Now we are the center of attraction at the apartment lobby. I was on the floor after he slapped me. Pam stood there like an open target.

" Come here! "

Kawee took a big step closer to Pam. He grabbed her hair angrily and dragged her along with him. The sweet face was now screaming and calling for help. Most of the people there were women, they looked at us shockingly. There was one security man who was also shocked but rushed in.

" It's none of your business! "

The security man grabbed his baton but was clearly not sure what to do. My crazy brother took out a pocket knife he carried with him and waved it in front of the guy's face.

" Go! Call The fucking police! I won't leave until I see some blood today. " " Kawee, let me go! "

" Shut up bitch! "

Kawee turned into a monster. His scream voice now sounded so evil, he couldn't control himself.

" You broke up with me because I wanted to give you some love. But now you're dating a woman! You spit on my face! "

" Because you're like this! " " You'll get one now! "

Kawee slapped Pam in the face until she was on the floor. I saw Pam crying painfully, I jumped in to help her but my brother kicked me full strength.

" And you! Stupit little shit! "

This was not Kawee I knew. Kawee was always happy and his smile made the world smile with him. He was like that in high school. Now he was a scary monster who was ready to destroy people. The mustache face looked at me with two red eyes. Tears leaked out from his two eyes, while he wiped them off revengefully.

" If it wasn't you who interfered, Pam and I would be happily married. That wedding should be me and Pam, not Koi. The baby should be our baby.

Your husband should be mine, not my only sister! "

Kawee yelled at me and Pam at the same time. I saw the receptionist quietly dialing a call. I assumed it was the police. The security guy now stood nearby, he didn't know what to do either.

" I'd rather die If I had to be with you. "

Pam said with her ice-cold tone while his hand didn't lose grip on her hair. But that was like pouring gasoline into the fire. The mustached-face dragged her by one hand, gripped her hair, and tried to take her outside with him. Pam resisted with her full strength but Kawee kicked right in the middle of her body. It was such an opposite of what he just said how much he loved her.

" Stop it, you could kill her. "

" That's good. I'll kill myself after her death. If I cannot get her, no one will. "

He stared at me with range. " Including you too. "

" We did it. "

Pam kept talking, putting pressure on Kawee. I didn't understand why she did that because it could only made him crazier and hurt her more.

" What?! "

" We fucked! "

" Arggg. "

The rude word out from Pam made him crazier. He screamed and kicked

her full force. Pam is now in a fetus position on the floor without any noise. The only noise I heard were the kicking noises and it hurt me the most.

" Stop, don't do this. I can't take it anymore. "

I ran full force into him, aimed to pull Pam out from that dangerous man. I ran in while Kawee just stood there.

STAB!!!

I felt a cold metal piercing through my skin, then I felt pain. Everything was paused when I looked down at my belly and saw a red pool of blood stains with a sharp metal smell from my shirt.

" Ruk! "

Pam screamed loudly. Kawee saw his own knife in my belly, and was now shocked.

" Y.. you ran into it. "

I collapsed down on the floor and looked at my belly in disbelief. I was so weak and about to faint. I couldn't hold myself up, so I tried to lay down on the floor. Pam rushed in and held me in her arms. Tears dropped in my cheeks nonstop, she didn't know what to do.

" Ruk, hang in there! " " Pam, are you hurt? " " Ruk! Ruk! "

My name was the last thing I heard. . . Sometimes passing out wasn't a bad thing. It was like I could escape from reality for a while, like somebody just pressed 'Skip' on a controller. I didn't want to watch the rest of it. . . I woke up a few days later but it was all a blur. But my brain slowly recovered.

After a while, it brought back some memories. I felt a sharp pain around my stomach area. When I didn't see the knife in my belly, I felt relief. I am thankful for a holy spirit that didn't want me to die yet. When mom and dad saw me wake up, they didn't look that happy. Their minds already had a lot of things in it.

" What happened to you? Don't you remember me? "

I smiled and waved to both of them, but no feedback from them.

" It's your daughter wakes up, aren't you glad to see your daughter awake? "

" Doctor already said you will be okay. " " I was almost dead. Can I have a hug? " " A hug? "

My mom walked in and gave me a hug as I requested. I was surprised when she hugged me for a long time and didn't let go. She now shook and sobbed. Mom was crying. Something told me that there was something serious happened. I immediately thought about Kawee.

" What happened with Kawee? "

Everyone was quiet. Dad looked out the window while mom was still crying. It didn't feel right, I did not like dad's silence at all.

" Dad, where is Kawee? " " He passed. "

" What?! "

Not that I couldn't hear. I wasn't sure If that could be one of dad's sick jokes. I froze when dad turned around with tears in his eyes.

" Kawee is dead. " " How? "

" Suicide. "

" He jumped off the building at your apartment. He is dead. "

Mom and dad weren't that happy to see me wake up because they were miserable. I woke up to face a real dark problem. The world was now totally pitch black. I did not have any anger left about this stabbing. I knew he wasn't himself. I could tell from the look in his eyes. His mental sickness that never gets treated properly. It led to this ending. Depression took a son from mom and dad. Depression took a brother away from me.

My injury stopped me from going to the funeral. Mom and dad would visit me during the day. But at night, they both would go to the funeral to pray. I grieved along for many days but was still thinking of someone I could talk to.

" Ruk: Pam, how are you? "

This was the 200th message I sent to her but there was no reply, no response at all. I understood her feelings. She thought It was her fault that the issue had gone this far. She needed time but I missed her more than anything. I was sad. . . But I was also in love.

Kawee's funeral was 7 days. My parents wanted me to get better enough to go to the funeral, at least on the last day, the cremation day. My injury was better but I still had to be careful not to move too much. My mom put me on a wheelchair to limit my movement. Many people attended the cremation including my relatives and close friends. Kawee's high school friends were there too. Koi, Kawee's wife who was now 6 months pregnant, cried all the time at the funeral.

" Pam was here the other day. "

Titang said and took a seat next to my wheelchair. She whispered quietly in my ears like it was so dangerous to speak it out loud.

" She didn't look well at all. Have you talked to her yet? " " She refused to talk to me. "

" She must be in shock. You got stabbed. Her ex jumped off the building. Your mom slapped her in the face and threw incense powder right in her face. "

" That shit happened? "

I thought about what she had been through, and It suffocate me. I felt her pain and was sympathetic for her. We didn't talk at all.

" Do you think she will be here today? " I asked Titang but didn't see any hope.

" If it was me, I might be here but won't anyone see me. "

I would do the same. Her being here might cause other people so much pain. But It's the cremation, you might say goodbye. During the prayer and all the ceremony, I searched among the crowd and expected to see her but there was no sign. My colleagues and the manager were there too, after small talks with them I found out that Kawee was at the coffee shop. He found out this was where she hung out. He pretended to be a customer, who was also Pam's secret admirer. But Ngo told him about my relationship. She doesn't want anyone to interfere with my relationship again. I couldn't blame it on her. Kawee would find out sooner or later. The result would be the same.

While my parents escorted all the guests out. My sense of smell never failed me when it came to her smell. I turned left and right looking for her. I got up from my wheelchair and searched for her with hope. Pam, in a black dress and sunglasses stood behind the crematorium. I rushed into her immediately.

" Pam. "

The sweet face took off her glasses and looked me in the eyes. Her smile was obviously weak, but she still looked stunning.

" How are you, Ruk? "

" I missed you so much. "

I stepped in toward her, but she stepped back carefully. The distance she put between us made me desperate.

" Are you still hurt? "

" I'm okay now, but I cannot move too much. How are you, Pam? I tried to reach you but you never replied. "

The warm breeze blew through us like something invisible moved through. Pam took a deep breath and spoke to me.

" Ruk, let's break up. "

Her calm and serious, but still sweet, was direct. It was a simple sentence that cut sharp through my heart. I shook and couldn't believe what I just heard.

" What did I do wrong? "

" You did nothing wrong. "

She really meant that. Of course, I knew why and what were the reasons. But I did believe that what happened had nothing to do with our relationship. Why did we make it affect us?

" If I did nothing wrong, why are you breaking up with me? Was it because of my mom? She hit you, didn't she? "

" No, Ruk. It's nothing to do with other people, It's between us. "

Pam's eyes were red, she looked down on her trembling two hands afraid of things she was about to say.

" I don't think we can do this anymore. "

" Is it because of his death, Kawee? Do you blame it on yourself? " " It happens because of me, Ruk. "

" Pam. "

I yelled out her name.

" If you wanted to point a finger, we're all at fault. Everyone on earth has to deal with their problems. Kawee was dumped by you and he couldn't cope with that. He got sick, he couldn't control himself. It was his problem, It had nothing to do with you. "

" Are you really okay with that? "

" You look at me and don't see his death? "

Pam's voice was trembling and she started to cry.

" I tear your family apart, your parents lost their son. His wife lost a husband and a father of her child. You are hurt. Everything happened because of me. I really cannot handle this, Ruk. " " We will go through this together. "

" I don't think we can do this, It's not just the two of us in this world. You told me this. "

I hate myself for saying that in the past. I hated the world. I hated the people around us.

" Fuck them all! We love each other, we will be together. Can you really dump me? "

" Have you ever thought about your mom and dad? " " But... "

I couldn't find any good reason to argue with this. The reason was purely selfishness.

" I have made a decision. Please accept it. "

Pam put her sunglasses black on and walked out. I looked at her slender body and walked further and further away. I knew If I didn't do anything now, I wouldn't have another chance.

" Ruk. "

I ran and hugged her from behind. I pulled her as close as my weak strength could do. My two arms wrapped around her waist. I could tell she lost so much weight in a brief period. I felt pain at my stitches, I could felt that it was ripped open at the same time my heart was crushed. This was my last chance to beg her.

" Don't go , please. "

I wept. Pam wept too. Her cry was as bad as mine. We both cried like two babies and we didn't care about other people at all.

" I will wait for you. "

" Don't wait. "

Pam ordered while trying to take my arm out from her. " Don't wait. "

" I know you will comeback one day. I'll wait. "

The beautiful face walked away slowly but still listened to me. I knew she was listening. I yelled out to her again, every single word, loud and clear.

" I will wait for you here, no matter how long it will take. You come back whenever you are ready. My love will grow more and more when I wait. "

" I will wait for you! "

The sweet face never turned around, she was such a strong woman. The farewell was equally painful on both sides. We both love each other but the situation was not appropriate for our relationship. Even though I said that it was okay, I couldn't leave my mom and dad either. Family for Thai people, is the most important thing. You can't separate from them, especially in the most vulnerable situation like this.

I knew she wasn't ready for this too. She couldn't live with the fact that it all happened from what she did to Kawee. She blamed it on herself that her existence caused my family to be ripped apart. She thought If she disappeared everything would be better.

I was on my knees on the floor crying my eyes out. My heart was burnt, ripped, and pierced in the most torturous way. My cry mixed with the

monk's chanting in the background, was such a tragedy. I gave in to my destiny, I admitted that I would never be happy again. I wouldn't find love like this again in my life, not without her.