*aggressive Dipper noises*

****

I.

Ah, summer break. It's pretty much the only season kids and maybe some adults look forward to. Summer means beaches, family fun, and play-all-you-want. No monsters or anything to run away from.

Well, surprise! You do NOT want to hop in my sweaty-as-heck shoes.

My name is Hikari--why it's my name, I don't know. Maybe because I'm an Asian? But that's beside the point. The other girl about to projectile vomit all over the golf cart is my, uh, one heck of a sister. We're running away from some dark storm that somehow knows what Metallica is. I'll spill the beans later.

Cool? Cool.

****

II.

"Do you even have a case, Hikari Itsukerui?" The cat asked, wearing a smug grin on its awfully pink snout. Hikari flared up with anger and a tiny flash of determination lit up in her dark brown eyes.

"Of course I do, a--your honor! I, uh--ah, screw it," she muttered. "I honestly wish I watched my mom's trial sessions. . ."

The audience was whispering among themselves, wondering what this wretch was about to do next. Wendy tensed, silently calling out to her to say something. The expression Soos wore seemed to say the same thing.

"BLAH! I know that calling off the defendant is ridiculous but guess what? I'm gonna do it anyway!" Hikari took a deep breath, and in the most dignified voice she could muster, she finally yelled out, "I call as a witness: Mabel Pines!"

The hushed voices raised in volume. Looks of bewilderment appeared on their faces. Hikari, with an air of triumph, strutted over to the scrapbook which showed that god-awful one-sided argument by those two god-awful boys with god-awful hair and god-awful abs. (At least, in her opinion.) The page displayed the memory of their picture-taking session in second grade, after the chewed-up gum was put in Mabel's hair.

"Okay, but that What's-her-last-name girl was an extreme butthole!" second-grade Hikari hissed, putting her arms around Mabel in an attempt to comfort her. "Hold on, lemme slap my bonnet on you so we can take a picture together. I'll be done with her after."

A smirk formed on Hikari's lips as she watched the memory. Mabel smiled a bit, too.

"Hey, miss What's-your-last-name!" the second-grader yelled, stomping over to the wretch. The blonde--Hikari loved to call her a wretch sometimes--whipped around and sneered at her.

"What? Here to stand up for the loser?" she sniffed. "I learned something new today. You two are both la-"

A hard punch. The blonde snapped out of her daze as she saw Hikari beckoning Mabel to come with her.

"That proverb I told you years ago still holds true to my heart. Does it, Mabel? No? Alright then." Hikari looked back at the scrapbook now displaying the time when she was teased for not getting any sort of valentine from her classmates.

"You have so many letters, Mabel," she sniffed, smiling. "I'm sitting here with none, crying like a total loser, and-" Her eyes suddenly lit up as a messily-glued-together card full of Mabel's own valentines was shoved into her hands.

"Okay, uh, Mabel," she began. "I-I know I probably don't have solid evidence, but--wait, I do. And it's right here in this scrapbook thing!" Hikari walked to the center, trying her best to hide her trembling voice. "How many times have you handed me a tissue to blow my nose in? How many times did you make me laugh after a long and very dramatic rant about how hard school is? How many times did you tell those judgmental buttholes that metal is not all noise? Dude, I can't even count how many times you saved my poor donkey. And do I get to repay the favor? Heck no!"

Hikari wiped her eyes on her sleeve and took a deep breath.

"Screw it, Mabel. I'm so mad at myself. Why did I even think of leaving you? And--bah! Let's just talk this out later. Come on and give yo incompetent sister a hug."

****

III.

"I, um, I, yadda yadda yadda, I know, I'm a moron who doesn't know what to do." Hikari shot a scornful look at the huge triangle that loomed over her small, lowly figure. She cracked her knuckles, tossed the Journal away, and approached Bill with increasing speed.

Then she jumped off the ledge.

"I'm gonna make you hit the lights, Cipher-!"

The force field radiating from Bill's eye had pushed her back, sending her plummeting to the ground and hitting a tree. Hard. "YEEEOW! MY BALLS! MY NONEXISTENT BALLS! Wait, why are the three Journals burning? And--"

The gravity of the situation finally sunk in. ". . .oh."

She was so busy trying to scramble up to her feet with a maybe-broken back and banged-up arms when she heard Bill say "Have the kid as a snack."

His henchmaniacs whipped around to stare at her.

"Okay um it's been fun meeting y'all I gotta go bYE!" With those words, she took off running. The only thing that hindered her from running fast was the earbuds in her ears (strangely, she hadn't taken them off). Getting the cords out of the way is too frustrating, she thought. At least That Was Just Your Life is playing!

****

IV.

"What about Stanley? No, that's seven letters. Or Whiplash! Who knows, the author is a metalhead! . . .or no, I bet this thing's waaaaaay before 1981. . ."

The Pinay brunette looked like she wanted to sleep right there on the roof. She had been so engaged in this password-cracking thing that she did not touch her guitar for three days straight. I wanna play Blackened so baaaaad, she thought.

It started off as a gentle breeze. Taking in the fresh midnight air, Hikari decided to call it a night for now. For once, she had set the laptop down. She's just there, lying on the wooden planks, absentmindedly counting the stars that twinkled in the night sky, quietly humming Orion when the wind started to pick up speed.

"Wow, a storm? Could've just told me earlier," Hikari muttered, now sitting up and wiping the incoming sleep out of her eyes when she noticed the world go grayscale.

Now hold the frick on--

"Bill, this better be not about the time you said Hatsune Miku is for weeaboos! I don't have time for your BS," she hissed, holding up the laptop in a fighting stance. The warm yet cold light emanating from Bill Cipher's yellow glow nearly blinded her. "Nor do I have time for your rant about my--" she coughed-- "--opinion on trash can snares."

"Yeesh, chill slick," the snappy triangle replied in a manner that almost turned Hikari off. Wait, he always turns her off. "I'm only here to pay you a visit of sorts."

"Visit? You mean you want to jam? I would love to!" Hikari said, her eyes lighting up. But then she shook her head. "Eh, maybe next time, Bill. It's midnight. Let me sleep."

"You want answers."

"I'm going to sleep."

"You're clearly desperate."

"No, Bill. Give me my sleep." Hikari muttered, throwing a twig at him and walking away.

****

V.

"YOU."

"Wait, hold the mcfricken Hetfield on! I never signed up for this!" The look of confusion written all over Hikari's face would almost make you think she's not Hikari at all. You'd think stuff like her soul getting pulled out of her body is nothing to her. But this is something different.

Her evil atrocity's cackle rang in her ears, combined with the startling sound of the laptop getting smashed to pieces. "How the--whAT?! You did not just-!"

"You asked for it, Pine Tree. You shook on it." A grin slowly stretched across Hikari's possessed body's face. Now he knows how it feels like to have an actual mouth. "Anyway, I think I'm going to enjoy this fat sack for a while! Woah! Whoops!"

"Oh, what is this scrawled all over the wall? 'Bass solo, take one.' 'Oh, stop saying St. Anger sucks!' 'Em, D, C, Em, D, C.' You clearly are a weird one, Pine Tree! Ooh, what's this? 'I really like Robbie. If only he wasn't so much of a j--"

"No nO NO! You don't have to see that!" Even though she's in the guise of a guitar, Hikari could still see herself turning red. She had whacked Bill upside the head ten times before realizing she's doing all this to herself. She swiftly flew out of the electric guitar. "Just. . .sloooooooowly step away from that, eh? Farther and farther. There! Now, Bill, what are you do-"

"PSYCHE! 'What does molasses mean?' 'No life 'till leather, we're gonna kick some arse tonight!' 'I never knew Robbie had an amplifier himself. Maybe I could jam out with him sometime!'"

****

yee