Hyunjin

Dear Diary

How time flies. Every day I try not to stare at him. Unfortunately I don't succeed. Again and again I catch myself secretly watching him. Lately at the dance studio, I had trouble to focus and messed up more choreos than I should have. Also, how can I stay focus on my footsteps when I see Felix in the mirror? His movements, just incredible!

*It seems he had forgotten the situation in the locker room. Like it never happened...*

"Hyunjin?", Lee Minho comes into our room and I quickly closed my diary.

"Yes?"

"Listen. I don't know what's going on with you these days, but you seem unfocused and messing up a lot of choreos lately. Is there anything I can help you with?" asked Minho with a serious face.

That was typical for him. Every time I messed up the choreo, I got a piercing look from him because he really wanted everything to go well. But in the end, he cared about the welfare of every member.

Was I supposed to trust him with everything? I mean, he told me about Jisung as well....

"I...can't stop thinking about a certain person. I can't get this person out of my mind," I finally confessed.

The brown-haired grabbed the back of his neck and exhaled.

"You mean Felix...?"

*Waaa...????!!! How does he know?*

"I...what...why?", I stammered, hardly blushing up.

"Well, it's kind of obvious?" he said and rolled his eyes.

Does that mean everyone knew? And Felix too?

"But I don't think the others caught on," he continued, as if he had read my mind.

"And... and Felix?", I asked shyly, playing with my fingers.

"I don't think so," he replied. It seemed like he wanted to say something more, though.

"Minho?", I tried to coax the unsaid out of him.

"Maybe you should tell Felix."

"No way! I'm sure he doesn't want anything from me and I don't want to ruin our friendship!"

"But you want to suffer in silence and carry this secret endlessly with you?"

"That's what you do with Jisung," shit I didn't mean to say it like that,

"I-i..I'm sorry!", I said quickly.

"You're right...", Minho said, now looking at the floor.

"I'll say it if you say it," I finally broke the silence.

"Alright, it's a deal!" and we crossed our little fingers.

"What's the deal?", Seungmin suddenly stood in the doorway!

Briefly surprised, Minho then said:

"If Hyunjin messes up on the next choreo, he'll have to buy us dinner," Minho winked at me.

*Thanks for saving me Minho, but couldn't you think of something better?*

Felix

*I can't get the situation with the locker room out of my mind. Just like the incident when I caught him. I need someone to talk to!*

I walked around the dorm looking for my Australian friend. Probably in the room?

I knocked briefly and then entered.

He was lying on his bed with his notepad in front of him. I had to grin. He was as always busy writing a song.

"Channie?", I called his attention.

He flinched briefly, having probably not heard my knock, and looked up.

"Felix? Is something wrong? You look glum?"

I couldn't fool him.

"Can we talk?"

"Of course!" he immediately sat up and patted the bed beside him.

I took a seat, propped my elbows on my legs and lowered my head. I exhaled briefly and stroked my fingers through my hair.

"Felix, something seems off lately. I didn't want to push you and wait for you to come to me on your own. Please tell me what's going on..." he said softly.

I was just afraid that if I opened up, he would despise me. But it was Christopher! He supports his members unconditionally!

During my hesitation, he put his arm on my back and gently stroked up and down.

That's when all broke. I just told EVERYTHING. I talked so fast and without point that I hardly believed that my hyung was able to follow me.

"Channie, I just really don't know what this is... I don't know what to feel," my voice broke. I was on the verge of tears.

The older one wrapped his arms around me and tried to calm me down. He finally said:

"Felix, do you like being near me?"

Confused, I looked at him and nodded.

"And what do you feel when we are this close?"

"Warm and safe," I said without thinking.

"And with Hyunjin?" he continued to ask.

"I... I get all excited and jittery. As soon as we get close, my heart starts beating like crazy and I get confused," I confessed.

"See? I think you know what you're feeling, but you don't want to admit it." the older smiled and brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

"But he doesn't want anything from me!", I sobbed.

"Are you sure about that?", Channie asked me and I looked at him, again confused.

"Look, you guys need to work this out amongst yourselves, I shouldn't help with that. My advice is to talk to him," he advised.

"But don't you think it's disgusting that I... that I have feelings for a man?", I continued sniffling.

In response, my hyung squeezed me tightly once more and then said:

"Never."

...

The conversation with Christopher went very well and it lifted me up. I was able to finally talk to someone else about it.

Regarding my feelings, however, I was still not so sure, which is why I decided to delay a conversation with the long-haired one even further. I first had to be sure that he also likes me.

And just like that, I waited with my confession.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Folks!!! I am so sorry! These days I barely have time to translate the story... I am so sorry. I will try to do a Chapter at least every week!

Hope you spare some patience for me...