(Now playing : Sa'yo by Silent Sanctuary)

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A month had passed. This is my first month staying here in Quebec with Gon. At sa mga nagdaang araw at linggo, masasabi kong may mga bagay na biglang nagpabago sa aking nararamdaman.

Nagulo ito. At hindi ko mawari kung bakit at paanong nangyare na naging ganoʼn. Gayung ang nais ko lang maramdaman ay ang pananabik na makita muli si Sie.

At sa mga nagdaang panahon at paglipas ng oras, sa pagtindi ng kasabikang makabalik sa Pilipinas upang makita si Sie, at siya namang pakiramdam na parang---ayokong maiwan si Gon.

...dahil kahit papaano naman, naging mabuti din ito sa akin. Na naiintindihan ko ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako dinala dito. Iyon nga lamang ay mas nananaig pa rin talaga sa akin ang kagustuhang makita at makasama na si Sie.

Ang taong mas mahal ko.

Ngunit paano? Paano ako makakabalik doon? Mangyayari lamang naman iyong kung mapapakiusapan ko si Gon at kung magagawa ni Sie na taluntunin ako dito.

But, the latter would be much harder 'cause Canada is has wider places to go and search for. Not easy to get into and look for us, especially that we live in an apartment.

Hindi ko naman din kabisado ang buong city at wala akong way of communication to be used to contact him, since Gon hid my phone and thereʼs no telephone in here. Sa loolbby, meron pero iyon nga---meron ngang telephone but the fact that I donʼt know the landline in the Philippines, it would be futile.

I sighed and leaned my back on the couch. "...I want to go back," I mumbled as I looked on the window, where it was moistened due to the melted ice. "...I miss my boyfriend na," I added.

"Letʼs go out, Alli. Weʼll eat outside," biglang sabi ni Gon.

But I refused to looked at him. "I want to go home, Gon. Bring me back to the Philippines. Bring me back to Sie," I lamely said.

I heard him sighed. "I-I donʼt want to consort you, young lady." he seriously replied.

I decided to stood up and looked at him with my eyes well-equipped with tears. "...tanga ka ba? Gon, tanga ka ba, huh? Canʼt you see? Up until now naman, hindi pa ron kita mahal, e...hindi mo pa rin mababago ang aking nararamdaman towards Sie, Gon! Bakit ipinagpipilitan mo, huh?! Please, stop this tomfoolery! Nasasaktan ka na, todo-pilit ka pa!" I exclaimed out of mixed emotions.

He stared at me coldly. "Call me stupid, okay. Call my love tomfoolery, okay...but I am doing this because I fucking love you. I fucking love you to the point that I am willing to take this damn torpescence, Alli!"

I moved closer to him. "Sometimes, it is better to free your heart from expectations that the person you love can return back the favor to love you!" I said, making him understand. "Ako ang nasasaktan at nahihirapan para saʼyo, Gon! Nakokonsensiya ako, naiintindihan mo ba, huh?!" pigil na pigil ang emosyong sumbat ko dito.

Any moment by now, my tears would end up falling due to heavy and mishandled emotions!

But I will show him how determined I am to tell him what was needed to say upright so in the end, he could cope up, at least!

His jaw tightened, and even his veins on his neck appeared, indicating that he is controlling himself from bursting out of anger. "Donʼt lecture me on the things that I must do. You donʼt know how fucking hurts it was to let go the feelings I have for you." he coldly retorted.

I puffed an air as I roamed my eyes on the apartment, hoping that I could calm myself but it did not work!

A moment of silence. After, I decided to faced him again with a promising eyes---only to try if I could persuade him. "Gon, letʼs go home...back to the Philippines. Letʼs fixed everything in---" I said but was cut.

"We wonʼt be back to normal as we came back there again. I will be put in calaboose, no matter what happens." he bitterly said and looked away. "...kapag nangyari iyon, magkakasama na kayo ng mahal mo. Maiiwan ako. Magpapakasaya kayo. Masisira ako." he denoted, painfully.

Akmang tatalikuran na niya ako at maglalakad paalis nang hawakan ko agad ang kaniyang kamay, dahilan upang mapatingala siya nang bahagya sa ceiling.

Marahil, iniiwasan at pinipigilan ang sarili niyang maglabas ni isang butil ng luha. "Donʼt hurt me too much, Alli." he said in a low-breaking tone of voice.

Napalunok ako. Unti-unti, dumaloy ang maiinit na likdo mula sa aking nasasaktang mga mata dulot ng kaniyang tinuran.

"G-Gon," I called and held his hand way tightly. "...I-Iʼm sorry," I apologized heartily, causing him to faced me again.

My tears fell the moment I saw his eyes that was covered with misery and brokenness from within.

He let out a fake laugh. "Haha, how I wish I was just a dowry...so you can call me your property. A damn property that worth and is important. Kahit pamalit mo lang sa bagay na ibibigay mo sa magiging asawa mo." he meaningfully compared and gently removed my hand, holding hisʼ. "Alis muna ako," paalam niya bigla at wala nang lingunang ako ay iniwanan.

...unable to speak. Just crying in silent manner.

Gon...

If I would be giving a chance to be born again, I will choose you.

Ilang oras na ang nakakalipas mula nang umalis si Gon at matapos ang makabagbag damdamin naming usapan at prangkahan ni Gon, magpahanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin siya nakakabalik!

Sumilip ako sa window upang tingnan ang ibaba kung naglalakad na pabalik si Gon, tanawa din kasi dito ang pinaka-facade ng L' Aristocrate Apartment, e.

Nakaramdam ako nang kakaibang kaba at pag-aalala nang sandaling makita na wala ang inaasahan kong makikita doon. Idagdag pa na mas lumalamig na sa labas dahil papagabi na din!

"Goodness, Gon...where are you na..." I asked in the air, hoping that it can reach Gonʼs ear.

Bumalik na lamang ako sa couch at naupo. Isinuot ko din ang isang makapal pang winter scarf upang mas mainitan ang aking katawan. Pinagkiskis ko pa ang pareho kong palad upang dagdagan ang init sa aking katawan.

Ilang oras pa akong naghintay. At sa bawat minutong papatak, lumilipas ang oras. Gumagabi ngunit hindi pa rin bumabalik si Gon!

I stood up and walked towards the door and opened it. "Where the hell are you, Gon---" I asked but was interrupted the moment I saw someone standing in front of me.

He was wearing an all black suit, suitable for winter season...but he is not Gon.

My heart beats faster than usual the moment our eyes met. But my eyes showed him a surprised recognition while hisʼ was showing outrage and worries.

I gasped the moment he stepped in and...embraced me tightly!

"...fuck, Alli. I was damn worried," he utterly said with worry.

Wala sa sariling naiyakap ko dito ang aking mga kamay at ibinalik ang intensity ng init ng kaniyang mga yakap.

Mabilis na nag-unahan sa pagbagsak ang aking mga luha habang yakap-yakap ang taong ito ngayon.

"I m-missed you...S-Sie." I mumbled and buried my face in his bosom.

I missed his embracing arms. Dahil dito, nagsibalikan ang mga inis ko kay Gon dahil kinuha niya ako at inilayo kay Sie!

Ilang sandaling minuto pa kaming nanatiling magkayakap hanggang sa kumalas na ako sa yakap dito at tingalain siya dahil sa angkin niyang tangkad.

He wiped away my tears and kissed my forehead. "Donʼt cry now, baby. Iʼm here already. He wonʼt got go do something unlawful to you again, okay?" he assured and kissed again my forehead.

I nodded and hugged him again. "I-Iʼm sorry, S-Sie...kung alam ko lang na m-may balak pa lang masama si Gon---"

I was shut the moment he pressed his lips against mine. Hindi ko nakuhang tumugon agad kung kayaʼt windang akong tumingin kay Sie na patuloy lang sa paghalik sa akin.

Nang maramdaman niyang hindi ako tumutugon, he distanced himself. He then rested his head to my shoulder. Bagay na nagbigay sa akin ng rason upang mag-alala.

"Y-You okay, Sie?" I asked and cradled his hair.

He breathe. "...none, baby. I-I just missed you..." he replied.

I smiled and embraced him again. "Sobra din kitang na-miss, Sie..." sagot ko din.

Inayos niya ang pagkakatayo sa harapan ko at hinawakan ang aking pisngi. He looked at me intently. "I love you, baby." he said sweetly.

Muli kong naramdaman ang mga labi nito sa aking labi at masuyo na akong hinahalikan.

He pulled my waist closer to his body. And I willingly wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back with equal distribution of hotness and longingness.

In one swift move, he already pinned me on the wall without breaking the kiss.

I felt his hands carefully caressed my body and that sends me tingling sensation, causing me to gulped hard. "S-Sie, w-wait..." I hoarsely said but he didnʼt stop.

Until his lips reached my neck and kissed every of its skin. Naitingala ko naman nang bahagya ang aking leeg upang malaya siyang bigyan ng access na mahalikan iyon.

Ngunit, kalagitnaan namin ng halikan, may kakaibang pakiramdam na biglang umusbong sa aking kalooban.

Naimulat ko bigla ang aking mga mata at diretsong tiningnan si Sie, na ngayoʼy nagpatigil din sa ginagawang paghalik sa akin at nakababa lamang ang tingin sa sahig.

That gesture made me worried even more and at the same time, contemplating of what he is showing me now.

"Sie, whatʼs the matter?" wala sa sariling tanong kpy, bagay na nagpaangat bigla ng mga mata niya sa akin. "...and where is G-Gon?" I added to the question.

I gulped upon witnessing how his eyes turned outrageous.

Marami akong gustong itanong sa totoo lang. Kaya lamang, wala sa takda ngayon upang gawin iyon. Kung kayaʼt nakapagpasiya akong itatanong ang lahat ng kaganapan sa kaniya sa loob ng isang buwan mahigit hanggang sa makaabot siya dito sa Quebec at natunton ako.

But for now, I want to ask this,

"Where is Gon?" I asked again.

He looked away and grit his teeth, instead of answering me, bagay na nagpakabog ng aking dibdib dulot ng hindi magandang kutob.

...and my world as if suddenly stopped, the moment he finally answered.

"Ipinakulong ko na,"

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