OMG Hoobastank! You just complete this chapter!

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is YOU.
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~~~ CHAPTER 41 - THE REASON ~~~

I couldn't believe it.

Nigel, in his navy blue dress shirt and suit pants, was there sitting on the floor in the hallway, acting like he was waiting for me to open the door.

Was he really just acting?

No. I doubted it.

He looked really pitiful in there.

So handsome and so hard and lean... yet so pitiful...

Staring at him in complete incredulity, I felt like my heart had ceased all its activities. I suddenly felt I needed air to breath.

Slowly, he stood up.

Without saying anything, I opened the door widely for him.

I turned around and expected that he would follow me in. Truly, he came in and closed the door behind him.

I knew I was appearing really strong but, deep inside, I was crying. Why did he have to do this? Why couldn't he just maintain being the heartbreaker that he was and not this kind of man who patiently waited for my door to open?

"Why are you here?" I scoffed with my back facing him.

I could hear his silent footsteps behind me. Then, suddenly, his arms were slipped around my waistline. I jolted in surprise but he even tightened his embrace of my body. "Can't we stop bickering? All the fights we have are killing me, Althea. Aren't you tired of all these fights?"

I shut my eyes. I wanted to cry again.

"Because you annoy the life out of me... and I could go on quarreling with you forever if you don't stop this mushiness," I said like a whisper. "Why do you have to still come here and show as if you care? Why can't you just stay with any other woman like the one you just have dinner with?"

"Do you really want that?" he asked in my left ear, still hugging me from my back.

No! Of course not!

Oh, what the heck was my mind thinking?

"Yes, Nigel. I just want you to stop coming here. Just be with someone else, please," I said.

"I just want to be with you," he said, placing his chin on my shoulder blade.

There, the chills in my bone that I had been trying to handle since he began embracing me were becoming obvious now. It seemed like I couldn't hold them back anymore. The familiar Nigel scent reached my nose and you just knew right that moment that you missed this man so much.

"Being with me wasn't something that you like years before..." I said, shrugging my left shoulder where his chin was resting. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Unexpectedly, Nigel lifted my body up with his strong arms. I shreiked his name in shock as he carried me in bridal style to my couch. My spine released a million neurons to the different parts of my body and they all told me that I was in my breaking point right now.

In spite of my wriggling, he sat on my couch and gently placed my buttocks on his lap. Both of my legs were stretched out on the surface of the couch at his left side. Seeing my thighs flaunted, I remembered that I was only wearing a shirt.

"There's no change of the heart, Althea. I've been wanting you ever since," he said, brushing his mouth on my left upper arm. His stubble was giving tickly sensations in there even with my sleeve on.

Too surprised of the sensation, I hit his chest with my elbow. "How dare you---"

"There again, my brat's hitting me whenever she likes it," he said, his voice was rough and husky. He enclosed my body including my arms within his, so that I couldn't even move now. "I've been like a battered fiancé, you know. You always hit me."

"You're not my fiancé," I cried out, "and I will hit you whenever I want to because you are such a douche bag!"

"Princess, princess, calm down," he said, embracing me more from my left side. "Let's have a proper talk."

"Proper? How can this be proper when I'm sitting on your lap?" I complained as I felt the burning of my cheeks.

Why wouldn't I blush? I was wearing only a shirt and no shorts or whatever below, just my freaking panties down there. And, oh, you wouldn't want to know what my ass was feeling under it... what my ass was rubbing all along...

It's his steel-hard-God-knows-what!

I wanted to freak out!

"Why do you wriggle so much? Just calm down, okay? Please," Nigel groaned. "You're making me so uncomfortable here."

Huh?

God, suddenly I felt so hot! I could feel he was, too!

If he was uncomfortable, it was he who was putting the both of us in this awkward situation and he was complaining now!

Okay, on second thought, I was to be blamed for this. Why did I let him in? This might be all my fault.

"I love you, Althea. I've always loved you," he suddenly declared in my ear which sent jitters to my bones.

Oh, God!

He was again telling me he loved me. As much as my mind wanted to disregard his words, my heart wanted me to confront him. I couldn't just let it slide this time. I wanted to be enlightened.

I quitted wriggling, turned and leaned down my face to him. As we engaged each other on a stare down, our breathing seemed to be coinciding; the air we released from our mouths seemed to merge together in that short space in between our faces.

"I love you very much," Nigel stated softly after the pause.

"H-How... How could you say that?" I asked, totally confused. He couldn't be really serious in this. "You hate me, don't you? You even once said I'm the most hateful person in the world. So why are you saying this?"

Nigel bit his bottom lip and stared at my eyes.

"You can't even answer me..." I stated but I paused when he pressed his right cheek on my upper arm just near my shoulder. Again, the short hairs in his jaw produced a tickly pain in my skin that passed through the soft cottony cloth of my sleeve. Somehow, the tiny piercing feeling kind of excited some parts in me like fireworks all through out my body.

"I'm sorry, princess," he said, breathing hard. "Yeah, I'm guilty... really guilty. I hated you... but it was in the past... totally in the past when I was still too stupid to even admit that I've had feelings for you."

Oh! Suddenly, I was speechless. Now, I couldn't say even a word.

How could I believe that he had feelings for me back then? A lump formed in my chest and I wanted to release the pain I was feeling by shedding a tear.

I struggled once more from his embrace.

He was saying that he was just holding back his feelings because he hated me. Oh, the great Nigel Joaquin Sarmiento! If he indeed had feelings for me even before, then he was really the greatest hypocrite on the face of the planet!

I pursued him before like I was a mad girl. I pursued him with all my life. I humbled myself, endured his bullying and insults, did all crazy things merely for him... only to find out now that, all those times, when he was being proud and arrogant, affecting me offensively and damagingly, he was actually falling in love with me! Wasn't it the greatest crap in the whole wide world?

Did he expect me to jump with joy right now that I knew he had feelings for me even before?

Eventually, tears dropped from my eyes. I leaped to the floor from his lap and Nigel was stunned by my sudden escape.

"Althea..."

He wanted to talk to me? Well, I just lost all interest to listen to him.

How could he swallow all the pain and heartache I was feeling before by pretending that he didn't love me? How could he let me be in so much pain?

Because of his damn pride and hatred for you, Althea, my mind answered.

And there was no need for me to ask why he hated me that much! I knew exactly the reason why. It was one of the many reasons that made me run away from him two years ago.

Too angry to even talk a word, I stood in front of him like a post and jerked my head away. I really felt like not looking at him. I just couldn't look at him.

"Since Annie died, I'd been feeling like I was a lifeless body," he then stated hoarsely.

The mention of his late sister made me glance back at him. Still sitting on the couch, Nigel grabbed his hair with his hands as he bent his head down, his elbows on his knees.

I steadied my eyes on him and he continued talking, "She was everything to me, like really everything, because she was like the female version of dad in almost all aspects of her. People would always say I look like dad but, for me, Annie was almost everything that dad was. Her smile, her little quirks, her mannerisms, her gestures. She was just like him."

So Nigel was starting to recall things in the past and there was something in me that was ignited. I wanted to listen more.

"Of course I knew what dad was like because, when I was a kid, he and I was the closest of all and he'd always put me first over everything. When he was still alive, he lavished me with so much love. He was the one who introduced me to drawing and sketching the moment I knew how to handle a pencil. When he died, I lost a hero in my life. Annie and I grew up without him, so seeing my sister everyday and her close resemblance to dad was like having him still around."

Oh, God! Nigel was really opening up... He was trying to communicate now. Brushing some tears in my eyes, I found my buttocks resting on the coffee table in front of where he was sitting.

"Just like dad, Annie and I shared the same interest. We both dreamed of being famous artists and having our first painting exhibition together. She was the sweetest girl in the world and I'd do everything for her," Nigel continued with his monologue. Finally, he glanced up to me and I saw tears in his eyes. "That's why, Althea, you could just imagine how mom and I reacted when we learned my little sister had cancer, it was a total wreck. You know, bone cancer is very rare, so I couldn't understand why of the millions of people in the world, it had to be my dear little sister."

Nigel bowed his head and clasped it with his palms. His shoulders were shaking. He was indeed crying.

"Mom suffered so much when dad died. But, when Annie passed away, it was like the end of the world for the both of us."

Of course, I knew about Anita Caroline, his sister, and how she died and how Nigel and mom suffered with the loss. However, seeing him now, crying at the thought of his sister, made me realize that he had been through a lot indeed.

I couldn't help it and I cried as well. He lost two important people in his life. It was something that I could relate very much. After all, I also lost two important people, my parents.

Nigel pressed his right cheek on his right palm. His right elbow was still resting his knee. Then, he went on with his story, "Can you still picture out the painting hung on the wall in mom's drawing room?"

I nodded my head. How could I forget it? It was the most beautiful painting that I had ever seen in my whole life and it was Nigel's masterpiece. Until now, it was displayed in mom's drawing room. It was one of his only two artworks that he permitted to be displayed.

"That was my last painting before Annie passed away. She requested me to paint it, there in her hospital room. It was, however, the first work that I did through memory. It's hard to paint when the subject is not there in front of you... especially that she wanted me to paint it just like the real scenery. You have to squeeze out your brain just to produce the artwork."

Really? That oil painting on 48 × 72 inches canvas, the breathtaking flower plantation with an attractive portion of the Sarmiento River, was painted by Nigel through his memory alone! It was so beautifully done that if you were to stare at it, it just looked so real. Amazing! Its delicate details indeed needed a sharp memory to make it come to life. I opened my mouth in disbelief. He was indeed a genius in this field and I only knew it by now that this amazing talent came from his father.

"When she died, I stopped painting for a while. I thought it was the end of me, too," he said, his voice shaking, his head bending as if trying to hide the tears running on his cheeks. "How could you go on painting when your painting buddy was no longer there with you?"

Oh, Nigel! I didn't know he suffered this much.

Then, he shot me his eyes, now both of his cheeks were pressed to his palms.

"Then, you came," and he paused as he inspected my face and a frown appeared his lips. "At first, I hated you. I hated you so much it made me sick."

With my hands tightened together, I wrung my knuckles. Here he went. He was to tell me now how much he hated me. And indeed...

"I hated you because you were like Annie's lousy copycat," he said very clearly that those words immediately reached my ears.

Bang! I thought it was a missile that had just hit me! I almost lost my balance on the coffee table. I thought I was going to lose my ass to the floor.

What? His sister's lousy copycat?

"Mom thought we could forget my sister's loss by adopting you and I started to hate her as well," Nigel moved on.

Okay. Okay. So we were heading there. He was to tell me now how impervious it was of me, a servant's daughter, to dream of replacing her sister.

I gathered my wits and stood up. I didn't think I could still listen to him. Maria Stella already told me about it and if I would hear it again... it would be like a double smack. First, from Maria Stella. Now, from him.

"I don't think I can listen still..." I said with tears in my eyes.

"I hated you and hated mom more for she saw Annie in you," he said, so deep in his thoughts and his voice breaking. He wiped his reddened face with his hands and then stared at me again. "How could she see Annie in you when you were truly a different person, Althea? While mom couldn't notice the big difference, I definitely saw how different you were from my sister, far too different. While Annie was polite, refined, gentle, and disciplined; you were spoiled, brattish, demanding, and frank. I hated it so much on how you could easily ask mom whatever you wanted and the more that I hated my mom on how she lavished you with everything. I hated you because through you, she seemed to forget our Annie. Since you arrived in the palacio, mom was always like, 'Darling Althea wants this, or Darling Althea likes this, or Darling Althea hates this.' It's as if her world had started revolving around you and I couldn't accept that."

Gosh! So now I knew this was how he saw me all this time.

Spoiled.

Brattish.

Demanding.

Frank.

A lousy replacement of his sister.

My legs shook hard and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to help myself. With clenched hands, I was surprised that I was still standing. Why hadn't I just slumped myself on the floor?

HATE. That word. How many times did he say it again?

So, here he was now telling me why he could never accept me. Here he was telling me why he often insulted or bullied me before. He hated me very much... because he thought I wanted to replace his sister's place in the palacio!

Yes, I couldn't help it. Tears fell from my eyes. I couldn't stop them from running down through my cheeks.

Perhaps, aside from all those things that he had mentioned about me, he could also include my being a cry-baby!

"And you also cried a lot," Nigel moved on saying as if he read my thought.

There and then, I wanted to bump my head on the wall. I was right all along, my being a cry-baby was a part of the list.

"It irritated me to see you crying most of the time. You were like the weakest girl I'd ever known. Annie was never like that. She was strong, very strong. She never cried even on her deathbed. She never did because she didn't want mom and me to worry. See why I said you were Annie's lousy copycat? You were the complete opposite of her."

I didn't reply, instead I span around so my back was facing him and so I could hide the abundant tears in my face. God, my life was one whole dramatic movie! It was like I had already cried buckets after buckets of tears in my entire life. I could even drown myself in those tears if I'd want to.

What should I do? Crying was my form of release. This was me. This was the real Althea Ruiz.

At my back, I knew Nigel had been gazing at me.

"Althea..." he called out my name, then there was silence. For minutes, he just decided not to talk.

"Are you done now?" I asked after several seconds. "Why do you stop talking?"

Would listening to him even be important to me now? I had claimed myself to have moved on already from the past... so would it still do any good to me if I would listen to him now?

But my heart skipped wildly as if recommending me to tell him to continue... suggesting me to listen. At least, to listen would be answering some questions about the past... or tying some loose ends. Perhaps, after this, I'd finally be able to move on completely.

The next thing I knew, Nigel was already standing very close at my back. He was breathing in and out deeply. "And the craziest thing of all... You know what's the craziest thing of all, Althea?" he said, clasping my shoulders with his hands.

I didn't reply because I didn't have a clue on what he was trying to say.

He turned me around so that we stood face to face. Leaning down on me and seeing the tears below my eyes, he wiped them with his thumbs. "In all those times that I was hating you, you always appeared before me with your evocative... eyes... these eyes..."

Too confused of what he meant, I met Nigel's gaze.

Nigel made little massages in the corner of my eyes. "Your evocative, expressive eyes, princess. It was so annoying at times when I could easily see the anger or sadness or pain or pride or happiness or admiration or craving in these eyes of yours. They always haunted me like almost all the time when you were not there... at school, at the Forest Garden, at my bedroom... I always saw you... your face... and that made me even more annoyed. How could somebody I hated so much haunted me that way?"

I didn't know what to say. I was just gaping my mouth at him.

Didn't he tell me before that he hated my eyes?

Flashing back, my mind remembered the exact words he said about them, "You know? What I hate more than anything else about you is your eyes! Why? Because you always come to me with those eyes of yours boring something in me, piercing me, and getting me out of my wits! Every time you look at me with those eyes, you always lure and arouse the monster in me. Now, I'm about to turn into that monster. You're not gonna like it when it happens, Althea. So get your damn ass out of here!" He then gripped the railing by his hands at his sides as if trying to control himself from doing anything crazy.

That happened two years ago at the patio. It was one of those hardest confrontations I had with him.

So, he hated my eyes... So, what now? Should I pierce them for him so he wouldn't be seeing them anymore and I could go on with my life?

"Yes, as a young boy, I had been hating you but at the same time I had been finding you so beautiful and so... bewitching... and I was very annoyed of that fact... really so f-cking annoyed... You have no idea how f-cking hard it was to be torn between hating you and admiring your eyes and your face at the same time..."

Huh? Admiring my eyes? Didn't he just tell me he hated them?

"It was the hardest feeling that a teenaged boy has to go through, Althea... You couldn't imagine how hard it was for me..." he expressed with tears in his eyes, too.

Tears were still streaming down from my eyes and a lump was building up in my throat.

Nigel found my jaw and cupped them with his hands.

"Your eyes were the main thing why you could never be Annie... you know that? Because hers were delicate and dainty, while yours... God, this pair..." Nigel, holding my jaws again, bent down to look at my eyes very, very closely. "This pair of brown titillating ones... Althea, they're your most powerful charm. You can lure someone in just a flick of them and... and... you had me already the first time I saw them."

Oh, this was all too much! Was he even telling me the truth? He had been admiring me since the very first time he saw me?

I was just eight at that time and he was thirteen.

"P-Please... don't lie to me..." I finally opened my mouth. "How could I believe you? For years, you've only shown me hatred and anger. You've never been sensitive to my feelings. You always hurt me."

"Because I'd been so dumb. I had the hard time of accepting to myself the very fact that I was falling in love with the girl that I hated! Holding back is the most difficult feeling in the whole world and it only took me two years ago to realize that I had been punishing myself. Yeah, I've been punishing myself and at the same time purposely hurting you. I'm really sorry," Nigel said, enveloping my slim body in his arms and kissing my forehead. "I'm so sorry for hurting you."

Purposely hurting me?

He clasped my head and pulled it to his chest. "I'm so, so sorry, Althea."

I didn't reply. I just sobbed.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I was so deep in my pain that I didn't notice that Nigel already guided me back to the couch. He sat there and pulled me to sit next to him at his left. His left hand was tightly clasping my right and our arms and sides were pressed together.

"I never intended to replace Annie in your life or in mom's life," I pronounced after several seconds when I found the words to say. "I was just being me. I never tried to copy her. I never even know what she was like."

He even tightened more his hold of my hand.

"Yeah... I know but, as a young and immature boy back then, I'd been so stupid to believing that to myself," he moved on saying. "All those times, I was trying to ask myself why I had to deal with a girl that mom wanted to become my sister. My heart never wanted that. Every time I stole a gaze at you, there was always a part of me shouting that I couldn't really treat you as a sister."

Yeah, I remembered him telling me that during my thirteenth birthday at my favorite place in The Fields, in my lagoon bank. He was so firm at that time that he could never really accept me as a sibling. It wasn't what I also wanted, that was why I went to mom that same day and told her that I would marry Nigel instead.

"But I hated you more, Althea, when I learned that you asked for the engagement instead of the adoption. How could you be so stupid to do that? I never really expected that... never really expected it at all. I was thinking that, being the spoiled brat that you were, you only did it because you wanted to avenge me for not permitting you on the adoption. I was thinking that you wanted to challenge me. Hence, from that day on, it became a battle, a face-off, a contest to me that I strictly vowed myself to win."

Oh, my God!

So that was why he always find the perfect ways of hurting me.

Yes, there had been a challenge, Nigel, but it was not to avenge you for not accepting me as a sister. It was a challenge to myself to win your love, to create a heart in you... because you were like the coldest boy I knew. Yet, two years ago, I surrendered from that challenge because it hadn't been doing any good to me anymore. Loving you had been hurting me so much.

"And mom even consented your crazy idea! Or I was confused... was it really your idea or was it mom's? You two were like cohorts making me the victim of your crazy engagement crime... I made myself strong that I couldn't allow myself to be involved in a forced marriage, Althea, because I already told you this, I would only marry the girl of my choice, not my mom's. I'd been already deprived of my choice of a degree. Thus, I felt it so unfair that even in deciding who to marry, I wasn't also given a chance to choose."

Here, Nigel paused and sighed. Entertwining our fingers in his left hand and my right, he placed them on his lap. I looked down and I saw my thighs. My left hand secretly pulled the hem of my shirt to cover what was exposed. I was concentrating on his words but, seeing my thighs, I became conscious.

I wanted to get away and just listen to him from a considerable distance. But, God, his hand was warm in mine, even his arm and the side of his body that were pressed to me. Somehow, I felt the comfort in his warmth and I actually was surprised that I wanted to be pressed against him.

His words a while ago were heavy. With him pausing now, I felt he was preparing himself to say something much heavier. Nigel was a man so deep that penetrating his mind and his heart really was always impossible. Tonight, he actually flaunted a part of him to me.

"Althea, right after mom's announcement of our engagement during your thirteenth birthday, I became bolder and more defiant. I said to myself that I'd prove to you that you were messing with the wrong guy. So, I became a rebel to mom. And you, who was regarded by everybody in The Fields as my fiancée, became my biggest form of rebellion."

Oh, why was each word coming from him piercing every nerve of me?

"When I turned college, I went to the capital with the feeling of being relieved to be finally away from the girl I had been hating and had been crushing on at the same time." He turned his face to me and I looked up to him. Then, his voice turned soft as he brought his mouth nearer to my right ear, "But the separation killed me more. Every time I received texts from you, I instantly deleted them because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold back and I'd be texting you back instead. I was too proud to do that, you know. It even peeved me more when mom always find time to send pictures of you. Oh, your smiling face in my phone always made me lose my mind. Just seeing your picture with your adorable eyes was like a painful stab in my heart. Yes, just seeing only your picture was already a stab in my heart."

Nigel paused. I didn't talk because I wanted him to continue.

Surprisingly, he planted a kiss on my right temple and I closed my eyes.

"In the capital, I did a lot of crazy things just to forget you, Althea. I drowned myself in my studies and in my paintings. I dated lots of girls..." he paused.

I opened my eyes due to what he just said. Dated lots of girls? So it wasn't Maria Stella only... there were other girls before her?

"I was crazy during college and even became crazier after graduating. Changing girlfriends was like changing clothes to me..."

What? So how many girlfriends did he have? Five? Ten? Twenty? Fifty? A hundred?

How many, Nigel Joaquin?

This time, I tried to inch away from him but he held on to my hand more tightly.

"Yes, I became the total player, Althea. I had various girls, dated them, had sex with them---"

Okay. This last one was too much! It just blew my mind off! I never could accept it! The freaking bastard! How could he have sex with various girls?

Feeling so shocked, I tried once again escaping from him. He, however, immediately grabbed my waist.

"You always escape from me," he roughly said, pulling me back to his side.

"Because you're such a freaking womanizer!" I gasped. "God! How could I ever let you hold me this way when you've already bedded multiple women? You filthy b------!"

Tears naturally ran through my cheeks again. Every word he said tonight was like a bomb blowing up every nerve of my heart. How could I accept him? Just the thought of him having sex with various women produced burning flames of anger, jealousy, and rancor within me.

Nigel silenced himself.

Yes, I was crying as I sat beside him. This man had known nothing else but to hurt me. A virgin like me couldn't really imagine a man to be this way.

If I'd accept him, how would I know that he'd be faithful to me? Yes, okay, he loved me as what he said, but was love enough? In the past, I already knew he was somebody who could easily be tempted by hot, sexy girls but I couldn't really imagine him to be in the same bed with another woman. And this hot-blooded creature would always crave for sex, something that I would never give until I get married.

He deeply breathed. "The girls..."

"Please, Nigel, enough," I cut him off, feeling the heat in my cheeks.

It just hurt to discover the negative sides of him day after day... and it hurt to note that the man I put on the pedestal when I was still young was never really that perfect.

"Althea... I just really want to be honest by telling you everything---"

Oh, he wanted to be honest by telling me that he had sex with different women? Was he serious? Was he to describe in detail how he pleased girls on bed?

"I don't want to talk anymore... Can you just give me space?" I butted in, pushing him hard.

He finally inched himself away. "Althea, let's start by---"

"For pete's sake, can you just please stop talking?" I cried out.

He sighed deeply.

There was no talking for several minutes. We sat side by side, both of us not moving on the couch.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

When I cooled myself down a bit, I looked at him. "There are just a lot of things that have been bugging me. I don't want to be disturbed yet. I need a lot of time for my internship. I want to concentrate. Give me time and space, please."

He met my eyes. "Are you saying that I stop visiting you?" he asked with his voice coated with a tone of regret.

"Yes, please..."

Nigel, this time, reached out for my body once more and enclosed me in his arms. I didn't violently react anymore because, honestly, I just realized that it was a lot better for me to be enclosed in his arms than to be sitting desolately on this couch. It was like my body was searching for the warmth he was providing me a while ago. "I'm sorry if I upset you all the time," he pleaded.

There again, I wasn't able to control myself. I sobbed hard because what he said was true. Recalling my life with him in the past and even merely seeing him in the present made my heart turn upside down. I never really moved on... It hurt to admit but I had never really moved on.

Especially now that I heard his revelations.

Why did he have to make our lives complicated before when he could just admit to me his feelings? I wouldn't have gone shattered. He wouldn't have gone dating various girls.

I knew I had been shaking all along as I sobbed. Nigel grabbed my head and pulled my cheek to his chest.

No matter how hard this man had been hurting me, I still wanted him to embrace me. I couldn't explain why. Perhaps, I was just tired. Perhaps, I just wanted someone to comfort me this time and he was the only available warm body in the room with me. I even leaned on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I didn't say anything.

"I love you, Althea," he said softly, brushing his lips on my ear.

I shivered at the touch of his lips. It sent tiny prickles in my ear down to my neck.

"Please, quit giving me kisses," I whispered. I knew my body reacted to the touch of his lips on my skin but, as much as possible, I just wanted him to refrain from doing it.

I couldn't bear the thought of him romancing other girls, then kissing me whenever he wanted to. That didn't feel quite right. That wasn't the right thing for a man to do.

He embraced me tightly. "Let me stay here with you tonight."

With tears still running down my cheeks, I closed my eyes. "As long as you will not bother me after this," I whispered. "Please, promise me you're not going to bother me after tonight."

There was a long silence.

The only thing I heard was his heartbeat...

"Two years has never been really enough, Nigel. Please give me more time," I appended when I finally thought of what I really wanted from him.

Nigel found my chin and lifted it up so he could see my face. I opened my eyes and his dark gaze met me.

Wiping the tears in my cheeks with his fingers, he said, "If you think I'm a bother to your studies or your internship, I'll try myself to give you more time for that."

"It's not only about my internship," I answered truthfully. "It's actually about checking on myself and my heart and, yup, I need a lot of time to do that."

He batted his sexy eyelashes. Suddenly, I had the urge to play those lashes with my fingers... but I kept myself back.

"Checking on your heart? Does that also mean you're starting to consider me back?" he asked as his left hand found my right. He stroke my fingers.

"No... just to check on what my heart really wants... and, besides, I'm dating Javier---"

"I will wait for you," he said, not letting me finish my statement. "Please, just don't mention his name. Just don't."

Jealous mode. I could feel it. It was good for him to be jealous. I only dated one guy while he dated gazillion of girls I didn't know.

I didn't make a reply.

On second thought, it wasn't about using Javier just to make Nigel jealous because Javier was a nice guy. I had to treat him fairly well because he had been treating me nicely. Hence, he deserved to be one of those that I would also consider. That was why I had to check on my innermost feelings... What I needed was deep thinking.

There was silence for the second time.

Nigel imprisoned me back in his arms. My face was once again pressed to his well-toned chest.

I lifted my feet and curled myself at his side. Okay, for tonight, I would let myself be with him.

Then, I closed my eyes. I was getting so sleepy already.

It seemed like I was to sleep in somebody's arms tonight... here on my couch.

"I love you, princess," he whispered in my ear. "I love you very much. I will wait for you."

Acting asleep, I didn't talk.

A few minutes after, he whispered, "You're my choice for my future, Althea. It's been one hell of an internal battle for me but even before you left two years ago, I'd already made up my mind that there's no other girl that I'd like to be with. Home is where my heart is and you're my home. I don't think I'd ever be complete without you in my life."

I pressed my eyelids even harder but my tears still managed to find their way out.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I woke up about an hour later.

We were both lying on the couch now. I wondered how our bodies fit in that tiny space. My back was pressed to his front as he cuddled my body with his right arm. His right hand was holding my left, with our fingers entertwining. The left side of my neck rested on his left biceps.

Oh, I had never felt so secure in my entire life. I closed my eyes again and wished that the night would never end because his body felt so heavenly against mine. His hot breathing on my neck felt really good that I could go on doing this for the rest of my life.

Forget everything for the meantime, all the pain and discouragements, Althea, I told myself. Just think of you and him... and how your bodies perfectly fit each other tonight.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

A/N

Haha, so how was it?

If you noticed, much of their conversation is only about their teenaged years... That would only be for now.

There are still a lot of issues to be cleared (starting from the time when Althea moved in with him in his condo and why he was mean most of the time) but we'll just do it one at a time, okay? One at a time, my lovely readers, because I believe that each issue deserves more space in this book for it to be fully clarified.

Just be patient, okay?

So, you now know why my Nigelito Joaquin had been a jerk from the start. Now, it's up for you to decide, accept or reject him? 😗/😠

Don't forget to VOTE, COMMENT, and SHARE!

More revelations to come, guys!

And here's another thing. I will update anytime soon this week the moment we hit the 100k reads, we're just so close to that, guyz, and it excites me very much!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Always,
(sapphiregirl22) ~_^