"Your parents died 'cause of accident happened in the nearby City here in Hokkaido, Miss Euxine." Atty. Manzano, the legal counsel of my mom and dad, began to tell the background reason why my parents died with his hands in his pocket, directly looking at me. "And according to the investigation, thereʼs no foul play happened. Pure accident." he continued.

Tulala lang ako sa labas ng veranda nitong Suizantei Club Jozankei hotel na tinutuluyan ko ngayon dito sa Hokkaido.

Hawak ang abo ng aking mga magulang...nakikipag-isa sa kadiliman ng gabi, waring nakikisama sa aking hapis at dalamhati dahil sa taglay nitong kalamigan at kawalan ng buhay.

Weary and sombre, "...what happened?" I asked with non-stop sobbing and flowing of tears. "W-What made them turned i-into ashes, Attorney?" I asked again, weakly.

Mula noong araw na tawagan ako nito at ipaalam ang sinapit ng aking mga magulang ay noong araw ding iyon ay humanap ako ng flight para lang makalipad patungo dito sa Sopporo sa kagustuhang makita ang aking mga magulang kahit sobra-sobra ang panghihina ko.

Ito ang ikatlong araw ng pananatili dito at mamayang madaling araw, muli akong lilipad pabalik ng Pilipinas dahil hindi ako pwedeng magtagal dito sa Japan.

Ang nais ko lamang ngayon ay malaman ang dahilan kung paanong humantong sa ganito ang kalagayan ng aking mga magulang!

Iʼm all alone! And I donʼt know how to deal with these changes...really. It weakened me to the maximum level.

Lalo paʼt ang pinakainaasahan kong tao na dadamay sa akin at magpaparamdam ng kaluwagan kahit papaano sa aking pusoʼt-isaipan ay iniwan na rin ako.

I faced him with quivering lips, tired and grievous eyes.

He sighed. "...your mom and dad...they happened to be having a business meeting in Sheraton Hokkaido Kiroro Resort. Particularly, in Alla Moda Italian Restaurant that can be located at 2nd Floor at a Tribute Portfolio Hotel." he began explaining in the most adjustable way so I could not end up breaking down. "...at exactly 10 am in the morning, the explosion from the first floor...happened."

Hinayaan ko lamang na dumaloy ang aking namimighating mga luha sa mula sa aking mata, pababa sa aking pisngi. Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko...kalahati ng pagkatao ko ay nawala...

I sobbed as I hugged my parentsʼ ashes tightly.

Hindi ko man lang nasabi sa kanila kung gaano ako kaswerte na nagkaroon ako ng mga magulang na gaya nila.

Hindi ko man lang nasabi kung gaano ko silang kamahal. Kung gaano ako nagpapasalamat dahil pinalaki nila ako nang maayos...kami ni Dana.

Nawala na nga si Dana, bakit pati sila?

Paano na ako ngayon? I have no one who can run to dahil iniwan na din ako ng mga taong inaasahan kong makakasama at masasandalan ko...

...ako din pala ang tutulong sa sarili ko pagdating sa huli. Na kahit na anong ganda ng simula namin---mauuwi pa rin sa iwanan ang lahat.

One thing.

Never let yourself attached to someone that much. 'Cause in the end, they will leave...whether we like it or not.

My chest, as if , was wring from end to end. Causing me to breathe, the hardest. I feel so suffocated in my own oxygen. Feel so drain due to the situation I am facing. Feeling...depressed.

Napapagod na 'ko...

Wala sa sariling naupo ako sa malamig na sahig. At hawak ang abo ng mga magulang ko nang mahigpit, tumingala ako sa madilim ngunit malamig na kalangitan.

G-Gon...p-please come back... I need y-you.

My chest tightened even more upon realizing that the man I wished to stay with me all throughout the hard times and this high and dry situation, he was nowhere to be seen. Nowhere to be found.

Completely missing.

Totally gone, Gon.

P-Please, Gon...na saan ka ba? H-Hindi ko yata kayang mag-isa. B-Balik ka na please...

"Miss Euxine, regarding to your parentsʼ left business...theyʼre all giving you the full responsibilites to take over." he informed but I remained silent, thinking notwithstanding. "...but since you were not fine, we can talk about that as early as we get back to the Philippines, Miss Euxine."

Still, I did not manage to reply back. I was lost with my contemplations. I donʼt know if I could surpassed all of these. I am not that strong-willed woman. And I donʼt know if I could released myself from being one of those who was known to be storm-beaten.

Despite this extreme distress, my anguish, I must keep going.

May mga bagay na pinaghirapan ang mga magulang ko at walang ibang magpapa-unlad noʼn, maliban na lamang sa akin.

Natatakot ako, mom...dad. Nag-aaral pa ako. Hindi ko din alam kung paano ko patatakbuhin ang mga pinaghirapan niyo, e. Bobo pa man din ako sa linyang ginagalawan ko, mom...

I sobbed as I bit my lips. "I-I need you...Gon..." I whispered in the thin air. "...help me."

And then I remembered him said once,

"...hindi ka bobo."

Gon...

I need to be immovable...whatever happens. No matter how these great tribulations outpour in my almost a valor race of life. No matter how hard the problem slap me.

I need to complete the task diligently.

Nagmulat ako ng nga mata ko upang makita muli si Attorney. Deadpan, "I-Iʼm taking the full responsibility, Attorney. J-Just let me m-mourn...let me g-grieved," tugon ko dito, animoʼy kahit ang paghinga, hindi na magagawa pa.

He nodded. "Masusunod," aniya. "Iʼll leave for now, Miss Euxine. Just call me when you need something." paalam pa nito na tinanguan ko lamang, hudyat upang tuluyan na siyang iwan ako sa suite na ito.

I smiled bitterly with my tears uncontrollably outpouring. "I-Is life not a thousand times too short for us to live in this world t-together, ephemeral? Mom? D-Dad?" nasasaktang tanong ko sa kanila sa, through speck of an air.

I laughed bitterly as my vision gone covered with excess blurriness. "H-Haha...I know m-mom...d-dad that," I said and was cut just to breathe hardly. "T-That these great tribulations shows the growth of intelligence as it increased the capacity of pain...and I could only reaches the highest degree of intelligence from suffering...until it reaches its supreme point." I recalled.

Mom, dad...m-my body is feeble already...and it weakened my mind to think rationally...

The feeling dominated my heart now is like reading a context with ambiguities.

...cannot be determined or equivocal.

Hinayaan ko lamang na maghinagpis ang aking sarili dahil sa pagkamatay ng aking mga magulang. Ni hindi ko na inabala pa ang sarili na magpunas ng mga luha dahil kahit paulit-ulitin kong gawin, pumapatak pa rin ang mga luha ko.

Sa kalagitnaan ko ng aking pagluha, kinakausap ko ang abo ng mga ito. Ngingiti nang mapait. Ikinu-kwento ang mga nangyari noong mga nakaraang buwan sa akin.

Lahat-lahat, sinabi ko sa mga ito. Ang nangyari sa friendship namin ni Andi. Hiwalayan namin ni Siegfried La Galliene. Miski ang pangingidnap sa akin ni Gon. Umaasang madidinig pa nila ako.

"M-Mom...dad..." I called painfully, almost out of breath. "I canʼt broke the harrowing, heartrending a-and this uncontrollable sobs." I said, hopeless. "All my attempts to speak with my hollow heart to thank you and for your benevolence ever since a-are no avail..."

I breathe hardly as I embraced my parentsʼ ashes. "...'cause you both faced death---the stark reality of death...and here I am..."

I sobbed harder due to the lamentations I am feeling right now. "...loss. E-Emptied and...suffering." I continued talking to them with pierced heart.

Now, I have just realized...

I smiled bitterly. "O-Of all the horrible movies I have watched...this horror of my parentsʼ death are the monstrous." I said.

Sa mga susunod na araw, buwan o taon man...I must try to cope with my loss who Iʼve love the most...

Nanatili pa ako ng ilang sandali kakamuni-muni at kakabulay-bulay sa mga bagay-bagay.

Hanggang sa makuha kong ikalma panandalian ang aking sarili. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa malamig na sahig ng veranda at animoʼy lantang-gulay na naglalakad pabalik sa loob ng aking kwarto, particular, sa aking kama at doon pagod na ihiniga ang katawan.

Itinabi ko sa aking pamamahinga ang abo ng aking amaʼt-ina. "G-Guide me always, mom...dad, okay? Ipinapangako ko na...makakaya ko ang lahat ng ito. Ikamusta niyo ako kay Dana, huh? Hehe...please be happy...wherever you are." pigil ang emosyong sambit ko sabay pikit ng aking mga mata, at hayaang dumaloy pababa ang mainit na luha mula sa aking pagod ng mga mata.

Despite the odds, be a paragon.

Dala ng aking pagod kakaiyak, nahulog ako sa malalim na paghimbing. May luha sa mga mata. May naghihinagpis na puso. Sugatang katauhan. Pagod na katawan at isipan.

I can make it 'til the end through vast amount of self-help and sympathy...

Kakayanin ko...kahit walang tao aagapay mula sa likod ko.

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