Dear diary

I thought I made it. Finally, I would have won Felix, but there that was completely wrong.

I probably misinterpreted everything and thus put our friendship at risk.

What happened? Here's what happened:

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I woke up because Minho's shitty alarm clock was ringing. Snorting, I threw the blanket over my head, but the alarm clock kept droning in my ears.

"Man! Minho! Turn off the fucking alarm clock!", I yelled annoyed and suddenly it became silent.

I peeked out from under the covers and saw that Seungmin had Minho's cell phone in his hand.

*Of course he do not hear his own alarm clock!*

"Wake up Lee Know! We have to practice soon!", Seungmin roughly shakes him. Grumbling, he sat up, got up and walked to the bathroom like a zombie.

"Thanks Seungmin!", I thanked him.

"Always!" he winked at me and ran towards the bathroom as well.

When I was alone, I suddenly realized again what happened between me and Felix yesterday. I absolutely had to talk to him today!

...

The training was hard and from the first moment I noticed how Felix avoided any contact with me.

Not again. I absolutely had to talk to him!

Even at noon I didn't get a chance to catch him alone.

*After practice, I need to grab him!*

We danced our last choreo and were very satisfied. On the whole, the training had been more than good and our hard work had paid of..

I took a sip, as it remembered, that I needed to talk to Felix. Just as I was about to walk towards him, he turned and fled out the door.

*What the...?*

"Hey, Felix!", I ran after him, but he had already disappeared.

*Is he embarrassed? Does he need some time to process the whole thing? Probably...*

Thinking that he needed some time for himself, I left him alone for the whole week. It should be easy for me to withdraw and leave people alone. I like to have my peace too, but the tension almost tore me apart.

*How long do you give someone their space after you nearly had sex and almost got caught?*

I didn't know.

After 2 weeks, he was still visibly avoiding me.

"So, are you going to try today?", Minho asked me while we were sitting outside on a park bench. He had offered to go outside together so we could talk.

"I don't know. He's still avoiding me. Do you think I should?", I asked him for advice.

"Hmm. I think the situation won't get better until you talk to him. So yes.", he answered my questions.

"But how do I catch him?", I asked more to myself.

"Soon our DanceRacha training will start. I can set the start earlier, that you can catch him in the studio afterwards?", Minho suggested and I was excited about his idea.

...

"Again!" said Minho and I snorted as the beat of WOW started up again.

He drained us today. I was sweating and breathing heavily. One last time we danced to the song and when it ended, I dropped to the floor, breathing heavily.

"Here," a deep voice said to me.

I looked to my right and saw Felix holding out a water bottle to me and I took it. He sat down next to me on the floor, heavily breathing as well.

"We are out of water, I'll go quickly get some," Minho said and ran off.

*Thank you Minho!*

I thought I saw a panicked flicker in Felix's eyes as the brown-haired ran away, but it was gone in an instant.

The blond focused on his water bottle and scratched at the label.

"Felix?", I asked into the silence, he looked to me, startled.

Felix

One last time we danced to WOW and I was happy when the song finally came to an end. We hadn't trained as a threesome for a while. Minho Hyung was always so strict, especially when we only trained as a threesome. Stealthily, I looked over at Hyunjin.

I almost skipped the training so I wouldn't run into him. But since he hadn't tried to talk to me yet, I figured it wasn't going to happen today either. Apparently, I wasn't worth even getting any explanation or any other attention. Again, I noticed a twinge in my chest.

I watched him drop to the floor, breathing heavily.

*Damn he looks sexy when he's all sweaty!*

I swallow hard. Immediately, I remembered that night again.

*What am I doing? Maybe I should get back to being a little normal with him. I can't avoid him forever.*

I gathered up my courage, walked over to him and handed him a water bottle.

"Here," I said, holding it out to him.

He looked and me and took it out of my hand. I made sure our fingers didn't touch, or I probably would have run away, screaming again.

I sat down next to him and tried to catch my breath.

Suddenly Hyung said that we were out of water and that he was going to get some.

*No! He can't leave me here alone with him!*

Panicked, I wrenched my eyes open and thought about how to get out of the situation. I wanted things to be a little more normal between us, but now I didn't feel ready for that. I scratched at the label on the bottle, racking my brain for an excuse to get out of here.

"Felix?"

Startled, I looked to him. I wish I hadn't, because I was looking him straight in the eyes.

He sat up and I had to swallow. Suddenly, a lump formed in my throat.

"Lixie..",

*Please don't. Please not that name.*

Tears filled my eyes and I had to pull myself together not to leave the studio in a hurry. Surely, he would tell me it was a mistake. Why else would he ignore me all this time?

*Yes, I know I was avoiding him, but he never once tried to talk to me or ask what was going on.*

"That night when we... you know... I just wanted to tell you that...",

"No, please let me go first," I cut him off and his eyes widened.

I had to say it first or I would break here into a million pieces.

"It was a mistake.", I firmly said and my voice sounded different from how I felt inside. Like a robot, the words came out of my mouth:

"We should forget about the whole thing. Actually, I'm not even into men. So, I don't know exactly what drove me to this," I stood up and walked out of the studio, leaving a petrified Hyunjin behind. Tears ran down my cheek as I closed the door behind me.