I turned another page and had to stop myself from groaning again. Learning Korean was exhausting, but I was getting better and better. Thanks to this study book and my crazy bandmates.

I stared at the new page and all I could see by now were disconnected lines on a white background.

I had enough.

I closed the book with a bang and threw it aside. I had learned enough for today.

I threw myself onto my bed and stuffed my headphones in. I really needed music now.

I let the music work its magic for a while. It was soothing, but my peace was quickly disturbed by a huge noise.

*What's going on?*

With a loud sigh, I got up and set off to find the source of the disturbance and soon found it.

Everyone was gathered in the small, communal living room and completely beside themselves. All eyes and hands were focused on one person in the room.

Hyunjin.

*What's he got now?*

I inwardly rolled my eyes. He was just the secret favorite. Somehow.

"What's going on here, guys?" I finally asked and looked at Bang Chan, hoping he would tell me, but someone else immediately started talking. Han, of course:

"You won't believe it!!! Hyunjin is in it!!!", he shouted, jumping up and down and waving his arms like he was a chicken trying to fly.

"With what?" I asked, confused and unable to make sense of his statement.

Hyunjin stepped forward and smiled at me. His eyes turned into small crescent-shaped slits.

"I get to perform as Artist of the Month", he finally said.

"Whaa...!" I gasped and my jaw dropped literally to the floor.

*He?! On AOTM?! But! Why?! Me?!!*

Immediately the clapping and whistling continued and no one paid any attention to my slipped expression. Fortunately for me.

I knew it was wrong to think that way, but somewhere deep inside, something dark was stealing to the surface and couldn't be happy for him. On the contrary, I wished so much that I had this opportunity, but now it was given to him.

In the end, no one even noticed that I was stealing away and devoting myself to the music on my bed again. Only this time it wasn't as harmonious and calming as before. I needed something to express my feelings.

I'm not your friend or anything, damn

You think that you're the man

*Be happy for him! But... I want so much to prove myself that I can do it too... He can probably do anything and get anything... Nah no, he's had a hard time, he deserves it! BUT I DESERVE IT TOO!*

I shook my head hastily. What kind of thoughts... I wasn't normally like this, but today wasn't my day. The recording didn't go as planned, the training went like shit and somehow, I was pinching myself.

Completely immersed in my music and self-pity, I didn't notice Bang Chan entered our room.

I looked up, startled, when he tapped my shoulder.

"Felix? Are you all right? You left so quickly?" he asked anxiously.

"Yes, yes. I'm just tired from studying and have a bit of a headache, so the noise wasn't beneficial", I tried to talk myself out of it, which apparently worked.

Shrugging his shoulders, my Hyung turned around, grabbed his laptop and disappeared.

*Ugh! That was a close call. How can I behave like this? I should be happy for him! Instead, I'm sitting here moping like a 2-year-old kid who didn't get his candy... But...*

None of it helped. Not today. Today I wanted to feel bad for once. Today I gave myself permission to be jealous. But tomorrow I had to be the Sunshine I was.

So that night I lost myself in more rather unhappy songs and went to bed early. I had to sleep the feeling away.

Tomorrow the world would look a little better again.

At least I hoped so.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Hey guys!

I know the first chapter isn't that exciting, but we have to start somewhere.

Bye bye :3