🖇·˚ ༘ ┊͙[ chapter eight ] ! ˊˎ

╰─▸ professor lupin, self-hatred and unwanted sympathy

     I COULD HEAR THE MURMURS SLOWLY fade from my earshot, as I fled to my next class. To my dismay, the classroom was already pretty full and it turned out that it wasn't as early as I had thought. I had never seen the DADA classroom look like this before. The tables and chairs were completely gone and there was a strange shaking wardrobe at the front of the room; beside it was Professor Lupin.

     "y/n!" I looked around and finally found Ava and Spencer calling me from a corner of the room.

     "What just happened?" Ava asked me.

     "What do you mean?" I asked.

     "In the courtyard. Apparently, you lashed out at Diggory." Spencer said.

     I rolled my eyes, "God, if that's what he's telling people, then that's pathetic," I said coldly.

     I wouldn't say it was that rude. Sure, I could have given him a chance to speak or clear the air, but I didn't want his pity. I didn't want charity or sympathy. All I wanted was for people to mind their own business, which apparently, at Hogwarts, is impossible.

     "Well, what did happen?" Ava asked.

     "Look, I don't want to talk about it." I put down my bag next to theirs and averted my attention to the wardrobe and professor. The two girls were staring at me and I could feel their eyes burning into the side of my head. I looked back at them and the eyes that were once daggers were now pleading back at me.

     "Guys it's nothing. I'm just sick of all this Sirius crap and unfortunately for him, Diggory just happened to be the first person I saw." I shrugged.

     "Alright everybody, could I have your attention?" Lupin announced from the front of the classroom. "Firstly, do we have everyone?" he studied the room, I imagine, to count the heads in front of him,

    I looked back at the entrance to the classroom, in perfect timing, to see Cedric and his friends enter the room. The two boys beside him, Anthony Rickett and Malcolm Preece glared straight at me, before turning their attention to the racket coming from inside the wardrobe.

     "Perfect. Right well does anyone know what I have here with me?" the Professor inquired. The room fell silent. The lull lingered for a moment, before I raised my hand, "yes, Miss y/l/n?"

     I nodded my head and he sent me a warming smile. My Uncle had told me a lot about his time at Hogwarts, and he described them as the times he was the happiest. I assumed because of the man currently teaching me. Remus Lupin. Sirius spoke so admirably of him; almost like family.

     "Is it a boggart sir?"

     He nodded, "that is correct. Very good." he sent me another soft smile, before turning back to the rest of the class, when Spencer nudged my side and looked at me as if to ask how did you know that?

     I shrugged, "What? I read a lot over summer." I defended.

      I had always enjoyed the academic part of the school and was a straight O student. I had always taken pride in school, as well as Quidditch of course. Defence against the Dark Arts happened to be one of my favourite subjects and Lupin seemed nice already.

     I shifted back to the front and I could feel the eyes of the Hufflepuffs burning into the back of my head.

     "And does anyone know what a boggart looks like?" the professor continued.

     Once again, there was a pause where no one seemed to know anything and I was the only one to attempt an answer. As I raised my hand, the professor nodded in my direction. "No one really knows. Boggarts are shape-shifters. They become whatever the person faced with one fears the most."

     "Correct again, Miss y/l/n, five points to Slytherin," he responded, smiling and I returned a smile back. "Today, we will be learning a very simple charm which will allow us to repel a Boggart. Let's practice it now. Without wands, please. After me. Riddikulus!"

     "Riddikulus." the class repeated.

     "Excellent. So much for the easy part. You see, the incantation alone is not enough. What really finishes a boggart is laughter. You need to force it to assume a shape you find truly amusing. So, let's try it. Could you all please form a line behind me?" he lifted his hands out directly in front of him and the class hastily began bustling around, eager to make it as close to the front as they possibly could. The three of us managed to reach almost exactly the front of the line.

     Ava went first out of the three of us and as she approached the shaking furniture, it opened and out slithered a very large snake?

     I noticed her tense up and shakily lift her wand towards the reptile, that was now, hissing violently. "Riddikulus!" she shouted. I could hear the panic in her voice but soon the serpent transformed into a jack-in-the-box that was now swinging back and forth in the same motion that the snake had done.

     "Wonderful!" Lupin said, cheerily.

     She laughed and turned around to return to the corner where we had been previously waiting.

     I leaned over to her whilst I still had the chance, as she passed Spencer and I, remaining in the line, "a snake? Bit ironic, no?"

     "Whaaattt?" she defended, elongating the vowel.  "They move weirdly. It creeps me out."

     I let out a little chuckle and focused back on Spencer who was now staring at the boggart, that was currently changing shape once more. It had soon transfigured into a grey sky, that was thundering loudly, lightning striking from the grey clouds.

     Spencer had always had a fear of thunder and lighting. I remember one winter's night, the weather was particularly awful and just like this. Spencer was terrified and it took Ava and me hours to calm her down and eventually get her to sleep.

     "Riddikulus!" she said, panic also evident in her voice.

     The clouds evaporated and the sky was clear blue now. The sun had appeared from behind the thunder and turned into a bright red balloon that began flying around the classroom. She too laughed at the charm and joined Ava at the back of the classroom.

     I faced the front once more and I then realized that I had forgotten that I had to go next. The idea of my biggest fear frightened me more than it did at the moment. And maybe that was because I didn't know what it was. Spiders? Heights? Although, I'm not sure how a boggart could show someone's fear of heights in the form of an object.

     Except, my biggest fear was neither spiders nor heights.

     The sunny scene shifted into something more sinister. Stood before me was, myself.

     I studied the girl. She had the same green robes I currently had on and her hair scruffy and unbrushed, tucked behind her ears. Her eyes were completely bloodshot and she gave me a look of desperation. They were all puffed up and mascara was smudged roughly across her face, which was soaked from the tears.

     What sort of fear was this?

     I noticed my breathing becoming heavier and my legs feeling weak. I squinted my eyes to try and refocus on the girl that I was apparently so terrified of. But I forgot what was going on.

     What was the charm? What was I looking at? Where was I?

     I raised my wand, my hand shaking uncontrollably.

     "Miss y/l/n?" Professor Lupin's voice became faint. "Miss y/l/n?" he tried again.

     I suddenly came back to reality. The room was quiet and I could feel that all the eyes were on me. I took a quick, shaky breath in and my eyes became focused again. I looked up at Lupin, who sympathetically encouraged me with his wand as he mouthed the charm once again.

     "Riddikulus," I said weakly and emotionless. No panic there, just confusion and stress. The girl's robes evolved into a bright and fun clown costume; she was no longer a miserable mess. As for actual me, I sure felt like one.

     I gathered myself enough to walk away from the boggart to join my friends, who gave me the same sympathetic look that Lupin did, and yet I couldn't stand being in the same room any longer. I roughly grabbed my bag and raced to the door. As I did, I locked eyes with Diggory. He furrowed his eyebrows, almost with concern. I ignored him like everyone else and with that, left.