based off my favorite song atm
i lost a friend by finneas

☽♛☾

there was no reason to let her stay where she didn't belong. of course she tricked me into thinking she did but she was manipulative like that. she could make me see her as someone who saved me and other days she made me hate her. i guess that's the ups and downs of a friendship.

but now as i look back, the amount of fights we had over little things made me realize: how the hell did i lose a friend i never had?

sure she was there for me when i needed her but only for the benefits. the youtube money was well and she leached off of grayson and i to get her own following and buy luxurious items in different languages i didn't even know existed.

"post that picture of us, it was cute!" she would say. "and don't forget to tag me!"

but i didn't forget the good parts about her, especially not tonight. y/n was filling up every part of my brain and it made my head spin. of course i loved her but it was in the past now. losing her friendship was like losing keys in a sofa, or a wallet in the backseat.

i lost a friend and now im losing my mind.

did she ever mean the words she said to me? were all those fights she started even worth it? how did i become so stupid?

grayson walked in with sleepy eyes. "dude, i can hear you thinking. stop."

"sorry," i mumbled.

"what's wrong bro? you haven't been yourself for a while."

i shrugged. "just thinking about y/n. i know that i shouldn't but i am. she wasn't a good friend but i can't stop myself from standing up for her."

grayson sat down on the bed beside me. "bro, you guys were friends for years. it hurts because you've known her for so long and to find out that the whole friendship was a complete lie from the start is a fucking low blow. you trusted her but she didn't do the same in return."

"damn, when'd you get so insightful?" i laughed.

he shrugged in reply. "honestly, i don't know. now go the fuck to sleep, we have to film tomorrow and i don't wanna deal with you when you're sleepy. you act like a little bitch."

i rolled my eyes. "whatever, night bro."

"night," he yawned and left the way he came.

my mind was now beginning to calm down with the thoughts of y/n. she was a toxic person whom i needed to get rid of, i guess it was better that it was sooner than later. if it was up to me, i would've left her back in the hole she crawled out of but it was a lesson i knew i needed to learn. i was just glad i lost a friend i never really had.