13/10/20

__________

relentless pursuit,
of an harbour
possessing this mysticism,
to feel safe,
to feel like
you're the eye of the storm,
calm and inaccessible,
while the world around you,
is a crumbling facade,
and their absence,
makes you feel lost,
as if doors are being shut
from every dimension,
encasing you,shutting down options.
you need their warmth,
their invariant love and patience,
they're the vital rays,
kissing your cold skin,
as you seek them
with outstretched arms,
it's taken a while,
breaking down each brick,
melting your walls,
as you let them in
its indescribable,
how they feel so familiar,
the smell of crisp morning dew,
like the crackling of the embers
so serene to your ears,
their warm embrace,
keeping you company
when you're feeling forlorn.

_________

Epiphany : It is surely an undesirable feeling, when you're constantly involved in this endless cycle of mistrust and suspicion. That you're constantly on the verge of getting tears, as you balance yourself on the slopes, feeling like you're already sliding down into victimhood. It is exhausting and emotionally draining when your thoughts are clinging onto someone else's life and their presence is your biggest validation in the relationship.
In love, we essentially seek peace, we need an escape from the reality that's harsh, we need a home where we can shed down the hazy masks. It's not supposed to be torturous. Or mentally draining. And all this invariably stems out of trust.
We often doubt ourselves the most, and let each tiny insecurity define and redefine our character persuading ourselves to believe that we're unlovable. We do have a ticking clock planted deeply at the back of our minds counting the days and weeks before this relationship falls apart just like any other else. We, by default consider ourselves to be a part of this competition with people of the same sex, feeling insecure about the attributes they possess uniquely. Being in constant worry of them stealing away your forever person. We strive deeply to be a better individual and a better soul than our imperfect authentic selves.
But all I need to convey is, trust is not a choice its a necessity. For all I know its always a leap of faith, because if you think you want to be sure, just ask yourselves. Can you ever be thoroughly sure about anything?
We'll never be perfect. We can never get rid of certain insecurities. We're just meant to find someone who will fall in love with our scarred, imperfect, noisy, careless and raw, but real self, sharing honesty in every aspect. Now when you're so terribly entangled into each other, the question of losing the person is insignificant altogether.
As someone truly said, you can't trust everyone you love, but you can always love, someone you trust.