Chapter 12
Coffe and Rain

I held Prince hands. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin sa mga sandaling ito dahil wala naman akong kaalam-alam kung ano ang sakit niya maliban sa injury. Parang gusto ko na lang tumalon sa baba at tumawag ng doctor. I have nothing to do else instead of panicking.

"Prince...are you okay?" I asked him while I was still standing in front of him, checking what happened.

He still didn't answering. I looked at him but he just closed his eyes and loosen his grip from my hands. My mouth dropped when I feel that he was not moving anymore. He was not joking, right?

Akmang tatakbo na ako upang tumawag ng tulong ngunit agad namang may humuli sa kamay ko. Nang lumingon ako ay nakita ko si Prince na nakabuka na ang mga mata at ang isang kamay niya ay nakasapo sa dibdib.

Gusto kong magalit dahil baka nilalaruan niya naman ako pero...may naisip din ako na baka totoo nga'ng may sakit siya sa puso at na misheard niya lang 'yong mga usapan namin kanina ni Merlina. I badly want to shout because I was afraid that something might happen to him.

I kept my mouth shut but Prince pulled me and wrapped his hands around my waist. He buried his face on my belly. Something tickles my heart and  I felt that someone was pushing me to answer Prince's hugs.

"That's why I am afraid that you might leave me again," he said and I can sense that he was now sobbing. "I admit...that I suffer for many years because you suddenly left me, Lev. Nagkasakit ako no'n pero kinaya ko lang. I have heart failure. I didn't maintain my health that's why...Rasie brought me to France for the operation." He hugged me even tighter.

Hindi ko alam na gano'n ang pinagdadaanan niya. May masakit din pala siyang nakaraan nang dahil lang sa pag-ibig. Ilang beses kong tinakasan si Prince noon dahil ayaw kong marinig siyang halos lumuhod na lang sa harapan ko, sagutin ko lang. I experienced being hurt, harassed, abuse, bully, name calling, and...even fate judged me. Hindi ako nakaranas ng saya noon pa man.

"Noon pa man, gusto na kitang samahan, Prince. But...I want you to realize that I am not the only woman living on this world. You deserve someone's better. A girl who can afford your wants. A girl who can give you the true meaning of love." I badly want to cry for this moment. Ang sakit sa dibdib na ibibigay ko na lang sa iba si Prince dahil lang sa status.

Hindi pa rin niya ako pinakawalan at saka ko na lang naramdaman na may luha rin palang kumawala mula sa aking mga mata.

"You don't really love me?" he asked. "Kasi...kumakapit ako, Lev. I'm still gripping even though your answer is still a...no."

"Hindi naman sa gano'n, Prince. Hindi ko sinasabing hindi kita minahal. Pareho tayong lumalaban sa parehong dahilan. Pero hindi ibig sabihin no'n ay pareho ang magiging wakas ng labanang hinarap natin," it was simple words yet it has meaning that could not easily understood. He need to dig deeper to have the answer.

He smiled at me after he released his hands from me. "Lumalaban ka rin pala. Akala ko...ako lang. Does it mean...you have love me?"

"I-I d-do love you, but I'm sorry if I can't give you what you want, Prince. I'm really... really sorry," I said while playing my fingers.

"There are sides of you that I love tonight. First, the way how you taken care of me. Second, you love dark. And lastly, you are fighting for love!" He was about to hugged me again but I took a step backward. It's just...three steps.

"Hindi ba't nasabi ko na sa 'yo na may mga babaeng deserve ka. You don't know me well, Prince. Kaya huwag ka namang umasa na nagmahal ka ng isang taong katulad ang estado mo. Honestly, I am a daughter of... shameful family that has a gambler father and a gossiper mother." I was crying this time. Prince always motivates me to trust him and tell him how painful I was. Finally, nasabi ko na sa kaniya kung bakit hindi ko siya kayang mahalin katulad ng ginawa niya. "Kung ano ang puno, 'yon din ang bunga," dagdag ko pa.

He groaned and moved his wheelchair near to me. "Don't say that to, Lev. It's seems you are the one who closes the door of enlightenment. Remember, there is one of that tree who's different. I hope you'll remember what I said."

"Sir, Ma'am...kanina ko pa kayo hinahanap, nandito lang pala kayo," wika ni Yumi sabay lipat ng tingin sa akin. Noong una ay kay Prince siya nakatingin ngunit kalaunan, inilipat niya 'yon sa akin pababa sa aming kamay ni Prince.

"Sorry, ate Yumi. Magpapatulong ka po?" I asked.

"Nakapagluto ka na ba, Ms. Yumi?" singit naman ni Prince.

"Yes, Sir. Kaya nga ho nandito ako dahil kakain na ulit kayo." Magalang na wika ni Yumi sa kaniya.

Palagay ko, matagal na siyang nagtatrabaho kay Prince dahil mukhang mabait naman siya. Natitiyak kong tatagal siya rito dahil maamonsiya at hindi masungit na maid.

"Okay, dalhin mo na lang ang pagkain sa kuwarto ko. Doon ko na kakainin si Levina," Prince said and suddenly, his eyes widened. "Oh, no! I m-mean...doon na kami kakain ni Levina!" he corrected.

Humagalpak ako ng tawa dahil sa narinig. Ngayon ko lang ulit narinig si Prince na nauutal. Ang bastos kasi ng utak niya, ayan tuloy, muntik nang madulas.

"Ah! Sige po, Sir Prince Dale," aniya at tumalikod na sa 'min.

"We should go down, Prince. Ihahatid na kita sa kuwarto mo."

"Dapat lang, 'no! Gusto mong mahihimatay ulit ako? Tsaka...doon tayo sa kuwarto matulog ngayon, ah? Sesermonan lang kita!" wika niya sa 'kin sabay kindat.

Ang lakas bumanat. Kalbuhin ko kaya 'to?! Gusto ko lang naman bumawi sa kaniya pero parang hinuhuli niya ako sa bitag niya. I want to live like I never met him. I want to have peace of mind!

Bumalik na kami sa kuwarto niya. Pinainom ko na siya ng pain-reliever para hindi siya makaramdam ng sakit sa paa niya.

"Ayaw mo pang matulog?" tanong ko sa kaniya nang namalayan kong pumwesto siya sa tabi ko at pareho kaming humarap sa bintana.

The rain was pouring and I can feel how peaceful and calm this night with him. When I leave soon, I want to remember everything about him so that when someone will hurt me again and lead me to amnesia, perhaps I can remember him.

"Mamaya na. Sabay na lang tayo. Gusto kong ikama ka... este! Gusto kong kasama ka ngayon habang nakatitig sa labas." Kumamot siya sa kaniyang ulo at parang nahihiyang tumingin sa 'kin.

"I love rain, too! Look!" I pointed the rain drops on the leaves. "It was whole when it falls from above but shattered when it finally landed on the leaves."

"Uhm...it means...may sarili rin silang kapalaran," he answered.

I smiled, bitterly. Because deep inside, I was referring to myself. I came to see this world. I was whole before with my parent's attention and love. But when I opened my eyes, I just found myself broken into pieces. The person who's the reason why I am here is the person who ruined my everything.

"I can feel your pain, Lev. Just tell me," through his words, I felt that I was valued and worthy to be love. "I will tell you my secrets." He whispered into my ears.

"Ano?" seryoso kong tanong sa kaniya. Excited din akong marinig ang sasabihin niya sa akin na secrets daw kuno.

"Secret nga 'di ba?" he said and burst a laugh.

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko dahil sa sinabi ni Prince sa 'kin. Marunong din palang mag-joke 'to. Kung puwede lang sanang batukan siya, kanina ko lang ginawa. Kaso lang, mahal ko na siya, eh.

"Ay, ayos lang din. I hate secrets."

His brows creased but it suddenly changed with a hysterical smile and and said, "Bakit? Ayaw mo bang magtiwala ako sa 'yo kung sakaling sasabihin ko ang secrets ko?" Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at humalukipkip. When he found me emotionless, he drawn a smile that I couldn't evsn resist. "That's my only way to make you smile. My secrets is that...I'm  crazingly in love with you."

My heart races after hearing his words. Napasapo ako sa aking dibdib bago pa man muling itinuon ang paningin sa labas ng bahay niya. Bandang alas-otso na pero hindi pa rin kami natutulog at patuloy pa rin sa pag-uusap. Ang gaan ng pakiramdam ko sa kaniya. Anytime, I will be collapses on his arms.

Even my focused is on the rain, his smiles always caught my attention. When I looked at him, he was really smiling.

"Do you want coffee?" I asked him.

Magkatabi lang kaming dalawa ngayon habang nakaharap sa labas ng bahay niya. There was no other light except the lamp post. When I looked up the sky, it was dark and... peaceful in my eyes.

"S-Sige..." he said while stuttering. Hindi ko maialis sa kaniya ang aking tingin dahil namumula siya. Maaninag ko 'yon kahit walang sikat ng araw. He's perfectly handsome.

I left on his side and went to the cuisine. Pagbalik ko ay dala ko na ang dalawang tasa ng kape. I forgot to ask him if he was allowed to drink a coffee at night.

"Are you drinking coffee at night?" I asked him so that I will be careful next time. "You said...you have heart failure, at baka naman bawal ang magkape ngayong gabi, Prince."

I seriously staring at him when he just shook his head and grinned. "Who said that I am not allowed in coffee at night? Every minute, seconds and moments we spend are the most special day of us, Lev. I love what you love," he said and sip his coffee.

"It cannot be called special if you often doing that things," I said and took my coffee. "Special things happen rarely."

He cleared the lump on his throat and I can see how his adams apple waved. "It's my first time drinking coffee with you. That's why I called it as... special."

I smiled. Somehow it gave me peace and made me calm. Ang saya rin niyang kausap. Pero minsan, naisip ko, nakaaawa naman si Prince kung iiwanan ko na lang siya na may heart failure. He needs someone on his side, he needs a person to make him smile. Maybe it is the only thing I can share to him—make him happy.

"Ah...I see. Bilisan mo at matutulog na tayo," I said and sip my coffee.

He nodded and smiled at me before turning his eyes on his coffee.