♡trigger warning♡

So sorry this isn't an update, I'm posting this in all of my only going books.

If you guys read my rant book, the you got a very vague explanation of why I've been gone.

Exactly one month ago, I ran away from home.

This is not something I encourage, at all.

The environment that I was living in was emotionally and mentally destructive, to the point where I was genuinely terrified of going home.

When I was home, I didn't want to leave my bed. I didn't want to make plans, I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I didn't want to wake up in the morning, or ever again.

I started loosing weight, there were deep bags under my eyes, I wasn't sleeping, I started to let my friendships deteriorate, as well as my relationship.

It got to the point where I was either numb to the point where I was unresponsive, hell maybe even catatonic at home, or crying.

Now, I've always been one to joke around like "kill me" or "Wow I wanna die', bc who doesn't.

But I honestly, truly, wanted to die.

I felt as if I had no reason to live.

My mother became a person who I could no longer confide in, or even feel safe around.

My mother used to be my rock, but in the end my rock was what almost drowned me.

My mother, who to this day still struggles with severe anxiety, depression, and OCD, didn't care, no matter how many times I tried to tell her about my anxiety, or how I didn't feel myself.

"You have no reason to feel like that."

"It's all in your head."

"It's not as bad as mine."

I felt lost, and hopeless, and I would try to inflict pain on myself any chance I got, because physical pain was better than way I felt about myself.

Eventually, it got to be too much.

So I left.

And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I'm excited to get up in the morning, to see my brothers and my new best friend.

I caught myself singing in the shower, which I hadn't done in over a year.

I'm happy now, and I can breathe easier.

I cut the negative people out of my life, no matter how hard it was for me.

So anyone who feels broken, or is struggling, I am here to tell you that it actually does get better.

There will be a day, whether it be weeks months, or years away, where you think to yourself, "Thank God I didn't end my life, because I wouldn't be here to enjoy this."

That's how I feel almost everyday.

I am planning to update more often, and get back into wattpad, bc I love and am thankful for all of you.

Baby Brea out ♡