So my overall thoughts on the writing, taking into account I only read the first chapter. I am not going to address the elephant in the room again since I made my feelings clear in my comment on your chapter. Instead I will focus on structure and grammar. I feel like your grammar was overall okay, though you seemed to have an issue with run on sentences in several places and a few other places were in need of punctuation. The idea of a curse on a kingdom is an interesting one and your descriptions were fine, but I feel like the execution could use a little work. Have you considered sending to an editor to proofread? I feel like that would help a lot. I did appreciate though that it was a human with a troll and not a human with another human. I am a sucker for interracial pairings of all varieties. 

– Medula

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I managed to read 20 chapters before I completely lost interest, sounds mean but I can explain.

Title: For an erotic book it's an amazing title you kind know exactly what you're getting.

Looking back on the book I realize that I don't have a clue what the main character is called. I don't know if I missed it somewhere or if it has never been said, either way, it hasn't been said enough for me to know it and that's an issue.

I love the storyline, the idea of gorgeous trolls having to impregnate women to build up their population is great.

Although I can understand the women giving birth to human babies or troll babies, I have no idea how they can give birth to fairy babies from being impregnated by a giant troll. I know it's fantasy but I just don't get it.

Also, I have no idea why all of the births are multiples, dude giving birth to 4 babies at once with no hospital or drugs, just wow. First off I had visions of her hoo-ha being like a wizards sleeve afterward, I mean she would have split to hell and I am sure it would put anyone off of sex for life, but not this bird. Second, her body would be ruined stretching out that much that shit ain't ever going back to normal, boobs by your ankles and stomach resting on your feet.

All jokes aside I did love the plot and by chapter 10 found myself wanting to know what was going to happen next but sadly gradually as we got through each chapter I lost interest. The reason for this is there is next to no dialogue up to chapter 7 and then afterward none at all. I am a chatterbox, to feel invested in the characters, apart from knowing their names (yeah I ain't letting that go) I like to read about their conversations that they have with each other. Also, I found that I began to dislike the main character, I get that its a kingdom of sex blah blah blah but I found this book was more full on porn than an erotic romance.

I feel like the main character was only in love with Randolf because he had a huge cock and was a little nice to her while he demanded sex from her. Like I don't see where the romance comes into it at all to be completely honest. I found that I got bored of all the sex, she was just having it with everyone, in the end, any person she didn't speak to (because there was very little dialogue) she had sex with them straight away. I just felt like the poor girl would be sore as hell, it was one step away from her just lying in bed and letting everyone cue at the door for a go on her. I didn't have any respect for her and in all honesty my favorite character was Mason I felt he was a jumped up little shit but that he was always trying to fill his big troll brothers boots which ain't gonna happen is it.

One last thing grossed out that the mother in law got all turned on each time the main character told her about sleeping with her 3 sons, like I know she ain't getting any from the king but come on Eww.

Sandwich:

Great storyline and really intriguing plot, love the fairy tale twist and the way the writer has knitted it all together, the actual plot runs smoothly and is easy to follow.

I feel the sex scenes in the book took over and drowned the storyline, I began to find it difficult to stay on track with what was happening, I think the sex could be scaled back a bit and maybe inject a little more love and feeling into it instead of just banging.

I love the names of the characters they are imaginative, attractive and fun. Although please tell me the main characters name. I also like the secret rendezvous that's a fun twist.

Overall I did like the book a lot I would have liked a little more character development, more dialogue and a tiny bit less sex.

As for help with having more reads, I do not really know as I have the same amount of reads, all I can suggest is, enter some competitions, write on other people's books or do some read for reads. 

– Leanna

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I read from chapter 1 to 3, plus the summary.

The summary let the readers think it's a story about a forbidden love, Romeo and Juliet style, a romantic one but between a troll and a princess. I was pleasantly surprised seeing an old tale about trolls adapted to your story when in others there is nothing in common between the tale and the depiction of trolls. But when I read the summary, I thought it would be more romantic when in fact there isn't anything romantic in the chapters I read; it's not a reproach about romanticism but a remark about the differences between the expectations your summary gives the readers and the reality in your story. Maybe you should slightly edit your summary or add a tag "not romantic" if there isn't romanticism in the later chapters. Also, since it's a reverse harem (that's what I saw in the first chapters) you should tag it so that the readers know what awaits them.

I'm not used to this genre and did my critic following my feelings and my POV. So you don't have to take the following to heart since I don't know the codes of the genre. I just felt there were some things that were missing for your story to make sense in a more realistic way.

There is nothing wrong with the plot, despite not liking this genre, I didn't have to force myself to read but it didn't pull me in because I couldn't relate enough with the heroine. The problem is that she is an open woman, sexually speaking, from what I read in the second chapter but I felt she was a virgin princess that wouldn't go in bed with anyone else other than her husband in the first chapter. I think it's because you showed her feelings in some parts but it wasn't enough. It's ok to have a heroine sexually open but there shouldn't be a gap between the way she thinks/acts in the first chapter and in the second. Also, you don't explain why she feels/thinks a way or another.

You don't have to explain every single time and sometimes just a sentence would suffice but there are some that are important to give a realistic feeling to your heroine and to help the readers relate with her. Let me give you some examples of things I wanted to see explained, as a reader:

Why is she touching Randolf in the first chapter when it's the first time they meet? We can guess it with her thoughts in the latter part of the chapter but it would be better if it was stated from the beginning. Also, why isn't she reluctant? If she fears for her life or she's already fallen in love or she just wants him, you should tell it or give a hint to the reader.

I don't understand why she feels safe with a troll. Doesn't she feel either mentally hurt or dirty being in bed with a man she doesn't even know? Is it due to the fact that she is certain to be pregnant and that it is a really good thing for humans? Or is it due to the pleasure she felt? If so, it's better to say it or hint at it.

Why does she love Randolf?

Why doesn't she think about the consequences of losing her virginity to somebody else than her betrothed? She thinks about it in the second chapter but it would make more sense if it was in the first one, maybe during her journey or at the moment when she arrives at the castle.

In the second chapter, why does she accept to go in bed with Kendall when she is already in love with Randolf? Also, the type of game with the fairies mentioned in the first chapter should be a little more explicit, because I first thought it was a normal game, not a sexual one.

I feel like you should explain the thought process of your heroine on those questions. Also, I felt like her feelings were lacking after being raped by her husband to be; she should feel more shock, but if you think she felt pleasure then perhaps you should add some masochistic thoughts or a feeling of shame being pleased by him.

All that was my thoughts about the heroine and why I couldn't relate with her. Because I don't know the norms of the genre, it may be wrong but I hope I could help you with that.

For the rest, the pacing was good but the paragraphs are too long and you should also add some punctuation when the sentence is long. I think I saw some verbs in present in a sentence written in past tense, so I suggest you be careful with conjugation. You should also be careful in your dialogues because there is a mix of direct and indirect speech. However, the descriptions were good enough to visualize but they weren't too long, which is great. Also, the sex scenes sure were scorching hot, you did a really good job on that.

I will not read more of this work because I don't really like this genre. The erotic scene in a romantic story doesn't bother me but if it's erotism just for getting erotism then I can have something that suits me better in my own mind :). I don't mean that in a bad way, it just has to do with personal taste. I hope I could be of help and if you have any question, please tell me. 

– Drown

*~*~*  

I've finished my review of Kingdom Cum. Sorry that for now, I can't do more than 5 chapters at a time (and in this story, they were longer than average).

I left inline and general comments on the chapters.

Kingdom Cum is great fun, an original, steamy and entertaining take on a traditional story (princes and princesses, fairies and trolls). I enjoyed it very much. The main issues at this stage (and that maybe explain why it's not getting as much traction as it deserves) are the length of paragraphs and the lack of direct dialogues. If the readers can get more 'space', I'm sure more of them will get hooked, read and vote. In terms of grammar, it's well written but a couple of past/present tense switches should be fixed. 

– Lila

*~*~*  

This book is unlike anything I have ever read. Fantasy is not my preferred genre because honestly, I'm not very good at imagining things, even if the author gives detailed descriptions. That's a problem that I didn't have with this book though. I got a pretty good idea what's going on. It's a good storyline with a lot of potentials. The plot did pull me in, but it was a little hard to read. I would have liked more dialogue instead of only narration. And there was the occasional swap between tenses within sentences. Grammar was good otherwise, as far as I can tell.

The characters were well drawn. But with the lack of dialogue, I didn't feel as close to them. At least not all.

All in all, with that title and the description, this book was what I expected.

Emotions were conveyed well. Even after a few days of finishing the book, I can still remember the love she felt for Randolf. A beautiful love story with heartbreaking times apart. 

– Lilly

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1. What did you think the book was about?

I was able to complete this book and I found it entertaining. It is certainly unique in style and stands out.

2. Did you feel that the book fulfilled your expectations?

With such a unique concept I didn't really have expectations. I was pleasantly surprised by how well the writer's still worked for this story.

3. What about the plot? Did it pull you in; or did you feel you had to force yourself to read the book?

It most definitely pulled me in. It was just so different than anything I have ever read before that I had to keep reading.

4. Do the characters seem real and believable? (Basically, can you relate to their predicaments? To what extent do they remind you of yourself or someone you know, if they do at all?)

Well being as this is a fantasy this doesn't really fit. No the characters didn't seem real because trolls and faeries are real but the characters were likable.

5. How was the pacing of the chapters you read? (Consider if the scenes skipped or jumped randomly. Too fast or too slow? Why?

The pacing was all right. We have he going forward in time then backtracking, then moving forward again in time. It could confuse some readers but I was able to follow along.

6. How was the description of the chapters you read? (Consider if there where any information bumps. Were there a lack of emotions, too little describing, telling rather than showing, etc.)

The story is almost all telling. The is no inaction dialogue.

7. Describe what you liked or disliked about the writer's style? Why?

I love the tongue and cheek humor. The writer doesn't take themselves to seriously. The sexual innuendos within the naming of places was a fun touch.

8. Would you read more of the author's work?

Yes, most definitely. It the future when I get a moment I'd like to continue the series.

9. Comments on the writer's strongest, weakest writing trait, help request and give your overall personal thoughts.

I enjoyed the story for what it was. I believe Nikki set out to make a light-hearted, comical, sexy fantasy romance and she did that.

It had so many parallels for me. I brought up memories of the film Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, just to name a couple. I found it very enjoyable for a wattpad story.

That being said if your goal is to publish I don't believe this style of telling the story will work for that. I believe it would benefit from instead of telling us dialogue actually having back and forth dialogue. If publishing if your goal.

The sex was fine for me because I think I get Nikki's style but I can see how some people may think it is just smut for the sake of smut. Maybe if it was told in a different manner.

I didn't mind it just pointing out something that other readers may take issue with.

I loved Jenison and I wish she had her own book. She was so hot and I was attracted to her more than any of the other male or female characters.

I like what you tried to do with this story and I think you can really take it somewhere if you decide to. 

– Tiffany

*~*~*  

I read the entire book from start to finish. It was about a Princess who falls in love with a "Troll" but not a stereotypical type of troll. His rather beautiful and handsome, which was rather a nice twist.

I thought the plot was interesting. It grabbed my attention from the start. It's a fantasy romance that's not set in the modern day and the way the author uses old-style vocabulary reflects that. I felt I was in that era which helped me to imagine myself in the story.

At times, I did find some things confusing. Like some things were contradictory. For instance, I thought she was a virgin, but then she supposedly did things with the fairies. Then, Kendal, the fairy was faithful to her one minute, then in the next, he wasn't. He did disappear towards the end of the story, and I did wonder about that, considering they were friends. Also, I got confused about how many children she had. I had to go back and re-read. I get that women were substandard to men in those days but in the story, I felt as if sex was expected as a chore and to be given, just because. She had rather a lot of casual sex for the hell of it, and I didn't feel comfortable with that. I felt empathy for her longing to be with her love and at the end of the story I was left in limbo because it just ended the way it did. Fingers crossed, she gets her happy ending in the sequel.

I've never read anything quite like this and it's rather unique. I love the concept she's got going on here and it was enough to keep my interest, but my advice to her is this. Perhaps, think about changing the names of the children to something other than the chipmunks. If she's going to self-publish on Amazon, people will be paying for that and it's hard to take a story seriously if it seems like the author doesn't. I get that the place names are all sex orientated, but people will only poke fun at the story with regards to the kids' names. That wouldn't be fair to the author who has a great story otherwise. 

– KL

*~*~*  

So far, I read chapter 1 and 5 but I am just making my big common in this chapter for now.

- As I mention good description in your writing. However, I am still having a hard time imaging what she looks like. It would be interesting if you talk more about fairy magic and the history of fairies in your book in later chapters. I did read someone that fairies are one big race and their subcategories to fairy such as trolls and elves and so forth.

I can definitely tell this is a fantasy book with your use of words. In fantasy novels depending on the timeframe, there are certain words that you use and you did a good job with selecting those.

- I get a sense of her being the weak or submissive role as a woman in this chapter. She follows along with the role of society, not having a choice to say no to the terms of that the trolls have requested.

- When I often read erotica and I do very often I like that it is not focused just on sex. I like that you have a plot, like a mentioned earlier. The children being either human or troll by the age of five is very interesting.

- I would like to see a lot more interaction in the future with the woman and her troll lover.

- I feel like you can play a lot with the troll dominance thing he has going for himself. I love the idea that he put his brand on her and she is no one else but his. It's almost like a mating bond but only he can regret it if he wants to, however, she can't.

- I am getting the sense that these trolls are the ultimate lovemaking and that their dicks are the best in the world. All other women fall madly in love or insane after leaving one of the trolls.

- Take this as a compliment when I say I can totally see my mom reading something like this for sure. When you do publish please let me know my mom love romantic fantasy erotica books.

– Jay

*~*~*

I've read six chapters of this book.

I honestly believe that you've just written the fantasy version of the Kama Sutra. The sexual encounters are very imaginative and free. It's amazing to see a female character freely exploring her sexual desires without the fear of a negative society. I like that you're using fairies and trolls, two creatures that are rarely used in novels these days, at least not in a positive view.

I'm having a bit of an issue with the lack of a storyline and dialogue to go along with your detailed descriptions. Throughout the story, it's a narrative point of view and it's and mostly sex. It's not giving me a chance to connect with the characters on an intimate level. At this point, the only one I really like so far is the Troll himself, Randolf. I feel like we know more about him and can connect with him far more than any other character and I want him to have a happy conclusion.

Other than that, I find your story fascinating and really wish that when you edit or rewrite, you would add in a solid storyline and dialogue to go along with the amazing sexual scenes. Until then, your story is only a teaser for when you release the real work of art you're hiding from us, lol.

– V

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