Ch.22: Julian
Spite

Julian stayed in the shower for a long time-so long that, eventually, Dan knocked on the bathroom door and shouted at him to get out before he'd run the entire house out of hot water. Julian ignored him. Then he reached over and turned the knob until the water scalded his skin. Steam rose around him, and he watched it with mesmerized eyes.

When he finally stepped out and dried himself, he found new clothes folded on the counter. He fiddled with them, tilted his head, then turned away and wore his old, blood-stained clothes again.

"Are you done yet?"

Julian just gazed at the door for a moment. He wondered why Dan's voice was so sharp with frustration. He wondered why this man couldn't understand that Julian wanted to take his time showering because he'd been forced to live with this filth for over a month now-which had been visible. He wondered why this was so hard to comprehend.

Dan was standing right at the threshold when Julian opened the door. He stared at Julian with a familiar type of distaste, one that Julian had seen in his parents' eyes. Sighing, he tried moving past. Dan stopped him.

"Why the hell are you wearing your old clothes again? They stink and they're covered in blood! Put on the new ones!"

Lower your voice, Julian thought. Why do you shout every word?

He tried shoving his way past Dan again, but he pushed his chest and forced him back into the bathroom.

"Get changed. I'm not going to clean everything up after you again."

Julian shook his head.

Dan closed his eyes, holding the bridge of his nose. "Get changed."

"What's going on?" Sasha's voice came first, and then she stepped into the doorway.

"He doesn't want to wear the new clothes."

"And why is that?"

No one answered.

Sasha turned to Julian with a calm, neutral expression on her face. "Why is that, Julian?" Her tone was a little too demanding for Julian's taste. "Why don't you wanna change?"

"Scissors first," Julian said.

Dan furrowed his brows. "What the hell is he talking about?"

Sasha looked at Julian, then the clothes, then back at Julian. By her thoughtful frown, she must have made a reasonable conclusion. Dan didn't. Julian realized that Dan was pretty stupid.

"Get him scissors."

Dan opened his mouth, then closed it again, shaking his head as he left. He came back with a pair of scissors. Julian didn't move until Sasha handed them over. Then he turned to the new clothes, searched for the tags, and cut them all off as close to the seam as possible.

"Hey! What the-"

"Dan," Sasha said with finality in her voice. "Don't. Let him."

Dan took a step back. "...Why is he doing that?"

Julian really disliked the way Dan spoke to Sasha about him rather than asking him directly. It made him feel inhuman, and he was already having a hard time believing that the heart in his chest was beating.

Sasha's jaw tightened. She snapped her head in Dan's direction, looking up at him with seething eyes. Julian thought she was going to shout the next time she opened her mouth, but her words were calm and measured despite the cutting tone.

"Why does it matter?" she asked. "You wanted him to change. He wanted to do this first. Problem solved. How does it affect anything, Dan?"

Dan looked a little taken aback. "It's just... unnecessary."

Sasha turned fully towards him. "Answer the question. How does it affect anything?"

Maintaining eye-contact with her, Dan shook his head. "It doesn't." The defeat shone in the slouch of his shoulders, in his resigned, quiet words. "What now?"

"Let him change and throw out the old clothes."

Julian shook his head. "Keep them."

"They're covered in blood and your pants are torn at the ankles. No, we're not keeping them."

I'll clean them, Julian thought. I'll sew them. But I don't wanna throw them away. I'm keeping them.

He'd say all of that out loud if his throat wasn't so dry, if the world was already swimming in his eyes, his legs complaining for rest.

Dan and Sasha left while Julian changed into new pants and a turtleneck. Then he folded his old clothes together and clutched them tight in his fist as he opened the door. Sasha and Dan's eyes fell upon the bunch in his hand. Dan sighed. Sasha didn't seem pleased, but she didn't insist on throwing them for some reason.

"It's like I'm talking to a different person," Dan said.

Sasha raised a brow. "Who?"

"You." Dan shrugged. "I just don't understand why you're going so easy on him. Is it 'cause he's young? Valentino's even younger. And just yesterday, look at what we did to him."

"He messed up his job. I punished him," Sasha said. "That sounds very fair to me."

Dan pondered for a moment. "That was an... effective punishment. I'll give you that. He didn't open his mouth once when I drove him back to the client's house. How did you know what buttons to push?"

Sasha's smile was wicked and proud as she glanced at Dan. "I listened to his nightmares."

Julian wasn't sure who Valentino was, but he didn't really care. He walked in front of Sasha and Dan back to the living room and plopped down on the two-seater couch. He turned on his side, his head along the armrest. His knees were bent so he could fit, the bottom of his feet against the opposite armrest. Yawning, he tried to stretch, but it just wasn't comfortably possible. He looked down, then moodily kicked the armrest.

"Don't kick it," Sasha said.

Julian looked at Sasha as he kicked again.

Leaning forward in the armchair across from him, she narrowed her eyes just enough to make the warning clear. "Stop that, Julian. You should be thankful I let you shower and get some rest at all."

This isn't comfortable, Julian thought. I want it to be more comfortable.

"Bed," he said, shifting in his place.

"Where were you sleeping before this?"

"Shed."

"On the floor?"

Julian nodded.

Sasha snickered. "Then this couch already is an upgrade. Sit tight and be thankful, child."

Groaning quietly, Julian pushed himself into a sitting position. "I'm sixteen," he mumbled, the words barely distinct midst his breath. Then he stood. Sasha's eyes followed him. Her gaze was heavy and uncomfortable, and it made his skin crawl. She wanted him to thank her, but there was nothing to thank her for. The couch wasn't comfortable. He wanted a bed.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Julian made his way to the corridor. Before he could look into the first room, hoping there'd be a bed inside, Sasha spoke again from her spot in the living room.

"Dan. Get him back here."

Dan let out a loud, clear, exasperated tsk as he stomped over, grasped Julian's arm, and dragged him back to the living room. He threw him onto the couch. Julian scowled at him, but that was as far as he could protest right now. So he just sat there for a moment, trying to gather energy. Then he stood again. Dan pushed his shoulder and forced him back down.

"No one cares that you're missing, Julian," Sasha said. "I hope you know that you're not getting out of here."

Julian did not want to get out of here right now.

He wanted a comfortable bed. And food. And water. And he wanted another shower. And a puzzle to distract himself with. He also wanted to know what hating the people you love meant. Absence and presence could not coexist. Love and hate could not coexist. It was a paradox, and therefore made no sense. But Tom said that. Repeatedly. So it had to make sense.

Julian wanted to get up again. Dan grunted and held him down.

"Sasha," Dan said. "Permission to tie him to the couch?"

"Ask again in a few minutes. I might change my mind."

Dan stepped aside when Julian finally stopped struggling to stand up. He lay down again, this time propping his feet over the armrest-which was slightly less uncomfortable. Rubbing his eyes, he stretched and sighed until he felt like every vertebra in his spine popped and every single muscle extended in the most pleasant way possible. And goodness, he hadn't felt like that in a long time.

He smiled sleepily and thought, I've been taking up too little space my entire life.

• • •

I was randomly in the mood for a julian chapter lol. you know, I genuinely didn't think anyone would keep reading the prequel. I love these characters way too much so every detail of their lives is interesting to me. I didn't think readers would be interested too! So thank you soooo much for reading/voting/commenting ❤️❤️❤️

Btw what sasha and dan talked about will be explained in a Valentino chapter! What do you think his punishment was for messing up?