Ch.4: Julian
Google: Why Does My Stepmom Keep Trying To Stick a Knife in My Eye? 

Ten-year-old Julian could barely carry his backpack as he trudged after sixteen-year-old Thomas. He hunched forward, hoping to redistribute its weight across his whole back. A few cars drove past them. Julian didn't look up; he only focused on the cracked pavement under his feet. He wished school didn't start so early. 

Julian only realized that Thomas's footsteps had ceased when he bumped into him. Taking a quick step back, he lifted his head and glanced at him. 

“Tom?” Julian asked. 

Thomas stood motionlessly in place. 

“Ouch.” 

His voice was too flat, too emotionless. Without that dead ouch, Julian wouldn't have guessed he was in pain at the moment.

Julian walked around to face him. “What's wrong?” 

“It's too heavy,” Thomas said, setting his backpack down on the pavement. 

A year ago, Thomas would have never complained that his school backpack was heavy. 

A year ago — before he'd thrown himself off the balcony. Before he'd broken his leg, ankle, and arm. Everyone had said he was lucky; that these fractures would heal, that his injuries could have been worse. 

And they healed. 

But something was wrong. There had to be. 

Ever since the accident, Thomas walked with a slight limp in his left leg. It was barely noticeable, but Julian noticed everything. Every last detail. He noticed the way Thomas occasionally stopped moving and breathing, the way he'd squeeze his leg and exhale shakily. They way he needed a few seconds to recover. 

“I'll carry your bag!” Julian said without thinking.

He grabbed the top handle and tugged, dragging it behind him. It was twice as heavy as his own, and he could barely move it a few inches before stopping and huffing, tired already. How was he supposed to take this all the way to Thomas's school? He looked at Thomas again. 

“You can't,” Thomas said. “Leave it. I just need a second.” 

Julian shook his head. “I'm gonna carry it.” 

“You can't.” 

“I can!” 

Julian frowned, concentrating as much as he could as he clutched the top handle again, squeezing the material firmly. Then he moved and dragged it behind. Alas. Too heavy. Fours steps later and he stopped, panting. He turned around to Thomas, worried he had disappointed him. 

Thomas was only watching. “Are you done?”

Shaking his head, Julian tried to lift the bag this time. He wasn't sure why he did that. He couldn't drag it. What made him think he could carry it, then? Julian could never answer that question. The second he tried hoisting Thomas's bag, the weight of his own bag tipped him off balance. With a startled gasp, he dropped on his side, slamming his head on the pavement. 

Julian held his throbbing head as he propped himself up on elbow, his eyes squeezed shut. He blinked slowly.

Thomas was still watching.

He looked pretty unimpressed. 

“Are you happy now?” 

No, Julian thought as he struggled to stand up. Thomas grabbed his backpack and slung the strap over his shoulder. Julian tried to convince Thomas to let him try carrying it one last time, but Thomas didn't even refuse. He just ignored him and kept walking. Defeated, Julian just followed.

They had to go separate ways at some point. Julian hated that he always looked back to catch one last glimpse of Thomas, but Thomas never did that.

• • •

Julian also hated the days when he got home before Thomas. The world was so dull and empty without him, and their parents were usually slightly less violent in his presence. 

As gently and slowly as possible, Julian closed the front-door behind him, hoping no one would notice him. His heart raced. Utensils tinkered and clattered in the kitchen, and the place smelled like soup. His stepmom must be cooking. Hopefully he could pass by without attracting her attention. 

He didn't. 

The second he hurried past the kitchen, trying to make as little noise as possible, all the clatter stopped. 

And her voice echoed. 

“Julian?”

Julian froze. Then turned. Then smiled nervously at her from his place in the corridor. 

“Hi, um—Hi,” he mumbled. 

He'd stopped calling her Mom, but he didn't know what else to call her. Her first name? She'd consider it disrespectful and she would complain to Julian's dad and Julian's dad would beat Julian until he didn't have energy to cry anymore. So Julian had decided to avoid calling her altogether. Just to be safe. 

“Come here, Lian.” 

Julian's eyes widened. 

Lian? 

Only Thomas called him by his nickname. 

“Get in here,” she said. “Let's spend some time together.” 

Julian blinked. He wouldn't move. What was with that gentle smile on his stepmom's face, those soulful eyes? What was with that soft voice, that loving tone? He'd never experienced her calm like this. He'd never seen her like that. 

He took a step closer. 

“Help me cook, how about that?” his stepmom continued. She pointed at a cutting board with lettuce and a knife on top of it. “Don't you like to help around, Lian?” 

Julian nodded, but he didn't agree. 

No, he didn't like helping around. He despised it. But he had to, because otherwise they wouldn't keep him here. 

When Julian approached his stepmom, with his heart in his throat, she reached a hand towards his face. He flinched and turned away. 

Except his stepmom's hand never hit him. Instead, her fingers cradled his jaw, softly, so, so softly, and turned his face towards her again. Julian gazed at her dark eyes, her long hair falling over her shoulders. His breath raced. 

What was going on? 

Why was she being nice to him? 

“You have a beautiful face, Lian,” she said. Her hand slid up to hold his cheek, her thumb stroking the area under his eye. “Such beautiful eyes.” 

Julian smiled. 

He thought so too! 

His eyes were the same color as Thomas's — the same shade of dark brown. Well, at least the same as Thomas's left eye. His other one was blind. Julian thought it made him look really unique and interesting, though. 

But then, Julian's smile faltered, and his brows furrowed. 

Just yesterday he'd gone to the grocery store with his stepmom. An old lady had dropped her apples, and Julian had quickly picked them all up for her. She gave him a kind smile and kinder words: you're such a handsome little man. You have beautiful eyes. Julian had preened at the compliment, but when he turned back to his stepmom, she was glaring at him. 

What changed? Why did this compliment no longer bother her?

Julian's stepmom let go and tapped the cutting board. “Cut the lettuce up for me, okay?” 

Julian nodded slowly, his skin crawling. He wasn't sure why. Maybe his stepmom finally decided to love him.

Maybe she finally realized that he hadn't pushed Thomas off the balcony.

Maybe she was making up for the three nights they'd locked him in the basement in pitch-black darkness, without food or water. 

Yeah, that's it! 

Julian smiled to himself as he grabbed the knife and started cutting lettuce. 

“No, you're doing it wrong, Lian,” his stepmom said. “Here, let me show you.” 

Julian looked up, then back over his shoulder. She stood behind him and grabbed his hand, guiding him into cutting better. Julian watched the blade slice every leaf. It was silver and sharp. He focused on its motion. His fingers slackened. Without his stepmom's hand on top of his, he would have let go of the knife. He let her control the process. 

“Good job, Lian.” 

“I'm not doing anything,” Julian said.

Her hand tightened over his, like she was readjusting her grip. 

Julian didn't think anything of that. 

Then she squeezed a little hard, and the knife flung upwards.

Right for Julian's right eye. 

He saw the tip of it. He could swear to everything, he saw the tip of the blade less than a centimetre away from his face. 

Julian cried out and tilted his face, hiding his eye with his hand. 

“Mom!” 

“Oh, my bad! I'm sorry. Let me see!” 

She didn't sound sorry. 

Julian wouldn't take his hand off his eye, even as his stepmom tried yanking it off with force. Eventually she overpowered and tugged his wrist away, then looked at his face with… excitement. 

Her eyes were wide and psychotic. 

But then her expression fell. All the happiness vanished. 

“You're fine,” she said, her voice low and uninterested. “Nothing happened.” 

Julian wanted to get away, but he was trapped between her and the table. “It's okay,” he said. His voice trembled just the slightest bit. “I wanna go to my room now.” 

“No, stay here, Lian. Help me a little more.” 

There was a knot in Julian's stomach. “I—”

Someone stepped into the kitchen. 

Julian and his stepmom looked at the source of the footsteps. Thomas stood in the doorway, sliding the strap of his backpack off his shoulder. He dropped it carelessly on the floor. Then he made his way to the sink, his expression stoic, his lips straight. Such a robot, Julian thought. But he loved this robot, and he smiled at him. 

“Tom!” Julian said, perking up. 

“Thomas!” Julian's stepmom let go of Julian and rushed towards Thomas. “How was school today?” 

Thomas didn't answer. He opened a drawer, then picked up a knife. 

Silence hung in the air. 

“Thomas?” 

“What were you doing?” Thomas asked. 

Julian's stepmom shook her head. “Nothing. Julian was just helping me prepare dinner. What do you want with the knife, honey?”

Thomas looked at her square with those dark crescents under his eyes, and the dead sheen inside them. 

He threw the knife at her. 

Julian's stepmom yelped and dodged. Julian's stomach sank. The knife clattered on the floor, and Thomas pouted for a second like he was sad he missed. 

“Thomas!” 

“Oh,” Thomas said. “My bad.” 

Julian ran over to Thomas, tugging at his clothes. “Tom, I'm fine,” he said. “She didn't mean to!” He glanced back at his stepmom; she was trembling with rage, glaring at Julian like he had started this. “Let's just go. Please.” 

Thomas turned and left. Thomas followed him close, touching his eye softly with his fingertips. 

Goodness, that was close. 

“She could've blinded you,” Thomas said. 

Julian laughed nervously. “It's okay. It would've been cool.” He smiled up at Thomas with all the innocence in his heart. “I don't mind having a blind eye like yours!” 

• • •

Btw remember when julian chucked a cup of of tea bc it wasn't as sweet as he wanted? Yeah he got the habit of throwing shit from Thomas lol 😭

Next chapter Valentino again! Prepare for the day Valentino gets all his scars! But it's also the day Albert saves him, so there's that ✨️ no seriously prepare yourselves bc that chapter is really tragic lol.

I'm having so much fun with titles/headlines of this book lmao. Hope you like them!

Thank you for reading/voting/commenting! It means the world to me 😭❤️❤️❤️ Don't forget to comment your thoughts!