That wasn't a dream, I pinched myself so many times. I was hurt and Pam was lying on my bed scrolling through her phone in my tiny apartment.

What happened last night was true. We both were there together. This was more than a lottery first prize.

I was worried when I woke up this morning. When the sun came up, her consciousness might return. The sunlight could shine away darkness and reminded her that 'last night was just some silly incident and she should forget about it. But when she woke up and saw me, she gave me a kiss on my forehead confirming she hadn't changed her mind. This was good.

"Ruk, your phone is ringing. Ruk!"

Her voice got louder and louder, got me out of my head. I picked up the phone and saw Titang name on it. I answered it with a cheerful voice.

"Hellooooo."

[You're too happy. What happened? Did you sleep with Pam?] "Are you a spirit inside my apartment?"

[Oh Shit! Is this fucking true?]

She exclaimed with her real manly voice and forgot about her nice sweet woman's voice. I didn't want Pam to hear the conversation, so I walked inside the bathroom and talked to her from there. "What's up?"

[Did you really sleep with Pam?] "Just laid down together."

[Oh, failed as usual. ]

"I didn't know how to do it, so it was a failed mission." [Wow! ]

"What's up? I don't want to talk in the bathroom like this. She might misunderstand me."

[Why did you hide in the bathroom? I am not your lover!] That was true.

"Then what's up?"

[Bua got dumped. She is in fucking deep shit. I Wanted us all to be nice. Let's talk to her. I was planning to use you as a case study. You had a broken heart but you still survived. But I guess you're not broken anymore. ]

"Don't tease me. How bad is Bua?"

[Pretty bad. Let's cheer the bitch up. We'll meet today and you have to come.]

"But.. "

[Are you fucking choose a woman over a friend?]

Yes...I wanted to say that. It was rare to have a whole day by ourself. Damn it! But now we both were on the same page. There will be another opportunity in the future. I should do more research about that stuff too.

"Okay, I see you there."

I hung up the phone and walked out from the bathroom. We both made eye contact but I looked away. This morning: I don't talk to the sweet face much, I was like a shy toddler hiding behind daddy.

"Yesterday you're so sweet but now you're not looking at me anymore" "I'm just shy."

"What about me? This is your place and I have nowhere to hide when if I was shy."

I looked at her and giggled with understanding. I might think too much about last night. I thought if only I knew how to do it, we would be very close by now. But last night was enough for now. It was a lot for Pam and I.

"I'm sorry."

"Your friend called?" She asked casually.

"Yes, that was Titang. You met her before. She just told me that Bua got dumped and she is now in fu... deep shit."

I paused myself before I used any rude word before her. She didn't deserve those kinds of words.

"I see."

Pam walked into the bathroom and looked for something while I was telling the story.

"Titang asked me to join her to see Bua, to console her." "That's too bad. Ruk, can I use your toothbrush?!" "Really?"

I was shocked because I wouldn't expect her to do that in a million years. "Oh, are you not ok with that?"

"No, not like that. You are always more hygienic than me. You're cleaner even in your armpit. I touched my forehead but Pam responded by laughing.

"No, I don't mind that. We kissed. I think that was more than sharing a toothbrush."

Blood flushed red all over my face. I think it went up to my ears too. Pam noticed that I was quiet. She looked at me curiously.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, I still can't believe that that was true,"

The girl who I was obsessed with for years asked to share my toothbrush. The girl who rejected everyone in the world, now looked at me full of love. Was that even possible? Was it true?

Pam squeezed toothpaste on my toothbrush and started brushing normally. I looked at all her movements passionately. I couldn't help myself but walked in from behind and gave her a hug. She got slightly spooked from an unexpected hug but let me do it anyway.

"It is so good to be together like this. But it is not good that I have to go see my friend, instead of spending time with you."

"Well, she is sad now. That's ok. What time do you think you'll be back?"

"I don't know but I'll sure miss you all the time. Such an inappropriate time to get dumped."

"Do you want to sleep over at my place tonight?"

She asked casually and rinsed her mouth. I nodded while my face was still on her warm back.

"Yes."

"Where are you meeting your friend? I'll send you and pick you up later." "Wow."

"What?"

"Being your girlfriend also gets you special service."

Now it was her turn to feel shy when she heard the word 'girlfriend. I leaned to her front and looked at her in the eyes.

"Can I use this word?"

"That sounds nice, I already had a girlfriend. "

It was almost noon when I left the apartment. I took all the time in the world to get ready because I wanted to spend time with her. Pam dropped me off at Bua's dorm which is quite far out from downtown. Bua studied near a private university here. She insisted that I called her when I wanted to be picked up. She'll be here no matter how late it was.

"Will you come even if it is 3am?" "Yes, I'll come even at 5am."

I waved goodbye and already longing for her but at least we planned to meet afterward. I arrived at Bitchy Bua's apartment. She walked down to welcome me with her swollen face. I was shocked when I saw bruises on her forehead.

"What happened to you, bitch!"

"He beat me."

"What!"

"We broke up because he beat me!"

Bua cried nonstop from the first floor till we arrived at her place. All of the friends were there but she was still crying. Her mood was not stable. It was a mixture of depression and resentful that she was treated like an animal (as she put it). All of the friends agreed that breaking up was the best solution. Even if she stayed, the guy didn't care about her anymores.

But I didn't pity her because there was also another part of the story. She cheated on him with another man and got caught by her boyfriend. I did not agree with physical abuse but he wasn't at fault 100 percent.

"How many men already?" "Four."

Bua gesture 4 fingers. Titang sighed. "Four men in two years."

"Officially."

"Were they unofficial too?"

Bua whimpered. My friend's lifestyle had been extreme. I felt pity for her parents. But like I said before having sex wasn't a bad thing. It was your natural instinct that drove you.

" There will be the fifth, so don't worry about it."

I said while I scrolled on my phone. My attention expired when her sadness was herself to blame. Her drama took me away from Pam.

"I cry to all the men who left me. I need more time. What the hell are you looking at on your phone?"

Bua poked her head in front of me to see my screen. It showed a bisexual novel when women were having sex. The texts were so small that she couldn't read them.

"What is it?" "Nothing."

I put my phone down immediately and tried to be normal. Nutshell, who was the quietest one among us, pulled my phone out of my hand and read out loud.

"The slender body moans from her dry throat. Her body is calling for an urgent action between her legs, while her fingers."

"Nutshell!!!?"

"You're reading a sex scene from a lesbian novel!" "I read everything that's available."

I made up some excuse. Most of them didn't know anything except Titang who now had a soul at the corner of the mouth.

"You think a novel is more interesting than your miserable friend?" They thought I liked to read lesbian novels.

"You're a bad bitch!"

Bua complained. Her complaint didn't really shake me because I knew she didn't mean it.

"Don't you have more friends in university to talk to, instead of high school friends?"

"No, I only date men." "Well... "

I grabbed my phone back from Nutshell and continued reading where I left them. Soon after that silence filled the room. I looked up from my phone to see all eyes were on me.

"What?!"

"You're not normal today." Bua suspected.

"What?!"

I raised my eyebrows for a response.

"You're usually pay attention to all of my love stories. You will listen to every detail and feel them with me. But not today, you're so different today. You are interested in something else now. What is it?"

Bua was usually sensitive and a drama queen but she also knew all of the friends well too.

"Is something good happening to you?" "She's in love."

Titang said.

"That isn't new, that Pheme guy."

"This is new. You need to update your gossip."

Bua was so excited. She put both of her hands over her left chest like it was in pain

"Oh! So when I am in pain, you're in love. What kind of a friend is this?! We should be on the same page. "

"Well, you didn't share with me when you were in love."

"Then I'll show you how to share some good news. Now tell me about your new love story. "

"I don't know what to say."

I stuttered. Bua, who was now unstable, grabbed my collar.

"Just spit out who he is. What does he look like? How tall? Long hair? Where is he from? Where does he study? "

"Do you want his house registration? "

"Don't change the subject. What's so difficult about telling the story?"

Now Bua sadness is gone. She was now so interested and curious about my story. I was the only friend who never had a date before. She always rooted for me to date someone.

"It's a woman!!" BANG!!

If this was a cartoon, I would hear something like that. Now everyone was quiet, especially the two women who just heard it for the first time.

"Really."

Nutshell looked at me with sparkling eyes. "Did you have sex?"

Of course, this is the priority.

"No, she didn't know how to do it."

Titang said. They all burst out a laugh and looked at me pathetically. I didn't know how to respond. I could only sit with my shoulder slump forward without any confidence. Even I didn't want to talk about it, there was no one else in the world I would tell if it weren't this group of close friends.

"Did you read the lesbian novel to research how to do it?"

"Yes,"

I didn't make eye contact with anybody.

"Are you kidding me? You're the dirtiest one in our group. You can look at a pregnant teacher and describe her position when she made the baby."

My story amused them so much, especially Bua who was laughing with her swollen face. At least she can laugh.

"I didn't know what to do next."

"Dummy, just let the nature guide you. How do you think the stone age people did it? There was no sexual education back then."

Nutshell usually didn't talk much and gave a suggestion.

"That was men and women. Try this. Here is a plug and here is an outlet. Once you put it in, you get electricity. Boom! But I and P..."

I stopped myself from saying her name.

"The girl and I both have an outlet. There is nothing to put in. "

"Tongue isn't just for eating food, fingers are not only for picking your nose either."

Bua looked at me and smile cunningly:

"Here comes closer, I'll tell you how to use your body to please others."

Oh I was at the right place. There was no such thing as a free gift even from your close friend. I ended up going out with my friends till late at night to a bar. I wanted to go home so bad. Pam sent me messages all the time asking when and where I was now. I told her that we were now at a bar near university. She read the message but did not reply. We dated only one day, Bua already gave us trouble. Many cocktails were served on the table. Despite its sweetness mixed with alcohol, it could make me tipsy. I didn't want to drink them but my friends kept pushing me to do so. I was a bit tipsy now unlike the rest of them who are now laughing like crazy.

And a friend who cannot stop crying.

It was not a big deal to cry nonstop but it was a big deal to kiss everyone in the shop. I never thought she would be so out of control. Even Titang yelled at Bua in her deep man voice to stop. That was when everyone agreed it was time to go home. If we stayed longer than this, we might have to give her more than a kiss. We left around 10am, just a bit before the bar closed. Bua almost couldn't walk properly, friends needed to carry her. I texted Pam telling her where I was. She read the message and did not reply but I knew she would come.

Around 15 minutes later, a small gray car showed up in front of the shop. Pam appeared not very happy, but could still draw attention. Nutshell looked at me and Pam in disbelief. Titang gave a smirk to Nutshell while she whispered under her breath.

"No way."

The drunk girl still looked down on the ground crying. I looked at her apologizing that she had to see something like this.

"I'm sorry."

"Get in the car, I'll drive you."

Pam's cold voice gave us a chill. The only noise in the car was Bua's crying until we were back in front of her apartment. I helped carry the helpless out of the car.

"You should go back. Nutshell and I can handle Bua."

Titang said. Nutshell agreed because she didn't like the cold and quiet situation with Pam either. I nodded and turned around, but shouted out to me.

"Ruk!"

"What?"

"I love you."

Bua leaped forward and hugged me.

"Don't be unhappy in love. You have to be happy." "Ok, go to bed."

"Goodnight."

Then she said goodbye the way she did in the bar. She pulled me in and gave me a kiss,

"Muuuuah."

Right in front of Pam. Nutshell and Titang helped carry her away before she tumbled down on the ground.

"Please go home. She will be fine." "Ok."

I walked back to the car and got in the passenger seat. The atmosphere now was much more tense than when the friends were here, by a lot.

"Pam."

"You can kiss with anyone."

The chill in her voice made me so nervous that I can barely speak properly. "N...N...No, not like that."

I reached over to touch her but she brushed my hand off angrily. My sweet Pam had turned into a cold stranger. The way I saw her treated Kawee and those men.

"You can kiss with anyone, like Bua, your friend, your boyfriend Pheme, or even me, your close friend."

"Pam."

"Stop talking. I want silence. I'll drive you home."

This was so scary. She was so angry. Things were almost good! Stupid friend!