AMARA MADE SURE SHE HAD EVERY TEXTBOOK she required for the school day in her backpack, folding her costume and placing it in the middle pocket. Robin had no band practice that day, meaning they could immediately leave school for her house and do their homework before getting ready for the party together. Amara still wasn't sure if she wanted to go, but was glad that Robin would be attending with her.

        She unhooked her calendar from where it hung on the bulletin board above her desk. Concealed behind it was the chart she had created after moving to Hawkins two years ago, all for the purpose of making it through high school without anyone noticing something off about her. She had already failed her most important objective by becoming friends with Robin, Jonathan, and Nancy, but Robin also risked being shunned because of who she was, and her friendship with Nancy and Jonathan was mainly contrived from their shared experiences. The few friends Amara had made in Hawkins were so dear to her that she barely gave a shit about that goal anymore, but attending a party was a bigger hazard; more than a quarter of the school would be there, and one wrong move would lead to the entire town declaring her a freak in a matter of hours.

        She was silent as she occupied herself with her cereal. Scott was reading the Hawkins Post as per usual while Eurydice made coffee for herself and her husband. Kevin was in the midst of a phone call with one of his friends from college, his breakfast left untouched as he spoke rather loudly for someone who had awoken only a half-hour ago.

        "What do you mean 'you're fifty dollars short'?" Kevin exclaimed into the phone, earning a shush from his mother. "The concert's in three days and you just realized this?!"

        "I'm sorry man, my brother needed money for a new walkman and he still hasn't paid me back," came the response. Amara wasn't sure which of Kevin's friends was on the line, but he had mentioned having three close friends. The four of them had been raising money to see Queen live for months and had settled on a concert in Chicago on the 3rd of November.

        "Okay... okay," Kevin muttered, attempting to keep his voice down. "We'll figure something out today, but we're running out of time. I gotta go, I'll see you later."

        "Bye, Kev," the person on the other end said before the line fell silent. Kevin quickly positioned the phone back on the hook before nabbing his backpack and blueberry muffin and bolting out the door, in too much of a hurry to say goodbye to his family.

        "Well that was an interesting start to Halloween," Eurydice remarked, handing Scott his coffee before sitting back down. It was only then that she noticed how unusually quiet her daughter was as she mushed her fruit loops into a pulp. "You okay, sweetie?"

        Amara hadn't told Eurydice about the party. As far as her mother was concerned, she would be celebrating Halloween by watching scary movies with her best friend and eating more candy than her dentist would approve, not attending a party ripe with liquor and mischief. Part of it was because Amara didn't think Eurydice would allow her to go, but she herself didn't think going was the right decision. The only reason she wanted to go was to keep Nancy company, and even then she had been unwilling to unless Robin joined her.

        "Nancy invited me to a party tonight," Amara chose to tell Eurydice the truth, knowing that her mother's opinion on the matter would be the main factor in her final decision. "I told Robin about it and she might want to go too. We bought costumes yesterday but I still haven't decided if I'm going or not."

        Eurydice looked at Scott for reassurance before facing Amara again. "I'm guessing there's going to be alcohol at this party, right?" she questioned.

        "Yeah, probably," Amara responded meekly.

        "Who am I kidding, of course there will be," Eurydice murmured to herself as she thought back to the parties she had attended in her youth. "You just have to keep an eye on the drinks. Anything that isn't water from the sink is likely to have alcohol in it."

        "Wait, you're okay with me going?" Amara gasped, bemused as to why Eurydice panicked whenever she didn't know Amara's exact location for five minutes but was giving her the green light to go to a house party.

        "Seeing as your grandfather caved when I begged him to let me go to a party in high school, it would be hypocritical of me not to let you do the same," Eurydice clarified, and Amara nodded as her mother's reasoning began to make more sense. "But I don't recommend drinking anything if you're Robin's ride. Alcohol is a poison for terrible decisions."

        "And if any guy tries to make a move on you," Scott piped up, "feel free to give them my business card so we can arrange a time and place to meet."

        "We were only planning on being there for an hour," Amara chuckled nervously, finishing her breakfast.

        Eurydice beamed. "I'm really glad Nancy invited you. Have a great time!"

        With Eurydice's words in mind, Amara hugged her and Scott goodbye before leaving to pick up Robin. She would be experiencing what most normal teenagers defined as fun, rather than rereading her favorite science fiction novels or stargazing, and she had her parents' permission to do so. But the problem was that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be a normal teenager.

        Her rationale for forcing herself to blend into the crowd at Hawkins High was so that she would avoid judgment from her peers. Rather than developing interests that fell in line with those of her classmates, she was perfectly content remaining unseen if it meant that she didn't have to change who she was.

AMARA WAS ON AUTOPILOT throughout the entire day of school. She didn't lose concentration or fail to participate as much as she did on a daily basis, but her mind seemed to be operating separately from her body. At every turn, students in the classes of '85 and '86 were gushing about being invited to Tina's party while those on the lower levels of the social hierarchy were happy to spend the evening watching TV or passing out candy to neighbors. Even with her parents' blessing, Amara didn't feel as though going to the party was a wise choice on her part.

        It's only for an hour, she reminded herself as she met up with Robin at the end of academic hours. One hour and then we can leave.

        The two of them efficiently chipped away at their homework and managed to complete everything at 5 pm, leaving them with two hours until the party. After showering, Amara attired herself in Melissa Buckley's bathrobe ("she won't care if you use it; she's happy enough that I actually have a friend," Robin had commented in an attempt to assuage her best friend's discomfort at wearing someone else's clothing without their consent) and used Robin's washable markers to color her converse white temporarily while waiting for her hair to dry.

        It didn't take long for Robin to finish adding the final touches to her costume and admire the result. Her getup consisted of clunky Doc Martens, flared black jeans, the glittery top she had bought the previous day, a pointed hat she'd kept at the foot of her closet since she last dressed up as a witch at the age of seven, and her face more defined than usual with eyeliner and purple lipstick. As always, Robin Buckley looked stunning.

        "Wow, you look amazing!" Amara commented from across the room. She had shimmied into her dress and was in the process of twisting her russet locks into Princess Leia's iconic space buns.

        "So do you, but those buns are going to look like wilted flowers without some extra help," Robin replied. Fetching a cluster of bobby pins from atop her dresser, she used them to secure Amara's space buns in place to prevent them from drooping. "There. All done."

        After that, all that was left for Amara to do was apply makeup to her face. She wore little to no makeup on a daily basis, only opting for concealer and lip balm in a minimal effort to look presentable. She didn't like drawing unwanted attention to herself even if she generally liked what she saw when she looked in the mirror, but tonight she applied mascara, bronze eyeshadow, and berry lip gloss. Just like that, her eyes looked brighter and her lips appeared more full than usual. Amara was no more lovely than before, but the little makeup on her face amplified her beauty in a way that its absence wouldn't have.

        "This is so much better than a dumb costume," Robin declared, surveying herself and Amara in the mirror. "We look damn good."

        Robin had been right; the space buns were all that Amara needed to give away who she was dressed up as, and she managed to look pretty without feeling too uncomfortable. For the first time that day, she felt good about going to Tina's party.

        "Hell yeah we do."

THE PARTY WAS ALREADY RAGING by the time Robin and Amara arrived, the latter having parked her car a block away to avoid it being jammed in by others too eager to get wasted to bother parking properly. Even in an outfit that was slightly more revealing than her usual wardrobe, Amara was one of the least scantily dressed teenagers present. She wasn't the only one dressed as Princess Leia; as she and Robin made their way inside she'd managed to spot a girl sporting Leia's prisoner ensemble from Return of the Jedi.

        "We really should have stayed home," Amara had to shout to Robin over the din of the music blasting from the stereo as they wove their way through the crowd indoors. It was packed nearly to the brim and practically everyone was drunk despite the party only beginning half an hour ago.

        "Yeah, you're probably right," Robin agreed, wrinkling her nose in disgust as cigarette smoke wafted in their direction, along with people cheering the name of the boy who had arrived at Hawkins in a whirlwind of smoke and heavy metal and had nearly run Amara over with his car the day before. Everything about him screamed "bad boy" from his mullet to the shirts he left unbuttoned just a bit too much, leading a plurality of the school's female population to fawn over him.

        They found themselves in the kitchen, which wasn't as crammed as the living room. A punch bowl comprising of a red liquid appeared to be the main source of the crowd's inebriation and Amara recalled Eurydice's warning that anything not directly from the water tap was likely to contain alcohol. While the mixture appeared to be nothing more than fruit punch at a first glance, Amara knew that it had to be spiked and she didn't dare take a sip.

        "What even is the point of this?" Amara found herself asking Robin. The two of them lingered awkwardly on the edge of the dance floor, bored out of their minds. Neither of them felt like getting drunk or dancing with a stranger who would later try to have sex with them when they were too intoxicated to think properly, but that seemed to be the reason everyone else had come. What was the use in pretending to be normal when they didn't want to be normal?

        "Our combined IQ has to top everyone else's here," was Robin's reply.

        "You're forgetting that I don't have a definitive IQ."

        "Right."

        The song changed from Shout at the Devil by Mötley Crüe to Subdivisions by Rush, and Amara's mood immediately perked up. Robin elicited a gasp when Amara seized her arm and dragged her into the living room, where they dissolved into the throng of dancers.

        "Detached and subdivided in the mass-production zone," Amara belted, her voice pretty despite the cracks at the edges. "Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone!"

        "God, it's like this song was made for us," Robin grumbled, spinning under Amara's arm and almost stumbling into a girl dressed as Ariel Moore.

        "Why do you think it's one of my favorites?" Amara laughed, her hazel eyes glittering. She was grateful that she had chosen to wear her converse as any other shoes would result in blisters. After a few minutes the song changed to a Michael Jackson number, enough to keep them dancing. Robin and Amara could be anywhere in the world and succeed in creating memories that would last a lifetime as long as they had each other.

        Several songs later Robin excused herself to use the bathroom upstairs, leaving Amara alone. She made her way to the kitchen again to avoid being trampled by drunken dancers with starry eyes and roaming hands, reflexively checking her watch. It was almost 8:30 pm – the party had been going on for over an hour and was showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

        It was as she was contemplating what would be the best time for her and Robin to forget the whole "being normal teenagers" business and leave that someone crashed into her while making a beeline for the punch bowl. As Amara helped the evidently intoxicated stranger stand upright, she found that it wasn't a stranger per se, but rather the person who had convinced her to come to the party.

        "Amara!" Nancy slurred, reaching around the aforementioned girl for what was likely not her first drink. "You came!"

        "How much have you had to drink?" Amara queried, stopping Nancy before she could take a sip, suddenly worried about her.

        "Not enough," Nancy shot back, lifting her red solo cup to her lips and draining it in quick succession. "Come on, have a drink!"

        "I don't really – "

        "Come onnnn," Nancy beseeched. She was close enough that Amara was able to take note of how unfocused her gaze was, how blotchy her cheeks were, how unsteady her posture was. She was dangerously close to approaching the stage of inebriety where everything became heavier than normal, unlike the majority of the crowd that had consumed enough alcohol to get drunk but not too drunk.

        "Back off, Nance," a familiar voice spoke up. Unlike his girlfriend, Steve didn't appear to be the slightest bit drunk or even tipsy. He too was eyeing Nancy apprehensively. "She doesn't have to drink if she doesn't want to."

        Despite having fought a monster together almost a year prior, Amara and Steve rarely acknowledged each other outside of the occasional smile in the hallway or in class. After Will's retrieval she had returned to a world of studying and masking her autism, while he had done his best to amend his past mistakes while still remaining popular. The only issue was that his worst qualities appeared to have been the cause of his popularity, which was quickly eroding due to the arrival of Billy Hargrove.

        Carefully maneuvering Nancy so that she was in Steve's grasp, Amara smiled in relief. "Thanks for that. I didn't fancy driving home drunk."

        "Anytime," Steve grinned back. Nancy appeared to be in her own world, attempting to drink away the pain of losing her best friend. "Nice costume, by the way."

        "Thanks," Amara beamed. "I wasn't planning on coming until Nancy invited me, so it's kinda last minute."

        "Wait, she invited you?"

        "I'm not exactly a party person," Amara shrugged, absentmindedly wondering where Robin was at that moment. "I'm probably gonna leave soon."

        "We should too in a few minutes," Steve gestured to himself and Nancy, the latter of whom was itching to return to the dance floor. "Nice seeing you."

        As the couple rejoined the mass of intoxicated teenagers in the living room and the song changed to Duran Duran's Girls on Film, Amara became mindful of how sweltering the room was. Touching her face, she found that her cheeks were burning up. The music was too loud and the lights were too bright and she wanted nothing more than to find Robin and get the hell out. But her best friend was neither downstairs nor upstairs, so she tried the next best option.

        The chill of the October air was a delightful contrast to the heat echoing from flushed skin indoors. Keeping an eye on the ground to sidestep the numerous accumulations of vodka, beer, and stomach acid, Amara was dismayed to find no sign of Robin anywhere. However, stepping back inside was the last thing she wanted to do so she perched herself on the dewy grass and hoped that her best friend would show up eventually.

        She reached up and carefully unraveled her space buns, securing the scrunchies around her wrist and keeping a firm grasp on the bobby pins Robin had let her borrow. With her dark hair softening the angles of her face in loose waves until it stopped at her shoulder blades, Amara was no longer Princess Leia. She was a girl in a lovely dress who hated parties with every fiber of her being. What was the point in trying to like the things normal people enjoyed when she would never be normal herself? Even if she genuinely relished in going shopping and gossiping about cute boys, people would still notice something weird about her.

        At least being invisible meant she could stay true to who she was.

        A twig snapped from behind and Amara's heart rate increased. If there was one thing she knew about herself, it was that she was attractive enough in the eyes of men even if she didn't try to be, and the party was bustling with guys seeking to take advantage of intoxicated girls and lure them into bed with them. Even though Amara was stone-cold sober, she doubted she had enough strength to fight off whoever was making their way toward her. Thankfully, the person that emerged from the darkness was sober themselves and she exhaled in solace.

        "Oh, hey," Steve nodded in greeting, hoping the dark of the night didn't give away his bloodshot eyes. But then he remembered that other than Nancy, who apparently didn't love him, and Jonathan, who he was sure loved Nancy, and a bunch of middle schoolers and two adults, Amara was the only person who knew the truth of what happened last year. That Will got lost somewhere far worse than the woods, that an interdimensional monster had been responsible for six disappearances in one strange week, that Barbara Holland definitely wasn't missing. "Can I join you?" he asked tentatively.

        "Sure, I'm just waiting for my friend," Amara responded, motioning for him to sit beside her. They were bathed in soft moonlight, two lost souls that still bore trauma from that horrific night, but not nearly enough that they couldn't move forward. Perhaps Steve should have shown more empathy toward Nancy regarding Barb, but would it have even made a difference in her feelings for him?

        As if reading his mind, Amara asked, "Where's Nancy?"

        Steve hung his head as he mentally repeated the ugly truth like a mantra: Nancy didn't love him. She probably never did. "I don't think Nancy wants to be around me right now," he voiced a watered-down version of the truth, praying that it would soothe the ache in his chest. It didn't.

        "What happened?" Amara queried before realizing too late that she was likely encroaching on Steve's personal life. "Sorry, you don't need to talk about it – "

        "It's fine, it isn't like not telling you would make any difference," Steve stated, somehow unable to look anywhere but at the ground. "According to her I'm bullshit and we killed Barb and she doesn't love me. It could just be the alcohol talking... "

        " ...but it doesn't make it hurt any less," Amara finished for him, her gaze sympathetic. While she didn't know the specific details of everything that had occurred the night Barb was abducted, the same night she had seen the Demogorgon for the first time, she knew that Nancy blamed herself thoroughly for letting her best friend die when she could have prevented it from happening. "Her being drunk doesn't mean you aren't entitled to how you feel."

        "It's just, I guess I expected that everything that happened last year would only bring us closer, but it's only pushed us apart," Steve lamented. "I still get flashbacks of that night, when that thing almost killed us, and I guess pretending it never happened makes it easier to hide the fact that I'm an absolute idiot."

        "You're not – "

        "But I am!" Steve raised his voice, and Amara felt her eyes well up with tears at his heartbreak. "If I wasn't so fixated on getting her back I would have realized that maybe she didn't want me back. Maybe I wouldn't have wasted a year thinking that she loved me when she didn't. Maybe she could've been happy with someone else. I really fell for her, y'know? I actually believed we'd grow old together."

        "Steve, there's nothing you can do to change the past," Amara told him firmly. "Look, there's a chance that she might not mean what she said. I mean, my mom tells me that drunken words are just sober thoughts, but that's not always the case. I think you should talk to her tomorrow when she's sober and figure out where to go from there."

        Steve finally unfixed his gaze from the earth and faced Amara. His eyes were glassy with tears. "Thanks, Amara," he whispered.

        "Anytime."

        Steve pushed himself upright, shooting Amara what could only be described as a genuine smile, a rarity on all accounts. She wondered if that smile had been reserved for Nancy. She wondered if he'd ever get the chance to give Nancy that smile again.

        "Amara, there you are! Oh shit... "

        Robin appeared where Steve had been moments ago, her jeans splattered with vomit that she had the misfortune to trip over, her eyeliner smudged and hat missing. She looked utterly lost and broken – a sight Amara hadn't seen since Tammy Thompson began dating Christian Flemming five months ago.

        "Rob, what happened?" Amara questioned, standing up. "Do you want to leave?"

        "Yes, please," Robin's voice cracked midsentence, and Amara didn't hesitate to take her ring-clad hand in her own and lead her down the block to her car, the moonlight reflecting off of the identical silver bracelets they both still wore. Robin's lip trembled like she was doing her best to hold it together for another minute and Amara couldn't help but resent herself for dragging her to a party where neither of them would have the same level of fun as they would from eating candy and watching scary movies.

        "I'm sorry I asked you to come tonight," Amara apologized as soon as they were cocooned within her car. It was one of the few spaces where they felt the safest, especially when they brought up subjects such as Amara's autism and Robin's sexuality, the latter of which Amara pinpointed to be the reason for her best friend's distress.

        "No, I'm sorry I actually believed we could be normal," Robin was now crying, something she rarely did outside the company of those she trusted, and Amara was quick to hand her some tissues from beneath the center console. "Just being there, seeing so many girls in the arms of guys with no brain cells and guys staring me down like I'm a fucking object – it was just too much for me. And then I couldn't find you and for one goddamn second I thought that you'd abandoned me too... "

        Amara instinctively squeezed Robin's hand. Both girls had tears in their eyes, the result of a world where, in the words of Geddy Lee, one must either conform or be cast out. There was no in-between for people like Amara who could excel at anything involving data or memorization but still be judged for her difficulty communicating with others or taking in abstract information, and Robin who when she was lucky enough to receive attention got it from the sex she wasn't attracted to. The only people they could rely on were each other.

        "I'm here," Amara assured Robin, caressing her thumb against the back of Robin's hand. "You're stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere."

        "Wanna go home now?" Robin asked weakly, letting go of Amara's hand so she could start the car. "Screw being normal teenagers. I've got a TV and a bag of candy waiting for us."

        Amara gave Robin the smile that reassured her that she loved her and had no intention of ever leaving her life. "I'd love to."

published to quotev: 7/10/22
published to wattpad: 7/16/24