~~~ Chapter 26 - Hate ~~~

It was a silent travel we had in the country road going back to the palacio. I never spoke, neither did Nigel.

All I felt was the painful twist in my heart. Why was it always like this... painful and unbearable?

We were already approaching the magnificent palacio when I wasn't able to control myself anymore. I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was going to explode! I felt wretched and I wanted to cry out loud. And so, I sobbed uncontrollably as I was sitting beside Nigel in the car. I was trembling and shaking until I resolved to hug my body in order to comfort myself...

He had been hurting me so much. Every single person in that ball knew that I was his fiancèe but he kissed that woman! I had never been this humiliated in my whole life! I had learned to forgive him when I saw him making out with Maria Stella because I was the only one who saw it and I could just swallow everything by keeping it a secret to everyone.

But now, it was different. He kissed that bitch in front of those many people who thought that I was his fiancèe!

I wanted to hate him!

Discerning my state, Nigel beside me suddenly drove the car like a madman. I heard the screeching sound of the tires as we entered the opened iron gate.

Just when the car stopped near the patio, I quickly got out of it and managed to stride the patio steps in spite of the length of my gown and heels. Exactly reaching the topmost step, I was absolutely surprised when Nigel gripped one of my arms. So he followed me right away. He didn't even bother to park the car in the garage.

"Is this again one of your dramatic moments?" he stormed off.

I looked at him. Tears generously flowed out from my eyes. Staring at him and flashing back in my mind his kissing scene with Maria Stella and that Adelaida and... probably, with all the other girls he made out with, I became really angry like my blood was boiling, so I hit his chest with my clutch bag.

His dark eyes flashed in shock the moment that the hard little thing hit the upper front part of his body. He was no longer wearing his suit jacket, only his white dress shirt.

Not caring about his reaction, I hit him hard again --- once, twice, then rapid hitting, because I badly wanted him to feel at least a fraction of my pain. My clutch then fell to the ground and what was left was my bare two hands hitting him like a maniac.

Nigel, at first, stood firm and hard on the ground. Yet later he held my shoulders and pressed them with his big hands. "What the hell?" he yelled at me.

"You kissed that bitch!" I said, still hitting him in the chest.

"And so?" His jaw was clenched.

"You can't just kiss anybody, Nigel! I'm your fiancèe!" I cried out.

"So you're jealous?"

"Jealous? Yes, I am jealous! Because you know what? You're mine!"

You're mine! Mine! Mine! Voices around my head kept on repeating the last word as if taunting me.

In an instant, Nigel found my hands so I could stop hitting him. "Really? Wow! How sure are you that I am yours?"

Staring at him and catching my breath, I weeped convulsively. Was he really mine? Did I really have the right to be jealous?

I wasn't able to talk. There was a lump in my throat. All I felt was that I wanted him to be mine only.

"Stop playing like a jealous novia, Althea, because I know exactly what kind of girl you are! You are not as innocent as you claim to be!"

What?

"How could you?" I said trying to get his hands off me. What was his basis of saying it?

However, he gripped my hands very hard.

"You always act jealous and innocent yet you flirt with every boy around! Everytime I see you out there, you always attract their attention and they also glue themselves on you like f-cking leeches! And, God, you're enjoying it, too! What exactly are you trying to act? Well, enough with all this pretense because I'm sick and tired of it!" He was blazing angry now.

What? I flirted with boys? Pretense? I couldn't understand what he was telling me.

Feeling so confused, I pulled away from him and he finally let go of me. "I don't know what you are implying here," I said, demanding an explanation from him.

"You are a temptress! A skillful seductress! Yes, that's what you are. You enjoy every attention you get from boys. You lure them to make them want you."

Wow, that hurt! Where on earth did he ever get that impression of me?

At this moment, it seemed like the world had been dropped on my shoulders. Who did I tempt? Nobody! If there was a temptress tonight, it was that Adelaida! So how dare he said those words to me?

With bombs of anger cracking in all parts of my chest, I rushed to him and, once more, hit him in the chest with my hands. "How dare you! How dare you! If I had to seduce somebody, it would be you and not just any boy around!"

He was taken aback for the second time but he just let me hit him again and again. But, God, his chest was so hard! I couldn't inflict pain in him. How could he be so muscular and so numbed?

Feeling so defeated, I finally stopped striking him. I raised my two aching --- really aching --- hands as a sign of surrender. "Okay, you win. Think what you'd like to think about me."

Then, I finally made a choice to leave him in the patio. Just seeing him made my heart go crazy, stupid, and hurting. I needed to get him out of my system.

I wasn't able to walk a step. Nigel pulled my back expeditiously and crushed my body to his!

"You think you could just leave me like that?"

I was astounded with the sudden contact of our front bodies especially with the dangerous tone of his voice... and his warm palm on my exposed back.

"You hurt my chest with those little hands of yours. Now, I want to make even with you."

I trembled within his arms.

"So, tell me, what made you freak out tonight? What exactly do you want? You want a kiss? You want this?" With that, he pulled my head and instantly captured my lips with his hungry mouth. It wasn't a passionate kiss. He kissed me hard and rough. He forcefully thrust his tongue into my lips and I just let him in but I didn't respond because it wasn't the kind of kiss that I wanted from him. I wanted a kiss that would make me feel that I was loved and not as a punished slave.

"Don't play innocent," he mumbled angrily. "You want to seduce me? Then, go ahead, seduce me. Kiss me back," he commanded and claimed my lips once again. This time, it became even fiercer, wilder, and more ruthless. It was demanding more from me. His mouth was punishing mine. One of his hands was locking my waist; the other was gripping my head. There was no way that I could ever break away from him.

I closed my teary eyes. What now?

This man kissing me was my dream man. I should be happy doing this with him. I wanted this ever since he kissed me the first time in the library when I was still seventeen. I wanted this more than anything else in the world.

But, this was not the kind of kiss that I dreamed to share with him. So, I pushed him. Pushed him hard.

"Damn it!" he cursed and pulled me to him once more.

Once again, I was locked within his arms. I had never seen Nigel this furious and ruthless.

"Kiss me back, Althea," he whispered in my ear as he gritted his teeth. With that, he delved into my mouth once again.

Tears raced down through my cheeks. He was asking me to respond, his tongue flicked into my lips trying to find a gateway. His arm encircling my waist tightened and I felt like he was crumpling my body like a piece of paper.

I wriggled to free myself from him. For sure, he very well knew the negative reaction I had on this kiss. This was not the kind of kiss that I wanted from him. I wanted something sweet and romantic, something filled with love and passion.

I pushed him again... this time much harder than before.

"I hate you! I hate you!" I yelled at him. I didn't know, it was maybe of the alcohol that I drank at the ball that I was able to say those words, or maybe because this was what my heart was really telling me right this moment...

I gave him all my love and devotion despite everything that he did to me ... because, after my parents died, he was one-hell-of-a-face that beguiled and bewitched my mind and my heart into believing that there was still love and happiness in the future. I believed in love so much but, right now, as I discovered just how easily he was tempted by some girl and just how he ravaged me with a ruthless, punishing kiss, I didn't know anymore if I still believed in receiving love from him... This was just too much and I couldn't take it anymore.

My parents' love story was my inspiration of finding true, real love. Right now, as I felt numbed in all parts of my body, I didn't know anymore if he was even someone like my papa who would and could give everything to the woman he loved. Nigel was just not capable of that.

"I hate you," I said sternly as I clenched my fists.

Nigel didn't say a single word. His eyes flicked in surprise.

Probably, he didn't expect what I was saying to him. I didn't even expect it myself.

I stared at him as well. Then, there was silence.

Two individuals standing and facing each other in the patio, surrounded by the darkness of the night --- that was how we were. The only light in the surroundings was the four lampposts in the patio while the only sound that we could hear was the buzzing of the cicadas.

"S-so you hate me now?" he asked after some time, breaking the silence while putting his hands in his pockets.

I didn't answer him. Come on, heart, what really is my answer to this question?

"So now you're saying the truth... you don't really love me..." he continued with a shaking voice. "All along you've just been pretending. I knew it..."

I still didn't answer him. I could just maybe pound a rock on his head! How could he ever say that? Didn't he feel all the love that I offered to him... since the very beginning?

"Yeah, go ahead," I said as I waved my right hand at him, turning to leave. "Think whatever you want to think---"

I wasn't able to finish what I wanted to tell him for Nigel once again grabbed my waist and brought me into a tight embrace. "Well, the feeling is mutual, Althea, because you're the most hateful person in the world for me. I also hate you very much," he spoke in a low tone but full of tension in his vocal chords as our faces met, noses touching each other.

I trembled, not on how he embraced me but on how his voice tensed in my ear... and how hurtful his words were.

Feeling how those words bore a hole in my heart, I jerked my face to my side. I just couldn't afford to look at him now. But his right hand found my jaw and turned my face back to him. Once again, our noses crushed each other as he leaned down on me.

We absorbed each other in a stare down and I jolted when he captured again my mouth with his. I tried to pull away but I felt that this kiss was different from a while ago. His lips started out gently in my mouth. I didn't expect the sudden change of emotion in his kiss. He caressed first my upper lip gently, then nibbled my bottom lip and stayed there long. It was free from sternness and harshness. I was bowled over on how it became very appealing and... very welcoming.

Oh, mind, please don't give in. Don't give in.

But it was too late for me.

I didn't know I was already giving in and responding. I moved my lips and tongue obliging his demands. Soon, I was lost into it. I tasted him. His lips felt so soft and tasted like liquor and mint. It tasted so damn delicious for me that I became so hungry and devouring until I was able to keep up with his pacing. Eventually, I became feverish with all the strange effects that the kiss had brought into my body.

I clang my arms around his neck. His hand began to rub my spine in return. It made me chilly in the outside but hot in the inside. Everything made me more intoxicated. I needed him so much... so much I could die. It felt so good. I couldn't get enough of him.

When we were out of breath, which was like after an eternity, we separated and we both gasped for air. Yet he didn't release me from his embrace; our faces were still almost in contact to each other.

"Just as I suspected, you're an expert on this." His ragged breathing fanned my forehead.

Expert? This was the second time that we kissed since that library scene, so how come I became an expert? It was even my first time to respond to a kiss!

He looked at me and cupped my face. His eyes were searching mine and I shot him a glare. How could he accuse me of this?

"Don't make me kiss you again," he said in a ruffled and distracted tone.

I gave him a questioning look as we came face to face. We were like breathing the same air.

How could he immediately forget that it was he who demanded it from me! "You demanded it yourself. You just said you h-hate me yet you kissed me."

"Because your damn lips enticed me to do it. Damn. And don't you ever kiss me like that again," he continued while he was catching up his breathing. He seemed painfully and furiously inflamed.

He kissed me hungrily and yet he didn't want to kiss me again... Why was he still holding me so close to him if he didn't want the damn thing to happen again?

This man here was definitely the most erratic, fickle-minded person that I knew. One moment, he demanded a kiss from me. Next moment, he was here telling me not to kiss him again. So freaking unpredictable!

His eyes penetrated mine, to my very soul. "If you'll let me kiss you again, I don't know if I could trust myself anymore. I swear, Althea, next time, if you'll let me kiss you again..." he paused, released me, and backed a little distance away from me. The anger shown in his face a while ago gently faded and was replaced with a scared expression... scared of me?

I stared at him. Then, there was silence again for minutes.

"Why shouldn't we kiss again?" I broke the silence.

He drew a deep sigh, placed his left hand in his pocket and looked up the ceiling. "If you let me again, I'm afraid I'll ruin you. You wouldn't like it, would you?"

What did he mean by it?

"Ruin me?" I echoed. I couldn't quite understand what he meant.

"Yes. Ruin. Damage. Ravage you. Understand? And when it happens, it's going to be irreparable. And we're both going to regret it." His voice was deep but a little bit shaky.

Now, about a meter away from me, he fixed his eyes steadily at me --- the kind of stare that I still hadn't seen from him. It travelled slowly from my face down to my curves --- my neck, breasts, waist, hips, thighs --- that were generously flaunted by my figure-hugging gown. The look in his eyes showed intense craving, so thick with desire... like he was undressing me... It was dangerous. Absolutely dangerous.

I gaped my mouth. What? Nigel was desiring my body?

"Don't look at me like that, Althea, like you're somebody innocent! It doesn't suit you," he said casting his eyes away.

"Stop accusing me into someone I am not," I said strongly. There it went again. My heart or --- my mind? --- was shouting to hate him!

He leaned his buttocks on the railing at his back and gave me an intense look. "You know? What I hate more than anthing else about you is your eyes! Why? Because you always come to me with those eyes of yours boring something in me, piercing me, and getting me out of my wits! Every time you look at me with those eyes, you always lure and arouse the monster in me. Now, I'm about to turn into that monster. You're not gonna like it when it happens, Althea. So get your damn ass out of here!" He then gripped the railing by his hands at his sides as if trying to control himself from doing anything crazy.

I gaped my mouth even more.

"Go upstairs now, will you?" he commanded me in a booming voice.

I froze. I couldn't move a bit. I was shocked to discover that Nigel was attracted to me physically. The discovery made my whole body tremble. I guessed everything in me trembled --- from my hair in my head down to my toes. I didn't know why my body reacted this way.

"Yes, it's true. You're an expert in luring men because you have succeeded in luring me. So leave now or else you're going to end up lying naked on my bed tonight! Perhaps, with that, I could punish you for pretending to love me all this time!" he bellowed as he advanced towards me once again.

Pretending? How dare he say that word? How could he not feel the love I had for him after everything that I went through because of him?

"I hate you! I really hate you!" I yelled at him as I jumped at my feet and ran towards the door leading to the living room. "Damn you and your pride!"

He clenched his jaw and his gaze darkened. One thing I couldn't bear was the way his eyes roamed around my body. It was serious and threatening. It was dangerous.

My heartbeat raced frantically, my body trembled hard, and my hands shook like crazy as I turned the doorknob open. My scared eyes couldn't afford to look back at him. I was too afraid that if I would do it, Nigel would be with me in no time... so afraid that I wouldn't be able to control myself as well and gave in to him...

However, when I finally opened the door, the next thing I knew was that Nigel was already at my side and, so caught unaware of it, he scooped me up with his strong arms. It was so unbelievable how he did it in just a wink of an eye. He carried my wriggling body and threw me into the biggest couch in the living room. Before I could utter a word, he sat forcefully in the side of the couch, his hip pressed to my waistline.

"I hate you, too, and I'm going to show you tonight how much I hate you!" he said in a ruffled tone as he held both of my shoulders, pressing me down. He leaned down his head, right there and then, and my eyes opened widely when I felt his wet lips tracing rough kisses on my cheek, to the line of my jaw, down to my neck.

"Did Suarez do this to you when you went out of the hall? Did he?" he asked harshly, more like of an irritation in my eardrum.

Suarez? Huh?

Javier.

How did Javier become a part of this?

"Did you do this with him in that dark alley? Did you? F-cking sh-t! You just met the boy and you flirted with him just like that?"

"How dare you!" I screamed as I pushed his chest away. But he was so strong as he pinned me down. His left hand, marked by lack of gentleness and refinement, imprisoned my right arm, hurting me in the process. He was rough, very rough, as rough as hell. "How dare you think of me that way!"

I didn't just meet Javier. He was my schoolmate in highschool. And I didn't go out of the hall with him, he just followed me there without my knowledge. Most of all, I didn't flirt with that guy. How would I explain this to him when I was blazing with so much anger now?

Not minding my scream, Nigel began to pull down the thin strap of my gown with a built-in bra, exposing my right shoulder and a great portion of my right breast. I moaned in defiance as he dove his mouth into my bare shoulder. He kissed and sucked a portion of it. I closed my eyes. Oh, what was he doing now? Then, his lips trailed rough, unrefined kisses to the upper mound of my right breast.

"Those f-cking leeches are still boys, Althea. I will show you what a real man can do..." Nigel muffled as his mouth was firing hot, fiery breath in my right breast to my bare cleavage. His right hand was now starting to rub along the length of my left thigh that was exposed generously because of the slit in that portion of my gown.

Still maintaining that roughness and forceful initiation, he dipped now his mouth to the crease in between my breasts in spite of my wriggling. I probably looked like a squirming worm under some big hungry creature. I jolted even more when I felt his wet tongue traveling from my cleavage going back to my neck.

This was what he imagined I did with Javier! What was he thinking? He thought I was some kind of a slut who would just give myself to anybody? WHAT?

So, this was how he saw me --- so low in quality, so poor to his taste. To be raped tonight was what I would get from chasing him all this time. Just because I honestly told him my feelings and begged him to love me, he would just think that this physical activity was my kind of thing and that I would do this to any boy around! Just because I was easy to him, he would think that I was easy to other guys! It sounded just great, right?

"Stop!" I screamed with the loudest voice I could muster in extreme anger. Tears were still evident in my eyes.

Nigel, who was now burying his face in the crook of my neck, halted and raised his head. He seek my eyes but I closed mine, not wanting to see his perverted eyes.

"I am not your slut so get off me now!" I said again, so angrily and firmly, still shutting my eyes.

"Whose slut are you then?" he counteracted irritatingly.

"I am nobody's slut! So get your freaking hands off me!" I cried out loud, not minding if I'd catch attention from everyone sleeping in the mansion. "Now. Now!"

There was no movement from him. I couldn't imagine the kind of reaction he had in his face upon listening to me. All I heard was his deep, irregular breathing. His left hand was holding my right arm; his right was still holding my left thigh. His hands were smoking hot, like they would burn my whole body right there and then.

Everything was then frozen. It was like a paused scene in a movie.

Seconds later, I felt him move in my side. Then, he stood up.

Opening my eyes now and not bothering to catch a glimpse of him, I rose up from the couch and ran immediately to the staircase. My eyes were blurry with tears; my hair was disarrayed crazily; and my strap was hung loosely in my right arm. You could imagine I looked like a ravaged girl... and the most hurtful thing of all, the man who did this to me was the man I thought I loved.

I've fought too much for this so-called love. I became martyr and dull to the point of degrading myself.

But, yes, it hurt to admit.

Tonight, Nigel won it. He won it. He succeeded in making me hate him...

And, I swore to my freaking self, this would be the last time that he would ever humiliate, insult, and degrade me like this!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

A/N

***Sigh***

This chapter is tearing my heart into a thousand pieces...

In spite of this, let's all have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Lovelots,
(sapphiregirl22) ~_^