Chapter 21: A Stare for Good Night

Ngumiti ako matapos niyang sabihin 'yon. I felt that my heart was pounding and I could hear how Prince munched the popcorn on his hand. I looked at him eating like a kid.

"Want coffee?" he asked me when he caught him watching him like a movie because my face was serious.

"Gusto mo? Ipagtimpla kita." Ako na ang naunang tumayo at hinintay ang magiging sagot niya.

"Sige, I'll wait."

Ngumisi muna siya sa 'kin bago ko siya tinalikuran. Pumunta agad ako sa kusina at kumuha ng kape para sa aming dalawa. Nagkataon rin na ginaganahan akong uminom. Pagkatapos ay bumalik na agad ako sa puwesto at sinamahan siya roon.

He was at the edge of the couch but he occupied all the space. He slanted, putting his left leg on the table and made his arm as his pillow. When he saw me, he was rushing to fixed his position and cleared the lump on his throat.

"Sit here," he said in a husky voice and tapped the space beside him.

"Do you love...black coffee? Ito lang kasi ang nakita ko ro'n," I asked him. Umusog siya sa tabi ko at dinampot ang tasa ng kape. Tiningnan ko lang siya sa kaniyang ginagawa at umayos ng upo.

He nodded and stood up. "Thanks, Sky!"

Nagulat ako sa biglaang pagtayo niya. Baka iiwan niya naman ulit ako rito nang walang paalam. My brows creased and review his actions. "Where are you going? Ayaw mo bang inumin ang kape? O, kaya'y bilhan na lang kita? Just tell me, okay ba 'yon?"

"Ano ka ba? Mag-gym lang. Babalik ako mga after five minutes. Enjoy!" Sumaludo pa siya bago umalis.

I was left alone. I memorized all his routine aside from gym. I didn't know he was doing that because everytime I woke up every morning, I just found him cooking for our meals. Sometimes, I found him on the bathroom. I wasn't yet woke up from my bed and entered in my room with a cup of coffee on his hands.

I shook my head and sipped my coffee. Fantasy lang naman ang mahilig kong tingnan o 'di kaya'y horror. But I preferred horror.

I didn't expect that everything will end up like this. Noon, ayaw na ayaw kong makita si Prince. But now, even just an hour and he's nowhere to be found, my heart will going to tremble. I was afraid of losing him. I will rather lose myself than him. Even I often lied to myself that he deserves someone, I felt that my world will going to crash if Prince will find someone who is better than me. Because for me, I am also better because I believe that everyone has their own uniqueness and way how to survive.

I was now again bombarded with many thoughts. Because of boredom, the show has finally ended, there is no more horror and my phone is shut down, I let out a sigh and went outside. May ginagawa pa naman si Prince kaya lumabas muna ako ng bahay niya.

Tahimik kong binuksan ang pinto dahil baka magising si Yumi. It was past nine and I know that Prince' guards are now off. Siyempre, tao rin sila na nangangailangan ng pahinga. Kahit hayop, nagpapahinga rin.

I traveled my eyes around to his house. Nakamamangha nga talaga! I stepped closer to his garden which is full of lights but only yellow and white colors. It suits to the place. Ang ganda ng pagkalagay do'n. It was fixed properly. Sa dulo ng garden niya, may hanay ng punong kahoy kaya pumaroon ako at umupo sa maliit na upuan. Namangha ako sa ganda ng lugar. Unang beses ko pa lang nakapunta rito. The breezes of air was cold and it seems embraces me. The hymns of night drives me to yawn and almost fall asleep.

"Levina Sky!" Sigaw ni Prince mula sa loob ng bahay niya. Tiningnan ko lang siya na lumabas. He didn't think that there are people inside his house expect from him? "Guard! Guard! Please find Levina! Double time, okay?" The guard went outside with their flashlight. They surveyed the GreenLand, as well as the second floor.

"Ma'am, nasaan ka na ba?" ani isang guard na papalapit sa puwesto ko.

"If you can't find Levina, all of you will be suspended!" Nagwawala na si Prince sa labas. Gag*ng 'to! Nagpapahangin nga lang ako, eh!

Tumayo ako at nameywang habang tiningnan siyang topless pa at pumapatak pa ang pawis sa katawan niya.

Dahan-dahan akong naglakad patungo sa puwesto niya. Hinawi ko na 'yong bougainvillea na nagsisilbing pinto papasok sa garden niya. He didn't notice me because I know he's focused on the GreenLand where we often sit.

"Why are you shouting? Can't you see me?Naku! Disturbo ka, ah? 'Kita mong natutulog 'yong mga guwardiya mo?" I suddenly jumped behind him that's why he turned his attention to me.

He pulled my hands and prisoned me to his arms. "Kapag aalis ka, magpaalam ka sa 'kin. Kahit walang tayo, pero responsibilidad kita, Sky. Please...if you are deciding to escape, just tell me, okay?"

I caressed his back. He was panting while his chest was going up and down. "Nag-abala ka lang sa mga guards mo. Tingnan mo, nag-panic sila tuloy."

He put his chin above my head." Because I am afraid of losing you, Sky."

In his arms, I feel safe. Paano na lang kung sa buhay niya mismo ako papasok? Ang sarap sa piling niya. Kung kanina, gusto ko siyang upakan dahil hindi niya ako pinagbuksan ng sasakyan. Pero ngayong niyakap niya ako, ayaw ko na tuloy kumawala.

"You mustn't be afraid of losing me. You must afraid of losing yourself," I said and unbound myself from him.

"Why do you say so? Does self need to be sacrificed in order to save others, right? I mean to save you." His brows furrowed and caught my hands.

"How can you say you love me if you don't even know how to love yourself? Once you lost yourself, you seems losing the person you loved. So, love yourself first so that you are bravely stand and fought for another." I nodded while saying those words. I smiled at him because he seems so serious, listening me.

"You teach me how to love myself," he said, patting my shoulder. "What if...I'm gonna love myself while you were getting away from me? Isn't it selfish? I must love you while loving myself. That's nice rather than your idea."

"Grabe ka naman ma'am, pinahirapan mo pa kami!" Humahangos ang isang guard habang papalapit sa 'min. Sa kanang kamay niya ay ang GPS tracker.

Natatawa ako. Nasa loob ang cellphone ko, paano niya ma-trace ang location ko? He's like tracing nothing. He was running, casting a glimpse on his phone but he sees nothing.

"I'm sorry for not informing you, Mr. Adam," I said and smiled at him and assured that I am okay. "Alangan naman kung gisingin ko kayo, 'di ba? You can now rest, Mr."

"Thank you Ma'am," aniya at iniyuko ang ulo sa 'min ni Prince. Umalis siya sa harapan at pumasok na sa loob.

Hindi pa nakabalik ang ibang guard kaya pumasok na kami sa loob.

We sat on the same couch. Bukas pa rin ang TV at hindi pa nababawasan ang kape ni Prince. Tiningnan ko siya nago inilipat ang tingin sa kapeng nasa mesa.

He stood and took the coffee. "Iinumin ko na 'to."

"'Wag! Malamig na 'yan. Ipagtimpla na lang kita." Tumayo na sana ako para kumuha ng bago pero pinigilan niya ako.

He shook his hands in the air. "Kahit malamig na 'to, mahalaga pa rin 'to sa 'kin. Lalo na dahil... especial 'yong naghanda nito."

"Grabe ka na! You made me so hard to decide of leaving—"

"Tingnan mo! May balak pala talagang umalis," aniya at biglang nalungkot ang mukha.

Hindi ko naman talaga balak ang umalis. Kaso lang, kailangan. I need to work to fulfill my dreams—One of them is having him, owning him, loving him and sharing my life with him. Ngayon, paano ko siya iiwan kung pinaparamdam niya sa akin palagi ang mga ganitong bagay? Mahirap mang i-balanse ngunit sa palagay ko, gusto kong ako mismo ang tatayo, lalaban at uusad katulad sa ginawa niya. He work hard to achieve his dreams. Kaya gusto kong tularan niya.

I just didn't admire him because I love him. I admired him because he's the reason why am I inspired of fighting in the long...long journey where I am going to experience struggles while stepping on the way which has full of thorns and stumbling block.

"I didn't plan to leave you. I need to leave because I need to work. I need to fulfill my dreams." I reviewed his emotions. Alam ko na kahit sa salitang iiwan, masasaktan siya.

"Dreams? Pangarap mo rin bang iiwan ako at kalimutan?" Now, he stepped thrice and towered me.

I shook my head. "Leaving is part of journey. In love, we need to have the absence of one in order to prove if love is really beyond measure," I said and slowly put myself on the couch. I can't bare staring at him when he was about to cry. Nadadamay ako, eh.

"Is that so?" He raised his brows and nodded. His expression changes and even though there is a trace of sadness in his eyes, he managed to smile. "But remember, if you will gonna leave me, take my heart away. Take it and care how you love yourself. Kasi kung iiwan mo 'to, madudurog lang ako."

Napatigil ako sa sandaling binanggit niya iyon. Parang naputol ang mga litid ko sa leeg dahil sa sinabi niya. Kahit kailan, hindi pala-desisyon si Prince. He always respects my decision. With that, I feel respected because he respects everything about me.

"Uhm...kape mo, malamig na." Tinuro ko sa kaniya ang kape niya.

"For example. Ito 'yong kinalalagyan ng buhay natin." He took his coffee and sipped. "I'll dropped it back to where it placed."

"Tapos?"

"Nanatili ako rito habang humahakbang ka palayo, tapos...naiwan ako, nanlamig."

"Aw, okay. Then?"

"Makinig ka muna, ha?" He raised his brows.

I nodded as a response.

He smiled and dropped his eyes on the coffee. "Kahit na lumayo ka, nanlamig man ako but the essence of love remains," he said and looked at me.  "Because even though I am getting cold, I am staying even I know that you are uncertainly coming back to me. I will wait, even if I am frozen, because you mold me, you put me in this place where no one did."

"Can we all agree that words are flowery?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Yes. But that's the only way on how we express our feelings, right?" he said and walked in front of me back and forth.

"Thank you!" I vow my head to him. Nangunot ang noo niya sa ginawa ko ngunit nginitian ko lang siya. "For letting me be part of your poetry."

"You're welcome," he answered and went over me. "Go to sleep now, okay?"

I nodded as a response.

He tapped my head and ruffled my hair. I was about to brush his hands but something told me not to. So, I let him do that.

"Sleep tight." He looked into my eyes and hardly gulped. "I can't kiss, so let me stare at you for a second."

Tumawa ako at hinampas siya sa balikat. Bakit ang sarap niyang titigan? Why is he so handsome while doing that to me? Mas lalo tuloy akong nahuhulog sa kaniya!