The thought of losing her again weighed Kylo down. He couldn't breath. He was losing himself and he couldn't find his way back. It triggered a memory that he thought he'd left behind with the boy he use to be. It took him by surprise and it pulled him deeper into his subconscious...

He saw himself running from room to room but she was no where to be found. He'd searched shuttle after shuttle, temple after temple, all of their special places and anywhere else he could think to look. Even Lana hadn't seen her and since he'd taken them both in, the two we're inseparable when he wasn't around. She couldn't just disappear... she couldn't just vanish... and then he heard his uncle. Of course! His hope nearly burst from his chest at the sound of his uncle's voice. Of course she'd be with him!

He ran to his uncle happier to see him then he had been in years. His feet stopped ahead of the Master Jedi before him and scanned the area around him with frantic eyes. When he didn't see her tugging at his robes or following at his feet with wonder in her big hazel eyes, his rushed breathing quieted and his pulse died down in his ears. Confusion filled the place where his hope had been. Nausea turned his stomach as his panic churned like heavy waves. His uncle froze just in front of him.

"What is it Ben?" He calmly asked the young man.

The young version of himself slowly moved forward. He passed his uncle's heavily robed form to peek behind him, thinking maybe she was playfully hiding from him, but she wasn't there either. He gently squeezed the little stuffed Wookiee that his father had given him as a small boy. He'd come back from being gone for several months and the plush version of his uncle Chewie had been a consolation prize of yet again, another missed birthday. He wanted to hate his father but the combination of the doll and the miniature version of the Millennium Falcon that he had presented him with showed more thought then he'd received from his father in what felt like years. They'd spend hours playing with the silly toys, narrowly escaping one threat after another, conquering good over evil one harrowing space mission at a time and all in the comfort of the safety of their imagination.

The only other time he'd ever held his father's attention that long was while he taught him to pilot the ship he loved more then his family.

Ben had given that doll, the most valuable possession he owned, to Kira shortly after they met. He'd found her curled up and laying on the floor of the cockpit of her parents shuttle. She was clutching the pilots char and crying into the bends of her arms.  They hadn't even known each other long and yet he felt more hurt through her heartache then he'd ever felt over his own abandonment.

She missed her family and he'd completely found himself in her pain. He could understand her feelings of abandonment and the lack of belonging that cane with it. He'd given her the only thing he'd secretly taken with him to the academy, the only thing that ever brought him comfort, until she came along.

She said nothing as she accepted it and she didn't need to. Her small hands wrapped around his neck and she clung to him, crying out all of her pain in his arms. It was the second of the only two times he'd ever caught her crying and she'd fallen asleep like that, wrapped up in his long awkward arms while curled up in a broken little ball. There after, she'd woken up with a new light in her eyes. He became her belonging and his gift was her most valued treasure. She took it everywhere with her, always hiding it in her robes. She would never leave without it, so she had to be here somewhere.

"Where is she?" He'd suddenly yelled at his uncle.

The Jedi shoo'd away those who'd gathered around him to welcome him back.

"Where is who?" He calmly asked his nephew after the onlookers had finally all cleared the area.

"You know who! Where's Kira?" He could feel a bile rising in his throat.

He knew his Master was feigning ignorance but why? Why would he do that? Suddenly the words his grandfather had warned him about came rushing forward. He'd been told of Luke's jealousy towards his nephew's relationship with the girl. He was warned that this would happen. He was warned that he couldn't trust his uncle.

The older man straightened himself and spoke as though he'd rehearsed his lines a thousand times. "Oh... she'll be at one of the other temples for a few months. She's been progressing so nicely that I thought it was time to push her studies forward. I'm sure she'll be back before you know it." He said warmly, lying through his teeth.

He leaned closer to his nephew and placed his hand on his head. He ruffled his hair with a gesture that would have been more fitting if he were a much younger boy but his uncle wouldn't notice the difference since he was never here to notice anything of consequence around his temples. The teen balled his fists at his sides and he angrily glared into his face as they were nearly already the same height.

"You're a liar." He yelled. He could feel his chest swelling with hate just as his eyes pricked with tears. "A liar and a thief!" He exclaimed, broadening his chest with a newly bared animosity.

His uncle recoiled unable to process what he was seeing, unable to grasp the hurt and rage coming from his young nephew, his best and strongest student. He knew the boy would be upset but this reaction was beyond anything he could have imagined. Everything about his stance and demeanor had changed and he swore he could see darkness swirling in his young eyes.

"You took her from me." He raged as large heavy tears rolled down his cheeks. "She wouldn't leave me!" He pictured his mother letting his hand go as his father led him to the Millennium Falcon for the last time. "She wouldn't abandon me like every one else!" Then the young man remembered when he'd first come here, the first time he'd felt as isolated as he did now and Ren fell further back in time.

He was curled up alone in his new room at the temple. It was dark, there was no real bed, he didn't recognize anyone and his uncle barely payed attention to him. He'd told him everyone here would be treated equally and they could have no personal items. He hugged the little Wookiee to his chest, thankful that his uncle hadn't yet found it. Attachments of any kind were forbidden but Ben was seven and he'd lost everything he'd ever know on the hope of becoming a Jedi.

He was excited at first. He was coming to a place where there would be others like him. There was no longer a reason to feel different, no longer a reason to be treated like a monster that the other kids wouldn't play with, but when he got here everything got worse. The second the other kids found out who he was, they avoided him like the plague. There were whispers around him but Luke had forbidden them to speak of his lineage so the small boy never knew of what the others spoke of behind his back.

His famed uncle had told Ben it was because he was his nephew and he didn't want them to think he could be treated with favoritism but in reality they were as terrified as his parents were of him. They''d learned of who his grandfather was and because of this and the power he already had at such a young age he was exiled from his peers. He was left to himself most of the time and when he did find some acceptance those students were transferred to other temples. Luke never allowed his students to get close enough to Ben for fear that he would find out what he wanted kept secret. Those around him had known more about his lineage then Ben did himself... because he was lied to.

Now Ben squeezed the stuffed toy in his much larger hands, knowing she would have never left it behind. Luke had taken her without even telling her she wasn't coming back. He realized as he stared up at his Great Jedi, uncle.

Luke was lying to his nephew again, like he was still that blind little boy who'd first come to his temple. From the beginning Ben struggled and worked hard everyday to impress him. He rose above all of the other students and even some of the masters and he did it in a very short time. Eventually only his uncle had the knowledge and power great enough to further Ben's studies and he wore his uncle down until they were near inseparable. They did everything together and he admired him near a worship. He thought the Jedi could do no wrong and he aspired to be like him in every way.

Now as a young man he saw through his uncle's clever deceptions. He stood almost staring down at the Jedi he once loved. The Jedi who led him around blindly by that love. As a boy he turned a cheek to everything that didn't sit right about his teachings. They hunted relics together as well as the Dark siders they came across. A new order was rising around them and they vainly ignored it, thinking it beneath their pursuit of knowledge.

As the boy got older he saw through the glowing cracks around him. He began to realize the way of the Jedi was inferior to the way the Force could and should be interacted with and he'd learned this in his isolation through his own curiosity. He started questioning things as was inevitable with maturity and he started to enjoy the hunt with a new passion. He was just as much a relic hunter as his uncle, always seeking knowledge of the old ways, but Ben began seeking it for other reasons. And when he hunted Dark siders, he hunted with a fury for vengeance, blaming them for his wavering light as though they had any control over the darkness that always nipped at his heals like a starving Rancor. As he'd gotten older he realized that he'd only been killing them with the hopes that he could eradicate the darkness in himself. Now staring into his thieving uncle's clear blue eyes, Ben swore to kill two Jedi for every one Dark user he'd slain.

Ben remembered how lost he'd been before Kira had come along. The questions and darkness that pulled at his mind never stopped. And then she was here and she brought with her the most incredible Light in the Force he'd ever seen. She'd brought a quiet, calming peace to the dark thoughts and impulses that always struggled to escape his control. She had slowly been restoring his faith in the Light and now Luke had taken her away.

Why? Didn't he want Ben to stay in the Light? Wouldn't he encourage her influence on him? He was already mostly left to self training. Luke was abandoning him just like his parents had and until now he'd been ok because he had Kira.

The last trip Luke had taken him on had been months ago. They had gone to Mustafar which he'd had to beg his uncle to allow him to join him on, and while his uncle was hunting for Dark siders and their rumored artifacts he'd run into the Acolytes from the Beyond. It was his first response to eradicate them just as his uncle had taught him, but the strange cult had recognized him immediately and they had presented him with the most important history lesson he would ever learn; who his grandfather really was.

Ben had always fought and struggled with the dark and it had all made sense as to why that was occurring after he learned the truth, but still he guarded himself against the dark, taking matters into his own young hands. He began researching his own history. Not trusting another with his mind so easily ever again.

Was taking Kira his punishment for not killing them? Did Uncle Luke somehow find out? Was he upset that Ben had finally discovered out the truth of who his grandfather really was? It should be me who's upset! It should be my right to punish Uncle Luke for lying to me and not telling me the truth of who I am, of not telling me of the legacy that I was left to follow because he was to weak to do so himself! The young man fumed internally.

Rey was tugging and pulling at Ren's arm and it was this jerking motion that tore him free from the overwhelming memory he'd thought he'd left behind when he became Kylo Ren. It had been all too easy for Luke to take that small girl from him then, he was so distracted and to young to do anything about it.

He wouldn't give her up now. He wouldn't lose her again, not to Luke and not to himself! He wouldn't be left with nothing! His darkness filled him to his core and he took another step forward but her frantic tugging brought him hesitance. 

If he acted and he killed everyone here— She'd choose to leave him herself. She'd run and he'd chase her to the ends of the universe cutting down anything in between them and even if he caught her... he'd never really get her back. Nothing... he'd have nothing. What was his grandfather's legacy if He couldn't have his own? Kylo and this girl were bond together by things bigger then themselves. She was meant to be apart of his legacy and it changed everything for him if he could have her there with him in the end. No, he couldn't be left with nothing ever again!

Not nothing, you could force her. His darkness urged him forward. The image of her at his side in black gear with her crimson saberstaff illuminating her form was so tantalizing.

Rey could feel something happening. She couldn't get into his head but she could feel so many things pushing through their bond all at once and she was getting dizzy. Her head hurt and she felt suddenly nauseous. She tugged against his painful grip. She had Force froze Poe for his own and the man at her side's safety. Ren seemed to have vacated his mind to go somewhere else. Though it was quick and she could already sense him slightly coming back, his mind was locked up so tight that she couldn't even glimpse at what he was thinking. She didn't know what to do she couldn't even speak through their bond now. He'd never closed her voice out of his head before. Luke stood three feet from them with his lightsaber ignited and he was saying something to Ren but she couldn't make it out with the chaos coming through their bond to wrack at her brain.

Rey was desperate to help him. Her bond absolutely demanded that she keep him safe while he was vulnerable. She'd never felt a stronger urge in her entire life and she owed him that too. She stepped in front of the At-At of a man who could crush her under his boot with one wrong move and reached for his face with her free hand. Her palm rested on his cheek while her fingers pulled his focus onto her and when he saw her, his bruising grip on her arm released. His eyes were so dark that she shivered under their unearthly stare but she didn't look away.

"Ben... ?" Luke called out to the lost man who suddenly looked like the young nephew he'd lost so long ago. He could see his eyes flickering from the present to the past and back again. Luke knew that look, he'd seen it many times before in his young nephews face and now he was seeing it in him as a man. Was Ben really somewhere in there?

The name coming from Luke's mouth to his very confused nephew was a foolish mistake and it put Rey in a very dangerous position. "That's not my name!" His disoriented voice growled.

Kylo's eyes darkened until Rey couldn't find where his pupil ended and his irises began and sensing the immediate danger in how distant they'd become, Rey attempted to stepped back but he caught her with his mind. "You will not leave me!" He commanded.

"I will not leave you." She went blank under his Jedi mind trick. She stood next to him unable to flee from his delirious wrath. In his mind she was secure now. She couldn't run even if she wanted to.

He couldn't see her anymore, he only saw his uncle and the threat he posed in taking the girl he was now unconsciously shackling to him with his power.

Poe came free of Rey's Force hold the second she lost her will to Ren's Force. He lifted his blaster towards Ren only to be met with the hand of his Force around his throat. He lifted Poe until his feet dangled above the ground. Luke stepped up to them with an urgency but Rey's right hand shot up to halt him. Rey had no desire to run from him but she certainly had the desire to protect herself and her friends. She placed her left hand on his outstretched arm. She pictured the world around her just as he'd taught her and she easily found him in the Force. She could see his shadowing power clutching at Poe's throat and she consumed it through their contact. She took his Force into herself until she owned it and Poe fell to his feet with Ren's sudden release.

Kylo Ren's heat and rage coursed through Rey and she shook under the intensity of it. Her adrenaline raced and she felt unbelievably powerful, but she wouldn't let it consume her. She wouldn't let it control her like it nearly did on the Starkiller, she was more aware now, through his lesson she had an understanding of it now. She still clutched his arm under her hand and she stood tall against Kylo Ren as he turned his attention back to her. He didn't move to attack her as she expected he might. Instead he stared into her eyes as she absorbed what was his into herself.

Kylo's breathing deepened and his eyelids felt heavy. He was hot every where, especially where she touched his arm. He was overwhelmed by the feeling of her Force accepting his. He stood motionless in front of her in a state of blind euphoria while his Force poured into her. Rey's knees became weak under the weight of his darkness. Her head dizzied and she swayed. When her hand fell away from his arm he stepped into her. He grabbed her and steadied her as her eyes rolled in her head.

It seemed Rey was just as effected by his power as he was hers. She gathered herself as he steadied her and she placed her hand on his bare chest. Her light glowed over his heart and she pushed the energy she'd taken from him back into his chest in the form of her Force. She had no idea if it would work but it seemed logical... It was an even exchanged and according to him, that was what the Force wanted. He groaned as she filled him with her light. Her power seeped into and flowed over his skin in the form of pure heat.

Kylo Ren sucked in a sharp painful breath. He gasped liked he'd been drowning and this was his first bout of air since he'd reached the surface. His eyes locked onto Rey and he collapsed to his knees before her. His lightsaber sputtered out in his hand and he released it to the ground. His eyes lightened to an almost golden brown and his head fell into her hands. No one around them moved. For the second time in less the a full day's cycle Luke stared in wonderment at the pair in front of him and he had no idea what had just transpired.

Ren's face lifted to meet her searching eyes and she cupped his cheeks in her hands.

"...Don't leave me! I can't lose you again!" He begged through quivering lips and his mind shifted in and out of his memories, leaving his haunting words to fill the silence around them.

Luke's right foot slightly shifted and with his mind still stuck in the past, Ren's eyes darkened a shade in response. His gaze fell to the Jedi behind her and she quickly stepped in front of his line of sight. She crouched down in front of him and she forced his face in front of hers. She knew he was lost somewhere in his head. She didn't know who he thought she was but she knew while she had his attention she had a chance to bring him back. She didn't know if it would work but she had felt how he reacted when his uncle had called him Ben so she tried something different. Something that she hoped would bring his control back to his current self.

"Kylo... look at me!" She softly urged.

When his first name passed through her lips it brought him back to the present. His head cleared until only she was left. He stared at her and she could see the Light and Dark shifting behind his eyes. He looked so lost. He was frightened in his own mind and something pulled at him... some kind of weight. She could feel him fighting with something internally. She'd seen his face like this before on the Starkiller. It was just before he killed his father and then last night when he was faced with Luke for the fist time in years. Good or Evil, Right or Wong, the Light or the Dark... what ever you wanted to call it, he was at odds with himself over it now. He was at war in his own head and as she watched his eyes darkening again she knew it was the Light that was losing.

"Rey you need to get away from him, he's to far gone." Luke's nervous voice called out to her. He put effort into remaining calm so as not to further set off the unstable warlord in front of her. When she didn't respond he tried to comfort the anxiety he could feel coming from her Force signature. She was tinged with his darkness and he could see it staining her light with fear and doubt. "Rey, I won't hurt him. Please, just come to me." He asked as he watched his nephew's dark aura growing around them. He'd wanted to handle the delicate situation with more finesse but Luke was unable to hide his worry any longer.

Kylo's right leg lifted and he pulled his foot up until his boot rested flatly against the ground. His left hand opened and the hilt of his lightsaber flew into it. He gripped the hilt and his eyes never left her saucer like orbs. She was terrified, and she was at a loss for what to do.

"It's ok Kira, I won't let him take you again!" He began to pull himself up and she did nothing to stop him.

She stayed kneeling before him. She was stunned. She had no words... no thoughts... nothing. Kylo Ren called her by the name Obi Wan Kenobi had used. Suddenly her brain was in over drive. How did he know that name? Who did he think would take her—Again? He'd used that word twice in reference her...

Luke braced himself for a fight. He needed to get Rey away from Ren now! His darkness was enveloping them both. He saw it like a Force field of shinning black and purple mist. The glow of Rey's golden aura and the streaks and glittering flakes within the prism of their power surged around her shooting through his darkness like stars in a clear midnight sky but that sky still surrounded her. He was as ready for his nephew's attack as he'd ever be. His blue eyes hummed with energy and sizzled with the Force around him. This time he would fight back!

Rey reached up. Her fingers caught the tips of his just as he'd been walking past her, the same as she did as the frightened child she'd seen herself as twice before. The chains in her mind snapped as her fingers touched his and her memories fell in unison with her present. Suddenly she saw him as she knew him before. She looked up at him and she saw the blood stained boy who had protected her in the past.

"Please don't leave me?" She unconsciously echoed the words of the past and it was Rey's voice with Kira's words that brought Kylo back to the present and from the edge of reason.

Luke stared down at the girl who was still kneeling on the ground at the side of the black clad form of Kylo ren. She looked so small and lost at the feet of the six foot three male. He'd watched as Ren's fingers twitch at the contact of hers brushing gently against his. Ren froze at her words and he did the last thing Luke had thought he would do in that moment. He turned to her and he took her hand in his. He bent down before her, his lightsaber disengaged in his hand and he set it down at her side. His big arms wrapped around her and his face fell into the slope of her neck.

"I'll always come back for you, sweetheart." Kylo Ren's words were strong, confident and very much filled with awareness. He was back to his senses and he couldn't believe how deeply he'd fallen only seconds ago. He had to be more in control in the future. Somehow he had to cleverly deal with the threats before him but not now. Not with her so close and not while her mind was so fragile.

Perhaps this would bring her closer to him. Perhaps it would be the push she needed away from the liars, murderers and thieves that she surrounded herself so trustingly with in the past. This would push her deeper into my circle. Her weakness for Ben will be her weakness for Kylo. He decided, feeling the need to justify the softness which he showed her now.

Where they touched Klyo felt the most exquisite burn of fire and ice against his skin. The darkness from him purred in Rey's body and her core heated and tingled where it congregated and she admittedly wanted more. Her light filled Kylo with a need of his own. He wanted to exchange energy with her again. They where both exhausted and revitalized at the same time. While his mind was stable for once since as long as he could remember, her's was going through mental strain as the realization of who she was slowly came back to her. He wanted her, all of her, but for now, while she was in a turmoil that he knew all to well, he could be satisfied with her just consciously clinging to him... for now.

His darkness encased her light protectively. It cloaked them both while her light moved through it, reinforcing the shield he created with his own power. His darkness freely mingled with her light like a beast in heat and her light consumed the power his darkness eagerly fed it. When she exchanged their energy she'd filled Kylo with more light then he'd had since he was a child and in turn she had accepted a great amount of his darkness into herself. They were one unit in this moment, they fully completed each other. Her light flooded through him and he felt no torment. His darkness flowed through her and she put up no resistance so it's normally destructive nature remained at peace.

He could feel the Light pulling at him and yet he felt no discomfort from the onslaught. He could feel her light behind his darkness but he didn't feel the pain that normally followed. His darkness offered her light no challenge and neither did her light to his darkness. Somehow during the process of the Force exchange she'd done something to him. Something he couldn't be sure of yet. It was an unfamiliar and strange feeling but as of right now, the two halves inside of him didn't war with one another. Right now they coexisted.

*I have to admit... I wrote this and set it aside for a couple of days before reading it again to make sure I liked it and it made sense. As I was reading it for the first time as a full piece from the last chapter to the end of this one... I teared up... lol I'm so squishy! Anyway I really hope you enjoyed this because I'm still stunned at the emotion exchange between these strong characters. Let's see what happens next... *

~⭐️ and please comment it you like it or have any questions!~
-DarkGuardian-