Now 10.38pm of the 4th of December.

I know I wont be able to finish this now. And I don't want to.

Depression.

I have this habit of diagnosing myself with certain things I just mostly hear from somewhere. But I also have this thing, where I like to learn or search for single-word adjectives that describes myself.

I guess it's because I don't really know who.. what I am. Does anyone really know who.. what they are?? And this helps me.. about me.

When I don't wanna assure something, I avoid it. I don't try to get into it, no matter what, and the word "Depression" has played a big part in my "avoiding game"

~

You're blind if you don't see the changes around you. But people are more stupid than blind. They choose not to see. They choose to be blind. That's the stupid part.

That's why everyone's all half-hearted. That's why everyone's all so close, but distant.

Have you ever looked into someone's eyes before, someone whom you've known for more than half your life, and feel like you don't even know them. I was asked.. "What's my favorite color?" by one of them. And it's like the whole world fell apart, the impact made you deaf and the trauma.. silent. The epiphany toidestructive as much as it is  establishing.

Hmm.. who'd have known that you never truly knew about people you thought you know??

~

I guess what am saying is. Everyone's depressed in their own way.

So, Depression. As, Google, so very lightly put it.. "Unhappy"

all these feelings.. and it just tells me. "Unhappy"
+ some other synonyms, like "sorrowful" and "gloomy".

What is this, a multiple choice??

Even Google can't give me a clear meaning.

~

I've been stalling on everything. I think it's because I don't want it to end.

I've been stress eating without noticing. Srsly?? It's a thing. Might just be PMS~ who knows??
-It's either that ^^. Or not eating at all.

I'm a Vampire.. occasionally. I'm glad that I kinda managed to fix that part of my life. I no longer stay up all night and sleep during the day.. -much, now.

My optimism?? Died with my feelings. Buried somewhere over the monochromic rainbow, with the non-existent pot of gold.

Everything's oh so very not that interesting anymore. Birthday's, just another hangout now.. but longer, more food. Christmas?? The Christmas tree's outside the house, still planted firmly in the ground.

And everyone's, just, everyone. You know they're individuals, but you know in the back of your head, they're like everyone. Everyone comes, everyone goes. And you somehow, sometimes, just have no idea how to process such info, you end up accepting it just living with a thing you can't really change.. or just sometimes.. meh~~

~

Explanations?? The world's toying with us. And yes. We're either playing, or we're being played.. and right now.. I feel like I'm on the losing side of this so called "life".

Maybe that's why everything in tact's falling apart from the inside. That's the real joke. It's starts to rip you from the inside when everything on the outside's already tearing you apart.

You thought all your "good will' and "vibes" are all you need to be happy. No~~

You also need to stand guard. Both from the inside and the out.

~

Wtf am I talking about now??

Lol my topics always starts and ends with different topics..

Well, as they say. "You get lost the more you go deeper"

x))

-Guess I finished it after all. Well this is book IS for "letting go". That's most probably what I did. Or what I always do. Just let go of a novel-like trilogy of paragraphs that goes nowhere.. But ends up with something.

~Nyx

(If you're lost. Don't worry. Idk what am saying more than half of the time too)

11.16pm.. Gnytzz world. Gnytzz friends. dry eyes, everyone. dry eyes.