A/N Youtube does not have the entire song but I listen to it on Spotify so I can't put it above but this is based off the Lightning Strike by Snow Patrol.

I watched as the rain battered on the window, hard and unrelenting. The pane shook violently, only held together by my flat palm pressed up against it, hoping to feel sensation from the cool glass. I didn't. It seemed I failed to feel anything anymore. My life had lost meaning long ago. Now, I was just another man in another home with another pointless life. That alone was enough to make me give up. I wanted to be known, I wanted to do something. I had failed in both.

I wanted the storm to end, the unrelenting battering of the rain each and every day. He had been counting, that was all he had to do with his time anyway. It had been 6 months, 1 week and 1 day since it had last been sunny- well, even that day was cloudy it simply hadn't rained. The world had gone mad. 'Global warming!' They shouted. 'Human pollution!' Another said. I believed it to be something else- a punishment for the wrongdoings of humanity. I wasn't religious, nothing of the sort, I simply believed that if one did enough wrong, they would be given back an equal amount. Karma, they called it.

That single day when it hadn't rained had been perfect. It was as if the world had flooded from their homes, smiles full of glee and eyes as wide as the sun they saw in the sky. I hadn't left. The clouds were enough for me to remain in my usual, sombre state. I wasn't one for outdoors anyway and it seemed, even in the three years I had locked myself in my home- ever since I had moved from my old home at eighteen- I hadn't gained an ounce of cabin fever. I felt fine. Well, as fine as I ever was.

Until that boy came up to my door. I hadn't seen him in three years. Three. Damn. Years. And, on that one day, he decided it was time for a visit. The cerulean eyes were the first give away it was him, peeking through the window to see if I was in- only after I hadn't bothered to answer the door. Then the flop of the hair so familiar to me as he shook his head to push it from his face as he graced me with his presence- after I finally answered the door due to his incessant knocking.

That day had been the best day of my life. In that day, I had felt hope again. I didn't regret a moment of that day. As soon as I let that boy in that door after three long years, I knew I had made the right decision. 'Levi, I like you.' My eyes had gone wide, I even let out a smug laugh. A laugh that was supposed to deter him only made him smile. 'I like your laugh. It's nice.' He smiled wider. 'Now, back to the point. Levi, I like you and...I...I want to go out with you.' Three years. After three goddamn years, now he was telling me this?

After an hour though, I had learnt that I had made the right decision the moment the words 'yes' had come from my mouth. First, it was the kiss, then it was the gentle touch of his hand to my cheek and then it was his nimble fingers through my hair. I would never forget a moment of that day.

Now, I found myself wishing for the storm to be over again. For that boy to come knocking on my door. Because, it seemed, as soon as the rain had returned- he had returned home too. It was as if he couldn't let the water touch him but with the boy he was, I doubted that. So what had kept him at bay?

I soon found myself thinking that maybe the storm wasn't a punishment to the world, but to me.

I just wanted to see him one more time. A goodbye. It wasn't as if I had had one the time before. He had simply left, his hair almost a golden halo in the moonlight, with a simple wave. A wave that I had presumed meant, see you again soon.

It seemed I was wrong. He hadn't returned. Not in six months and I was afraid. Before, I had to wait three years- I didn't want to do that again. Six months was agonising. A year would shred me apart. Any longer might lead to my death.

I hadn't the hope to keep on living. Eren was my hope. Eren was gone. Eren had been gone for six months. Eren wasn't returning.

All I needed was a minute. One single minute to say goodbye or to have an explanation- one I was too preoccupied to ask for the last time. Why didn't he visit in the rain? Why did he let me rot alone? Why did he kiss me if he knew he wasn't going to return?

Maybe that was it. He knew he wasn't going to return. He kissed me because he knew he would never see me again. I couldn't be sure, there was no conclusive evidence but it seemed as good a judgement than any other. I had nothing else to go off, anyway.

I just want another goodbye! I want to have one last moment, just like the last, in the moonlight under the silver sky, lit up by the brightest of stars. Ones they hadn't seen behind the endless clouds in years. And Eren, just like the stars in the sky, looked ethereal. A melancholy moment laced in hope for a next time. One that I was not gaining.

He looked like a star. One that I would follow to the ends of the earth if I just saw him one more time. One more ounce of hope and I was his forever. I would follow him to space and back if he needed it. I would go through anything for the boy that broke down my walls.

But now the storm had found us, dragged us away from each other so that promise I made to myself was pointless. It found us just as you found me in the sunshine of a day long past. A day that I wished to return...but never did.

I didn't want this relationship to be fast, I didn't want to run. No, I liked pace, I liked the amble in a relationship. What I didn't like, what I hated, was nothing. This wasn't running, nor was it walking or even ambling. It had stopped. He was stationary. It was as if I couldn't see him in the darkness. Eren made no attempt to free himself from it and I had no idea where to begin to look.

My largest fear, more than any of that, though, was something far different. It was not whether Eren appeared or not, that was up to destiny: I had no control over destiny, never had, never will. What I was afraid of was the storm ending. The familiar rain gave me a reason for him being gone. All I needed was a reason- no matter how irrational, no matter how painful. When that rain cleared and Eren didn't come, I didn't know what would happen. No, I knew. Pain. Agonising, torturous pain. I would wonder for the rest of my short eternity why he hadn't come. Why he had never come. I would be left with nothing. But, I wasn't a coward, I wouldn't die by my own accord. I would grit my teeth and live on. Live a pointless, meaningless, dreary life.

I guess anything was better than dead.

I would have to live my entire life with the memory of those shining cerulean eyes, mussed hair and a painfully bright smile. And, as I grew old, those memories would fade- as all memories do- and I would only hear the distant echo of a time long past- a better time. One where there was a smile on my face too. If only for just a day or two.

I just wanted a stable life. I'd didn't want to guess. No, I did. I denied it for so long but I did. I wanted unsettled. I loved Eren because he was never there- if that made sense at all. Him being gone made me long, made me love. If he were here, no doubt, we'd argue and cry and shout...but we'd love each other. Maybe that was worth it. Maybe love was worth it. Maybe love was worth the rattle of the cage or the boiling of my blood.

Maybe it wasn't.

I groaned, my hand flinching from the window as the cold became too much. I glanced at the clock. I had been lost in my thoughts for only just under an hour. Great. I sighed and pursed my lips, making my way to the kitchen slowly, my legs feeling limp underneath me. But, I made it without falling- much to my surprise, and began to cook. Well, began to shove something in a microwave and wait if that counted. I could cook, I was rather good, actually, but since Eren had left, I had found myself eating worse and worse. I was surprised I hadn't gained more weight than I had. Apart from the lost muscle, I was still on the rather small side- and not just in height.

'Eren, why can't you just tell me whether you're going to bloody leave or stay!' My fist caught the edge of the table and for a single second, I almost keeled in pain. That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. Maybe this 'giving up' situation was causing my pain resistance to go down to.

I finally, after another thirty seconds of waiting, opened the microwave and rushed the soup to the table before my hands gained scalding burns. I sat down, a luxury for my legs, and ate weakly, leaving almost have the bowl when I finished.

I stayed at the table, legs swinging slowly, passing the time- the tick-tock of the clock making it all the slower. 'Eren, please come back.' I sulked, resting my head in my arms on the table, my eyes closing minutely as if I were to sleep then and there. I wouldn't be surprised if I could, boredom often brought lethargy with it.

I watched the room, analysing the cracks and the gleams. Of course, the house was spotless, making it all the duller to look out. Despite putting down almost all my hobbies, cleaning would not be one of them. If, when, Eren came back I wanted to house to be spotless- just like any other guess, I guess.

The light suddenly reflected off the glass pane of the largest window and gleamed into my unwilling eyes. I winced, hissing slightly, before shooting out of my seat to avoid the single ray of sunshine that was now hitting my chair.

Wait, sunlight. There was sunlight! I threw myself at the window and watched the outside world. The rain had stopped and the sun was shining down like a hot summer's day used to be like. Eren. Eren, Eren, Eren. He could come out now!

Would he find me? Would he look for me? Would he come out of his home? Where did he live? The questions came round and round again until I found myself bored of them. If Eren came then Eren came, if he didn't- well, that was just bad luck.

Every single day that I had lived had been painting in flames, continuous strikes of lightening followed by the distant rumble of thunder. The rain had been a constant. Eren had been a inconstant. The sun had been my hope. But, now it was here, it felt no better than a curse. I wanted Eren to be the lightning, not the sun. I wanted him to strike relentlessly until the day the storm ended. Then, I would no longer see him. But the sun only lasts a day, he would be back within a blink. But no, instead, he was the sun. The lightning was my punishment. He came in a blink and he was gone.

I stared out of the window, glaring at the harsh sun, watching as the children played below it, their smiles glowing as bright as it's rays. He hated it. It was a sick joke made to taunt him as he stayed within the safety of his home.

Then, there was the knock. The knock that meant everything. I would be happy again, even if only for a day. I ran, sprinted, leapt even towards the door and swung it open without even checking who it was.

And, there he stood.

Eren, in all his beautiful glory, stood there with a smile on his face- panting as if he had just ran a mile. 'I missed you.' He breathed, looking as if he was restraining from holding me. So, before I could think of anything to say, I pulled him into my eyes and instead of the rain coming from the clouds, it came from my eyes.

word count: 2410

published: 27.05.17