Bang Chan

Relieved and angry at the same time, I rushed into the parking lot and jumped out of the car.

*How could those two just not coming back like they should? Even if they had hooking up, that doesn't excuse scaring me like that!*

I stomped towards the entrance and pushed the door open. Standing in front of the dance room, I took a deep breath and aggressively opened the door.

The two of them were sitting on the couch and looked up, startled.

*They really are fine.*

To see them both well, I felt relieved, but immediately changed expression and strode towards them.

"What are you think you're doing here?! You should report to me or at least someone of the Gruppe, that you are still out this late! I'm disappointed that you don't think about others and just enjoy yourselves here, while we sit at home full of worries and wait for a sign of life!", I shouted and noticed how tears filled my eyes.

I fought against it but one tear stole its way and rolled down my cheek. Fear of loss was a fucking nightmare and those two scared the shit out of me. All the bad scenarios were haunting my head, like what might have happened to them. This was exactly why I made this important rule: my members had to communicate if it was going to be late. I simply needed to be reassured that everyone was safe and sound.

Felix

"What kind of story do we tell Chan?", I asked the taller one uncertainly.

Chan already knew about my plan, but Hyunjin didn't know that I had spoken to Chan, and that is and should always be.

He ran his hand through his long hair and thought.

"I don't know either. We can't tell him what really happened. I mean, what does he think of us? And more important the others and stay? Not to mention JYP...", Hyunjin thought out loud and looked down at the ground.

His words hurt me, even though he was right at some point.

*What would JYP say if there are some rumors, that we are hooking up?*

Slowly I nodded and Hyunjin sat down next to me. He was close, too close! A thousand butterflies in my stomach flutter up, but at the same time my heart ached. He proved, that this night had really meant nothing to him, but just to satisfy his desire. I was just at the right time at the right spot. How stupid could a person be...

"Then let's just explain that we were practicing and forgot the time. Pretty lame excuse, but that's all I can think of," I almost whispered, playing with my fingers. I tried to let not break my voice, but his words were like knives that had stabbed into my heart repeatedly.

I was aware that I wanted him to touch me, that I wanted him no matter what. Now I needed to live with the consequences. Again.

Out of the blue, Hyunjin grabbed my hand and I looked up into his face in amazement.

"Felix, listen. I need to talk to you," he started.

"What happened th-",

The door opened with a crash and suddenly an angry Christopher was filling the room.

He did not held back his disappointment while shouting at us. He got more and more emotional, when suddenly a tear ran down his cheek.

My Australian friend once had explained to me why he had set up this rule. That's why a guilty conscience built up inside me. He was worried and we were selfish and had not considering his feelings.

Immediately I stood up and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Channie! We just lost track of time while dancing...", I sniffled and started crying too.

I quietly whispered in his ear that I would tell him everything later and he nodded slightly.

Hyunjin then stood up, apologized and hugged Chan as well and we made our way back to the dorm.

Once we were at the dorm we met Minho and Jisung there. Then Chan started again:

"Really guys, I don't care if you dance or have sex there, but report to me! I don't need to know about the latter!" he said jokingly, theatrically contorting his face.

*Sex? How could he say that in front of the others! Was he out of his mind?!

"N-No! It would never occur to me to get involved with a boy! Let alone with Hyunjin!", I hurriedly denied his statement and everyone started laughing. Except Hyunjin.

The long-haired wordlessly disappeared into his room.

*Did I say something wrong?*

Hyunjin

I was about to tell him that there was more, that I wanted more than physical affection, but Chan came in and the words were stuck in my throat.

Felix stood up and took Chan in his arms as he began to cry. He was tremendously worried about us and I felt bad.

I stood up and apologized to our hyung as well and hugged him after Felix.

When we arrived at the dorm, Minho and Jisung were still awake and had been waiting. They were also relieved when they saw in flesh.

As soon as we were inside Chan said without a warning:

"Really guys, I don't care if you dance or have sex there, but report to me! I don't even need to know the latter!"

*If he knew how close he is to the truth.*

A grin was setting up on my lips, but it died immediately when I heard Felix's next words.

He would never doing anything with me.

This denial hurt. Like I was a disgusting bug. A simple "no" would have been enough.

Over and over again we went in circles and I was sick of it.

The ups and downs with him were nerve-wracking and painful. When I finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for that little guy, I thought everything would be okay. He was always very clingy towards me, and we got along great! Even after the first close interaction, everything was fine afterwards. No, even better. He was there for me when I had my mental breakdown!

Needless to say, that he always showed some kind of affection when I approached him. I thought he felt the same way. And when Minho said he was jealous, I really had high hopes...

*He must feel something for me, otherwise he wouldn't react to me like this every time.*

Today I just didn't have the strength to face the confusion with Felix and quickly went to my room without a word.

I was tired. Tired of the training, tired of the lack of sleep and tired of my feelings. At least for today.

Finally in bed, I decided to talk to Felix. But not until tomorrow... After that, I drifted off into the land of dreams.