i don't know what i'm going to do with my life. sometimes i sit here and think to myself am i even worth anything. i don't think so but my peers seem to disagree. i honestly think i might just end up doing nothing with my life. i won't get accepted into an ivy league college, and i'll probably become a prostitute on the corner. not even, im too ugly and fat for that shit so i wouldn't even make good money. i'll probably become just another bum on the street; begging for some change. not just in the form of currency but in the world. i guess i'll just be here sitting, thinking. i don't actually know many big words and i don't understand most metaphors they use in songs. i try to compensate for this in research and smiles, but a smile wont get me through this cruel world. i do know one thing that will; him. The hope in this ideology that a love deep inside me exists and that someone shares it equally for me. when he smiles, his eyes would light up and anything wrong in my day would automatically brightened. i know this sounds really cheesy like a 1900's black and white romance film, but it's what i feel. i hide my feelings because i have to keep strong. having no distractions to help me get through in this world. but he is my motivation. the way i see that his brain works in wonderful ways and the way it unfolds when he thinks to himself is absolutely breathtaking. taken aback when ever his bright eyes squint and he smiles to me, and that smile is soon transferred onto my face. maybe not as beautiful, but my face would heat up and my cheeks turn to a rosy pink. i wouldn't be able to control it despite my greatest attempts. i walk into a room frowning knowing i cant have him because his heart probably belongs to another. another that is greater than i. greater in intelligence, physical appearance, and talent. i don't have much to offer so i don't offer anything at all. i don't throw myself out there because when i have attempted to in the past the fish doesn't bite and i am left hungry for years on end for love and affection that no amount of friends can provide. so i just give up. quietly cry in my cabin and lock the door so no one can come in or out. lock the door to that cabin like the door to my heart which is located at the bottom of a bottomless pit.