See nothing makes sense anymore. My head spins in circles like a merry go round pretending to be happy and magical but once it gets dark and the lights are off and its left there, isolated, for a long, long time it begins to deteriorate and so i just let it be. Let it be how the people i loved let me be consumed by a crippling depressions which left me hungry for years on end, hungry for a feeling of some form of affection in which no one has been able to provide because no one seems to understand the pain that i go through every day. I guess i'm just stuck here spilling my thoughts onto paper and not even in the form of a poem because i'm not talented enough to do that but just sit here writing out my feelings and emotions because no one has taught me any other way of how to express myself. I've only been told that bottling it up isn't healthy so i found this way to let it out but i just want someone to listen and understand that sometimes life is hard. And i struggle. I don't need to be yelled at, i just need to be taught better with care and compassion. My heart is torn apart piece by piece by my demons because they don't seem to know hjoe to leave me in peace and i am suffocated by my deprecating thoughts. The one thing that helps me escape is listening to music because when i blast it in my ears it drowns out the thoughts that my brain so carefully wraps up in tears and sorrow and passes it to me such as a christmas present from an aunt that you don't even like but you have to accept with a smile or else you will be frowned upon. Im forced to deal with my thoughts by myself because i don't want to burden anyone and when i let a little slip they don't know what to say because i am usually portrayed as this happy person and i don't know how to control what i feel. Its an i want you but you don't want me situation. I want a peace of mind but i can't have it for reasons that cannot be explained. So my liver handles what my heart can't because my heart is in pain.