It's the 15th of October, and whoever thought that I'd be "mother-less" overnight. Yesterday morning wasn't much..., blessed Friday, pizza as lunch, and just usual family conversations.
I've decided to start a "healthy" life routine, and my mom and dad completely supported me. My goal was to do everything I can do to do my best for sports day, and so it began. After lunch with 4 hours, mom and I went for a walk/run/jog, and i think I was never that happy to spend quality time with mom. Skipping through, we came back home, I took a shower and thought "could doing this everyday make my relationship with my mom closer?" and I had happy thoughts. Not knowing that a horrible thing was coming my way just a few hours later. It was bed time, I went to sleep and my sister was on her phone next to me. She woke me up and she said "someone's throwing something at the window" and I said "what are you talking about? Why'd you wake me up idiot?!" and then I heard too and we both had this jump scare and we screamed. So I told her "I'll check" and when I opened the window it was our stupid bestfriend (guy bestfriend) i had no idea why he was here during past midnight. And so my sis came to the window too and we both said "what are you doing here" he said "nothing we were just passing by so I wanted to say hi" we laughed at the amount of empty time he has on his hand that he'd even come to say hi to us for no reason. Mom came in. That was the second jump scare, I don't remember what happened but I walked away from the window to our bed and mom was there with my sis and she said to our bestfriend "who are you?" I'm supposing that idiot just ran away. Whatever, I wasn't concerned about him. Mom got really...really mad. And I've never felt so scared..yet I had an expressionless, calm face. Something was wrong, I didn't know what to do. I just had a straight face on while I was watching my sis and mom argue..and argue...and all i was thinking was "this is really it huh..." after the arguments and the lies. Mom called me asking who he was, knowing that I can't lie. I told her everything...she called my sister..and she knew she lied by then. My mom was devastated. She's never felt so shameful of her own daughters. Next day, which is today...she woke us up at 10a.m. And she said so many things...so many. I can't express how horrible it felt to be called trash by my own mom, and how i knew she had every right...at that moment I was just hoping and praying for everything to pause. And reset. And i never would've done the same mistake twice. All things aside, she said something I wouldn't get over and nor would my sister. "I'm not your mom anymore, as off this moment, you can consider this place your house. I don't care about your studies,your future, and nothing that's REALTED to your well-being. You can live in this house, but don't think for a moment that you have a mother. I'm going to go abroad, and work for my children. You can stay here with your dad, and he can take care of you until he retires then you can work as whatever you want. It doesn't concern me anymore." and with that, she left, she never really came back to our room. I've never felt so guilty and so shameful of my own. It's such a frightful feeling to know that i mean nothing to my own mother. And i currently have no motivation for anything, and I mean, anything. I'm just hoping when I wake up, this all turns out to be my life's worst nightmare...idk what to do..I feel like I'm currently stuck in my own crucial reality. I don't know what I should be doing right now..should I sleep it off? Should I rant? Should I apologize? But none of these things would change anything...
Much of an exciting start off ha? (:
-Happy unicorn~