I was almost scared to look at Mia, the moment the long-withheld confession slipped past my lips. Terrified of where that action would lead me. But I did.

Her expression conveyed everything at once, and somehow nothing. She sat so still, so immobile as she stared back at me with those usually calmingly sincere brown eyes. Of course, they looked nothing close to calm right now, they had doubled by about two sizes perhaps even three. She was blinking quite a bit- that was reassuring. I hadn't shocked her into a state of premature death – that was good. That was a start.

Her eyes worked over my face, rather frantically as though unable to settle on a place to land. It likely mirrored her rapidly changing thoughts as she processed what I'd just said. The bomb I'd just dropped on her.

It had only probably been a few seconds or so, but it felt like an eternity as I waited for her to say something. My heart was hammering the fastest I'd ever felt it, sucking every breath out of me. I prayed to God I wouldn't stop breathing.

Maybe I should run? No -you can't fucking run you idiot; you'd never live that down. Stay calm, Ethan. Stay calm.

Finally, Mia let out a breath. A weird one – shaky and uncertain. "Until you met me?" she repeated, her words echoing softly and questioningly into the late evening air.

I'd almost forgotten Mia's hand still lay in my own, and I felt it shift in my palm – a clearly nervous action. My hand squeezed hers softly almost in instinct, feeling programmed to want to rid her of all her nerves. Even if the nerves, were caused by me. By my confession. A confession, no doubt that was horrifyingly confusing from her end.

Knowing it was too late to back down now, I gave her a soft smile; one that I hoped was reassuring. Then as a second instinct, my thumb started softly stroking the skin at the back of her hand. She seemed to notice this, and her eyes dipped briefly to watch the motion.

The moment her eyes returned to mine; I swallowed back against my nervously dry throat before speaking.

"Yeah, as soon as I saw you on that first day of middle school, my promise was instantly forgotten. All I had to do was get one look at those gorgeous big brown eyes of yours, and I instantly melted at your feet," I admitted with a light chuckle. A far too honest chuckle as I looked into the very eyes I was talking about. "I had the biggest crush on you; it was pathetic."

You do have the biggest crush on her – my brain corrected me sharply. I remained silent though, deciding to not discuss my current-day feelings until the end of my speech. I didn't want her freaking completely out on me just yet.

Mia was shaking her head slowly, over and over, her brows knotted together gently. Her expression conveyed nothing but confusion. In fact, I don't think I'd ever seen her so confused in her life. She let out weird breaths before speaking as though tripping up over what she next wanted to say. You've broken her, Ethan – great, going.

"That's definitely not true," she finally uttered, her voice strong and certain – frighteningly so as though I'd just told her the sky was green instead of blue. "I don't know what twisted version of reality you've got running through your head, but there's no way twelve-year-old you had a crush on me. You kicked a ball at my fucking face, and then laughed about it," she said, a breath of laughter escaping past her lips.

I paused a little at her words, my mind bringing me back to the memory. It hadn't even felt like very long ago since I'd hit that ball at her on my very first day of school. I'd done it because I was stupid and wanted her to be mad at me. To give me attention. I'd thought it was my only option since I was so terrified of her liking me and the damage that could potentially cause.

Remembering her reaction to my famous ball hit, my lips curved higher and my gaze flickered amusedly over her face.

"And you certainly didn't hold back on expressing your feelings," I added. "You cussed me out in front of the whole playground and then tried to attack me," I laughed as memories of her tackling me to the floor crossed back through my mind. "It took me aback, that's for sure. I wasn't expecting that much aggression and colorful language to come out of a cute, eleven-year-old girl's mouth," I chuckled.

It was true. I had been shocked and perhaps a little more impressed than I really should have been. I'd been fond enough of her already from what I'd seen of her in class, but her attack on me both physical and verbal had borderline made me obsessed with her. It showed me how strong she was; how fiery and I loved it.

Mia let out a laugh. "Well, what were you expecting? For me to run into your arms and kiss you?" she scoffed as she shook her head at me lightly. "So yeah, funnily enough, I'm not buying your, I used to have a crush on you bull-crap."

I stared at her in stunned silence for a few seconds and observed the certainty dancing away behind those brown eyes of hers. It was obvious her mind had been fully made up.

"Well, you should believe it because it's true," I laughed. "Ask anyone, I was so fucking obvious about my crush, that pretty much everyone knew," I explained, knowing all too well how true those words were.

I struggled with subtilty – massively so. All my friends knew without me even having to tell them. People who weren't even my friends vaguely knew something was going on or could at least hazard a guess. Heck, more than half the boys in our year had assumed we were dating at some point or another – an assumption I was more than happy for them to believe.

My name might as well be written in the school dictionary as, Ethan Blythe – the boy who's good at soccer, school, and helplessly trails after Mia Collins.

Drawing myself back to my conversation, I stared back into her still very certainly disbelieving eyes. It was like her brain had been hard-wired to refuse to let her believe it. "Well, everyone but you," I finally mumbled with a light smile.

I let out a deep exhale. "And I was only mean to you because my feelings scared the crap out of me. They were just too much, too quickly and I didn't know how to get them to stop. I figured if I got you to hate me, I'd get over you, and I could leave you in peace. If you didn't like me, there's no way I could truly hurt you," I whispered, my eyes observing hers gently – hesitantly.

It felt so strange to tell her the full truth, and the real reasons for my actions. But a small part of me liked it – liked the calmness honesty gave me – the freeness.

Mia kept shaking her head lightly, an action she'd been repeating ever since I'd started being honest. Her brows pulled together over, and over, and once again, her lips fumbled to make words to explain what I believed to be scattered thoughts.

It made me wonder just how convincing of an enemy I must have been for her to reject the truth so harshly.

"You have to be winding me up, you hated me. You literally told my middle school crush, I was a lesbian," she accused.

My lips curved upward, in partial embarrassment for my childhood actions – my desperate actions. It almost seemed funny now that I thought that idea had ever been a good one. I was an idiot – and for the first time, I was truly seeing just how big of one I was.

"Well, that was because I was also a petty little bastard, and I hated that you liked someone else, so I sorted it out," I admitted with a shrug. And sorted it out I had. Like a little shit, I'd told the guy she liked that lie so he'd lose interest. I was trying to be clever, to find a way to get to him away without hurting or threatening him, and that was what I'd come up with.

Stupid – I know.

Mia's mouth parted open, then closed as she processed this information. Her shoulders slackened slightly, and she let out a breath as though she was finally letting herself believe what I was telling her.

"I can't believe I never notice...," she finally murmured. She looked genuinely robbed of words as though her entire reality had shifted before her eyes. And it probably had, no doubt.

I shifted nervously in place, preparing myself for what I'd promised I'd say next. I'd told her about the past, but I'd yet to tell her my present feelings. I hadn't told her I'd never stopped loving her.

I knew Mia, well. And I knew she'd refuse to connect the dots unless I told her directly. That, and I suppose most people would believe nobody would be sad enough; pathetic enough even to harbour an unrequited love for someone for six-long years.

So, I guess it was a fair assumption to assume I would have moved on. That it was just puppy love as I first suspected. But I hadn't moved on – far from it. I'd gotten worse with time, not better.

I let out another breath, this one strained as I looked ahead, avoiding Mia's eyes. Mia's far too intense eyes.

Now, say it, Ethan. Tell her you still fucking love her.

Interrupting my pet talk, Mia leaned back against the bench with a sigh, a slight smile on her face. "This is so weird," she marveled.

I glanced over at her, curiously, wondering what she found so strange. "What's weird?" I chuckled lightly.

Her eyes seemed to dance. "This. Us. A couple of months ago, I couldn't stand being in the same room as you, and now I can't stand not being in the same room as you," she laughed.

My heart jumped or shook or did some kind of strange motion at her words, not expecting her to say them. She couldn't stand not being with me? My belly flipped over in foolish excitement.

"You were the last person, I'd ever thought would end up being my BFF," she joked as she playfully bounced her shoulder off of mine.

My stomach stilled, as did my heart. My entire body hardened into a rigidity that felt painful, and no doubt looked unnatural.

Her BFF. My brain repeated it back to me almost mockingly. I fucking hated being her friend – hated it.

Bitterness bit away at me as I withdrew my eyes and stared out in front of me. It was bitterness I didn't deserve to feel after everything I'd put her through, but it was bitterness, nonetheless. I was being greedy even, selfish but it was hard not to be where she was involved.

"Mmm," I mumbled. "Friends." I wanted the words to leave my lips cheerfully, but they couldn't have sounded further from it. My word came out bitter, almost angry.

I tried to slacken my posture and make myself look normal – unhurt but I couldn't.

Mia caught my eye with a furrowed brow, her eyes worked over mine with confusion. "You don't have to look so miserable about it. It's not that horrible being my friend, is it?" she joked. She laughed, but you could tell it was hesitant and weak.

I didn't answer straight away and just looked at her for a little longer than I should. I pulled my gaze to the floor quickly, feeling my brain egging me on to do something stupid. Something that would no doubt swiftly earn me a slap – and a hard one at that.

"You have no idea, how badly it sucks," I muttered. I added on with what was supposed to be a breath of laughter, but it came out as anything but teasing. I sounded flat and bitter.

Mia looked at me with a wary somber silence and her eyes broke a little as she watched me. Great, you idiot, you've upset her now as well.

I let out a heavy breath. "We should probably get going, it's late," I said abruptly. Cowardly. There was still time to tell her the truth, but I didn't. What would be the point anyway?

Without another word, I rose to my feet and started to head over to the original trail we'd headed up through.

Mia followed after me, and the two of us walked in silence to the car. It was an uncomfortable silence, and I hated myself for it. She hadn't even done anything wrong. It wasn't her fault she didn't like me that way.

We soon arrived at the car, and once the two of us had climbed in, I set off. And in the silent darkness of the car, I was left alone with my thoughts.

From Mia's frequent fidgeting from the passenger seat, it was obvious my energy was rubbing off on her. I'd never been more frustrated at myself.

I had no clue what the fuck was wrong with me. How hard is it to just tell someone you love them in present fucking tense? I didn't even have a right to be sad at her calling me her friend. I should have been fucking grateful. Ecstatic.

Mia snuck a second look at me for the second time since she'd entered the car. I tried to relax my posture; soften my eyes – I really did try but it was helpless.

"Did I say something to make you upset?" she asked softly, breaking the building silence in the car.

I sighed and ran a frustrated hand through my hair, her question only making me feel that much more guilty. That much more selfish.

"No, you didn't, Mia. I'm just tired, that's all," I mumbled. I was technically tired I suppose if being tired of my own bullshit counted for anything.

Soon enough, I turned the car down Mia's all too familiar street and came to a gradual stop by the curb as I reached her house.

I didn't want to let her go though. A part of me wanted to child-lock the doors and take her home with me – to my room - to my bed. To everywhere that I went. I didn't, of course – that would be crazy, psychotic, and borderline illegal. Scratch that – just straight-up illegal. And as I said before, I was trying to put my psychotic tendencies behind me. Key word -trying.

Mia let out an awkward cough and slowly undid her seatbelt before staring forward uncomfortably not making a move to get out of the car.

She turned to face me, and like always as we locked eyes, my breath ripped away from me. "Thanks for the ride home, Ethan, and for you know...sharing with me. It means a lot that you trusted me enough to tell me."

Then she smiled softly – the action gently brightening her eyes. She smiled that stupid smile, that damn beautiful smile that was responsible for far too many of the selfish decisions I seemed to make around her. That smile should be behind bars for what it did to me.

Her throat, moved in as she swallowed, capturing my attention. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then," she whispered. Then turning around, she reached to open the car door.

My heart squeezed painfully.

"Wait," I said suddenly, surprising even myself. Reaching across the center controls, I grabbed a hold of her wrist to stop her.

Before I had the sense to remind myself not to get brainwashed by memories of that smile, to not be dumb, to not be selfish, to not be greedy. To be honorable. Before I could remind myself of any of that, I already started swinging her around to face me.

I only got one last sighting of her face- those full lips, those brown dazed eyes before I pulled her to me and kissed her.

"Eth-" she was about to choke out before I silenced her as my lips landed on her own.

A breath of surprise escaped past her lips and onto mine as I reached out and cupped her cheek gently – wanting to draw her in further. Wanting more of her – all of her. My heart jumped up, rejoicing at what I'd just done. Granting it something that it had been begging for.

I knew it was selfish and wrong but I started to move my lips against hers gently with a softened hesitancy. All while tugging her wrist, which I still held captured, closer in the hopes she'd fall on me. I was at war with myself.

Her body, which had been frozen in shock, completely unexpecting of my action melted in what couldn't have been more than two seconds. Everything softened and soon she was pressing into me, driving herself closer and kissing me. Every movement of her lips was long and soft, and just Mia. My Mia.

At that moment it dawned on me, how stupid I was for not doing this again sooner. For not making it my mission to make this happen again. And again. And again.

I groaned in relief at her reciprocation, it only fuelled my movement on her lips, my longing for her. My brain could hardly compute how she wanted this too. How she wanted me.

My hands with a mind of their own slipped from their position on her cheeks and slid down to her waist. They traced every line of her they could get their selfish hands-on as they moved – desperate to feel her.

I squeezed at her waist as we kissed, my fingers curving dangerously underneath the edge of her shirt. The smoothness of the skin, driving me on, controlling me. She was perfect, and in this moment by some sorcery - mine. All mine.

With those words reverberating around my head, my hands tightened around her waist, and the next minute I was lifting her out of her seat to drag her onto my lap. My lips refused to part from her once as I did, and she let herself be lifted willingly and easily. Perhaps, even eagerly. A brief squeak of a laugh left her lips in likely surprise which I used greedily as an opportunity to deepen the kiss.

Sat comfortably in my lap where she belonged, I held onto her tightly as I kissed her, my hands edging further up her waist. Surprising me, Mia's arms slung quickly around my neck and drew me closer, and from up above me, she kissed me harder – hungrier. With excitement, I'd never seen from her before.

That and the way she was pressing into me was driving me wild. If she didn't think I wasn't going to work my ass off to make sure this happened again, she was mad. Scratch that – this would be happening again, plain, and simple. I'd use whatever seduction necessary.

After a while, no doubt a shamefully long time, we both slowly started to pull away. I leaned back just enough to look at her while my chest heaved up and down as I tried to catch back my breath. Refusing to let her go, I still kept a grip on her waist tightly and looked into her eyes.

Hers were wild and dilated as they searched between my own and I was convinced it was the hottest way she'd ever looked at me. The way she was looking at me, and the way her chest heaving up and down rhythmically, and oh so fucking distractingly against my own, robbed me of all thought.

Mia shifted slightly on my lap, and the action made me shamefully present of how truly excited all my organs were. Some, far more pleased by our position than others.

Just as I was going to suggest, we do it again, Mia slipped from her new position and landed clumsily backward against the steering wheel. A deafeningly loud honk sounded around the neighbourhood, causing Mia to still. Then slowly, her eyes closed softly in embarrassment.

My lips twitched upward, then broke into a full smile as I started chuckling softly.

Mia awkwardly cleared her throat, and slowly unwrapped her arms from around my neck. I watched disappointedly as she turned away and started to climb back into her original seat. I let my arms linger on her waist as she moved, but once she got halfway over, I accepted defeat and reluctantly slid them away and let go.

Mia looked visibly jittery as she adjusted her hair, and clothes to set them properly into place. I had felt her heart beating a mile a minute against my chest just a second ago, so I knew she was definitely alert. Cockily, I wanted to smile at that knowledge - revel in it.

Finally, she looked at me, her eyes still holding that intensity from before. She looked like she was practically drowning in it.

"See you...erm....tomorrow then," she stuttered clumsily as she fumbled to reach for the car door to get out. I watched as she stepped out into the dark before noticing something.

"Chubs?" I called out, trying to hide the amused smile on my face.

She stuck her head back through the door. "Yeah?" she called back.

I dropped my eyes to the car floor, still smiling. "You forgot your bag," I chuckled as I nodded my head in its direction.

She blinked rapidly, an extra prominent redness overtaking her cheeks. "Oh yeah, silly me," she chuckled nervously before quickly bending down to retrieve it.

Her jitteriness only made me smile harder, pridefully so.

Just as I was about to call out a goodbye, Mia turned back to stare at me through the still-open door with narrowed eyes that seemed filled with a high level of suspicion.

"You're not going to ignore me in school tomorrow, right?" she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly further. Almost threateningly. There was no doubt in my mind that she'd likely come back into the car to beat me up if I so much as thought of uttering the wrong answer.

She was fair to be suspicious, I had ignored her the first time we kissed, and I had said I would earlier tonight. But this time I wasn't – I physically couldn't even if I wanted to. She was stuck with me now.

My face morphed into one of light amusement. "No, Chubs, I'm not going to ignore you in school tomorrow. We can't have you becoming a stalker, can we?" I teased, remembering back to her earlier threats.

A redness sharply overtook her cheeks, once more.

I looked her up and down one final time, then smiled gently. "I'm going to trust that you're right about me..." I whispered.

Mia looked at me with a special sparkle in her eyes, one that made my heart jump and do all kinds of stupid things.

I pulled my eyes away slightly, scared that if I looked any longer, I'd grab her and pull her back into the car with me. Pull her back onto my lips.

"Now hurry up and get inside before your dad notices I'm parked outside and attempts to shoot," I joked.

Except I wasn't joking. I had no doubt in my mind that man would shoot me dead to the ground and hang my head up as a threat above his mantlepiece if he'd just witnessed what I'd done with his daughter. And he'd do worse to my body he knew it wasn't even the first time.

Mia let out a light snort, and with a final smile, closed the car door gently behind herself. She gave me a little wave through the window before making her way over to her house.

I watched her walk the entire way back up the path to her house, with no doubt a stupid look on my face.

Now that she'd kissed me back, I'd decided she'd sealed her fate. She was never getting rid of me and no matter how much effort it took, no matter how much shameful flirting – I was going to make sure she was mine. 

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Hope you enjoyed!

Also just as question for the future, would you guys actually want chapters after 46/47 (whatever the final confession chapter is) ? I'm just curious if people are interested to still hear his thoughts after they get together?