FEBRUARY: One Week After Shooting

"Mommy!"

Jackson's eyes shot open at the sound of his daughter's cries from her bedroom. She was having another nightmare. Before he could turn to wake April up, she was already up and out of bed, heading out their bedroom door. He groaned as he pushed himself up and slowly lifted his elevated bad leg off the pillow it was on. He turned on the bedside lamp so that he could easily find his crutches that were leaning on the wall close to the bed. With the help of it, he steadied himself before getting off the bed and slowly making his way to his daughter's bedroom.

Lydia was safe now, no longer in harm's way. So, you would think the daddy guilt would be gone by now. But here he was, slowly walking down the hall, feeling useless. He couldn't even get up from his bed fast enough to sooth her without being in pain.

He finally made his way to Lydia's now lit room, and took a seat at the foot of her bed. The little girl was wrapped in April's arms, who was comforting her by stroking her hair and whispering "I'm here, mommy's here"

After the shooting, sleeping in her own bed wasn't an option for Lydia. She was convinced that sleeping in her parents' bed made the nightmares go away faster. That night, they had encouraged her to sleep in her own bed, thinking it might be the best thing. She was against it at first, but agreed when they promised they would stay with her until she fell asleep. But just like every night after the shooting, she had a nightmare.

Seeing the sheen on her forehead, and her defeated look reminded Jackson of himself after the Gary Clark shooting. He too had nightmares. Ones where his friends were alive and he was the one that was dead. He now knew that what he felt then was survivor's guilt. He never talked about his nightmares to anyone, and thought Lexie was the only one who knew. He was sadly mistaken when April blew the roof off his secret when their teasing about her still being a virgin backfired. He remembered how he felt when he had those nightmares, and knew it would be even harder for his six year old daughter.

As April continued to sooth his daughter, he surveyed the room. It was spotless, exactly the way April left it the night before the shooting. His daughter wasn't the messy kind, she would just forget to put her toys away when she was done playing. The clean room didn't mean his daughter all of a sudden remembered to put her toys away, it meant she just didn't play with them anymore.

For the past week, Jackson watched as the outgoing, talkative little girl he met at Alex's house began to fade away. Gone were her animated stories about her imaginary unicorn and her favorite teddy bear. There were no more snide comments or disgusted looks when her parents showed some sort of affection towards each other. Her love for books, reading and school were gone. All the things that made his daughter herself and seemed overbearing, was gone. Jackson wished she could be overbearing and "extra" again, he missed his little munchkin.

He brought his attention back to Lydia and April. The crying had stopped, but she was still awake and afraid. He got himself more comfortable, lifting his injured leg on the bed. It was going to be a while until she fell asleep and a long while before she felt better to sleep in her own bed again.

___________

Alex stepped into the Attending's lounge and looked at the fellow parents.

"Looks like I'm not the only one looking like crap again" he commented, taking in their tired looks

Callie observed everyone for the first time since stepping into the room. She was thinking so much about her daughter that she hadn't noticed the identical defeated expressions on their faces.

"Oh man, we do look like crap" she agreed

"You guys didn't get enough sleep either huh?" Alex asked. He had to deal with a crying baby that night. He figured that his friends may have their own crying babies to deal with too.

"We only got a few hours in" April said pointing to her and Jackson, who was sitting next to her "She had another nightmare"

"So did Bailey" Derek added "Last night's was about Lydia again"

Bailey was plagued with nightmares like Lydia, but his were mostly about his curly haired friend getting hurt. He had grown weirdly protective of her suddenly, and would follow her around when they were together. Anyone outside looking in would think that the boy was crushing hard, but his parents knew it wasn't that. He was just afraid to lose his friend.

"We had to promise him he'd see Lydia today so he'd go back to sleep" Derek said

"I thought my girl was tough" Callie began "While your kids were having nightmares, she slept like a baby. I thought that maybe she would be one of the kids that weren't so affected by the shooting. But this morning, when I brought her in for her check up, she wouldn't even get out of the car."

The parents knew that the daycare would be a no-no zone for their children, but Callie didn't think the entire hospital would be that for her daughter.

"I never thought she would be afraid to come to the hospital" Callie added

"At least Sophia left the house" Meredith joined the conversation "Zola didn't feel safe enough to leave the house today"

For Zola Shepherd, her big sister instinct was kicked into overdrive. She was always on the lookout for danger, and very skeptical of everything and everyone, especially when her brother and friends were around. That morning, the nanny had planned to take her and her brother out to the park, but Zola woke up thinking something bad would happen, and wanted to stay home.

"Did anyone go to school today?" April asked

"No" both Arizona and Meredith answered

Lydia was with her grandmother while the others were with their nannies. School seemed like too much for their children to handle, and they were allowed to stay home.

Alex stood in his spot and listened to his friends share. He felt bad for them and what their kids were going through, but he was also grateful Paige was too young to remember anything. Though, that didn't mean that he and Jo didn't have their fair share of bad dreams a night or two.

"Who would have thought the same thing that happened to us would happen to them" Alex added

Their minds all went back to that dreaded day Gary Clark once again stepped into the door of Seattle Grace Mercy West. Images started flashing before them. Scared kids, a barrel of a gun pointed at themselves and others, getting shot, and the lifeless body of a best friend on the floor. It was a horrible thing, what they went through, and now, it hurt even more to know that their children had to deal with the same thing too.

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FEBRUARY: Two Weeks After Shooting

"Lydia!" April called out from the kitchen "Time for dinner"

Usually, April would get a response of "Coming". But that night, like every night lately, there wasn't.

There was little movement heard from her bedroom, and a minute later, Lydia was walking out, with her bear in hand, ready to take her seat at the table. Jackson made his way from the couch and then he and his daughter took their seats. April brought them their dinner before going back for her own and sitting at the table.

After April said grace, everyone dug in, except Lydia, who was picking at her food. Some minutes passed and she still hadn't taken a bite of her food, which making her parents worry.

Along with her personality and attitude, Lydia's eating habits had changed as well. Getting her to eat was a task sometimes. They would try giving her her favorite foods, but that didn't help at all. The parents exchanged a look, they felt like tonight was going to be one of those nights.

"Hey munchkin," Jackson said, hoping the nickname would lighten the mood "want to watch The Little Mermaid while we eat?"

He thought that maybe watching one of her favorite movies with her would make her want to eat.

"No thank you" she answered in a small voice, before finally taking a bite of her plate

Jackson and April were relieved by the act, but it quickly vanished when after the fifth bite, she said she was done.

"Are you sure?" April asked worried once again

"Yeah" the little girl answered

"You want ice cream for dessert?" Jackson asked

Ice cream at that time of the day wouldn't be allowed by April, but Jackson really wanted to be sure that she had eaten enough. And in all honesty, he would rather deal with Lydia on a sugar high, than deal with her down mood.

"No thank you" she simply replied

"Ok" April said as Lydia got off the too high chair and made her way back to her bedroom, her bear still in her hand

The couple shared another look before getting back to their dinner. It had only been two weeks, but the parents were quickly getting tired of their daughter's changing personality. Out of the two, Jackson was taking the change the hardest, and April had noticed.

After a few minutes of barely eating himself, Jackson declared that he was full and left the table, heading to their bedroom on his crutches. Jackson didn't notice it, but the daycare shooting had changed him just like it did their daughter. His mood was at an all time low. April had never seen him like that before.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the ringing phone. She got up and made her way to the phone on the charger in the living room, answering it on the third ring.

"Hello?" she answered without checking the caller's ID

"Hello sweetheart" April heart her mother's voice on the other end

"Hey mom" she said with a slight smile, she needed her mother "What are you up to?"

"Just thought I'd call and check up on you guys" she answered "How are y'all doing?"

"Not so well" April answered truthfully

"Talk to me" Karen stated, giving her daughter permission to vent

"I'm happy that they're O.K and with me" she began "But what happened is affecting them more than I thought it would. It's hard to be happy when they aren't"

"That's what happens when you really love and care about someone, their happiness affects yours"

April smiled at her mother's words, she was right.

"I just want to make them happy again" she said

"I know you do, but it's not going to just get better in two weeks, it'll take longer than that"

"I know. But it's just frustrating. I hate seeing my baby sad and not herself and I hate seeing Jackson beat up himself and feel guilty about something he couldn't control"

Jackson hadn't told her about the daddy guilt, but his behavior, specifically around Lydia, gave him away.

"He's a good dad, they tend to always be like that" Karen said thinking of a memory "This reminds me of the time when Libby fell off your dad's tractor when she was little"

"I remember that story" April said as she recalled the time her older sister told her the story behind the scar on her arm.

"What your sister didn't know was how guilty Joe felt after it happened. He had told her to be careful around the tractor and to not go around it when he wasn't around to help. But we all know Libby, little miss 'I do what I want'. She climbed up that thing anyway and then fell. Even though she disobeyed him, he still felt bad, and thought he should have been watching her more carefully. Dads will always be overprotective of their daughters"

April smiled, grateful that her mother had told her that. But that still didn't change the fact that she just wanted her family to be happy.

_______

FEBRUARY: Four Weeks After Shooting

Jackson sat at the small round dining room table, and watched as his daughter sat on the floor, in the middle of the living room, coloring to her heart's content.

I had been a few weeks, and things were getting a bit better, due to the therapy and time passed. But it was not at the pace he would like. She was back at school, but she wasn't into it like she used to be. She was back to coloring and playing with her toys, but not with the same animation enthusiasm as before. They had tried getting her to sleep in her bed again, but that didn't turn out well. Now, their daughter had taken up permanent residence in their bed, and Jackson wasn't that bothered by it. Yes it got in the way of he and April getting intimate, but it would be a total buzz kill to hear your child's screams in the middle of sex. He knows that "Child Experts" frown against letting your child sleep in your bed, but it was the only way he knew to ease her troubles.

"How is she?" asked Catherine

His mother had taken another of her trips to visit them. It had gotten quite frequent after the shooting. She was sitting next to him, watching Lydia color as well.

"She's still having nightmares" he answered, eyes still glued on his daughter

Catherine looked at him as he answered, she could tell that he was still worried about her.

"You know, I used to have them too" he said after a minute of silence

"What?" she asked, a bit confused as to what he was talking about

"Nightmares" he answered

Though it had happened years ago, he had never told his mother about the nightmares after the Gary Clark shooting.

"After Charles and Reed got killed, I would wake up almost every night screaming" he explained "It was very frightening for me, so I know how scary it could be for her"

"Jackson" she said his name caringly, taking his hand in hers, processing this piece of information she had heard for the very first time

"She's a little girl, she shouldn't be having dreams about her, her mother and her friends getting shot" he said holding back tears "I shouldn't be having to whisper to her no one's going to kill her so she could go back to sleep"

"You couldn't have stopped that woman" Catherine said

"I know" he replied "I just want her nightmares go away. I want the chatty, outgoing, animated little girl I met at Alex's to come back"

"Here's the thing about being her dad sweetheart..." Catherine began, grabbing his chin and turning his head to face her "There are going to be times when you won't to be able to protect her, and take the pain away. All you can do is be there for her when she needs you"

He gave her a slight nod of understanding before turning his back to Lydia. He may not be able to always protect her, but he was going to try with everything in him to make her happy again, and he was never going to stop.

________

Two Days Later

"Do you really think this will work?" April whispered to Jackson as to not wake the little girl that was sleeping between them

Jackson was at his breaking point. He was done watching his daughter cry from bad dreams, done watching the little girl he met years ago slip slowly away from them. He was done seeing her down, he wanted to make her happy, wanted to see her carefree. After talking with his mother, he began brainstorming on ways he could get his little girl back. That day, what he believed was the perfect solution came to him, and he couldn't wait to share it with April. Now that Lydia was finally asleep, he decided to pitch his plane before she woke up from another dream.

April was a bit hesitant at first, but once Jackson explained it some more, she was all for it. The only problem was that she was worried it may not work. She too was at her breaking point when it came to their daughter's happiness. Even though therapy was helping, she still felt like they was more they could do.

"Yes" Jackson answered "It may not be permanent, but it would be worth it to see her happy for just a while"

She thought for a minute before answering "Ok"

"So we do it?" he asked with a grin

"We do it!" she replied

________

MARCH: Two Months After Shooting

"Are we there yet mommy?" Lydia asked as she sat in the back seat of her mother's car

April had woken her up early that morning and told her that they had a big day ahead of them. The little girl's curiosity perked up and she'd been asking about what they doing since she was told. They were now off to some unknown destination, and Lydia didn't like being left in the dark.

"No not yet. But we'll be there soon" April answered glancing at the impatient little girl in the mirror

Jackson and April had put their plan into play, to get their daughter on the path back to herself. It had began as just the thing between them, but April, noticing the moods of her friends one day, thought it would something both them and their kinds would enjoy and appreciate.

That day was supposed to be a break. A pause from the horrible thing that happened. A time to forget, be happy and just have fun.

For a while, Lydia sat there fiddling with the bow on Mr. Avery Bear. He had been by her side ever since she came home from the daycare that day. It was hard to not have him around. Now that she was back in school, she would sneak him into her backpack and pull him out during recess. The therapist said it was some sort of coping mechanism.

Lydia soon got bored playing with her bear and decided to look outside the window. Maybe she could figure out where there where going before they got there. She studied the landscape she passed by, and to her satisfaction, she did recognize it. A grin appeared on her face as she faced forward.

"I know where we're going!" She teased her mother, proud that she had figured it out

"And where is that?" April asked

"The barn!" Lydia answered

"What barn?" April asked acting clueless

"The barn where you and daddy are supposed to get married" she explained

"Oh, that barn"

"Am I right?" Lydia asked when he mother didn't confirm her theory

"You'll have to wait and see" April smiled

The mood in the car had changed instantly. Lydia was now excited. If they were going back to the barn, that meant her parents would getting married soon. And hopefully, her daddy doesn't get hurt in an accident again.

The little girl's suspicion was finally proven when they pulled up in front of the barn.

"I knew it!" She cheered

April got out of the car before helping an eager Lydia out. They stood in front of the barn and watched as men and woman hurried around putting up decorations. The little girl looked around confusingly. Why we're they putting up decorations? Was somebody else getting married there?

"Is someone getting married here today?" She asked

"Yep" April answered

"Who?"

"Daddy and I are" her mother simply answered

Lydia's head shot up towards her mother. She figured the barn meant the wedding was coming. She just didn't think that it would be that day.

"Really?" She asked

"Mhm" April nodded

A wide smile appeared on her daughter's face, and April knew that they had done the right thing. Just then, Jo appeared behind them.

"Finally, you guys made it" she said

"Dr. Jo, mommy and daddy's wedding is today!" Lydia sheared the exciting news

"I know" Jo smiled down at her before looking up at April "The ladies are waiting and Cristina has already began drinking" she informed

All of their friends had known about the plan, except for the kids. Telling them meant telling Lydia. Everyone was on board and happy to help in whatever way they could. They had all gone through something tough, and they needed the time to just forget and be happy.

"Ok, time to go" April said urgently, Cristina drinking that early didn't always lead to the good situations

"Where are we going?" Lydia asked when April began to lead them away from the barn

"We're going to get changed" April answered

"Do I get to wear my dress?" Lydia asked excitedly, remembering the dress she had gotten for her parents wedding

"Yes" April answered a broad smile

"And Mr. Avery Bear?" She said holding up her bear

"His bowtie is ironed and ready"

Lydia smiled and began to happily skip alongside her mother. April didn't realize she would have been so relieved to see her daughter skip again.

________

Their wedding day had turned out perfect. Though not every single person who was invited before could make it this time, the most important people were there, and for that they were grateful. The decorations were great, the dresses still looked amazing even though they've been tucked away in closets for weeks. Everything was just flawless.

But, it wasn't the people or decorations that made it perfect, it was seeing Lydia's big smile as she watched her mother walk down the aisle. That smile remained on her face throughout the whole ceremony, except for the part where her parents had to kiss. He disgusted face and the audible "eww", had the guest laughing. For the whole time, it was hard for someone to look at her and not smile as well.

After dozens of pictures, everyone drove to where the reception was going to be held. Catherine had gone all out, booking the ballroom of one of the classiest hotels in Seattle. Music was playing, drinks were flowing and Lydia, Bailey, Zola and Sophia were running out the room, bringing their parents a huge sense of relief, even if it may only last for the night.

After Jackson and April shared their first dance as husband and wife, the reception host made an announcement.

"Alright! Now, it's time for the father daughter dance" he said

Jackson stepped aside, allowing Joe Kepner to have his turn, before searching the crowd for his daughter. He spotted her with her friends who were now sitting at a table because their running around had gotten a bit out of hand. He approached the table, and once he was in front of her, he kneeled down to her level as much as his healing leg would allow.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked getting her attention

Lydia turned at the voice and smiled when she realized it was her father "You remembered!"

"Of course I did" he smiled back

The year before, during the wedding planning, Lydia heard her parents talking about the father daughter dance, and argued that she and Jackson should get to dance too. She had made her father promise that they would dance next to her mother and grandfather.

Lydia jumped off the chair, and placed her bowtie clad teddy bear in her seat. She gave it a stern look, like the one April would give her when she needed to stay still. Jackson watched with a grin, his daughter was coming back.

"Ok, let's go" She said grabbing onto his hand and pulling him towards the almost bare dance floor.

Once there, Lydia lifted her arms towards her father, prompting to him that she wanted to be lifted. He obliged, rolling his eyes at her childish antics. Her legs clung to his sides and her short arms draped over his shoulder. Once the music began, Jackson began swaying from side to side and she placed her head on his shoulder. Jackson couldn't remember the last time he held his daughter like this when she wasn't crying. It felt great that this hold was a happy one, and not one with the purpose of soothing.

Lydia's eyes scanned the room as they danced. Her eyes fell on Catherine, Richard and Harper, who were watching them with smiles. Seeing them brought up a thought that had been jumping around her mind for some days now.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?" Jackson answered

"Can we go to Boston?"

Jackson was a bit thrown off by the sudden mention of Boston, but thought of her question anyway. He remembered their last visit there, and how much his daughter had enjoyed it. If another vacation to Boston would make her happy, he would willingly do it.

"We would have to discuss it with mommy first, but we can spend the summer in Boston" he answered her question

"No daddy, I don't want to go there for just a summer" she corrected him "I want to go live there with grandma Cat"

Jackson brows furrowed "Why do you want to live in Boston?" he asked

"Cause we'll be safer there" she simply answered "There's no accidents and people with guns there... right?"

Jackson slowed his swaying, being taken aback by her response. He didn't like that his daughter didn't feel safe in Seattle...though, he wasn't sure why he felt safe and hadn't ran back to Boston after all the messed up stuff that had happened to them. How was he going to tell his daughter that there were accidents and people with guns in Boston too? How was he going to explain that it would be very hard to get away from those things? Maybe the only thing he could do was tell her the truth.

"When your mom and I just started working at the hospital, we had two friends, Charles and Reed" he began his story "One day, a bad man came into the hospital with a gun and shot them"

Lydia quickly lifted her head of his shoulder to look at him. She had heard about Reed and Charles before, but she never heard the story about them dying.

"Really?" she asked with a frown

"Yeah"

"Were you ad mommy sad?"

"We were. I even had nightmares just like you"

Lydia's eyes widened at the information, she didn't think her daddy could have nightmares.

"Why didn't you go live with grandma Cat in Boston?"

His reason of not wanting to be in Harper Avery's shadow might be too complicated for a six year old to understand. But there was one reason he knew she would.

"I couldn't leave mommy"

The deaths of their best friends had hit them really hard, especially April, who could get over slipping in her friend's blood and falling next to her dead body. There was no way he was going to leave her to deal with it by herself, around people they weren't yet friends with.

Lydia looked at her friends. Sophia and Bailey was with their mothers while Zola had joined the father daughter dance with Derek.

"I don't want to leave my friends" she said

"Didn't think you would" he said "The sad thing is munchkin, bad things will happen no matter where you are. But the awesome thing is that you'll always have mom and I to protect you"

Lydia didn't like that bad things happened in Boston or wherever else she may want to move to, but there was a sense of relief knowing that she'll always have her parents. Lydia placed her head back on his shoulder, and the swaying went back to its normal pace.

Thinking of what he had said, Jackson felt a little guilty. April was the one who protected her during the shooting, not him. He instantly felt the need to apologize, and scolded himself for not doing it before.

"I'm sorry for not protecting you in the daycare" he said

"It's ok daddy" she replied "Your leg was broken"

A weight was lifted off of Jackson's shoulders when he heard that. She wasn't mad at him like he thought she would be. She understood her father's predicament and why he couldn't do what her mother did.

"You couldn't protect me from the bad lady, but you protected me from other stuff" she added

"Other stuff like what?" he asked

"My bad dreams about the bad lady" she stated

"Really?" Jackson asked brows furrowed

"Yeah. When I sleep next to you, the bad dreams don't come" she answered

Jackson thought back to the time her nightmares were really bad and realized that she was right. The nights she spent curled up next to him we're the nights she never had a bad dream. It now made sense why now, she requested that Jackson stay with her in her room until she fell asleep. He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. He had been helping her more than he thought he was.

"What else do I protect you from?" he asked, interested in her answer

"Monsters, Evil Pixie Fairies" she listed

"I hate Evil Pixie Fairies" Jackson said, faking disgust for his daughter's imaginary creations

Lydia laughed at her father, causing him to join her. It might just be for a day, but Jackson was glad that he finally made his little girl happy. A few feet away, watching them as she danced, April felt the same way. Her family felt like it was finally back on the right track to being the way it supposed to be, happy and complete.

_______________________

MERRY CHRISTMAS READERS!

*insert christmasy gif here*

And as I promised, here's the new chapter! You weren't expecting the wedding in this chapter did you? Was this a good Christmas gift? I really hope so. Please comment and tell me what you think. And if you like the chapter, please be sure to give it a vote. 

This chapter marks the end of a story arch and in the next chapter, a new arch will start. I have an idea of where I want the story to head, but I have no final ideas. I'm planning to update it the same day Grey's comes back. I know, it sucks, but I really want to have a solid idea of where I'm headed. That way, I'll be able to post more often next year.

So,

HAPPY HOLIDAYS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And hopefully, our ship gets back together and they are stronger than ever.

TEAM JAPRIL!

_________

Want to give a shoutout to datxgettoxcat . She's a cool chick, go check her stuff out!