"Please come in."

I unlocked my room and walked in. Pheme stood in front of the room, not moving and looked at me considerably. He told me he wanted to sleep over and I was in so much pain that I drove myself to do something crazy.

" Go ahead. Do whatever you want. " "I'm going in."

The tall guy walked in and looked around. He did exactly what Pam did and even sat down at the same spot where she sat before. I put down my bag on a chair at the dressing table but still fixed my eyes at him. The room was small. There was no place to walk around, so I started to chitchat.

"Do you want something to eat?" "No, thank you."

"Do you want to take a shower? It's a waste of timeLet's do what we're here for."

He beckoned to me. I looked at his blank face that now expressed no emotion. He invited me in for sex but his face said otherwise. I walked in and sat down next to him on the mattress, expressionless too. But once I sat down, he pulled me in quickly as if I was about to disappear. The heavy weight of his lip that pressed on my lip felt uncomfortable. It wasn't gentle and sweet like I had before. I turned my face away but it seemed there was no place to hide.

"Don't move."

His one strong hand cupped on my face and forced me to look him in the eyes. I looked at his strikingly beautiful face. My body was pressed to the mattress and I couldn't move. When I realized I can't fight him, I let him do whatever he wanted. This one was on me. There was no point escaping.

Pheme's warm breath got heavier while kissing me all over my body. He sat up on his laser and pulled his T-shirt over his head revealed his white big chest and messy hair. He leaned in and fondled me with my clothes on. I didn't want to move because the sight of the man in front of me was like a drunken old man who was possessed with lust, which made me annoyed and disgusted. Can people be so disgusting. When people got possessed with lust, they could look ugly and disgusting at the same time.

"Why do you look at me like that?"

That's when the make out stop but his thick big hand was still under my shirt cupped on my breast. It didn't turn me on. I wished he took his hot palm out of my body.

"I'm curious how far you can take me." "How do you feel now?"

"I feel nothing."

I pushed him to lay down and sat over him. "Let me try. It might be better."

I made a move even though I didn't know what to do. I can only kiss him but I didn't know where to put my hands. I wasn't sure what to do next. So, I decided to put my hand on his pants but I was too nervous to untie them.

"I can't do it."

I yelled out loud while tears ran down my cheeks. I didn't want to admit that all I thought about was the other person who wasn't here. I smashed down onto his chest angrily while he just laid there under me, no response.

"I knew you didn't want to do it."

"I'm willing to do this but I just don't feel anything." "You never liked me. You won't feel anything"

I paused when I heard that. "Why did you say that?"

"Because when you look at me there is no love in it. I could only be your friend."

"B...but every time I kiss you. I felt something."

"You just wanted to release your emotion when you are missing someone else."

"Pheme."

I cried so much because I felt so bad for hurting him. He should be angry at me for what I did. He could even rape me to pay for what I did to him. But he was so understanding and I was the bad guy here. He was too good for me.

"I wanted to have sex with you of course. But I knew I shouldn't do it. It's not me."

"If it was you, I'm ok."

"I could only get your body and then what?" " I.. "

"Keep this for someone you love. I'm sorry but I can't be your trash can anymore."

His voice shook a little. "I need to heal myself."

"You should be mad at me. You should hate me."

Pheme reached into his t-shirt and put it back. He looked at me with his watery red eyes.

"I'll do it. I'll hate you."

The handsome face grabbed his bag and walked out, leaving me behind with heavy guilt. Today, he just wanted to test me if I could show any sign of love toward him. I could only give him my body but not my heart. It was a failed mission, I couldn't have it with anyone and was stuck with passion and lust for the other woman. But it was nobody's fault. I did this. I roped Pheme into my game. The game that he could only be the second choice. I roped Pam into my game. The game she did want to play with...I did this to myself.

I carried my guilt into the bathroom to clean up and wash away those feelings, his touch, his kiss, his sweat down the drain. At least it cleansed my body, if not my heart

Rrrrrring....

The apartment's phone rang at 10pm. I looked at the clock with surprise but picked it up anyway. The operator informed me that I had a visitor.

[ Her name is Pam. Do you want her to get up? ]

Said the operator after I asked who my visitor was. I was shocked, I was still mad about what had happened today but on the other hand, I was happy that she was here. I told the operator to let her in and waited excitedly to see the beautiful face at my door.

Knock knock

My heart pounded so loud because I knew who was behind that door. I held my breath and counted one, two, three, and opened the door. I was still driving myself after the shower. Pam smiled and asked.

"Were you sleeping?"

"I just finished taking a shower. Please wait a second. "

I shut the door to unlock the door chain and reopened it again. The sweet face was still in the same clothes she wore today.

"Am I disturbing you? Are you still up?" She asked timidly.

"Yes, I'm still up. "

"Are you with somebody?"

I understood what she wanted to know. "No, I'm alone."

I nodded.

"Can I come in?"

I paused. I wanted to say no but I didn't want to be too childish. "Yes."

I step back to let her in. Pam walked in and looked around like she always does. She seemed to like the small coży place. It was funny to think that I had two visitors today, but they both gave a very different atmosphere.

"Why do you show up so late? What happened?"

Pam paused and handed over a bag that she was carrying with her.

"I went to a shopping mall today. I thought about you when I saw this." "Yes?"

I looked at the bag doubtfully but took it from her. "Thank you."

"Open it."

I opened the bag and found a small panty that I saw years ago when she was so drunk and I had to take off her clothes.

"I saw it and think of you." "Thank you very much",

I said without any excitement. I was wondering what was the point of all this. It wasn't normal to stop by late at night and give a gift. Was she trying to check if I did something with Pheme?

"You stop by just for this, to give me a gift. " "Umm, Yes."

" Really? "

" Is that reason not enough?. "

The Sweet face looked at me innocently. But I can read through that.

"Are you here to check If I'm sleeping with Pheme?" " Ruk. "

Her tone was immediately harsh when I mentioned this topic.

"If not, why are you here? We already cleared the issue. Can't you just let me get over this?"

I put down the panty bag in front of the dressing table.

"Pam, you knew how I felt about you. You came here at night and gave me a gift, give me hope. Can't you give me some space to get better? I still wanted to be your friend."

My voice was trembling. I planned to wake up with a new attitude but now I had to deal with this before going to bed.

"I think I wanted to be your friend too." "Please leave me alone. "

"But I can't be your good friend"

The sweet face said in a stressful and sensitive voice. I felt even more painful realizing that she implied that it was impossible for us. She was cutting me off completely.

"I understand if you don't want to see me again. I tried." "I don't like women."

"Yes."

"I felt nothing after a week with Oat." "Please stop. I got it now."

"No, you don't. I mean I felt nothing with other women but you, Ruk!"

I was stunned after she finished that sentence. Pam bit her lip. Her two hands were on her chest.

"I really like you."

She covered her face with her two hands, not looking at me.

"I can't fool myself anymore. I always like you. You're the only person I like in the world."