There was not a single noise in the room. My legs weakened after I heard her say that, but I tried to hold myself right up. The excitement and happiness in me was at its peak. If only my heart can pop right out through my chest and beat outside, you can see my heart dancing around.

"Pam."

I touched her gently while she covered her face with her two palms crying. I didn't know what to say so I asked her.

"Are you thirsty?"

What the hell did I just ask?! It was not the time to ask about water. I should have just asked her directly. Pam looked up and nodded but not looking at me.

"Yes, please I'm thirsty."

I walked toward the fridge, poured her a glass of water but I was packed with so much emotion in me. What should I say after the water? Should I just keep quiet like this? I felt so unnatural talking about "us".

"Do you have a class tomorrow?"

"No."

She took a glass from me and scooted over to let me sit next to her. She didn't drink that glass of water even though she said she was thirsty.

"What about you?"

"I don't have a class either. "Ummmm..."

"How did you get here?"

"I drove here and parked in the next soi. Hope I didn't get my wheel cramped."

"I see."

Then we both fell silent again. What happened to me? I am usually never out of words but now I have nothing to say.

"Ruk..."

"Do you want to sleep with me?" Stun!!

I just realized that I spoke so short and that could be misinterpreted. Pam looked shocked when she heard me say that. I understood the sweet face well enough to quickly explain myself.

" I mean...mean..."

I stuttered and tried to pull myself together. My brain didn't function well at all.

"It's very late. I think you should spend a night here. Nothing more than that. Don't worry.

I must look so awkward that Pam smiled affectionately.

"I think I should spend a night here too. I don't think I can drive well now. Is that ok with you, Ruk?"

"No, not at all."

That was a quick answer...Her sweet taunting voice made my face turn red. I wasn't sure what she was thinking but I was embarrassed.

"But I don't have any clothes."

"You can wear mine. We're almost the same size, I think."

I looked at her breast for an estimation because I might downplay what the future dentist has. It was just a pajama. I shouldn't be too serious about it.

"Ok, then."

I froze when I sat in disbelief on the mattress listening to her shower. I felt like I was on the roller coaster all day. The day was so full of emotions, heartbroken, sad and happiness, in mixture. Think about it, today I got my heart broken, later I broke someone's else's heart, and now I was happy to be told that she likes me too. I touched my chest to make sure that I hadn't had a heart attack. I slapped my face to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I can't wrap my head around the idea that people like Pam, like people like me. It was just impossible.

I was her ex's sister. . . I Am a woman.... But Pam said she liked me.

CKICK!!

All of the sudden, the lock in the toilet was turned, quickly laid down on the mattress and turned my back toward her. I pretended to be sleeping. The smell of the clean soap mixed with warm vanilla smell. It made me wonder how that smell lingered around. The shower should wash it away, wasn't it? Pam got ready for bed and asked with her sweet voice,

"Ruk, where is the switch of the light?"

I jumped and replied. "it's there."

I didn't look like someone who was sleeping at all. The light was off now. Pam got on the mattress. I had to control my breathing because I didn't want her to get nervous. I grabbed on my chest to make sure that my heart didn't beat too loud. I felt her back touch against mine. We both now in silent for a long time. I thought she had already fallen asleep.

"Are you sleeping?"

Pam broke the silence. I opened my eyes wide in the dark when I heard the question.

"No, I'm not sleeping."

"You haven't said anything, Ruk.."

"Yes. What do you want me to say?" "Well. "

The sweet voice seemed to be nervous too but she still wanted an answer. "I said it but you haven't said anything."

Pam said.

"Am I out of the game now?"

She had hope toward me? That should be my question. "No, I am so happy that I didn't know what to say."

I said quickly because her sad voice made me pity her. "But you are so quiet."

"Let me confess to you..."

I paused, and reluctantly to say but I said it anyway.

"When I know how I feel about you, I am so worried that I will express something too obvious."

"I knew I expressed everything I felt. So, I tried to control myself not to show my feelings too much. Do you remember what happened last year?

We hadn't talked for a year. That was when I revealed my feeling, you ran away immediately."

"Why do you mention it again?" Her voice was so sad.

"I didn't know any better then."

"Now, I didn't mean to dig it up but I wanted to tell you that once I realized you feel the same way, It made me feel even more emotional. I wanted to look good in your eyes. I don't want to express too much how I feel and... "

"I don't want you to know that I wanted to touch you so much,"

I shut my eyes tight and waited for the answer. I wondered how she felt toward my dirty idea. I wasn't myself after I made out with Pheme but he left, and now someone I wanted was laying down next to me on my bed. Now I felt a strong turbulence inside me.

"Does turning your back to me like this help to calm you down?" "Yes."

I lied.

" Ummm. "

Silence again. Now I felt every bit of each second went through slowly. When I wasn't expecting something, time seemed to fly fast. I remembered when I was only 8 years-old and in a flash of time. I am now almost 20 years-old. Each second felt like an eternity. How long did I have to lay here till morning? It was such a torture but I was so happy.

"Why do human beings have to reproduce?" "Huh? "

What kind of question was this? I rolled my eyes and processed the answer in my head like it was an intense entrance exam.

"Nature wants us to reproduce to maintain our species and reproduce from one to two to three.

"Have you ever wondered why human beings like to do the act of reproduction?"

"Ahhhh...nature makes it a fun activity to invite humans to have more children, I think."

"Have you ever heard about the dolphin?" "Ah ha."

I nodded.

"Dolphins reproduce too but they also can have sex with the same gender too,"

"Why do they do that?" "Just to enjoy it, I suppose."

"Then why do people of the same sex do that?"

"I guess it is similar to dolphins, do it just to enjoy it." "Like you wanted to do to me?"

Her question stunned me but we were here at this point. There was nothing more embarrassing than this.

"Yes."

Another silence. Pam had no more questions and I didn't know what to talk about. It was time to go to bed. I wasn't sure what she was thinking now.

What I said was already a lot for her to take in. "Ruk."

"Yes??"

I felt her movement and her sweet voice was right next to my ear.

"You still wanted to turn your back toward me..... after what I just said?"

Right after she finished the sentence, the switch of consciousness was immediately shut off in my head. I turned around facing her, like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle had found its place. My eyes are already adjusted to the dark, I can see her sweet face clearly now.

Our lips locked and we exchanged the sweet taste of each other. It was like we had run a marathon, and just found water the first time. Our breathing was heavier and louder like we were having an exercise. My hands were all over her without any directions. I was full of passion and privileges to explore her body. The sweet face kissed back with a soft moan out from her throat, 'that made me dive deep down into her.

"Let me explore you." "Ruk."

My lip gently touched her lip, neck, down to her shoulder. My tiny t-shirt that she was wearing annoyed me. It was in the way of my exploration. I put my hand inside the t-shirt. It was her first time to have someone explored her. She was shaken a bit. I paused from what I was doing because I didn't want to scare her. I rested my face on her smooth long neck before I stopped everything.

"What happened?"

She asked with a surprise in her voice, lying down under me. I Lifted my face up and told her the problem.

"I know you're not intending to do this today." "Well..."

She hesitated.

"Yes, but we already started it. Why do you stop?" "I know you're not ready."

"But I'm not rejecting you."

There was some reluctance in her face.

"Or do you still have someone else in your mind?" "I only love you, Pam."

My firm voice gave her satisfaction but still didn't understand. "What else, then?"

" I.. "

"I wanted to do it but don't know how."

The silence between us broke out by our laughter. Pam, who had lost confidence, was now laughing and pushed me out gently.

"So silly" laughed Pam.

"I know that was so silly"

I laughed. Pam cupped my face with her two hands and looked at me affectionately.

"Good start but bad ending, yoo losing it to the dolphin. " "Do you know how to do it? "

"No, I don't know either. " "Then, it's not just me. "

"That means we have to do some research on how to do it.

Pam laughed and pulled me in for a kiss. She never did this before. Now laughter stops and we turn into long kissing before we looked at each other and smiled.

" Tonight there were no end games. "

" That's okay. We don't have to do anything. I'm happy the way it is just scared me a bit. "

"What do you scare about?"

"What if you change your mind tomorrow? " "I don't think that will happen."

"Then can we talk it through now?"

I bit my lip shyly just needed some insurance to make sure I wasn't dreaming:

"Can we always kiss like this?"

We both were too shy to say anything. All night we only hug each other. My lust subsided and now we were sweet and passionate. We didn't have to have sex. I like It the way we were. It was pure from our hearts like what Pam always talked about.

We could be in love without lust.