The day came when Hyunjin was called to JYP. At first I thought it was about his ever-improving dancing skills, but I was completely wrong. I walked into his room and wanted to squeeze everything out of him, but when I opened the door, my sentence got stuck in my throat.

"What was it like with JY..."

In front of me was a collapsed heap of misery. Red eyes, cheeks wet.

*Shit, did something happen to Felix?*

My first thought was that the two of them had come to blows. But after I took him into a hug he calmed down, and a much deeper problem became apparent.

The bullying accusation against him.

Together, we explained it to the band members.

I really hoped that everything would turn out well again, but the worry remained.

Of course, I had to pretend to my children that I believed it too, so I forced them into a group hug with a 'it'll be okay'.

I felt a skinny body against mine and felt the heat, but I ignored it.

Not now.

...

The time after that, all the training sessions and performances without Hyunjin were grueling for everyone. Felix in particular was completely off the rails, even if he didn't want to admit it.

We weren't stupid and knew that he was plagued by panic attacks. He tried to hide them as best as he could, but I noticed every single one.

It tore my heart apart.

We tried to be there for Hyunjin, but we couldn't always be with him. Like today, and today of all days, I was gripped by this ice-cold fear.

My face was covered in cold sweat and goose bumps spread.

*What kind of premonition is that?*

Fuck me. Without further ado, I sent Felix to check on Hyunjin, because I couldn't shake the feeling off that something was wrong.

And sadly I was proved right.

I also said goodbye to the others a little early and hurried towards the dorm. I just couldn't shake the feeling off.

When I got there, the first alarm bells started ringing because the door wasn't locked.

Fuck!

I rushed into the hallway and my blood immediately froze in my veins. There was broken glass and BLOOD everywhere!

FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!!!

I looked around in panic, calling for Felix and Hyunjin, but no one answered.

I ran to the room and yanked the door open and there they were. I was about to go and shake them, but then I noticed the bandages and their relaxed faces.

All the tension left me abruptly and I sank to my knees.

*They're fine!*

Exhausted, I wiped away a tear that had secretly escaped my eye and stepped back into the hallway, silently closing the door.

I removed any traces of whatever had happened and finally made my way towards the bed.

This was too much for me, because I could only play the supporting role to a limited extent. At some point, I also reached a point where I had to retreat.

I was relieved, I went ahead of the others and was able to clear up the massacre and nobody had to notice how a piece of me also broke, like that glass on the floor...