It's just 9.55pm, but somehow, the room's chilly enough for me to think it's 1 in the morning.

I haven't been.. anything, lately.

You go through so many things everyday and there you are, thinking it's just you, and everyone else around you, happy asf.

Then here you are, reading this book. Our book. And yeah.. reality.

...

I suddenly don't feel all that alone.

I haven't read this book in so long. So many reasons why.

..

K so. Am just gonna be ranting the fked up-ness of everything.

>> We are, ffs.. "DARCLAJAAN".

(I'm trying so hard NOT to swear. And might I say, I'm doing a pretty good job. xD)

So Darclajaan. 10 letters.. some have gone.. some were just, just there. Point is. 10 letters representing 10 individuals. T-E-N. Ten. You people with me??

In that cult we made ourselves, only 5 remained in their home land. 2 were shipped of to the desert. 1 to the land of the Norwegians. And the other?? No clue.

In that 5. We manage to make each other feel lonely simultaneously. I feel like we're all in some kinda 5-people relationship, acting like wild animals to get each other's attentions.

We.. make each other feel like shit. Without even noticing. I mean really?????

And we're too wild that when it gets to serious sht. We just shut down. Laugh. Wtf.

Well those are just the fked-up stuff we unnoticeably do without purposely meaning to -in my case..

~

The 2 that were shipped off?? I feel so powerless. And I don't wanna get all into detail about what I feel. But, they haven't talked in like, what?? 2 weeks?? Guinness Book record?? NO. Not really something amazing. BUT impressive. Why?? You see each other everyday, and idk how you guys manage, but you're managing~~ Can I do anything about the horrid situation? I can. Am I?? No? Why?? HOW?!?!?!?

...

The land of the Norwegians. Norway. Omg yes, shocking, ik. She's there, somewhere. I miss her, more than I thought I did. I remember her really well.

Lawl. I miss everyone, even though I see them, legit daily. How do I survive a DARCLAJAAN-less world??

~

The other. I call her "The other" here, because.. idk. Calling her that doesn't make her mean any less important, any less anything. I just feel like it's been so long. Too long. Long enough for me to forget the feeling of how we were. How it was to be together with her.

It's more than sad. It's just, depressing. Furthermore, pathetic. For a friend to forget the feeling of the a friend's presence?? Just..

~

People've said I've changed. I'm not that oblivious to not notice. I haven't been really "feeling" for a long time now. I'm just blank. It's weird. You're blank on the inside. You start to not feel. Not care. Not store memories. Not.. cherish moments you want to hold on the most. Eww so sappy, I disgust myself.

Well I think it was my Summer Vaca, was an eye-opener. Never regretted anything more. To think you're related to such people. No wonder you're like this.. and you hate it.

~

I keep changing topics..

What I'm trynna say is. 5months. That's more or less of the time we approximately have.

I don't wanna know what you guyz plan to do with that "5 months", and I don't wanna tell you. But that's all we have left..

for now

-hopefully.

~Nyx

~To be continued~