, horrible things for reasons we cannot explain."

I processed her words for some time, hating that they were probably true. Hating that it could be true that there was no justifiable reason that led him to do what he did - no trigger.

Letting out a long groan, I ran an exhausted hand through my hair. "I'm just glad, Dylan's, nothing like him. He's kind and gentle, and everything I'm not. I'm so scared of becoming him, Mia, it scares the crap out of me," I whispered, my words echoing out what was painfully real.

"And you won't," Mia stated confidently as though she wanted to drill it into my head. Condition me to believe it.

"Well, I hope so, because I've sure as hell been trying. After what he did, I started working hard at school and tried my best to be good at everything. I assumed the more perfect I was, the less chance I had of turning into him," I admitted with a harsh chuckle, realizing how ridiculous it sounded when I explained it all back now.

"I even vowed to stay away from girls, to diminish the risk of ever hurting someone the way he had," I explained as I looked Mia up and down. "And it was going great until one crazily beautiful girl walked into my life." The words had fallen away before I had the sense to stop them. The realization of what I'd just admitted hit me like a thud.

She furrowed her brows. "Who?"

I locked eyes and focused on how the brown in her eyes swirled, filling me with apprehension. Lust, love, and desire were mixed in there as well, of course, but still apprehension. I let out a deep breath and decided not to cave. To put six years of lying and deception to rest. To be honest. 

"You, Mia. Everything was going according to plan until I met you." 

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