Time passed with each tick of the clock. The room was filled with silence, interrupted only by the voice of a beautiful woman explaining a math problem, mixed with a light scent of sweet vanilla that made it difficult for me to concentrate. It was Pam's voice, my older brother Kawee's girlfriend. She was trying to help me solve a math problem, one I could never seem to grasp. I couldn't fathom how effortlessly she could glance at it and calculate the answer as if it were a fun riddle.

"Do you understand this?" I remained silent.

"Rak?"

"Yes, I'm here,"

I replied, snapping out of my reverie. "I'm talking to you."

Her charming smile and sweet laugh brought me back to reality. It was embarrassing. Whenever I was with her, I found myself daydreaming, sometimes forgetting she was even giving me private lessons.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I'm going to pass this exam," I admitted.

"I feel stupid, and I might end up at the private college my parents planned for me."

I sighed, feeling defeated. Not everyone could enjoy a mathematical problem as if it were a game.

"Am I a bad tutor?"

"No, Pam, not at all. I'm just not very smart. My brain seems to be only good for sleeping, not for calculating. How did your parents raise you to be so smart and beautiful at the same time?"

"I read every day. No one succeeds without effort,"

She replied, closing the book as she realized her focus was drifting. I felt a pang of guilt for undermining her confidence in her tutoring abilities. I reached out and touched her wrist, offering a genuine smile.

"Don't be upset. You're a great tutor." "Why would I be upset with you, Love?"

Pam's elegance never wavered, no matter the circumstance. I couldn't help but compare myself to her, especially when I looked in the mirror. I felt resentment toward my parents for not giving me better looks. My brother was handsome, but I felt like an ugly duckling beside him. And to top it off, I didn't feel intelligent. It was frustrating.

"Do I have something on my face? Why are you staring?"

Pam's discomfort brought me back to reality as I realized I had been staring at her and the nearby mirror. I pursed my lips, then spoke candidly.

"I'm jealous of you because you're so beautiful... your lips, your neck, your eyebrows, your chin... you look like Xi Shi, the ancient Chinese beauty."

"Oh! I'm flattered,"

She chuckled, her voice as sweet as nectar. "Even your laugh sounds lovely."

"Is there anything you don't like about me?" She asked, her curiosity piqued.

"I like everything about you,"

I replied honestly. She seemed momentarily stunned, then laughed. "What do I say to that?"

There was so much more I thought about Pam but couldn't say. My thoughts were sometimes eccentric and inappropriate. My friends and I often joked and talked openly about sex, and Pam's voice was something I couldn't help but think about. For example, if we were to hug and kiss, how would she moan?

"Rak?"

Pam's voice startled me out of my thoughts. She gently touched my arm, looking at me curiously.

"What's going on?"

She asked...I jumped slightly, as if she could read my mind. Pam's presence always had that effect on me.

"I'm sorry. I was daydreaming." "What were you dreaming about?"

She inquired with a smile. I shook my head vigorously. If she knew, she might be mad at me. I still wanted to see that cute dimple on her face when she smiled. We needed to change the subject.

"Let's talk about something else," I suggested.

"I was wondering about your perfume, Pam. The scent distracted me,"

I said, trying to divert the conversation. She affectionately touched my hair. "I was curious what you were thinking,"

Let me tell you about my relationship with Pam. She was dating my only brother, which is why we were close. I had known her since high school because we attended the same school. Pam first arrived in tenth grade. She was incredibly charming and intelligent, which intimidated the boys. Many girls didn't like her, or should I say were jealous of her. They didn't like her for no good reason. However, there was also a brave one, and that was my brother.

To win over a special woman, you need a special tactic. My brother asked me to find out what she liked and what she didn't like. After my friends and I did some research, we discovered that she liked boys with goals, loved books, didn't like cats but didn't hate them, was allergic to shrimp, and loved music. I informed my brother. He wasn't a bookworm, so he dedicated himself to learning the guitar, even though he didn't like the feeling on his fingertips. He put all his effort into impressing her, and coupled with his good looks, it worked in the end. I played an important role in their love story.

I was the person who delivered his love letter, written by me. It was a bold move that was finally rewarded. All the girls loved receiving love letters.

Even I liked it. But that was a secret. Pam didn't know any of this. My brother proudly claimed he had written it. But it seemed fine to me. I supported them being together. Otherwise, I wouldn't have written the letter. I was impressed with my idea, even though it was a bit old-fashioned.

"I'm sorry for making you wait. I'm ready,"

Kawee emerged from his room dressed neatly, while Pam was dressed very casually. I was surprised by the contrasting outfits....

"Where are you going?" I inquired.

"It doesn't seem like you're both going to the same event."

"We're going to a nightclub. I told you to get ready, but you don't really need to. You always look good,"

He said before approaching Pam and putting his hands on her shoulders. Pam quickly stepped aside, as if avoiding him. I sensed tension in the air. Were they fighting?

"I don't want to go,"

Pam stated nonchalantly, a departure from her attitude while tutoring me. "I don't know any of your friends. I wouldn't know what to do there."

"Well, get to know them. Or just go and have fun," Kawee insisted.

"I don't drink."

"You know you're safe with me. Come on, let's go, please."

Kawee put his arm around her again, but this time she couldn't hide her discomfort. I observed the situation and realized that he wanted to introduce his girlfriend to his friends or show her off. However, Pam preferred a quiet lifestyle and just wanted to read. Of course, she didn't want to go. He couldn't understand why she liked him, but they had already been together for two years. If love didn't exist, it wouldn't have lasted this long, I supposed.

"Can we come back early, then?" Pam asked.

"Okay,"

Kawee smiled. I glanced at the clock and realized it was already 10 pm. I worried about Pam, who didn't seem happy at all. She looked so different compared to when she was tutoring me. Perhaps she would be happier just reading at home.

"Please take care of Pam and don't drink too much. You have to drive her home,"

I reminded him. "Yes, yes, mom,"

He said sarcastically. I was worried about Pam, but she was with my brother. I couldn't sleep that night. All I could think about was Pam's unhappy face. I was on Skype with my friends, talking about the university exam, but I wasn't really engaged in the conversation at all.

"Love, hey!"

Bua, my classmate, shouted my name from the screen, bringing me back into the conversation. I made a face and replied,

"What?"

"What's up with you? Are you thinking about your boy?" Bua asked.

"You're crazy. Have you ever seen me with anyone?" I retorted.

"Well, where were you? I'm talking, and you're not paying attention," Bua pressed.

"The topics you talk about are never far from gossip,"

I deflected. All the friends in the chat pouted, as if they couldn't believe I didn't want to talk about it.

"You're at the top of this topic. Remember when we said that once we were all in college, you'd hook up with a senior to celebrate graduation?"

Nutshell pursed her lips as if she despised the idea that I was so innocent. To be honest, I wasn't ready to talk about any of that because I had just spent time with Pam, who was so pure in beauty, making me feel guilty for discussing dirty things.

"I just said it to say it," I replied.

"Is your handsome brother at home?"

Titang asked eagerly, peering at the computer screen as if trying to see through it. When the topic of the two of them came up, all my friends' eyes sparkled with imagination.

"Have you already gone to bed?"

I was a little frustrated by the question. I wondered about that. I daydreamed about her plaintive voice, of course.

"That's a stupid question, Bua. They've been dating for two years! If they haven't done it by now, a forest will grow in that area."

"Pam isn't like that,"

I defended, but it seemed like my comment fell on deaf ears.

"How do you know that? Beautiful girls rarely keep their virginity. Sometimes you should eavesdrop on your brother's room. Oh..."

"Oh, just imagine it and I'm already..." "I have to go."

I ended the conversation and closed my computer. My crazy friends always had sex on the brain. Sex was natural; I didn't think it was wrong, as long as you knew how to protect yourself. But whenever someone talked negatively about Pam, it infuriated me. It felt like they were spitting on something sacred to me. Oh! Now I couldn't shake the image of the couple making love in the room. Too intense, I needed some water! 1 AM

The clock's short hand pointed to one against the night sky. Crickets chirped, and I realized how late it was. I went downstairs for some water, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark shadow on the couch.

Someone was doing something. I recognized the scent of vanilla perfume, the same fragrance I admired earlier when the owner, Pam, helped me study. My heart raced because I knew the shadow I saw was my brother doing something in the dark. I felt numb and dizzy. I only wanted a glass of water, but I ended up witnessing something.

"No... I have to go back upstairs," I thought.

"Take your hands off me. Don't touch me,"

Pam's plaintive voice made my heart beat faster. My legs felt frozen, refusing to carry me back upstairs. Despite the chill in the air, I felt hot, and my throat was dry. Pam, usually bold and unfiltered, seemed unsure in this real-life situation. I felt nervous and embarrassed witnessing it.

"Don't do this to me. No..."

Was that rejection? It sounded too weak. I pressed my hands against my chest, hoping to muffle the sound of my pounding heart, in case the couple could hear it.

"No, this isn't right." "I love you. Please..." "No."

Kawee pleaded, but Pam's voice remained firm. I was confused about what to do. I panicked. And I wanted to see...

No, I didn't want to see it. "Mom, Dad, Kawee's home,"

I yelled, pretending I had been waiting for them to return. I turned around and clattered down the stairs, signaling my approach.

"Hey, what's going on? Why is it so dark here? Let me turn on the light."

Why did I do that? Had I just ruined their happiness? Those questions raced through my mind as I flicked on the lights. Kawee hastily stood up, buttoning his shirt as if nothing had happened, while Pam lay there, apparently passed out.

"What's wrong with Pam, Kawee?" "She's drunk."

I looked at him in disbelief. He avoided my gaze as if caught red-handed. I looked at Pam, the beautiful woman, lying vulnerable on the couch, and anger welled up inside me. He was trying to take advantage of her. Why didn't he put her to bed? What had he been doing?

"Hey..."

"Pam, it's me, Rak. Can you get up?"

I knelt next to the couch and tried to wake her, but she was out cold. Her beautiful light brown eyes opened slightly, offering a faint smile as if she were glad to see me. Her alcoholic breath reached my nose. I sighed and glared at my brother.

"Why did you make her drink?" "Just for fun."

"Are you sure it was just for fun at the party? Nothing else?" I said, attempting to lift Pam.

"You'll sleep with me tonight. Try to walk."

Despite her drunken state, she understood me well enough. She tried to maintain her balance without leaning on me. Kawee rushed to help, but Pam defensively waved him off.

"Don't touch me."

I understood Pam's feelings. Even if he tried to turn a blind eye, I knew it wasn't consensual. He might be mad at me the next day or not talk to me for interfering. But I couldn't bear to see things like that happen.

"Rak, thank you,"

Pam managed to say, struggling to form the words. She could barely walk straight.

"You're welcome,"

I replied, feeling a surge of joy. That must have been what it felt like to be a hero, doing something good for someone else.