not-so-merry-christmas

✧

Olivia turned off the whistling kettle and walked over to the kitchen island where three mugs sitting with cocoa powder inside. She poured the milk inside and picked up a spoon to stir in the powder while the white liquid began to turn into a chocolatey-brown color.

"Need some help?"

She turned her head to see Tyler entering the kitchen and nodded. "I mean, I don't exactly have three hands to juggle all these mugs."

"Yeah, yeah."

The two decided to rally together and have a pre-Christmas celebration with their son since they would be spending the day apart. Unlike the previous years, Olivia and Tyler were on good terms so getting together for their son was an easy feat.

Entering the living room, the two parents set down the mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table while their son continued to build his gingerbread house. He only stopped to take a sip of the liquid but quickly regretted it when he realized how hot it was.

"It's hot chocolate, what were you expecting?" Olivia laughed as she grabbed the mug from her son's hand. "You need to be careful."

Recuperating from his burn, Malakai curiously stared up at his father. "Can I spend Christmas with Mom this year?"

Both adults looked caught off guard by his question. He never usually asked to spend the holidays with his mother due to how much fun he had with Tyler's family but apparently, something changed.

"Uh, y-you can, if that's what you want," Tyler furrowed his brows. "But why the sudden change? You like being with my family, right?"

"Yes, but I want to spend the day with Mom and Eddie."

Clearing his throat, Tyler faked a smile for his son and nodded his head. "Oh, okay, sure, sounds like a plan."

Olivia carded her fingers through the boy's unruly curls and softly smiled. "How 'bout a compromise, munchkin? You can spend the morning with us and then Dad can take you to Grandma's and you spend the rest of the day with them. I know she's missed you."

"Oh, even better!" Kai beamed at the two. "Grandma gives the best gifts."

"Hey, that's not what the day is about," Tyler chastised.

"Well, I missed her too if that helps."

After spending another hour with the two, Olivia decided to call it a night and head home. Parking on the street in front of the house, she pulled the keys out of her purse and headed up the path to the home before inserting the correct key into the door.

When she walked in, it was eerily quiet and the light in the living room was shut off. She furrowed in confusion before seeing the light peeking out of the kitchen and quickly walked over to the small space to see Eddie at the table with his head in his hands.

"Hey."

"Oh, hey, I didn't hear you come in," Eddie said.

"I wasn't trying to make too much noise. Is everything okay? It's like, oddly dark in the living room."

"It's, uh, Christopher."

She surged forward, panic flooding her body. "What happened? Is he okay?"

"Not really. There was an incident with hot chocolate and a gingerbread house and he had an outburst. He's been wanting everything to be perfect because he's afraid he'll lose me."

"Oh...Eddie, what'd you say to him?"

"I wasn't really sure what to say. I told him I loved him and I promised that I wasn't going anywhere."

"You promised him? Y-You can't do that, Eddie."

Eddie's hand shakily ran through his hair. "You think I don't know that? Can we just drop this and go to bed? I'm exhausted."

"No."

"No?"

"No!" Olivia snapped, fury in her eyes. "We can't just drop this like we've been dropping all the other important conversations in our lives." It was like everything she had bottled up the past few months was finally coming to light.

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't just use the 'I'm tired' excuse whenever you want to avoid the conversation." Her jaw clenched as tears formed in her waterline. "I've let you get away with it too many times."

"You don't let me get away with anything, Olivia, you have a hard time letting things go."

"I do?" The woman hysterically scoffed. "How 'bout your panic attacks? Or the fact that we haven't had sex in months because you can't look at my stupid scar?" She wasn't naive or stupid, she always noticed him turning a blind eye whenever she whipped her shirt off and noticed his eyes never moved south of her face.

"Olivia..."

"If you don't want to have a real conversation then forget about it," Olivia stood up from the table. "I'm going to my house."

"Don't leave." Eddie's eyes softened and tears welled around his brown orbs. He stood up and attempted to reach for her face when she flinched and looked away. "Please...don't leave."

"I can't do this, right now, Eddie. Leave me alone, I'm going home."

✶❤︎✶❤︎

"What'd you say?" Carla questioned the emotional father after he entailed the incident with his son the night before.

Eddie lifted his head from his hands and sighed. "Wasn't sure what to say. I told him that I loved him, and I promised him that I wasn't going anywhere."

"But?"

"One of the first things they teach you on the job is to never make a promise you're not sure you can keep."

"You were trying to reassure your son, who's already lost one parent, that he's not about to lose another."

"I, uh, never told you this because we were fine but a few weeks back Buck and I got taken hostage and⎼"

"You what?"

"Like I said, it happened a few weeks back," Eddie stood from the table and leaned against the counter. "Buck and I got caught up in that prison escape. We were fine, neither of us got hurt so I didn't see a point in telling you or him. But it did remind me that what I do is not without risk."

"Okay, I can't lie. I wish your biggest danger at work was you getting a paper cut. But I know that your job is important. Not just to the people you save but to you."

"But is it more important than my kid feeling safe when he closes his eyes at night?"

"There's more, isn't there?" Carla inquired, feeling like the man was hiding something.

He ran a hand down his face and sighed. "It's Liv. We kind of got into it last night when we were discussing this and she left."

"She just up and left? That doesn't sound like her."

"It's not her fault." Eddie's mind replayed the night before and he couldn't help but shake his head remorsefully. "She had every right to do so."

Meanwhile, at Buck's loft, the blonde came shuffling into the living room with a cup of tea and a soft smile as he joined his best friend on the couch. She instantly curled against his side as she tried to repress her cries, not wanting to continue to wallow.

"It was just a fight, all couples do it," Buck tried to console her as he rubbed her back. "I'm sure you two will be back to sappy and gross in no time."

"No. This was different," Olivia sniffed. "God, I'm so stupid! If I had just kept my mouth shut then none of this wouldn't have happened. All I do is self-sabotage. And for what?" She hunched over and buried her face in her hands. "I don't know what I'm going to tell Kai. He was so excited to spend Christmas with us and now I've...I've ruined it."

"You're not stupid, Olivia a-and I might not know all the details of your situation with Eddie but it's not healthy to hold all this stuff in. A-at some point, you kind of just blow up."

"Of all the times, it had to happen while he was having problems with Christopher? It just — it makes me feel horrible and...selfish. I don't want to be those things."

"Maybe you deserve to be a little selfish. I-I mean, I'm not encouraging you to break up with him but you deserve to be heard in your relationship without feeling like a burden."

"Guess so." Olivia rubbed her shoulder against his and softly smiled. "Thanks for letting me crash here last night and for this talk, it sort of helped."

"You're welcome. Feel free to crash here again."

"'Preciate the offer, but your couch isn't the comfiest."

✶❤︎✶❤︎

"Please! Please, you have to help him." A woman ran up to the team with a child beside her as they arrived at the apartment complex. "My husband's in there. We can't get to him."

The team glanced over to where she was pointing and saw the obvious problem. There was a structural collapse of the building and the man appeared to be trapped inside his vehicle with no accessible entryway.

"Okay, everybody step back," Bobby ordered. "Looks like he hit the post and took some of the structure down with it."

"I don't understand how this happened," the woman, who they assumed was the wife of the victim hysterically spoke to them. "We were on the phone arguing over the Christmas tree, and then all of a sudden, this comes crashing down."

"You said you were on the phone with him?" Hen asked.

"Yes."

"Has he said anything since the collapse?"

"No. He just stopped talking."

"Okay, Buck, Eddie, Hen, I want you to start clearing this debris carefully. Everybody else, step back."

"You want us to start evacuating the building, Cap?" Olivia questioned as she and Ravi walked up to Bobby.

Their captain nodded his head as he pointed strategically at the building. "I'm concerned it's gonna come crashing down any minute. These structures were supposed to be retrofitted after the Northridge quake, but from the looks of things, landlord didn't get around to it."

"Do the residents know that?" Ravi asked.

"They're about to find out."

There was a noticeable shift in the air the moment Ravi and Olivia were finished evacuating the building. The occupants of the building stared around helplessly as the 118 solemnly red-tagged their home.

"I have notified the Red Cross," Bobby announced. "A representative is on the way. They will be providing housing for you and your families until your building can get sorted out. Very sorry."

The team had moved against the truck and eyed the crowd of people standing with their minuscule belongings with saddened expressions. "We're really gonna leave them, Cap?" Hen questioned.

"There's nothing else we can do."

✶❤︎✶❤︎

"It's Christmas!"

Olivia was abruptly woken up by her elated son and younger sister who were jumping on her bed. The woman let out a quiet yelp of pain as one of the children accidentally stepped on her ankle, they were too excited over the holiday to be cautious of any limbs.

Playfully tossing a pillow at her son, she raised her brow. "One of you stepped on me."

"Who cares, Mom?" Kai excitedly jumped. "It's Christmas!"

"You need to start getting ready, munchkin. Your Dad will be here soon."

"Dad can wait."

Olivia watched as her son huffed his way out of the bedroom, she knew he was unhappy with her, and she couldn't blame him. His plans for the day were abruptly modified by her because she and Eddie were no longer on speaking terms and were clearly not going to be spending the day together.

She tried to explain the situation to him, but honestly, didn't even know where to begin.

"He's so upset," she huffed.

"He will be fine," Elisa said. "The moment he gets to his grandma's house, he will forget why he's upset."

"You sure you don't want to hang out with everyone else today? You can take my car."

"Nah, I'm okay. May won't even be there because she picked up a shift so it would just be me getting prodded by your coworkers about your sudden absence."

"We can open gifts and watch cheesy Christmas movies."

"And we can order Chinese food?" Elisa flashed a hopeful smile at the woman.

"We can order whatever you want."

"Sounds like the perfect day. Now get in the bathroom, do your whole routine, and try not to look so depressed."

"I will try."

Elisa tore open the neatly wrapped gift and her eyes widened twice in size at the item inside. When Tyler stopped by to pick up Kai, he made sure to drop off a few gifts from not only himself but his parents as well that were addressed to the other two ladies in his life.

Olivia appreciated the sentiment and always made sure to send over a gift to them because they never missed a holiday or birthday.

"Have I told you how thankful I am that you procreated with a rich man?" Elisa squealed. "He got me those super cool AirPods I wanted. What'd he get you?"

"A candle."

"Ugh, boring."

"To be fair, I didn't get him anything..."

"You're terrible, Liv!"

The woman shamelessly giggled and got up from the couch to pick up the scattered wrapping paper that covered the floor. She whipped her head at her sister once she heard the doorbell chime but the young adult merely shrugged her shoulders in confusion, Olivia headed for the front door once she listened to another chime and swung it open only to be met with a surprise.

"Hi."

"E-Eddie, what are you doing here?"

He clenched his fist around the tiny gold bag tucked in his left hand and shrugged. "You weren't at the motel and I want to talk. I feel like things were left unfinished and I also have news that I'd rather you hear from than anyone else."

"Come on in."

She opened the door wide enough for him to slide in and his eyes scanned the room and settled upon Elisa. He waved at the young adult and smiled but all she gave him in return was a smile that didn't meet her eyes and disappeared into her bedroom.

"Oh, uh, Merry Christmas, by the way," Olivia settled on the couch with an awkward hum.

"Merry Christmas, Olivia." He sank down on the couch and stared ahead at the television playing a random holiday movie. "Why didn't you come today?"

"Wasn't really in the mood to see everyone. Haven't been in the mood to do much in the past couple of days if I'm being honest." She rubbed a hand across her face, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "What's your news?"

A conflicted expression cast across his face as he suddenly shifted his body on the couch to face his girlfriend, if he could even call her that. He thought telling the news to the team would be one of the hardest things he would have to do but that was before he arrived at Olivia's house.

"I'm leaving the 118."

"Y-You're what?"

"You know that Christopher's been struggling with the holidays and he misses his Mom. He's terrified of losing me and you know firsthand that our job isn't the safest in the world. I can't have him grappling with this fear and so leaving is the best thing to do."

"I understand. I mean, I wish you didn't have to leave the job you love but I also know you'd do anything for your kid so..."

"Now that we've talked about that, can we talk about us?" He had been debating asking the question since he arrived. "When you left, it felt..."

"Definitive?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"I don't want things to be definitive, Eddie."

"Neither do I—"

"But..." Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "Right now, I don't think I can do...this."

Eddie rapidly shook his head as he moved off the couch to stand and paced back and forth. "D-Do what? What do you mean, Olivia?"

"I think it's best if we press pause on this relationship. Take a break."

"Why?"

"Because I deserve to be selfish, Eddie! I deserve to be in a relationship where I don't feel like a burden." A pang of sadness echoed in her chest as she looked into his sad eyes. "Give me space, please."

He wanted to say something to reverse her decision; something about how love conquered all and that they could easily work through their issues but he couldn't muster up any words. Eddie felt lost in his train of thought looking down at her while all the milestones of their relationship raced through his head.

Instead, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and reluctantly nodded. "Space." He muttered the word, almost as if it were Voldemort and it was a word he shouldn't say aloud. "Okay, we'll press pause."

"Thank you."

------------------------

authors note

-in their "we were on a break" era😝 I promise they won't be anything like ross and rachel tho bc I absolutely despised that whole storyline

-on a more serious note, how do we feel about smut? (obviously not anytime soon) But so far, this book has been pretty PG minus some gore and the occasional innuendo but I'm curious about people's opinion