this is a part of another imagine in book one, and if you know which one then wow. you're truly amazing. it DOES say the imagine name in here too (;

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y/n nervously fiddlers with her fingers as she stared down at her feet. the intense state of the woman sitting across from her made her nervous. the yellow note pad that she held in her hand that was filled with writing also made y/n feel anxious. what could she possibly have written down in a matter of twenty minutes?

the woman observes y/n and takes a breath before speaking. "so, y/n. tell me how you're feeling today."

y/n shrugs still fiddling with her fingers. "im okay, i guess."

"are you still taking your medicine?" y/n nods. "how's everything with ethan? you haven't spoke about him lately."

y/n bites down on her bottom lip. she now clutches her fist while digging her fingernails deep into her palm. ethan was a rough subject. one that she preferred never to speak of.

"it's okay, y/n. you're in a safe place."

"but am i, really?" the woman scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

"would you like to elaborate on that?"

y/n sits up straighter in her chair. "you say that this is a safe place. but i don't feel safe. i feel exposed like im some kind of science experiment that's waiting to explode. im a grenade with many pins and you're the person to keep pulling them all to see when i'll explode. and that's what i did with ethan.

"i pulled his pins until he finally exploded. im the reason that he's gone. im the reason for it all. i could've done more, been more of a better girlfriend, anything! but I didn't."

the woman remains sitting in her chair with a blank look. "it's not your fault, y/n. you do know that, right? no matter how hard you could've tried, you can't save people from cancer. you can try to make their last days memorable, but you can't save them."

"it's not even that. i-i," y/n eyes begin to water and she looks up to keep the tears from falling.   she lets a tear fall until she unravels. "i didn't even know about it. he never told me, you know? we'd been together for five years and he couldn't tell me that he had cancer. and that's what hurts the most. i just wish he could've told me, that's all. maybe it would've been better, maybe not."

the woman hands y/n tissues as she sobs uncontrollably into the sleeves of her dark green sweater that ethan once wore. it still smelled like him and she broke down even more.