Titang played with a straw in her coffee cup and smiled knowingly while looking at me. She willingly skipped school and came to see me fast when she got a message from me.

"I got a problem"

After I cleared up my work, I asked the manager to have a break with a friend who smile at me like she already knew what I wanted to talk about.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

" I just wanted to listen to what you have to say. I'm wondering if I am always right."

I hated that know-it-all eyes since high school. She liked to think that she could read my mind. And most of the time she was right. That was why I hated it.

"Guess it. "

" Come on! I spent a hundred baht to come here to listen to your problem, not to play a game with you."

She was a hot-tempered person, she didn't like a long prelude and I didn't have time for it anyway. Let's just get to the point, Here we go!

" I think I like women. "

My square faced big shape queer friend laughed out. not too loud but enough to draw attention from other tables for about 3 seconds.

" I only i buy a lottery. "

"Don't act like you know everything."

"I can tell since the day you got a message from Pam. I was just wondering how one can fall in love with an ex of one's brother. Well, but that's love.

You can't help it. A strange relationship like sibling falling in love is also exist"

It was an embarrassing issue, but I felt at ease with the friend sitting opposite me right now. She is very modest and open. The most important thing, she is the third gender assumed she will be more understanding than Bua and Nutshell.

"How did you know?"

"Your eyes and your weird vibes when she texted. But I wasn't sure because you never showed signs of homosexual. You looked at guys with nice ass, so I can't pinpoint that it is good that you're direct. Save me more times."

"I am still confused."

I bit my lip and signed .

"Maybe! I am so attached to her beautiful face that I thought I liked her. You know I still like to look at the new red lipstick advertisement with Kim Cardashian. I feel woozy after looking at a guy V cut on the cover of a magazine. I'm wet every time I see Ashton Kutcher. Do you really think I like women? "

I massaged my own head. I had a headache because I can't sleep all night.

" You were born a boy, but you chose to be queer. You know you want to dress like a girl. You want to cut what you dont want out. But I am a woman and like to dress like a woman, but I also like a beautiful woman, really?"

"Everybody likes beautiful things to look at. That's normal."

"Or I might be distracted. If I date a guy, everything will straighten out."

"Why are you against it? It's not a big deal, It's not a problem. Don't be silly,"

"No, I'm not against it. It's 2022. Same sex relationships are so normal, but I don't want to confuse the other person: If I like her...no. Let's say if I like a girl and we go out. We end up dating, then one day I meet another guy and realize I'm still a woman, then I dump her. It's not fair for her. Don't you think so?"

" Oh, you're responsible. "

Titang complimented sarcastically but she somehow understood what I meant.

"So you want to date a guy, just to be sure you are not homosexual?" "What do you think? "

"The guy you meant is the guy behind the counter who keeps looking at you, right?"

Titang gestures to the courter where Pheme was working. "Is that him who told you he has feelings for you? "

" Yes."

"But is it fair to him to give him hope up and then later tell him, umm excuse me, I happen to like boobies more than pecker. "

I growled at him because of his true comment and sighed. It wasn't ok either way, I know.

"What should I do now?"

"Well, follow your heart. If you like that beautiful face, Just admit it. No need to prove any theory."

"I might be the only one that gets hurt."

"Are you the only person in this world to get hurt from love?"

An image of Kawee on a hospital bed sent a chill up my spine. It went too deep, I might end up like that, I even feel a sharp pain in my chest now. I knew it was impossible from the start.

" I have to nip it in the bed before it gets out of hand."

Titang knew right away what I was thinking. But just when she's about to give a speech. Pam walked in and our eyes met, the sweet vanilla all coming with her beautiful face attracted all eyes in the shop. My heart was now pumping too hard like it might explode inside my chest. But I had to keep it cool.

"Hey, shawty. "

I smiled back bashfully to the new pronoun she gave me. "Yesssss, beauty"

To act as normal as possible is not too difficult but to hide my feelings from Titang's x-ray eyes is impossible.

"Hello Pam, you have looked so beautiful since high school. and now you're even more beautiful than ever. No wonder why Ruk always talks about you from morning till night. I started to wonder if she has feelings for you."

I stared at Titang in disbelief. Pam gave out a lovable laugh and greeted her back.

"I remember you too. You're not this hot in high school. "

Since I was in university. my mom doesn't want to, so I do whatever I want."

Titang pulled a chair and gestured for Pam to sit down as if for a job interview. I felt uncomfortable about what Titang did. I wasn't sure what kind of plan she had in mind.

"Please sit down, I always wanted to talk to a beautiful woman. "

Said Titang...

"I'm about to float up the sky with your compliment" "Are you seeing anybody?"

She asked even though she knew the answer too well.

"A beautiful woman like you cannot be single. Men won't let you on the shelf for too long."

"No, I'm not seeing anyone. I won't be here alone if I'm dating. "

"Pam, you're single and spend a lot of time with Ruk. People might mistake both of you as a couple."

Titang just keep coming up with embarrassing comments, but it made Pam laughed.

"No, we're both women. Who would have thought that?" "It's 2022. Anything can happen. "

When I saw, things were getting out of control, I coughed to signal Titang to "STOP" matching me and Pam. I'm not sure if it was the right decision to make her my mentor. It seemed like she was making it worse.

"Stop joking good. You're making her feel awkward. "

"OK, I'll stop joking. I forgot that your guy is behind the counter."

Titang gestured toward the counter where Pheme was now making another cup of coffee.

"Since we sat down here, he looks toward her all the time. It's about time to lose your virginity like you always dream about."

"Asshole"

"If Ruk is dating, you'll be so lonely. "

Even though she said it very casually, I saw a smirk in one corner of her lip. We have been very close for 6 years since junior high, of course I knew what she was trying to do. She talked so gibberish.

"That's true."

Pam joined her hands together and put them down on the table, murmuring the answer.

"I know I'll be lonely."

Silence fell over the table. I could feel that she was sad when she said it. I reached out to her smooth arm and padded her gently.

"No, you won't be lonely. I'm not seeing anyone. How about this I'll have a boyfriend after you have one"

"That's nice but I'm afraid you might not be able to see anyone at all. " " Huh? "

"I think I want to be single forever. " " Then we'll be like this forever. "

I smiled at her wholeheartedly, totally forgetting about Titang who sat right here. I got up immediately and realized Titang was here.

"You two just hung out. I'll come back later." I hurried back to work.

"I'm going home soon too. Please go back to work."

Titang kept chatting with Pam while I walked back to work. My heart beat slower once I was out of her radiance. I knew how I felt now. She wanted to be single forever, I felt good about that.

"Please hurry. I have to go back to the shop."

I walked nervously with my queer friend because I didn't want to keep Pam waiting. But my good friend hit on my nerves even more by walking slower than before.

"I thought you're in a hurried"

"Please don't rush. I'm chilling."

"Chilling my ass. it's almost dark here, nothing to do." "Pam is not going anywhere, She is waiting for you."

I was grinding my teeth because I saw the manager serve Pam some dessert. My dinner plan might fail because she was full. My friend was not helping with stalling me. I wanted to push her onto the road.

" I want to hurry back to the shop."

"Do you even have a plan if she happens to like you too. "

I paused. I can't even imagine that it is even possible. . How is that possible?

"What's not possible?" "Pam likes men."

"No she doesn't."

She grinned and rushed out. "I'd better go home."

"Wait What were you saying?"

The more I showed interest, the more she tried to hit on my nerves. Titang walked around happily ignoring me. I had to plead for her help.

"Well, when you left, we talked about a lot of things. environment, society, sexual preference, LGBT"

Shit... Titang laughed at me when she saw that I was stunned like she was having fun. I gulped down my nervousness.

"I want to know what she thinks about love between woman and woman. " " What did she say?"

"Well.."

She poked her own check like she was thinking. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to stop myself from punching her in the face

"Pam sand.."

"What?!"

"She said it's a good thing"

"Is it a good thing? That's it? Uh?

"What do you want more? She's not against it is more than enough." My queer friend said annoyingly. "

"She is an old school. Your sweet friend doesn't quite like a romantic relationship. I jokingly talking about gay and lesbian in a sexual tone. She didn't hide that she didn't like that."

"She didn't like this kind of stuff and she is a polite person. How could you talk to her about a dirty topic?"

"I told her you're cheekiness. " "What?! "

"I told her you like to talk shit below the belly. That's how the subject came up."

"You bitch. "

I buried my face in my two hands. "What did you talk about me? "Just ask Pam. "

Because of my queer friend, today's dinner was so awkward. Today I didn't talk much. While Pam also didn't talk much, Palm was on her phone often when. I wanted to chat with her but it was like she didn't want to talk to me. When dinner was done, I wanted to send her home like a good friend...but come on let's be honest I wanted to spend more time with her. All of the sudden, Pam said.

"You should go home."

I wanted to be with her, but I got jilted. I felt a knot tighten on my chest, my eyes were watery, but I tried to be as normal as possible.

"Why? I just wanted to send you home." "I think it's too far from where you live." "Do you hate me?"

"Uh?"

She looked surprised but I was even more disturbed with the idea that the sweet face didn't want me around anymore.

"Titang said something today that made you want to keep some distance, didn't she?"

"Just a bit but.. "

I was so anxious that I started babbling out non stop. I just wanted her to know the real me, not from other people. I wanted to tell her what I thought since dinner and now we were at the Skytram.

"Please don't listen to Titang. Even if I was cheeky, I wouldn't disrespect you. I like to imagine stuff. I like to check out guys' asses and go further to how big his pecker would be. I like to read Japanese porn sometimes because I like the drawing. Or sometimes I giggled when I saw condoms in Seven Eleven. I imagine who the buyer is going to use it with. But it doesn't mean I wanted to have sex. I just like to imagine for fun."

Pam looked nervous and quiet. I wanted to explain to her more.

"I never thought about anything dirty with you. Pam. Maybe just the thought of cuddling your neck would be nice. Your skin inside must be brighter than the outside of your shirt because of the sun. I really look up to you. You're beautiful but I wouldn't think of something dirty with you. I really respect you. Please don't hate me."

I explained whatever I thought. "I didn't hate you at all."

"Why are you so quiet today? You don't talk to me."

"I'm thinking about my shopping list. Stuffs I need to buy. What Titang said today is just that now you're attached to me. You might want to hang around just let you do whatever.

Stunned..

Titang just paved the way for me to approach her smoothly. But I panicked and said whatever I thought. Luckily, I haven't said anything about the moaning in my bead. Damn it! What did I just do?

"I thought she said I am cheeky and dirty"

"She did but I think it's normal for someone your age to be curious about that. I think it's normal."

The sweet face explained in a matter-of-fact tone. Now it was me who didn't know what to do. I was so confused.

"Ummm, maybe I should go home now. I don't feel like myself today." "You don't want to send me home now?"

"Ummm, I.."

Pam walked toward me and held my hands.

"Let's do this. You go shopping with me. She squeezed my hand so tight, I don't want you to worry about I have some distance with you"

"'It's ok, I understand now.I was just babbling. "

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and realized how silly I was. I was hysterical for nothing. The beautiful face walked ahead and...

"I'm happy to know that you're attached to me. I think I'm attached to you too. If I haven't seen you, I want to talk to you."

She turned to me and smiled with her heart. "Do we feel the same way?"

Thump...

..thump

I almost fainted down on the ground after hearing that question. I know in my heart that I wasn't just attached to her. How can I say that I felt something more than a sisterhood? I wanted to be with her all the time.

"Yes, we feel the same."

....Just not the same as me.