hi. i love you. you are beautiful. you are wanted. you are a blessing.

☽♛☾

it's crazy how three numbers can define how you see and live your life. the black scale read a different number than i had in mine, it was much worse than i expected. but i thought it was a lie. i worked out, i ate correctly, i did everything i was supposed to do and yet i still wasn't good enough.

not for myself anyways.

but it was never a problem for ethan. he had the most precious life i could ever imagine. he had a twin, a goddess for a sister and two loving parents.

when ethan and i talked, it felt like the world was aligned just for us. the universe seemed perfectly in place just for us, but it couldn't have been more of a lie.

he was hand in hand with his brand new girlfriend, aubrey, who was nothing but legs and a gorgeous face. her eyes matched the emerald green shirt she wore and her shoes matched her pearly white teeth.

they walked up to me hand in hand, throwing their happiness in my face as if it was some kind of sick game.

i mustered up the courage to smile. "hey guys." i wondered if they could hear the urgency in my voice.

"hey, y/n!" ethan exclaimed. "i feel like i never see you anymore. how have you been?"

aubrey curls up on his shoulder and whispers something in his ear, to which he nods and kisses her bye. she smiles innocently at me and departs.

"how cute," i bite my lip and turned to face my locker. i grabbed my spanish textbook and slammed the locker shut.

ethan furrowed his eyebrows. "are you doing alright?"

without hesitation, i spoke a lie. "yep. doing just fine."

the bell rang and i turned to face ethan and his gorgeous features that made me swoon. he held worry in his eyes as he stared at me.

"i should get going. i'll see you," i said and began to walk away as the hallway cleared of students.

ethan reacted and gripped my elbow. "y/n wait. what's going on? i feel like you're ignoring me. are you ignoring me? is that what this is?" he stumbled. "if so, then tell me what i did and i'll make it better, i'll try to make it-"

"stop!" i exclaim through the now empty hallways. "please just stop."

"what is it? what did i do?" he raised his voice feeling frustrated.

"you didn't love me!" i confessed feeling the tears burn at the brim of my eyes. "you're such a cliché ethan dolan. you're one of the hottest boys with an even hotter personality and you go and date the skinny healthy girl with a big butt. do you know how that makes me feel?

"do you even know what it's like to be a teenage girl and to look this way? it's fucking awful, okay? getting made fun of and shamed for being what i am isn't fun. and to top it off the boy i fell in love with doesn't feel the same way back. i should've known," i laughed bitterly and wiped away my tears. "they always go for the skinny ones."

i begin to walk away feeling a weight lifted off my chest. if only i done that sooner.

"no, no!" he yelled back. "you don't just get to say that and walk away, that's bullshit y/n and you know it! you know i don't give two shits about weight or skin color or anything. if there's a girl that i love then i'll be with her, and how dare you think so low of me.

"i would never undermine you for being the way you are, y/n. i've been in love with you since i could first remember but i was always afraid of you. afraid that you might reject me because you've known me too long or far too well, so i started to push you away and i dated aubrey for kicks. im sorry that i hurt you but that was never my intention and i hope you'll forgive me."

"how thoughtful of you," a teacher broke our heated argument. "get to class now."

ethan came closer and tucked my hair behind my ear. "beautiful," he smiled. he broke away and continued down the hallway to his fourth period while i stood in the middle of the hallway feeling conflicted.

"didn't i say get to class? go!"

"bitch," i mumbled under my breath and begin to walk down the hallway.

"i heard that!"